#stroke tw

i should start by saying this time of year is always really hard for me. two years ago, my grandfather passed very suddenly from a stroke, and then literally a week later, my boyfriend/fiancé had an aneurysm. it was a nightmare blur of hospital rooms and emotional whiplash and just like shock. and even now, every time this season rolls around, my body remembers it before i do. i get really quiet. weird. foggy. i dissociate. i stop talking to people i love. it’s not personal. it just is. on top of that, my dad is currently undergoing treatment — our relationship has been complicated for a long time, and while we’re finally in a better place (miraculously), it’s been... a lot. it’s good, but it’s also exhausting. i’m constantly running on an emotional low battery. and speaking of low batteries — i work in a clinic with a high caseload, and by the time i get home, i’ve got exactly half a brain cell left to do anything but stare into the void and maybe scream into a pillow. it’s hard to keep up. with anything. even stuff i want to keep up with!!!! add to that my lifelong people-pleasing problem its just really hard for me to softblock people and its gotten to the point where i can’t maintain this space without reshaping it into something gentler. something more mine if that makes sense? so, i’m moving blogs. i’m creating a space that’s just for writing. just for the characters and plots i’m actively in love with. a place where i’m not burning myself out trying to keep up with every solo or feeling guilty for not plotting with everyone i admire.

discord will still be where i hang with friends and old writing partners (even if we don’t write much anymore), but my new blog’s going to be curated, writing-focused, and small. and that’s not meant to hurt anyone. it’s just what i need to fall back in love with writing again and maybe survive this depressive dip with something still intact!!!!!!!!! please do not take it personally if i do not follow you on my moved blog. it is not you. its me!!!!!!

no permanent damage: (i) (ii) (iii)

60 hours

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I've never liked cracking joints. The sound of people cracking their knuckles sends me up a wall. It's a sick joke of the universe that I now have joints that crack constantly. But my neck cracking is the worst. The sound is awful.

here’s a source on the study that this ask is referencing! 

according to the article, the study suggests that: “Being alone and not socializing activates what is known as the “fight or flight” stress signal. This signal causes protein fibrinogen levels to go up in anticipation of injury and blood loss. This is not great for health, fatty deposits build up in the arteries thanks to too much fibrinogen.”

this is still an ongoing research topic, though! one of the medical directors involved said: “We can’t conclude from this research that social isolation directly causes heart problems. But the possibility that social factors can affect a protein in our blood, like fibrinogen, is an interesting prospect for further research in this area.”

isolation is definitely bad for humans, and some researchers suggested that the increased longevity might also be due to having more people around to preemptively recognize signs of illness, a stroke, or heart attack!