#stereotypy

First off, what is stereotypy ? It's repetitive, almost ritualistic movements or behaviours. Some examples are rocking back and forth, pacing, biting your nails, clearing your throat... There are tons of it. In autism, it is called stimming because the stereotypies are caused by self-soothing and self-regulation regarding the internalisation of stimuli.

There are multiple types of stereotypy : motor or vocal. Vocal stereotypy can be repeating sounds like "tch-tch-tc-" or "ba-ba-ba-ba".

Who can do that ? Technically, everyone, but it's more prevalent in autistic people, in people with tardive dyskinesia, in people with dementia and in people on the schizo spec.

One other thing about verbal stereotypy is that it includes sentences and words that are repeated as emotional reactions : "Blimey !" ; "Bloody hell!" Or also some littles words that we use very often, so much it pops up in our conversations in a very prominent manner "yep, yep" ; "so" ; "actually"...

So, I'm not necessarily the type to usually write about neurodivergence. I usually stick to obsessing over things that nobody cares about and keeping my own issues to myself, especially since my own neurodivergence is somewhat undefined, although I know I absolutely am divergent. I'm diagnosed as ADHD, though I'm not sure if I trust that diagnosis. I was simply asked a few questions and suddenly was handed a prescription. I tried a few drugs and none of them worked. So, who knows if that's true for me or not. I know I'm a Maladaptive Daydreamer, but that disorder on its own is still somewhat nebulous and unexplained.

But, the one thing I've known about myself since I was a child was that I was different, and apparently, I was different in an unnerving or scary way.

As I child, I used to have unconscious tics, mainly swaying, bending my head back and forth, and twiddling my fingers whenever I'd be especially inspired, excited, nervous, or deep in thought. It helped me think and be creative, but this movement has always been unnerving to anyone who would see me do it in public, my parents included.

I had a pretty formative moment when I was young, in 1st grade. It was in the middle of class, and I was fully engrossed in what the teacher was talking about. I was extremely excited, and without realizing it, I started my stereotypy movements. After a while, the child next to me raised their hand. They were called on by the teacher, and they asked, "[Teacher,] can I change my seat?" The teacher was confused and asked them why. The child pointed directly at me.

"She's scaring me."

That moment and those words have lived in my head ever since. I had many other moments like this, where I'd slide into it unknowingly and I'd find people staring at me or, rudest of all, asking me if I was okay with a look of concern/fear on their face. I learned to mask it over the years, calming my swaying, my head bending, and masking my twiddling fingers as though I'm picking at my nails.

So, when I first saw Wanda Maximoff in the MCU, I was, once again enthralled. Her movements, they were a bit unsettling, a bit unnatural, and she was seen as scary. But, these movements were the source of her creativity, of her power. And, I could relate. Of course, it wasn't perfect, since these powers had apparently been given to her, so she hadn't lived her entire life that way. But, still. I could see myself in Wanda.

As the movies went on, I was disappointed to find that, as she became more and more solidified as an Avenger, the strangeness of her movements began to disappear. They seemed less like unnerving stereotypy and more like generic "telekinesis hands," and I disliked the subtle message, that the strange and unusual is somehow evil, or at least something to be feared. She seemed to travel farther and farther from where she was as the movies went on.

But, WandaVision brought all of that back. Her movements were back to the way they were before. More unnatural, more strange to look at, with the implication being that she couldn't exactly help how she'd move, but this was how she was able to do her magic. There was a greater focus on yearning for normalcy while learning to accept yourself as you are and living outloud. And, lost importantly to me, her abilities were retconned into being biological. She would have had these abilities no matter what. So, now, I relate to the Scarlet Witch more than ever before.

I'm not sure if anyone else has ever compared the Scarlet Witch to neurodivergent people, but as one, I find her to be great form of representation for those of us with stereotypies and stims. I'm glad to see Wanda back to her "creepy" self, for all of us who have been told we look creepy ourselves. There's power in our strangeness, and not all magic has to conform to society's standards of "beauty." Be who you are.

Kazali nam wierzyć, że każdy z nas jest połówką pomarańczy, że życie ma sens tylko wtedy, gdy znajdziemy tę drugą połowę. Nie powiedziano nam, że rodzimy się w całości, że nikt w naszym życiu nie zasługuje na to, by nieść na swoich barkach odpowiedzialność za dopełnienie naszych braków: rozwijamy się w sobie. Jeśli jesteśmy w dobrym towarzystwie, to jest to po prostu przyjemniejsze.

Kazali nam uwierzyć w formułę 'dwa w jednym': dwoje ludzi, którzy myślą tak samo, zachowują się tak samo, że jedynie tak to działa. Nie powiedziano nam, że to ma swoją nazwę: anulowanie siebie; że jedynie osoby o własnej osobowości mogą budować zdrowe związki.

Kazali nam wierzyć, że małżeństwo jest koniecznością i że pragnienia 'nie o czasie' muszą być stłumione. Wmówili nam, że piękni i szczupli są bardziej kochani, że ci, którzy uprawiają mało seksu są zacofani, a ci, którzy uprawiają go zbyt wiele nie są godni zaufania.

Kazali nam wierzyć, że istnieje tylko jeden przepis na szczęście, taki sam dla wszystkich, i ci, którzy starają się go ominąć, skazani są na marginalizację. Nie powiedziano nam, że ten przepis nie działa, frustruje ludzi, alienuje ich i że istnieją inne alternatywy.

Ach, nie powiedzieli nam nawet tego, że nikt nigdy nam tego nie wyjaśni. Każdy z nas odkryje to na własną rękę.”