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One time, i was in the shower when a Taylor Swift song pop-up in my head and i started singing. It’s actually the only TS song that I memorized. Ken, if you’re reading this I’d like you to listen to Taylor Swift’s “Our Song”. It could also be our song.
P.S. God never played it again.
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Part 1
Two years ago my peace was disturbed after you came back and talked to me like nothing happened in the past. You left me hanging, you left me nothing but false hopes and questions unanswered. Years have passed and daghan kaayong nahitabo. You had your first child and i knew you were happy. I was happy for you too. Even from afar i was rooting for you. I knew I have moved on when I finally found inner peace. And then one day, out of the blue you came back. At exactly two years ago, you messaged me. I bet you don’t remember any of these. I was a little skeptical ‘cause kinsa guy mag tuo diba? Until you asked me if you could see me. I still had my doubts and even fear back then. Mahadlok ko makasala, mahadlok ko ma attached ug balik, mahadlok ko makaguba ug relasyon. But you know, emotions are shallow and inconsistent. So my marupok heart gave in ‘cause I know you’re worth the gamble with my life. I wanna be with you. For two years, akong gi kalimtan akong mga kahadlok para lang makauban ka. I thought, okay ra na ingon ani but dili diay. I thought you said we’re friends but seems like we’re not. Gikapoy nako ug tago na everytime magkuyog ta dapat walay makakita, dili ta friends sa fb. Even our friends doesn’t know unsay relationship nato. Even me, wala ko kabalo. I wish i could keep it together a little longer but i couldn’t . I wanted more.
I always wanted to give you something but I was too shy to give it to you. So I wore it instead. 2015, when I first bought you a customized shirt from Palawan but I never get the chance to give it to you. We grew estranged. I guess time shrunk the shirt. And then I bought you another one (2020), this time it’s a local shirt i purchased online. It was a fundraising shirt though. I was too hesitant to give it so, i wore it. I’m sorry
I wandered around your room looking randomly at things until something caught my eye. Something I shouldn’t have put any attention on but at some point I just found myself reading that little note attached to the mug that was given to you on Father’s Day. I knew I shouldn’t but I did. I read it and it broke my heart. Those words, the effort, and the fact that there is someone, someone giving you the happiness I can never ever give to you. You saw me on one corner of the bed wondered if I was thinking of something else but the truth is all i could ever think is you. I wish for a moment you could infiltrate so you’ll know what was going on in my mind. I wish you could feel what I feel. I wish you could see what i wanted you to see. I wish I could stay longer. And in that moment i could only wish.
A part of me wants you, a part of me wants to stay with you, a part of me wants to forget everything and just lay there with you. But, whenever i come to my senses, whenever i see the people around you, whenever i watch you do what keeps you going, a part of me just want to disappear, a part of me just want to let go, a part of me just want to stop and walk away. Because, i know everything i do will never be enough for you.
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Dear Ken,
I can hear your voice replaying on my mind 💙
Favorite dress
Last new year (01-01-2020), i wore my favorite dress which is your favorite too. You would even ask me to wear it whenever we go out. You wouldn’t mind bisag kapila na nako gibalik.So, I wore it that day because i was hoping that you would come and pick me up at home even though i know it would be impossible for you to come since you were so busy preparing for media noche. But i wore it anyway, kay na miss tikaw 😁 And then, the next day you said kuhaon ko nimo and i should wear that dress kaso naa nas labhanan. 😂
