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Life threw us a curve ball and we knocked it out the park!
My stepdaughter last minute is coming to the US for six weeks with us. The girl who isn’t allowed to come visit for a weekend is allowed to get on a plane, fly to another country, for over a month! I am excited, so excited especially now Florencia is old enough to really spend time with her! Arancibia; party of five. 11 days and counting.
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Turtle passed out while I was reading to her tonight and it was the best. I love her.
Here I go...
So. I'll be honest, I've wanted to start this blog for over a year. However, I was nervous. From what I understood, being a step mom meant being a homewrecker, an evil bitch, and hated by most, if not all, biological mothers. Now I know, that is a HUGE judgment however, it was engrained in me for years. It was so bad, in fact, that when my hubby and I first got together, I was extremely nervous to see his ex wife. All of the generalizations that I had forced into my view built up a ridiculous amount of anxiety and I thought I could explode from it at any moment. The time came though. She was at our door, with their daughter and her fiance and I thought of how many different ways I could get out of my new home to avoid this woman... Once she saw me though, for the first time in over five years, she practically ran me over trying to hug me. She expressed how excited she was that it was me, someone she adored and trusted, becoming a part of her ex husband and her beautiful daughter's lives. She welcomed me to her family, with open arms. It was probably the biggest relief I've ever experienced. At first, and for a while, I was so busy figuring out how to parent a four and then five year old little girl that I didn't give birth to and wasn't there for the first part of her life... Realizing I was becoming a parent was the second most shocking and overwhelming feelings I had since starting this journey with my amazing man. Since this started, I have laughed, screamed, cried, felt empowered and felt useless... The roller coaster that is parenting and co parenting is one of intense insanity. Now... Here I am adding this to my journey. A small space of the vast internet to share my hopes, dreams, reality and insanity with other step moms, moms, moms to be, hopeful moms and women waiting until the right time to be moms. I'm nervous, not going to lie. However, I have already decided that if I'm going to do this, it must be done right. This blog will be the most honest thing I've ever put on the internet. I hope to be accepted in the mother community and to share in the ups and downs in this thing we like to call parenting.
OMG OMG OMG!!!!!!!!!
Jelly just tired her shoes for the first time ALL BY HERSELF!!!!!!!! I squealed like a little girl!!! I am one proud step mama!!!!!
Had the worst nights sleep, wasn't able to fall asleep until after 1 am. Then tossed and turned all night. Wolf did the same. Now he has to work all day and i have school. Might take a nap after my first class today. I just wish we had solid answers and didn't have all this doubt and unknown.. I still fucking hate bio mom right now and all i want to do is file legal action against her.
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I feel like im going to cry or barf. Or both. Fml.
So I have been laying in bed for about 3 hours now trying to go to sleep. Alex had been asleep for the last 2 and half hours but for some reason I can't seem to sleep. I have been on Facebook, insta, Snapchat, and tumblr also been playing games on my phone, laying in silence staring at the celing, counting down from 100, I've tried so hard to fall asleep but I can't. And as I lay here my dank mind is going wild. I can't stop thinking about things. How badly I want a family, how badly I want to be married already, how I actually should have 2 children right now, a 16 month old and a 2 month old. But I don't. There are people all around me having babies and getting married and all I want to do is keep a freaking job longer than 3 months, get married, but a house, have a baby and live happily. I'm not doing any of that though. I lay awake at might and think about babies and how bad I want one. I think about it all day long. This madness has to stop. Its driving me fucking crazy.
I feel like the worst mom ever!
Jelly woke up today and briefly mentioned her stomach hurt. Then went about her day as normal just slower than normal so I didn't think anything of it. Sometimes she will tell us she doesn't feel good if she is just tired.
A few hours later she again mentioned a few times her stomach was hurting so I gave her 1/4 of a dose of pepto. Almost immediately she bent over and threw up... all over the floor.
I have never had to deal with a sick child by myself before. So of course I panicked and had no idea what to. Do I hold her hair back? Do I run her to the sink and risk her throwing up throughout the house?
So I stood there and stared wile she threw up streams of pink goo all over my floor. Once she was done I told her not to move and ran and grabbed a bowl. Then I cleaned up the mess on the floor and got her some water and a paper towel to wash her face.Â
I feel like crap. I didn’t believe her. And even after I knew for sure she wasn't faking I still was super snippy with her for no reason other than she wasn't moving fast enough when I would ask her to do something.
So worst mom award goes to me today. I watched my kid throw up all over the floor and then got mad about it. YAY.
