#stompthestigma

I posted this on my Facebook wall today... I'm tired of hiding or pretending I'm "okay" I want to #StompTheStigma and tell you that you are not alone!

#BipolarChristianWidow has a question for you: Have you ever encountered a person who gave you a dirty look, or worse maybe snapped at you for doing something as simple as breathing...?

Sounds silly but before I was diagnosed I would yell at my kids for "breathing too loud" or eating... I knew it was irrational, and yet I couldn't help the emotional response those sounds created. I wanted to climb out of my skin!!! It disgusted me beyond comprehension and gave me anxiety so bad that I wanted to punch someone, anyone... I'm not a bad person I just needed to make it stop or get away from it, as soon as humanly possible!

My biggest triggers are:

Loud lip/full mouth smacking, or slurping. Chewing, (of any kind) gum, popcorn, chips etc. Breathing (yes breathing) snoring or throat clearing to close to me. Dual or competing structured sounds: such as loud crowds, TV, and radio playing at the same time, a loud conversation near me, a lot of talking and kids screaming. Dogs barking, plastic bottles crackling, fake nails on a keyboard clacking.

All of this causes chaos in my already complex brain. These are all noises I can't control but my mind focuses on them... playing them in my head like a broken record which is why this condition is said to be linked to OCD as well. It gets worse when I'm stressed but it never goes away. I live with this like tinnitus all day, every day.... Which is why I tend to isolate. Isolation= avoidance of the things that cause me stress.

That's why at church I sit in the front (away from people) and in movie theaters I sit in the back (away from your kids, whom you are oblivious to kicking the back of my seat) #AlsoAnotherAnxietyTrigger I don't go out much and if I do I can't sit at a table in the middle of the room, I need the comfort and safety of a booth. I am "that person" I'm not trying to be difficult, I promise and I HATE it as much as YOU do.

I am deeply saddened by the loss of Robin Williams, someone so special and genuinely loved by so many. The untimely death of someone seemingly so happy and was constantly making others smile came as a shock to all of us.  But with this fresh in our memories, I think it is time for some deep self-reflection as a society on whole. What saddens me deeper than Robin William's passing, are the utterly disgusting comments from a lot of people around the world. Countless blogs and comments have plastered the internet harassing Zelda and her family, creating a hostile environment for those currently suffering from mental illnesses of any sort. I am so tired of hearing the words "suck it up" "suicide is selfish" "its the result of a choice, not an illness" "depression is the common cold of the mental-health-world" etc. I am by no means romanticizing anything here, (as I have also seen much of and am infuriated by) I am simply addressing a serious issue.  Let's get something straight: depression is a severe illness. It takes lives just as cancer or heart disease. But when have we ever sat around and called a cancer sufferer selfish? When have we told a diabetic to just "tough up and get over it?" When did the medical community determine a heart attack was a choice? Nobody has, because it isn't the truth. These common illnesses require treatment, specialized care and a LOT of support from our social circles. The same goes for depression and any other mental illness out there. Yet so many continue to sit around stigmatizing and oppressing the people who need loving care the most.  I'd like to share some stats real quick: depression is caused (like many other illnesses) by a combination of environmental and genetic influences. There is a chemical imbalance within the brain of a few "emotion" neurotransmitters such as serotonin, (mood balancer attributed to sleep, sexual function, digestion, memory and social behaviour) norepinephrine, (a stress hormone that underlies the "fight or flight" response) and dopamine (attributed to learning, sleep, mood, pleasure, memory, attention, behaviour and cognition). When the brain lacks the normal level of these hormones, we begin to see the common symptoms of depression. Please stop telling depressed religious people that this is a spiritual battle and you just have to "be more spiritual". It honestly does not help anything at all. 20% of Canadians will personally deal with a mental illness in their lives. That is 1 in 5 of you. For a lot of us, that is at least one person in our own homes. Out of those with depression, 1/3 will get better without the need of treatment, 1/3 will get better with treatment and the last 1/3 will never be able to recover.  Similar to an illness like cancer or diabetes, depression has some serious physical and mental affects: 

Feelings of hopelessness. 

Loss of interest in daily activities. Things that you enjoy, pastimes, social activities, or sex no longer appeal to you.

Appetite or weight changes. Significant weight loss or weight gain—a change of more than 5% of body weight in a month.

Sleep changes. An inability to fall asleep, stay asleep, waking up at strange times in the early morning, or excessive sleeping.

Anger or irritability. Feeling agitated, restless, even violent. Anyone and everyone is getting on your nerves.

Loss of energy. Feeling totally drained physically and mentally. Your whole body may feel heavy, the simplest tasks such as getting out of bed in the morning, showering, eating are now the hardest to complete.

Self-loathing. Strong feelings of worthlessness and harsh self-criticism.

Reckless behaviour. You may engage in escapist behaviour such as substance abuse, reckless driving, or dangerous sports.

Concentration/memory problems or indecisiveness. Trouble focusing, making decisions, or remembering things.

Unexplained aches and pains. An increase in headaches, back pain, aching muscles, and stomach pain.