#steve murphy

Steve Murphy: Javi’s apartment is on the ground floor, which means it’s COOLER. Steve barges in, strips down to his boxers, and lays on the floor in a puddle of sweat. Javi’s too exhausted to kick him out. They take turns fanning each other with newspapers. Javi absolutely makes Steve jump by grazing an ice cube down his belly, but Steve plays Uno Reverso by moaning softly.

Donald Pierce: For once, I have full faith in Pierce. This is definitely a problem he will be able to engineer himself out of! I’m not saying he won’t still be miserably dripping sweat (he’s a big guy!) but he’ll absolutely have a portable, battery-powered fan at the very least. Gabby and Val convince him to wear a wet t-shirt to cool down more efficiently, and they then spend the next few hours gawking at his tits, utterly hypnotized. Diego walks in on this and immediately spurts a nosebleed like an anime character.

Cap Hatfield: Cap knows it’s cooler in the forest, under a dense canopy of trees, so he camps out there with some beef jerky and a canteen of water he’s added some pickle juice to. For the record, this is both modern and historical Cap.

Clement Mansell: In between art museums (they’ll always have AC, at least!), he breaks the sound barrier driving with his convertible top down. Ahhh breeze!

The Corinthian: The Corinthian happily dresses up like a southern gentleman in a white linen suit and straw hat. He lures victims up to his hotel by promising them iced tea, cold vodka, and access to the best AC the city has to offer! Come with him, to safety!

Eli Klaber: He mostly just chews on ice and tries to move as little as possible. Eli actually does largely okay in the heat.

Danny Maguire: Well, the heat turns Danny into a mega bitch, but luckily he’s rich enough to afford a plane ticket somewhere cooler when it starts getting really unpleasant. Dublin looks pretty temperate right now! So long, lads, he’s jetting off to the motherland!

Vic Owen: Vic steals an AC unit, but can’t figure out how to install it in his own apartment. Vic suffers. Vic contemplates getting arrested – is there better AC in jail??

Ty Shaw: I have this really specific image of Ty popping open a Bud Lite and reclining in a lawn chair with his feet soaking in a kiddie pool of ice-water. The water hose is right next to him, and he’ll spray down his siblings whenever they need some fast relief.

Okay, I realized I’d actually already answered an ask about what they were like as kids, so this time I’ll answer how they’d answer that!!

Steve Murphy: He’ll snap that he was a terrific kid, the best, the most obedient! All his teachers loved him and swore up and down he was going places! None of this is true, but it’s maybe what Steve would like to pretend was true, and either way, it’s none of Javi’s business! (Put a few drinks in him and ask him again, and he’ll giggle about the time he TP’d Miss Stern’s house!)

Donald Pierce: Oof, Pierce initially gets really tense and prickly when you ask him what he was like as a kid, but when you clarify that you mean age 8 specifically, he loosens up and drawls that, well, he was damn handy with a wrench an’ drill already, could fix-up jus’ ’bout anythin’ on four wheels, that’s pretty cool, ain’t it?

Cap Hatfield: Ha, Cap cheekily says he was the same as he is now, just younger and smaller!

Clement Mansell: Oh, depending on the day Clement will either make up some idyllic childhood and fondly describe his days as a cute little mischief-maker, or he’ll just flatly say he fucking miserable, and even at 8 he couldn’t wait to be free. The truth is somewhere in the middle!

The Corinthian: Depends, do you mean age 8 for his current version, or his first-ever version? It’s an important clarification, see – all previous Corinthian models were inferior and terrible, but this current version was born utterly flawless, total perfection, and that clearly never changed.

Eli Klaber: He’d started to “borrow” some of his sisters’ clothes by then, and that’s what he remembers best! He kinda chooses not to remember all the times he was hungry, or lonely, and how uniquely bad he was at making friends with kids his own age. Childhood was fun!

Danny Maguire: He says stiffly that it was great, he had a fucking flat-screen TV in his bedroom and wore Heelys light-up shoes, what’s not to love? If you press him further, he’ll derisively call his 8-year-old self a “crybaby”, and that’s the most you’re getting out of him today!

Ty Shaw: Ha, Ty jokes that he was the only dad in his third grade class. The only 8-year-old dad around! Noooo, it’s not weird and sad! It’s funny!

Steve Murphy: It’s a balmy Saturday June morning when Javi shows up at the Murphy house rocking a see-through tie-dye shirt the color of the bi flag and grinning evilly. He is taking Steve to Pride and he will not accept no for an answer! Steve tries to squirm out of it by insisting he’s gotta do chores for Connie, but Javi just dials Connie right up and she laughs and tells him not to let Steve pussy out! She’s perfectly capable of mowing the lawn herself and changing the cat’s litter!

Steve doesn’t dress any differently from usual, but the dad jeans/tight red polo/mustache combo absolutely attracts some attention regardless. Everyone assumes he and Javi are a couple that’s cruising for a third, and after a sufficient amount of tequila shots, they do end up in a dingy bathroom, clumsily pawing at each other while a pair of cute twinks in their early 20’s suck them off. Afterwards, Steve drunkenly calls Connie to tearfully confess, and she just explodes with giggles because, duh, she figured this would happen when Javi took him to Pride!

Donald Pierce: He’s strong-armed into going by Val and Gabby! In my head, this is some sort of semi-erotic humiliation/punishment Val and Gabby are inflicting on Pierce after one-too-many homophobic comments. Pierce dresses extra butch to compensate, but the combat boots and leather jacket on top of his usual meticulous grooming and sassy affect don’t actually make him seem any straighter. He spends the first hour sulking as Gabby and Val delightedly yank him around, but he gradually loosens up as time passes and nothing bad happens. But he keeps one of them by his side at all times! He will not be alone in this throng of gayness!!

Cap Hatfield: Nancy’s running a small craft stand selling steampunk pronouns pins and chainmail biker bracelets, and Cap is all dolled up as her booth girl! He looks so pretty with his glittery lip gloss, rainbow eye shadow, and his hair braided up with purple, gray, and white ribbons! And Nancy promises that for an extra $5, you can kiss him right on the lips! No tongue! That’s extra!

Clement Mansell: Clement initially tries to entice Sweety into going with him, and when Sweety predictably shoots him down he goes with Sandy instead. The engage in their fair share of usual PDA, which ends up going slightly viral and generating ~discourse~ over bi girls bringing their straight boyfriends to Pride. Nevermind that Clement is the bi one and Sandy is straight! (Sandy: Ahem, I identify as heteroflexible, thankyouverymuch!)

Clement loves an excuse to dress up; he’s wearing an open rainbow button-down with no shirt underneath, and he’s been picking up all sorts of Pride-themed memorabilia as he goes – he’s draped with beaded necklaces and bracelets, and he’s even got a pair of rainbow sunglasses!

The Corinthian: Oh, the Corinthian never misses Pride. It’s such a deliciously prey-rich environment! He doesn’t really participating in the parade, though – instead he lurks in the nearby bars or slithers his way through nighttime block parties. He dresses in his beige-toned usual business casual attire, but slips some old-fashioned hankies into his back pocket. He’s feeling nostalgic!

Eli Klaber: Oh, Klaber would never go to “Pride-as-a-protest”, but a socially permissible Pride, absolutely! He’s part of one of the floats: he’s fantastically femme and he looks stunning!

Danny Maguire: Aw, he doesn’t go, but he can hear some of the celebrations from his apartment and it makes him a little wistful. He’d be into the excuse of being “forced” to go by a friend, but alas, he doesn’t have friends like that!

Ty Shaw: His town doesn’t have a Pride parade, but he makes a point to go down to the one in San Antonio every couple of years. He usually goes with Sancholo and his boyfriend, but he’s gone with Abby before too, and he’ll absolutely try to drag Ben into the next trip. He goes in his full cowboy swagger, and he gets so much play.