#stellaride fic

He swiped his thumb across the screen to answer the call.

‘Hey,’ he said, unsure what tone he should be taking.

‘Hey Matt, I’m sorry to call but…’ Sylvie’s voice tailed off. It was quieter and shakier than he remembered. He knew her well enough to understand that this was not going to be a catch up call.

‘No, it’s okay, what’s up?’ He asked, his uncertainty turning to concern.

‘It’s not me, it’s Stella,’ he heard her sniff as she stifled a small sob. Matt sat up straighter.

‘What happened?’ He asked quietly, a lump growing in his throat knowing this couldn’t be anything good. He had spoken to Stella just last week. Lizzie had wanted to show him a painting she had done of him and Kelly, so Stella had video called him. She had seemed fine then. That meant that something must have happened on a call.

‘There was an accident’, Sylvie took a deep breath in an attempt to calm herself but it came out shaky. ‘She didn’t make it out of a storage unit fire…’

Matt’s head dropped to his hands, it felt like a piece of his heart had been chipped off at his her words. He had known Stella for years, lived with her for a few. Watched her develop into the most incredible firefighter and leader. Been an incredible wife to his best friend and seen her become the most wonderful mother to Lizzie. That she had been taken from her family, both the one with her husband and daughter and the one at the firehouse. It wasn’t fair.

‘Kelly needs you Matt, I don’t want to ask or tell you what to do-’

‘No, I’m on the first flight.’ He interrupted with a small shake of his head. It was his best friend. There was nothing to keep him from Chicago at this point. ‘Thanks for calling Sylvie,’ he said softly, knowing it would have been hard for her to pick up the phone to call anyone and tell them about Stella, let alone call him.

‘They’re our family,’ she said quietly.

‘How are you doing?’ He asked, knowing that Sylvie always put everyone else's needs above her own and he doubted this time would be any different.

‘I.. I haven’t processed it yet. I don’t think any of us have. Just trying to hold it together for Severide’, she sniffed. ‘He’s in a bad way Matt’.

‘I wish I could say I would expect something else but he loves her with everything he has. Has he told Lizzie?’

‘That’s part of the problem. He hasn’t seen her since it happened yesterday. Sorry I didn’t ca-’

‘No no, it’s fine. I get it Sylvie, I do. Where is she then?’ He asked, knowing his best friend must be in an awful place if he was refusing to see his daughter.

‘She’s with Cindy and Hermann, she just thinks they are both working late I think. I’ll explain everything else when you get here. Let me know which flight you get on and I’ll pick you up.’

‘Okay. And thank you Sylvie, I’m glad it was you that called,’ he smiled softly, allowing himself a moment of comfort.

‘Of course, I’ll see you soon Matt’. And with that the call ended. And Matt was sitting alone in his office with the knowledge that one of his closest friends was no longer with them and his best friend was in agonising pain and he was almost 2000 miles away.

—————————————————————————

His chief had granted him the furlough immediately, no questions asked. He hadn’t even gone back home, just grabbed his station bag which had a couple of changes of clothes in it and headed straight to the airport. He had enough friends in Chicago that someone could lend him some clothes if needed. He didn’t want to waste any time.

Matt didn’t know what he would find when he touched down in Chicago but if Sylvie had called him, he knew it wouldn’t be anything good. Kelly had suffered loss before, more loss than one person should experience in their life and to have his wife taken away from him and leave him as a single parent, it was just cruel.

When Kelly had taken the OFI position after Stella had given birth, Matt wasn’t even a little bit surprised. He knew how much he loved his wife and Stella was just at the beginning of her career. She still had so much to give to the CFD. Severide had always been exceptional at arson investigation and if it meant he could be at home for his daughter then it made perfect sense.

However Matt knew his best friend, had known him and worked alongside him for years, so he knew that somewhere inside he would be questioning if he had been on the call if he could have helped, or even saved her. Without knowing the exact details of the call Matt couldn’t give a definitive answer but knew that if Kelly had been there, the likeness was that Lizzie would have lost both of her parents that day and Matt would be flying back to his home city for an even more heartbreaking reason.

Before he got on the flight, he dropped Sylvie a message to let her know when he was due to land, with a caveat to say she didn’t need to pick him up and he could get an Uber. He knew that she would be waiting for him at the arrivals gate though. He had also sent a message to Boden, Cruz, Hermann and Mouch to let them all know he was on his way back and that Sylvie had filled him in. He wished he was heading back to see his friends for a more positive reason but some small part of him was glad he would be around people experiencing the same grief he was. If he had had to go through losing Stella alone in Oregon, well, he’s not sure he could have.

—————————————————————————

As he had expected, Sylvie was waiting for him when he got through the arrivals gate. He could feel the nerves and the sense of uneasiness coming off of her as soon as he spotted where she was standing. She was tugging her sleeves over her hands, glancing around and nibbling her bottom lip. He hadn’t seen her since the morning after Kelly and Stella’s wedding, they had said goodbye at her apartment door as she had to go to shift and he had a flight to catch. They hadn’t spoken aloud the thought they were both sharing, that it might be the final time to see each other. They just held each other closely.

He walked over to her and before saying anything wrapped her tightly in his arms. He knew it had been the right decision when he felt her stiffness disappear and she melted into his embrace. He didn’t loosen his hold when he felt her shake and her tears wet his neck, he just let her cry in his arms. He felt the tears begin to spill from his own eyes but didn’t care enough to wipe them away. They were both sad, a horrible thing had happened and crying was a natural response, what onlookers thought didn’t matter right now.

‘Hi,’ he said softly when she eventually pulled back. He reached to wipe a stray tear from her cheek, not questioning how easy it was to fall back into simple physical contact with her.

‘Hi,’ she echoed. ‘That all you bring?’ she asked, nodding to the bag which was slung over his shoulder.

‘Yep, came straight from the firehouse, figured I could borrow some clothes off people if I need to’, he said as the pair started to walk towards the exit.

‘I still have a few of your things,’ Sylvie said quietly, a hint of embarrassment laced through her voice.

‘Then that’s perfect’, he said, smiling to dissuade her of those feelings. He still had a couple of her shirts in the back of his closet too. Getting rid of them had always felt too final. ‘Is Severide at the loft?’ He asked.

‘We think so’, she answered. ‘We haven’t seen him since the hospital. But that must have been where he went.’

‘Okay, so first stop is there? Then go see Lizzie?’ Sylvie nodded in agreement. First thing first, he had to see if he could coax his oldest friend out to see his one and only daughter, Matt knew it would be a challenge but knew he needed to succeed. For Kelly’s own sake.

—————————————————————————

The drive to the loft was bizarre. The air was thick with everything they weren’t saying. Matt was fighting the urge to reach across the centre console to hold Sylvie’s hand or rest his hand on her leg like they used to. What had brought them back together was something so tragic but the fact it could have been anyone who came to pick him up brought him an ounce of hope. Maybe it was wrong to feel this way considering where they were driving and what would be waiting for him but in the same breath he knew that Stella would want everyone to be happy.

When they pulled up to the loft, it was eerily quiet.

‘I’ll wait in the car for you. If you can get him out then I’ll drive you both to Hermann’s, I don’t imagine he’s in a fit state to drive,’ Sylvie said as she put her car in park.

‘Okay, I’ll leave you with my bag?’ he asked as he got out of the car, Sylvie nodded.

The walk up to the loft was bizarre, almost a sense of deja vu took over him, having walked this route for many years but not being back to visit in some time. Although he knew there was likely to be a spare key above the door frame, now was not quite the time to invade his friend's privacy. He would wait to see if he would be invited in, so knocked the door loudly and waited.

He couldn’t hear any movement inside but Kelly’s Mustang and Stella’s Jeep had been outside, along with his bike so Matt knew he was inside.

‘Kelly, it’s Matt, you going to let me in?’ He said loudly after a couple of moments, accompanying it with another loud knock. ‘I’m so sorry about Stella, Sylvie told me. I can’t imagine what you’re going through. Open up and we can talk about it?’ When he still received no response, he tried another tack. ‘Sylvie and I were going to go and see Lizzie, I’m sure she’d like to see her dad? You could come with us?’

After another few moments of silence, Matt decided today was clearly not the day. Grief worked in funny ways and if Severide needed another day of solitude then Matt was going to be the one to grant that.

‘I’m going to go now Kelly but if you need me I’m at the other end of the phone. I’ll give Lizzie your love and I’ll be back tomorrow. And I really am sorry mate’. He hung his head and rested his palm against the door, hoping for a moment that Kelly would open the door but when that didn’t occur, he turned around and walked back to the car and to Sylvie.

‘You tried’, Sylvie said solemnly when he climbed back into her car.

‘I guess, let’s go see Lizzie and we can try again later’, Matt said. He hadn’t seen Lizzie in person since she was a baby, when Stella and Kelly had surprised him with a visit, although he spoke on the phone with her a lot so he was excited to see her. A pang deep in his chest reminded him that she didn’t know her mother had died and her father had locked himself away from the world. Maybe that was best, he thought, to give her another day before her life was irrevocably changed forever.

—————————————————————————

When Matt knocked on the door to the Hermann residence, with Sylvie behind him, he wasn’t sure he’d be able to keep it together in front of the little girl but knew he had to.

Hermann opened the door and immediately pulled him into a hug. The older firefighter was not usually one to initiate physical contact but Matt held him tightly anyway.

‘Good to see you man’ he said when he finally pulled back. ‘Did you see him?’

Matt shook his head dejectedly, ‘wouldn’t open the door’.

‘Same for all of us. Come on in then, the little one is in the garden playing.’ He stood back to let them in, ‘hey there Brett’, he added when Sylvie passed him with a sad smile.

The house was devoid of its usual hubbub. There had always been kids running around, the smell of something delightful coming from the kitchen, but today it was void of all of that as they walked through to the backyard.

Lizzie Severide was sitting on the swing set, kicking her feet against the dirt but not attempting to swing any further than the couple of inches it was moving as a result of her motions. When the door opened and Casey and Syvlie stepped out, her head shot up and a sudden look of disappointment flickered across her young face when the people at the door were not the ones she was clearly waiting for. The excitement when she realised who it was took over quickly however and she squealed with excitement before jumping off the swing and running towards the pair, throwing herself at Matt’s legs.

‘Uncle Matt!’ she said excitedly as he knelt down and pulled her into a tight hug.

‘Hey kiddo,’ he said as he kept the little girl cradled against his chest, trying to pour all the love he had for her into it. ‘How are you?’ he said as he pulled back slightly, keeping his hands on the tops of her arms, squeezing lightly.

‘Good. Cindy made brownies,’ she said excitedly, tugging at the bottom of her shirt and bouncing from foot to foot. ‘But Mommy and Daddy are working,’ she said, pushing her bottom lip out. The pout he was sure could get his best friend to do anything his daughter asked.

‘They are, they have important jobs. But I know they love you lots and lots,’ Matt said and pulled a smile onto his face, shielding the pain.

‘I know,’ Lizzie said with a smile, clearly it was something her parents told her a lot. Good, Matt thought, she should be told it as often as possible.

‘Did you see who I brought with me?’ Matt asked, nodding his head up at Sylvie. Lizzie’s head spun around quickly to look where he was nodding, the smile widened on her face as she realised who had come to visit with her favourite Uncle.

‘Auntie Betty!’ Matt had to stifle a laugh at this and shot Syvlie a questioning look.

‘People were calling me both Sylvie and Brett and somehow Auntie Betty was born,’ she chuckled lightly.

‘I like it,’ Matt said with a wink.

‘Only I call Auntie Betty!’ Lizzie said firmly, the little girl clearly had her mothers fire within her.

‘Of course, only you get to call me Auntie Betty,’ Sylvie smiled and ran her hand over the girl's head, her curls were attempting to be restrained with some tight dutch braids but a few flyways were escaping.

‘Uncle Matt’, Lizzie said, turning back to Casey, an inquisitive look in her eyes.

‘Yes Lizzie’, he said, dreading the question that was coming next.

‘When Mommy and Daddy coming home?’ She looked down at the floor sadly. This had clearly been a question she had asked numerous times since she had arrived at the Hermann’s.

Sylvie had explained on the drive to the loft earlier what had happened. Kelly had brought Lizzie to the firehouse to celebrate her birthday and surprise Stella, that’s when the call to the storage facility came in. Kelly and Lizzie had stayed at the firehouse, assuming the call wouldn’t take too long and they could continue the birthday celebrations afterwards. When the worst had happened, Boden had called Kelly immediately knowing he would want, more accurately, would need to be there. Kelly left Lizzie at the firehouse with Stephanie, Kylie’s replacement, and Cindy had picked her up from there. Lizzie hadn’t seen her father since.

Kelly had pulled up to the scene and it had been worse than anyone had imagined. Cruz and Boden had to physically restrain him to stop him running into the building that was still burning. Sylvie’s eyes had filled with tears when she had been telling Matt how Kelly hadn’t stopped calling Stella’s name, his voice getting more hoarse with each yell.

When she had been brought out by the Truck crew, Kelly had attempted to resuscitate her himself, yelling at everyone that he could help her, he could bring her back. The rest of them had looked on in desperation, no one knowing when they should pull him back.

Finally, Boden had pulled him back. He had fallen to his knees and hadn’t said anything else. The tears stopped and he just watched them load her into the ambulance. Sylvie described it as seeing his soul disappear, it was like it was just Kelly’s body, he wasn’t in there anymore, his eyes had grown empty and he hadn’t said anything else.

Cindy and Hermann had expected Kelly to come and pick Lizzie up after leaving Med but he hadn’t shown. They had tried calling, Sylvie and Joe had gone round to the loft but there had been no answer. They hadn’t seen or heard from him since.

‘As soon as they can sweetie,’ Matt said, hoping the small white lie wouldn’t come back to haunt him. ‘How about we go inside and have one of those yummy brownies and you can tell me everything you’ve been up to since I’ve seen you last?’

Lizzie took a moment to contemplate before she nodded with a smile and tugged on Matt’s hand, pulling him towards the kitchen.

——————————————————————————

‘Can you drop me off at the loft?’ Matt asked as the pair got back into the car having spent the last couple of hours hearing all about what Lizzie had been drawing or making or eating. Once you got the little girl talking, there’s no way to stop her. It was refreshing, Matt had thought, she was such a happy child, he really hoped she’d be able to keep that spark even when the awful news was broken to her.

‘Are you going to try and talk to him again?’ Sylvie asked curiously.

‘Figured I’d fill him in on how Lizzie is doing and hope that works, then I’ll kip on the couch’.

‘And if it doesn’t, you plan on sleeping in the hallway?’ She chuckled.

Matt ran his hand over his chin, his 5 o’clock shadow firmly adorning his cheeks. ‘Guess I hadn’t really thought that far’, he admitted bashfully.

‘Okay, well if you can’t get through to him, I’ll wait downstairs and you can crash with me,’ Matt’s head swivelled quickly towards her, ‘I have a perfectly good couch Matt, you know that.’

‘Guess I do’, he smiled. ‘Thanks Sylvie, that sounds like a plan’.

‘I’ll give you 20 minutes, if I don’t hear from you then I’ll assume you’re staying with Severide, okay?’ Matt nodded in agreement as they continued their way towards the loft.

The climb up to the loft felt less unusual this time, but Matt had less hope that his friend would open the door than he had had previously. He knew Kelly well enough to know that he would have gone completely into his shell and it would take a lot to get him out of it.

He had debated bringing Lizzie back with him, knowing that Severide would have to open the door to his daughter. But having no idea what state Kelly was in on the other side of the door, he didn’t want to subject Lizzie to that. He would give Kelly one more chance to let him in of his own volition before he resorted to more drastic methods.

He knocked the door slightly harder than he had done when he had been here a few hours ago, thinking maybe it was just that he had been in his bedroom and couldn’t hear him knocking.

‘Sev, hey. It’s me again. I’ve just come from seeing Lizzie. She misses you man, is asking about you and Stella. I just told her that you both loved her.’ Matt took a deep breath before continuing. ‘It can’t come from anyone else but you Kelly, and I know that’s awful and painful, but it has to. She can’t hear this when she hasn’t got you there to turn to. You’re all she’s got. She needs you.’

‘She’s grown so much man, and she’s the spitting image of Stella. She’s so smart too, took great pride in telling me all the things Hermann does wrong around the house that Cindy has to correct him. You must be so proud of her.’

‘I’m going to go now, give you a little bit more time. But I’ll be back first thing tomorrow. And Sev, I’m coming in whether you like it or not. And I really would prefer if you opened the door for me, don’t want to screw my shoulder up again by barging it down. But I will.’

As he turned to leave, he stopped and approached the door again.

‘We are all here for you. We love you, we love Stella and we love Lizzie. You’re not going through this alone man.’

—————————————————————————

‘Thanks for letting me stay Sylvie’, Matt said as he finished his takeout. They had ordered Chinese when they got back to her place, neither being in the mood to cook. Placing the empty container on the coffee table and he relaxed into the back of the couch.

It was odd being back here in her apartment. They had spent the majority of their time here when they were together. He had begun to think of it as much more of their apartment with the amount of time he spent there, sleeping in her bed more often than he slept in his own.

This is the place where they had spent their first night together, but he also knew this was the place where he had broken her heart, telling her he was leaving and going to Oregon. He knew he had had his reasons, knew that Sylvie understood them, but he still wished that they had stayed the course. He missed her, had spent a long time missing her before realising that it was futile. Until the thing keeping them apart stopped being an issue, then they would continue to stay apart.

It had stopped being an issue in the last couple of months, but Matt had still not made the final decision to come back to home. He did genuinely love his job in Oregon, fighting forest fires was something completely different and refreshing. He had spent a long time working with his crew to bring them up to the level he expected. But without the boys, there was nothing keeping him in Portland anymore.

He had contemplated coming back so often. Of calling up Boden and seeing if he could return, the likelihood of coming back to 51 was slim, he knew that, all the leadership positions had been filled. But even if he was back here, he would be around his family again.

Griffin had been accepted into the CFD and was now working as a candidate at a house across the city, although Matt knew his dream was to work on 81, the same truck as his father.

Ben was studying Maths over on the East Coast. He didn’t have the same pull back to Chicago as Griffin did but also had no inclination of staying in Portland. When he had applied to colleges on the East Coast and got accepted to a small school, he was incredibly excited and Matt was equally as proud of him.

He would be lying if he had said that Sylvie wasn’t a factor in his decision either. Both for the want to come back and the uncertainty about it. He didn’t expect them to be able to immediately fall back into what they had before, but at least without the physical distance between them, it could actually be a possibility again.

‘It’s no problem’, Sylvie said with the soft smile that Matt had been so fond of. It was different to the smile that Syvlie used the majority of the time, the one she dolled out to patients as easily as breathing. This was the smile she shared only with those she cared deeply about, the ones that she had let into her life and through her defences. Matt was grateful that he could still be included in that group. ‘You sure you’ll be okay out here?’ She brushed a loose strand of hair behind her ear. ‘We’ve shared a bed before, I don’t mind,’ she said softly.

Matt smiled warmly but shook his head. ‘It’s alright, I’ve stayed out here before. It’s perfectly comfortable. I don’t think either of us are in an emotionally stable state to be sharing a bed again, not yet,’ he added with a glance up at Sylvie and clocked how a blush started to spread across her cheeks. ‘But I’m here if you need me’, he said and she nodded in response.

‘Probably a smart idea,’ Sylvie said with a smile that didn’t quite meet her eyes. ‘I’ll get you some blankets then.’ She retrieved them, placed them on the coffee table and then smiled before retreating to her bedroom, leaving Matt standing alone in the living room wondering if he had just made the wrong choice.

At some point in the night however, he felt a small hand on his shoulder and awoke to see Sylvie standing over him, her eyes rimmed with red. He sat up quickly and she reached out a hand to him, he hesitated slightly before placing his hand in hers. She tugged him wordlessly towards her bedroom and he went willingly, following her without question.

She climbed into the bed, the side she had always slept on and held up the covers for him to slide under as well. When he had made himself comfortable, she curled herself into his chest, her body warm against his. He wrapped his arms around her in a familiar motion, allowing himself a moment to breathe in her usual vanilla shampoo scented hair. The pair fell asleep, awash in the comfort that being in each other's presence and arms provided and when they awoke in the morning they didn’t question it, they simply just smiled.

—————————————————————————

Sylvie was on the shift that day so Matt drove her to work and then headed straight over to the loft in her car. He wasn’t taking no for an answer today, he needed to see his friend and he needed Kelly to agree to go see his daughter. Keeping Lizzie in the dark any longer than necessary wasn’t the right thing to do but at the same time, the news had to come from Kelly.

Approaching the front door, he stretched out his shoulders. Matt hadn’t been kidding when he said he’d break down the door if he needed to. Feeling like he should probably give his friend a warning, he knocked on the door and announced his presence.

As with the previous times he had stood in this spot, there was no answer. So Matt took a couple of steps back, he knew the door was pretty heavy so might take a bit to get it down. Just as he began to take the first step forward it opened and a dishevelled looking Kelly stood before him.

He didn’t say anything as Matt took in his appearance. His hair, much greyer than it had been when Matt had left Chicago, was stood up in a myriad of directions, he was supporting at least 2 days worth of stubble on his cheeks and if Matt had to take a guess, the sweatpants and t shirt adorning his body were equally as old.

‘Hey,’ Matt said as he walked past his friend and into the apartment they had once shared. Just like Kelly, the apartment was also in a state. There were empty beer bottles littering the coffee table and the kitchen counters, containers of home cooked food no doubt brought over by Cindy and Donna, were sitting out of the fridge.

‘Didn’t want you breaking down the door,’ Kelly huffed as he walked over to the couch and threw himself down on it. Resuming the position that Casey assumed he had been in since he had returned here after the news broke. He reached out and grabbed one of the beer bottles off the table and took a swig, clearly one of the not completely empty ones.

‘I wouldn’t have to if you'd opened it yesterday when I knocked,’ Matt said, standing near the kitchen, unsure if his best friend would welcome him sat down near him at this point.

‘Thought you’d take the hint that I didn’t want company,’ Kelly said with a gruff laugh.

‘Well too bad, I’m here now so why don’t you get cleaned up and we can go see Lizzie. She’s asking for you.’

Kelly shook his head and lowered his gaze, picking at the label on the bottle.

‘I know it’s tough-’ Matt started to say before Kelly’s head shot up, his eyes rimmed with red.

‘You know?’ Kelly scoffed harshly. ‘You’ve had to tell your daughter that her mother is dead and won’t ever be coming home?’ He laughed coolly and took another draft from the bottle. ‘Didn’t think so’, he muttered and his gaze fell back down to the floor.

‘No, but I did lose a fianceé,’ Matt said calmly. ‘And I had to tell the Darden boys that their mother was in jail and couldn’t come home.’ Matt took a deep breath before continuing. ‘And I lost my father when I was a kid too, lost my mother at the same time as well in a manner of speaking.’ Matt swallowed, he wasn’t one to compare traumas but he hoped it would reinforce with Kelly that he was speaking from a place with a little knowledge on the subject.

Severide looked up, the tears that had been held back by his eyelashes before, were now silently making their way down his cheeks. ‘Sorry,’ he said quietly. ‘I didn’t mean it like that.’

‘I know you didn’t,’ Casey said as he made his way over to the living space and took a seat on the empty chair. ‘But Lizzie needs you Kelly.’

‘I know but how do I tell her? I haven’t even processed it myself yet,’ Kelly said, angrily wiping the tears away from his face as if they were a display of weakness.

‘You process it together,’ Matt said steadily. ‘I’m not saying it’ll be easy Severide, hell, it’ll be the hardest thing you’ve ever had to do. But it’s the right thing to do.’

Kelly nodded, keeping his gaze firmly on the floor. ‘I keep thinking I’m going to see her, out here making dinner or coming in the door after a shift. Keep hearing her voice, talking to Lizzie, playing with her. And then I look over and there’s no one there.’ He sniffed and wiped away his continued stream of tears. ‘And if I’d have been there, I could have done something. I could have saved her.’ The final sentence was distorted by a sob and a thud as the beer bottle he had been holding fell to the floor and Kelly cradled his head in his hands.

‘If you’d have been there, Lizzie would have lost two parents that day.’ Matt said slowly. ‘There was a reason when you had her, you went to work at OFI. And you can say it was the hours of whatever, but I know you and Stella had the discussion about you both being on a call. When you’re a first responder and have kids, you have to think like that.’ Kelly nodded but kept his head buried in his palms.

‘I can’t do this without Stella,’ he whispered.

Matt had stayed strong until this point, had decided this was not the place for him to display his grief, he was here for his friend, but the heartbreak in hearing those words brought tears to his eyes.

‘You can’, he said, ignoring how his voice cracked. ‘You’re not alone in this Kelly. Your 51 family is here for you and we won’t let you go through this alone. We’ve got you and we’ve got Lizzie.’

‘She was the best mom’, he said, lifting his head out of his hands slightly to gaze across the room. Matt followed his line of sight and saw that his eyes had landed on a framed photo of Stella and Lizzie laughing. ‘She was scared about it when we found out we were expecting but she was incredible. The pregnancy, the birth, everything. I fell in love with her even more every day.’ He wiped a wayward tear but a hint of a sad smile was beginning to tug on his lips. ‘And then Lizzie came along and she’s the spitting image of Stella. A mini her if ever there was one. She talks like her, walks like her, has her eyes and her smile. Stella taught her everything she knew, and I know she’s so proud of her,’ his smile faltered but he continued. ‘I’m so proud of her. I’m proud of them both. They made me who I am but without Stella… it just feels like a piece of me is missing. And I don’t want to pass that hurt on to Lizzie. She doesn’t deserve that. She’s so perfect. Too perfect to be in pain.’

Matt sat silently, letting his friend get everything out that he needed to. It was breaking him to see Kelly in this much pain and for the first time he really understood why he had been avoiding seeing his daughter.

He was trying to protect her. To let her have a couple more hours, more days, before her life would be changed forever. He didn’t want to be the one that caused her pain.

‘Stella didn’t deserve to die.’ Kelly said into the silence. Matt didn’t know how to respond, he agreed of course but in their line of work unfortunately they could never guarantee they would walk out of every fire. Both he and Kelly understood that but he guessed the reality was something that couldn’t be completely comprehended until it happened.

‘Is she okay?’ Kelly said, turning his head quickly to look at Matt who looked stunned at the question. ‘Lizzie, I mean.’

Matt nodded. ‘She’s fine. She misses you and her mom and has been asking about you. Cindy and Hermann have just been saying you’re still at work which seems to have appeased her for now but it won’t for much longer.’

Kelly nodded, wiping his hands across his face and pressing his heels into his eyes. ‘Will you come with me?’ He asked as he stood up. ‘To tell her?’

Matt nodded in agreement, ‘I’m here for whatever you need. We’re family.’

—————————————————————————

Whilst Kelly showered and got himself cleaned up, Matt busied himself by tidying up around the apartment. Throwing out all the empty bottles and checking the contents of the food containers to see if anything could be saved and refrigerating what he could salvage. By the time Kelly came out of the bedroom, the loft was back to looking in a more inhabitable state.

‘You didn’t have to-’ but Matt shook his head before Kelly could finish his sentence.

‘Don’t. We’re family.’ He smiled, and Kelly returned it, albeit a smaller smile but it was genuine all the same. ‘I called Cindy to let her know we were coming over’. Kelly nodded. ‘You ready?’ Matt asked.

‘No, but I don’t think I ever will be.’

‘Come on then, let’s go’. Matt said, leading the way to the door. He turned around once he had reached it and saw Kelly rooted firmly to the same spot he had been a minute before. He opened the door and waited patiently. He knew his friend just needed another moment, he had said he was going to see Lizzie today and Matt believed him.

‘Okay’, Kelly said shakily as he ran his hand through his hair and walked through the door Matt was holding open for him.

—————————————————————————

The drive to the Hermann’s was tense, the air was thick. Everytime Matt glanced over Kelly he was bouncing his leg and wringing his hands. The old roommates sat in silence, this was going to be tough no matter which way you span it and if Kelly needed any help, Matt hoped he knew he could ask.

When they walked up to the door, Severide hesitated with his fist outstretched, an inch away from making contact with the wood. Matt rested his hand comfortingly on his shoulder and felt an ounce of tension drain from Kelly who knocked 3 times before taking a step back.

Cindy opened the door, a sad smile on her face as she pulled Kelly in for a hug.

‘I’m so sorry for your loss Kelly,’ she said quietly, holding him tightly before pulling back. ‘She’s in the garden.’

Kelly nodded and pulled his lips into a tight line.

‘I’ll stay with Cindy but we will be in here if you need us,’ Matt said, closing the front door behind them and gesturing to the living room.

Kelly nodded again and walked towards the backdoor. Matt heard the yells of ‘Daddy!’ when he opened it. It felt like a stab to his chest knowing that that excited voice would become the exact opposite in just a few moments.

He and Cindy sat side by side on the couch, neither knowing what to say or do, trying to give the Severide’s their privacy but at the same time being ready to jump in with support if it was needed.

After 15 minutes when neither Kelly or Lizzie had reappeared, Matt walked into the kitchen to peer out the window. What he was greeted with, shattered his heart even more.

Kelly was sitting on the swing, with Lizzie in his lap, her body curled tightly into his, his arms around her, a hand running over her hair. Matt could see the tears on Kelly’s face from here and could see how the little girl's body was shaking too. Severide was talking quietly to her whilst lightly pushing the swing back and forth. Matt stood there for a moment, before it felt like he was intruding on a private moment and returned to the living room. He smiled softly at Cindy and nodded at the unasked question.

A couple of minutes later, Severide appeared with a tired Lizzie still curled in his arms holding on tightly to her father.

‘Uncle Matt, is it alright if you take me and Lizzie home?’ He asked, his eyes were still red from the tears but he seemed lighter than when he had left the loft.

‘Of course’, Matt got up and smiled. ‘You okay?’ he mouthed, not wanting to ask anything else outright in front of Lizzie. Severide nodded with a sad smile.

Lizzie fell asleep in the back of Sylvie’s car as Matt drove them back to the loft so Severide carried her upstairs and tucked her in on the couch.

‘I don’t want to put her in her room in case she wakes up and doesn’t know where she is’, Kelly said as he leant against the kitchen island, with Matt on the other side.

‘Good idea. Do you want me to get you two anything?’ He asked but Kelly shook his head.

‘You’ve already done enough man, we appreciate it. And I know Stella would too’, he smiled sadly again. ‘When are you going back to Portland?’ he asked curiously, knowing his best friend must have had to drop everything quickly to make it out to Chicago as fast as he did.

‘Still got a few things to work out on that front, but I’ll let you know.’ Matt smiled as he picked up his jacket. ‘I’ll leave you to it, but call me if you need anything okay?’ Kelly nodded and followed Matt to the door.

‘Thanks again, not sure anyone else could have got me out that door today’.

Matt hesitated and then pulled Kelly into a hug, slapping him a couple of times on the back before pulling away. ‘Family means family’.

—————————————————————————

Matt used the remainder of the day visiting his sister who he hadn’t seen since he had left either. She hadn’t heard about Stella but had met her a few times so was still saddened by the news. She offered to let him stay there that night which he took her up on. Sylvie had said he could crash at hers again but it felt weird being there without her and he didn’t want to intrude on Severide’s time with his daughter.

He got up early the following morning, his flight was later that afternoon but he had a couple of things he wanted to get done before he headed to the airport.

First was to stop by 51. He was picking up Sylvie and a conversation with her was high on his list but first, he had a meeting with Boden.

He had called his old boss and mentor the previous afternoon when it became clear to Matt that he was needed back in Chicago. The same thing that had called him to leave for Potrland in the first place, was now calling him home. Family.

He wanted to speak to Boden about returning to the CFD. And specifically about returning to Boden’s district. He knew he wanted to return to 51 at some point but for now he would settle to being somewhere under Boden’s watchful eye.

He hadn’t expected the meeting to be as direct as it had been. Boden without hesitation offered him the command position back on Truck 81. It wasn’t the same company it had been when he had left but Boden was wary about putting a floater or someone from another house into the empty space. The whole house was grieving and that crew specifically had lost their leader. But if there was anyone who Boden felt comfortable being in charge of the truck, it was Matt Casey. He was grieving too and understood just what an important person's shoes he would be attempting to step into.

Matt had been shocked by the offer and let him know he would need to speak to Kelly about it. Although for years 81 had been his rig, it was Stella’s now and her husband should at least get a say about who would take over. He didn’t want anyone to feel like he was replacing her or usurping her position.

He was still deep in thought, when Sylvie walked onto the apron.

‘Penny for them?’ She asked with a smile, nudging him gently with her shoulder.

‘Not sure they’re worth that but I’ll tell you in a bit. Fancy a walk along the riverwalk? I missed it in Portland’.

—————————————————————————

Matt wasn’t sure what Sylvie’s response would be when he told her he was coming back to Chicago. He hadn’t expected her to jump into his arms immediately but he also hadn’t been expecting the stoney silence he was currently experiencing.

‘Say something Sylvie,’ he asked as they continued to meander next to the river.

‘Don’t come back just for me,’ she said quietly and abruptly stopped.

‘What?’ Matt asked, confused, turning around to face her.

‘I’ve moved for relationships before Matt, and felt stuck and I don’t want you to feel like that.’ She ran a hand through her hair, her expression difficult to read. ‘If you want to come back to Chicago for you, then please do. I know it’s your home. But if you’re only coming back for me, then please… please don’t’.

‘I’m coming back for a number of reasons,’ Matt started. ‘But I won’t lie to you and say that you aren’t included in that. But you’re not the only one.’ He added quickly as she opened her mouth to interrupt him.

‘There’s nothing holding me in Portland anymore. Griffin is in Chicago now and Ben’s off at college. And sure I like my job there but it’s got nothing on the CFD. And I need to be here for Severide. He won’t say he needs the help or even ask for it, but this is going to be so hard on him and Lizzie. I can’t abandon them.’

He reached out his palm, hoping Sylvie would take it. He squeezed her hand lightly when she did.

‘But the reason we didn’t work was because I wasn’t here. And I’m not saying we will get back together or everything would be simple again but if I’m here then at least there’s a chance, right?’ he smiled and Sylvie returned it warmly.

‘There’s a chance’, she echoed. ‘But what about work? Will the CFD have you back?’

‘Boden’s offered me the spot on 81. But I need to talk to Kelly before I take it. I don’t want him to think I’m erasing Stella’s legacy by going back to it. She deserves to be remembered and held in everyone’s memory.’

The pair continued to stroll along the riverwalk, taking in the early morning bustle of Chicago. And if they were still holding hands at the end of it, then neither of them mentioned it.

—————————————————————————

Sylvie dropped Matt off at the loft again, having called ahead to make sure it was alright for him to pop in.

‘Hey’, Kelly said as he welcomed Matt in through the door. A stark comparison to the last time he had opened the door for him. ‘Want breakfast?’ He gestured to the kitchen where the bacon was cooking in the pan.

‘Nah I picked something up with Sylvie’, Matt smiled and followed him over, taking a seat at one of the bar stools.

‘Interesting’, Kelly said with a smirk as he turned the bacon over.

‘Shush, but there is something I want to talk to you about’, he said, a sudden sense of apprehension filling him.

‘Shoot’, Kelly said, busying himself with some eggs.

‘I’m coming back to Chicago. And Boden offered me the command of 81’. He saw Kelly freeze, still facing away from him. After a couple of seconds of silence, Matt continued. ‘But I told him I needed to speak to you. 81 is Stella’s truck and I don’t want you to think I’m stepping in where I shouldn’t, or trying to take over from her.’

Kelly turned around and shook his head. ‘If anyone’s going to take over from Stella, I’m glad it’s you.’ He said with a smile, his eyes brimming with tears. ‘You understand how big of a task it is, to walk in her shoes. And I know the crew would respect you, unlike if someone new came along and tried to take her place. And I know Stella would be okay with it too.’

‘If you’re sure?’ Matt asked.

‘I’m sure, but you’re sure you want to come back to Chicago? You’re not just coming back because of me and Lizzie right?’ He gestured at himself and then down the corridor with the spatula in his hand. ‘Because we’ll be okay, it’ll be a tough road, but we will be okay’.

Matt chuckled lightly, ‘you sound just like Sylvie. No I’m not just coming back for you too, although it has factored into my decision. And no, before you ask, I’m not just coming back for Sylvie either. Chicago is my home and my family is here. And it’s time for me to come back to that’.

‘Okay then’, Kelly said, downing his tools and walking round to the other side of the island. ‘Welcome back to Chicago,’ he said as he pulled Matt into a hug.

This year they weren’t working, and she woke up in her fiancé’s arms. It was the best way to wake up, and she lay there cosy and comfortable. These days were never easy, but they always got through it. Usually involving Kelly bringing her to some of Shay’s favourite spots, telling her about the woman. She’d gotten to meet Leslie Shay once - running into her and Gabby when Stella and Grant were out - but it wasn’t until the year before she realised they were the same person.

“Morning.” Kelly pressed a kiss to her cheek, and she turned over to return it.

“Hey, you. Sleep well?” She asked, feeling safe and comfortable and oh so secure with his arms around her.

“Yeah, I did. Thought I’d be wide awake but I slept. You’re a good teddy bear.” She giggled as his mouth attacked her neck with kisses, Stella throwing her head back to give him access.

“Kelly…Matt’s in the next room,” she groaned, not wanting him to stop but not wanting their roommate to hear her.

“He spent the night at Sylvie’s, we’re good,” Kelly replied, moving lower and lower. Stella wasn’t stopping him this time, and they crested to pleasure together.

The one thing that had made her realise that what she had with Kelly was good was the sex. You couldn’t have the kind of mind blowing, awe-inspiring sex that they had on a regular basis that often if there wasn’t something that just meant you were supposed to be together. And lying there in the afterglow with him, wrapped up in each other, Stella knew how lucky they were. She pressed a soft kiss to the scar on his chest, a reminder that he was still there and he’s alive.

When they were both hungry enough to extricate themselves from one another they did, dressing for the day. Once she was dressed Kelly grabbed her hand, watching as she put his red flannel over her tank top. May in Chicago could either be really warm or really cold, and she wasn’t taking any chances.

Kelly drove them to their traditional diner. He’d discovered it one hungover morning with Shay, and they had the best French toast Stella had ever eaten. She got it with strawberries and syrup, Kelly getting pancakes and sausage, a side of bacon between the two of them. When their meals were delivered she passed over one of her pieces of toast as he returned the favour with a pancake, the two tucking in.

They never really talked on these days. They spent the meal in comfortable silence, ankles linked as they sat in their booth. Once it was finished Kelly got the check first, paying with a smile.

“Can I bring you to Shay?” He asked as they walked out, his arm around her shoulder. She turned her head to look up at him in the early summer sun.

“You sure? I know you like going to her grave alone.” She’d go with him - hell she’d probably follow him anywhere - but he’d always left her alone on these days to go by himself.

“It’s only right. When I decided I was gonna propose I went and asked her about it. It’s been seven years, but I still ask her about the important stuff, you know?”

They got into the car before Stella decided to tell him.

“I met her once, you know that? I was out with my ex husband, and we went into a bar that Gabby and Shay were at. Gabby called us over, introduced us. We had a drink before Grant and I left. She seemed amazing. I wish I got to know her.” Kelly’s hand squeezed hers, and she just held it.

“The two of you would have liked each other. You’re the exact opposite of her in almost every way, but you’re both sarcastic, funny…both somehow put up with me. She’d have flirted with you, but she’d have really liked you.” The atmosphere in the car was heavy for a moment. Stella mulled over everything she knew about the woman, everything that Kelly and Gabby and Matt had told her. Most of the house didn’t really talk about Leslie anymore, too much time had passed. But every day when she arrived in she saw the woman’s name on 61 and remembered that before she and Kelly were in each other’s lives, she was his best friend and helped him be the man he was today.

The cemetery was quiet, even the birds staying away out of respect. Kelly knew how to get to the grave with his eyes closed, holding her hand as they walked up the manicured paths. The headstone was small, and Stella’s eyes traced over the words.

Leslie Elizabeth Shay 1978 - 2014. Paramedic, Sister, Friend.

Someone had put a CFD pennant around it, and it made Stella smile.

“Shay…you were right, I needed to ask when the time was right. And the right time was in the middle of a damn fire. But Stella said yes. I never knew the two of you met.” Stella squeezed his hand, letting him actually get his emotions out.

“You should be here, y’know? Casey’s gonna be my best man, but it should be you up there, rocking a suit. You should be the one organising the bachelor party and laughing about it. It’s not fair. It’s just not fair. I miss you.” Stella wrapped her arm around Kelly’s waist, letting him pull her close. They stood there for a few moments before separating, Kelly pressing a kiss to her head as they walked away.

They were in his car when Kelly spoke again. “She always hated her first name. Said it was a crime to name a kid Leslie, and the fact that she was a lesbian just made it even worse.” The matter of fact way Kelly said it made Stella laugh, the idea of baby Leslie Shay coming home and thinking her orientation was destined from her name.

“I know we haven’t really talked about it, but if we have kids and one of them is a girl? I want her middle name to be Leslie. I wouldn’t give it to her as a first name, but definitely as a middle. What do you think?”

The blinding grin on her fiancé’s face was enough of an answer for Stella, as they drove home to curl up on the couch with some movies. May thirteenth would never be an easy day, but at least this way it was a little bit brighter.

“So how does it feel being a dad?” Herrmann asks him as he walks into the common room to fill up on coffee.

“Exhausting,” Joe replies, making a b-line for the coffee pot. He loves little baby Brian with everything he’s got, but he just wants like five minutes of peace and quiet, and it’s definitely bad when the station is more quiet and peaceful than home.

Herrmann laughs and raises his coffee cup. “Get ready for the long haul!”

Cruz groans. “I just don’t understand how he can cry that much without getting tired! Or-or like running out of tears! Or just getting sick of crying?! Like how does he do it?”

“Aw, he takes after you,” Herrmann teases, and Joe can see Gallo in the corner of his eye spit his coffee out in an attempt not to choke on it as he laughs.

“That was uncalled for!” Joe protests weakly, too tired to really put much energy into getting into a ball busting battle with the older firefighter.

“You know I’m kidding,” Herrmann says and actually gets up and walks over to give him a comforting squeeze on the shoulder. “Screamers are no joke. Me and Cindy have had two.”

“How did you survive it?” Joe asks, desperate to find a way to maintain him and his wife’s sanity.

“All babies have something they like, once you find it all your problems are solved,” Herrmann replies. “Some kids like vacuums-”

“How are we supposed to sleep with a vacuum going, Herrmann?” 

“I don’t know,” the engine lieutenant shrugs. “But that’s what worked for Lee Henry. Most of the time we’d just run it until he fell asleep and then turn it off. But let me tell you, our floors had never been so clean, and haven't been that clean since he grew out of it.”

“I can record myself singing some lullabies if you want,” Capp offers, and Severide looks temporarily from his crossword puzzle just to give Capp a ‘seriously?’ look.

“Anyone got any better suggestions that don’t involve vacuums or Capp’s singing?” Joe asks, pouring his coffee.

“The baby can’t cry forever, ride it out,” Severide offers, but seems to be kidding.

“You guy’s suck,” Joe sighs, shaking his head. He’s barely taken two sips of his coffee before the tones drop, ending any hope he had of getting filled up on caffeine before the day started. 

“Truck 81, Engine 51, Squad three, Ambulance 61, Battalion 25, highrise fire.”

He’s a little tempted to take his coffee with him as soon as he hears what the call is. He’s going to need all the energy he can muster if he’s going to make it through this call.

***

“This is going to be a big one, guys,” Stella announces as they get close to the building. There’s a plume of black smoke rising into the sky and there’s at least three floors on fire and a good 10 more above them that will all need to be evacuated.

“This is one hell of a first fire you got, candidate,” Gallo laughs from the back seat. Stella rolls her eyes; this is easily the biggest fire Gallo’s ever seen, which makes her a little nervous. She and Mouch have seen more than their fair share of big ones, even their fair share of high rise fires. They have experience, but Gallo and Nathan have nothing more than their training in the academy. She’s got an inexperienced crew under her command and that’s dangerous.

“81, you are helping with evacuation on floors , 28, 29, and 30. Take spare air bottles and hotel packs up with you and drop them at floor 24. Squad, you’re doing search on 24. 51, you guys are on fire suppression on floor 27. Engines 18 and 91 are already up there. The plan is to cut it off before it jumps to 28. 61, you’re joining ground triage,” Casey starts belting out orders almost before they’re barely off the trucks. There are already at least two other battalions on scene, and Casey must’ve gotten the details of the plan from the district chief on the drive over. “Tower triage is on floor 20. Elevators are to only be used for victim transport and can not be taken past 20. You guys are hiking.”

“You got it chief,” Stella calls and turns back to her crew. Usually she’d try to fight the order to be stuck with evacuation duty, but today she’s grateful. She doesn’t want to cradle Nathan, but usually candidates have at least a couple big fires under their belts before catching one like this, and she doesn’t know how Nathan will handle himself. So if at all possible she’d rather not send him into the fire floors on this call.

They’ve made it to floor 24 and dropped off their extra air tanks and hose packs when someone from engine 18 comes on the radio.

“Requesting search teams to 27. We’ve got people trapped.”

“Copy that. 81 divert to floor 27 to help with search and rescue,” It’s Casey that responds.

“I guess we are seeing fire today, boys,” Stella says and adjusts the air pack on her back, taking in a deep breath. It’s time to test Nathan’s metal, see if has what it takes

“Kidd, don’t blow out another lung,” Kelly calls to her as she and the rest of 81 start getting ready to pick it up and hike it up to 27. 

She shakes her head and lovingly flies him the bird. She thought the days of lung jokes were behind her, but there’s also a hint of seriousness in Kelly’s tone. He’s worried about her, and he means what he just said- and there’s even more behind the words don’t get hurt again. Don’t do that to me.

“And don’t you damage your good looks, they’re the only reason I keep you around,” Stella calls back to him. She knows he knows what she means. It means the same thing his lung comment did.

Kelly laughs and waves her off.

***

“Hey,” Ritter says and skips a couple steps to fall into step with Nathan. His first fire was one like this, and he froze up. The only reason he was able to pick himself back up was because of Mouch; he wants to make sure the same thing doesn’t happen to their newest candidate. “This is probably gonna get scary. My first fire was one of these too. Make sure you remember to breathe and take it one step at a time.”

Nathan smiles appreciatively at him. “Thanks Ritter.”

“If you feel yourself freezing up take a couple breaths and remind yourself why you decided to do this job. You can find a lot of courage there.”

He wishes someone on his crew had told him those things before he ended up clinging to a stair railing like his life depended on it.

“You’re gonna have a blast,” Gallo says, interrupting their meaningful conversation and grabbing both of Nathan’s shoulders. Gallo’s always been a certain degree of crazy that Ritter’s never really been able to understand. Everyone in this job is at least a little crazy, they kind of have to be, but Gallo really goes out of his way to show his crazy side. Everyone gets excited about structure fires, but Gallo seems to lose sight of how deadly they can be, he seems to forget it can very easily kill him, either that or he just doesn’t care. Either way, it always makes Ritter worry about him.

“Ritter, hook up the standpipe,” Herrmann orders as they reach the 27th floor.

“Alright 81, let’s mask up,” Stella announces with her usual amount viger and energy. “It’s time to get to work!”

***

Casey wants to be making the climb to the fire floors along with everyone else at 51, but he’s been put in charge of running things outside and keeping a close eye on what the smoke is doing. The 24th floor seems to be the worst; it’s belching black smoke into the air violently, and he wouldn’t be surprised if rooms on that floor were flashing over. It’s hard to differentiate between it and 25, but it seems to be not as bad.

“Crews on 24 and 25 be advised, smoke is black and rooms could be beginning to flash. Clear those floors as fast as possible,” he says keeping his gaze glued on the building.

“Copy that chief.” it sounds like Severide who replies.

“81 making entry on 27 for search assist.”

Standing on the ground being stuck listening to the radio traffic is the worst feeling in the world. He yearns to be with his people.

“Excuse me, Chief, can we get a couple words on what’s going on?”

Before Casey can even fully register what’s happening there’s a microphone and camera being shoved in his face.

“We have multiple floors on fire, multiple crews inside battling it as well as doing search and rescue,” Casey says; media one oh one is you give them a little something to chew on then send them on their with the promise that a public information officer for the department will come give them more details. “Now I’m going to have to ask you to step back behind the police line. Someone will be over with more details for you soon.”

Thankfully the reporter and her camera man don’t put up a fight. 

“You know everyone’s going to have a field day with that,” Sylvie says with a flashy grin as she walks past him. Casey rolls his eyes.

It’s not until a good 25 minutes later that Casey hears Stella over the radio again, amd he stops what he’s doing to listen for a couple seconds

“27’s clear. We’re heading to 28 to help with evacuation.”

“Cruz and Capp heading to 20 with victims.”

“Fire’s almost knocked out on 27.”

“24’s clear, changing air bottles and heading to 25.”

“All units on scene be advised, We’re down two bottles on 24.”

Casey sighs and shifts on his heels before getting back to work directing the firefighters and people moving in and out of the building.

Another half an hour passes before Stella announces that they’re heading down with the people from 28.

***

“Hey,  do you hear that?” Nathan asks, stopping Gallo on the landing outside the door to one of the fire floor. They’re supposed to be bringing up the rear of the people being evacuated from the upper floors, but Nathan is pretty sure he can hear a baby crying.

“Hear what?” Gallo asks sceptically.

“It sounds like a baby crying somewhere on the other side of that door-”

“Hey, why are you two just standing around?” Lieutenant Severide demands as he comes to stop on the landing, and slides his air pack off to do an air bottle change. Nathan’s impressed with how quickly he pulls off the switch and has his pack back on his back.

“Marks thought he heard a baby crying,” Gallo explains, gesturing to the door.

Severide raises both eyebrows and glances over his shoulder at the door. “You’re sure?”

“Pretty sure,” Nathan replies, it had sounded like one plain as day, even if Gallo didn’t hear it.

“Better safe than sorry, then I guess. One of you needs to come with me,” Severide says taking his helmet off to put his mask on.

Before Nathan can say anything, Gallo is already volunteering, but Severide stops him. 

“Which one of you has more air?”

“I’ve got 20 minutes,” Gallo says and starts taking off his helmet too.

“I’ve got 30,” Nathan says holding up his monitor to show the lieutenant.

“Gallo you keep bringing up the rear.” Severide orders. “Marks, suit up. You’re getting a trial by fire.”

Gallo opens his mouth like he’s going to protest, but thinks better of it and nods to the lieutenant before heading back down the stairs. It’s not until Gallo’s left that Nathan realizes what he’s just signed himself up for. He’s spent months training and doing live burns, but this is the real thing. Beyond the door in front of him and Severide there is no fail safe no quick exit. It’s life or death. It’s a monster that will devour him the first chance it gets.

“Chief, this is Severide. Possible rescue on 24. Marks is coming with me,” Severide says into his radio and then looks to Nathan. “You ready?”

“Yes, sir,” Nathan replies. He’s ready. He’s ready to face the beast.

***

“Did Kelly just say Marks?” Stella demands pulling herself up off the back bumper of 81 where she’s been forced to spend the last 20 minutes rehabbing. She’d made it through two bottles before Sylvie caught her, forced her to take a rest and made sure Casey knew she needed to stay put.

“Yes he did,” Casey says through clenched jaws.

Nathan had done some search and rescue on the 27th and 28th floors, but the fires on those floors had been minimal. It had been agreed upon almost right off the bat that 24 and 25 were to be left to the experienced firefighters.

“Lieutenant Severide, you better bring my probie back to me in one piece,” Stella says into her radio without much forethought.

“Yes, ma’am,” Comes Kelly’s amused reply.

***

“Severide, this door,” Nathan says and taps Kelly’s shoulder, stopping him. “Listen.”

And sure enough he can hear the baby crying too. He’s not exactly sure how it’s still crying. The smoke is low, and it’s even starting to finger all things pointing to an imminent flash over. Anyone not in PPE should be knocked out from smoke inhalation by now.

“Okay, we gotta slip in fast and close the door behind us,” he replies. The last thing this situation needs is more oxygen. 

“Got it,” Nathan says and scoots close to the door.

“Opening it now,” Kelly says and reaches up and twists the handle. Nathan dives through the crack and Kelly follows right on top of him and kicks the door closed behind them. The room around them is somehow barely touched with any fire and there’s not smoke either. It’s like stepping into a whole other world.

“It’s coming from over there!” Nathan says pointing to the far corner of the room and moving toward it. He beats Severide there, and stops dead. “Son of a bitch.”

“What?” Severide asks, dread sinking in his gut as he makes his way to the candidate's side.

“It’s a damn toy,” Nathan says holding up a plastic toy. “We risked out lives coming in here for a toy.”

“Hey, you did the right thing. For all we knew it was a real baby. Now let’s get the hell out of here,” Severide says, grabbing the kids shoulder. When he’d Nathan’s angry curse he’d really thought that there was something seriously wrong with the baby, and that it was in fact a real one. It being a toy is really a relief.

“Cancel on that rescue. It was a toy. We’re getting the hell out,” Severide reports before heading back to the door with Nathan.

They’ve crawled about halfway back down the hallway when the smoke that’s barely a couple inches above the tops of their helmets smoke begins to move and flow toward their exit like the tide being sucked back out to sea.

“Damn it,” Kelly hisses and grabs Nathan by the handle on his air pack and hauls him into the closest room, slamming the door behind them just as a fireball shoots down the hallway. He can feel the heat of it through the wooden door as the fire tries to push it open, evil red tongues of flame licking through the crack under the door. 

Nathan’s on his feet in a second  and pushing his body against the door in the next to help Severide keep it closed

“Use your halligan to hammer these under the door,” Kelly orders, handing Nathan the wooden wedges he keeps in one pocket. “I’ll hold the door.”

“You got it lieutenant,” Nathan says without hesitation, and takes the wedges out of his hand.

“Severide, report!” Casey’s voice sounds over the radio, but it’s staticy.

“Me and Marks are trapped on the 24th floor. Is 23 clear for a self rescue?” Severide replies, as Nathan hammers the wedges under the door to help stop it from being pushed open by the fire.

“We’ll get a line to you.”

“Negative Casey. Do not send anyone up here! I repeat, do not send up! The hallway is too hot,” Severide shouts, hoping Casey catches it. “Acknowledge you heard me! Casey!”

“Wedges are in place,” Nathan says straightening up. “Are we bailing?”

“Yes, use the halligans to set anchors,” Severide replies before keying his radio. “Casey, do not open the doors on the hallway. It’s too hot. The fire will jump floors.”

“Copy that.”  Severide breathes a sigh of relief as Casey finally acknowledges him.

“Anchors are set, lieutenant,” Nathan reports as clips his emergency rope to the built in harness in his bunker pants. 

Kelly takes a deep breath and steps away from the door, hoping the wedges will actually hold it, and miraculously, they do. Now they have to survive lowering themselves down to the 23rd floor and hope that the rush of fresh air when they break these windows doesn’t give the fire what it needs to push the door open.

“Okay kid, we’re going to have to make this fast,” Severide says clipping his rope into place. “Are you ready?”

Nathan glances out the window and back at Severide. “Yeah, this’ll be fun. Piece of cake.”

Severide smiles and nods his head in agreement. “Piece of cake.”

He misses being young and not having tasted a piece, or a couple pieces, of his mortality. Right now he misses the younger him who tied ten feet of webbing around his waist and dove out a 40th floor window… he could really use that guy right now.

“I’m going to break this window and as soon as I do we go, got it?”

“Yeah,” Nathan says and adjusts his grip on the rope.

“Ready?”

“Ready.”

Kelly slams his glass breaker into the window and the whole thing shatters, then almost exactly in sink he and Nathan slip out of the window.

***

“You people at 51 really are crazy,” One of the other chief’s on scene says to Casey as they both stare up at the window on the 24th floor where two dark figures are climbing out the window. Casey ignores him and keeps his gaze on his two firefighters. This is the third time Severide’s done something like this, but only the second time Casey’s actually had the displeasure of watching. The first time was when Severide tied webbing around his waist and dove out a 40 something ith floor window to save a window washer not even a week into making squad. He still remembers standing on the ground watching with Andy, and Andy just laughing and saying ‘of course that’s what Kelly’d do.’ and being more amused than concerned about the friend he had since kindergarten. Casey on the other hand had been terrified that they’d be cleaning firefighter off the sidewalk. The second time Kelly did something like this, Casey didn’t have a front row seat for it. He’d been inside on a different floor, and that time Kelly had done with a kid holding onto his chest. Only a minute passes before glass is raining down from the sky and Severide and Marks are disappearing inside. They’re only just barely inside all the way when fire erupts out the window above them.

“Severide, report,” Casey orders, scared to breathe. He saw them both disappear inside, but part of him doesn’t quite believe it, and won’t until he has audible confirmation from Severide that they’re both okay. 

“We’re all good chief, and heading down.”

“Make sure you use the stairs,” Casey breathes.

“You got it chief.”

***

“That was awesome!” Nathan cheers sitting up on the floor. “They had us do self rescue stuff kind of like that in the academy but that was freakin awesome!”

“Glad you liked it,” Severide chuckles and gives the kid, who’s vibrating from the rush of adrenaline, on the shoulder. “Now let’s get the hell out of here.”

“Yeah,” Nathan agrees as Kelly pulls him to his feet.

“Kelly, you have got to stop doing stuff like that on skyscrapers,” Stella scolds as soon as she’s done giving her canidate a look over to make sure he’s still in one piece.

“The important thing is that you still have both lungs intact this time,” Kelly says grabbing her around the shoulders. That had been one of the worst moments of his life, coming through that window and hearing Herrmann’s mayday not more than a couple seconds later. The only thing more relieving than not having just fallen 20 something stories is that this time Stella is perfectly okay at the end of his daring rope bale out.

“Really? We’re not letting that go?” she says, cupping his cheek in her soft hand, and giving him a loving smile.

“No, we’re not. You’re not allowed to die for me, Stella Kidd,” he replies.

“But you’re allowed to constantly repel out skyscraper windows?” she says raising a skeptical eyebrow.

“You’re welcome to join me next time,” Kelly jokes.

“Oh, there better not be next time, lieutenant,” Stella says authoritatively.

“Understood lieutenant,” Severide says and gives her a little salute as she rolls her eyes at him and heads to go talk to Casey.

“How are you feeling, kiddo?” Kelly asks walking over to join Nathan on the back bumper of 81 for some rehab.

“Little shaky,” he admits. “But that was still the coolest thing ever.”

“That’d be the adrenaline wearing off,” Kelly explains and twists the top off his water bottle. His adrenaline came and went much quicker, and was probably a lot less intense than Nathan’s; now he’s just feeling ready whereas the kid seems to be ready to jump back up and keep throwing punches at the fire. He’d felt old when he found out Nathan was their new candidate, and now that he’s actually worked with him he feels even older.

“Sorry I almost got us roasted with that false alarm,” Nathan says after a second of silence.

“I meant what I said in there,” Severide says looking over at the rookie. “I’d rather go check it out and have it be fake than not go and have it be a real baby. Even if it means getting lightly toasted. You made the right call. Don’t let it mess with your head. Second guessing leads to people dying.”

“Yes, lieutenant,” Nathan replies and sips his water.

“You handled yourself like a pro in there. You ever think about squad?”

“Are you serious?” Nathan asks, choking on his water.

“Hell yeah. You kept your head on. I know a lot of firefighters that that would’ve thrown for a loop.”

***

“Did anyone ever warn you Severide likes stealing the young new truck candidates with a bright future?” Mouch asks Stella as he walks past her, gesturing toward the back of 81. Severide and Marks are sitting chatting away on the back bumper; she’s pretty sure she should be annoyed if what Mouch just said is true, but both Nathan and Kelly look so happy. And there’s a rich history between the two of them; if Kelly wants to take the kid under his wing she’s not going to try to stop him.

***

“Can we just turn the tones off for like the next five hours while I power nap?” Joe asks as they all arrive back at the station well after dinner time. He needs a shower and sleep, and goodness knows if he doesn’t get sleep tonight he’s not going to be getting it for quite a while. It’s crazy that being at the station is calmer and quieter than being at home.

“10 bucks says we’re all out making runs all night,” Herrmann says dubiously as he follows Joe to the showers.

“Shut up, don’t even put that out into the universe to be heard,” Joe groans and pulls the shower curtain closed. He throws his clothes out, not caring if they land on the floor and turns on the cool refreshing water. It’s peaceful and it’s quiet, and Joe savors every second of it because there’s no telling how long it will last. Even Herrmann who’s in the shower seems too exhausted to talk.

***

“Alright, I ordered pizzas,” Casey announces as he walks into the common, everyone seems to be half asleep, so much so that the only reaction he gets is a couple thumbs up from a couple pizzas.

“How much do we owe you?” Joe asks from where he’s laying on the couch with his head rested on Mouch’s shoulder. Casey’s pretty sure Mouch is asleep.

“Nothing. You guys did great today. The pizzas on me.”

“He’s trying to buy our affection,” Severide accuses in a teasing tone that ends up sounding more lackluster. Casey appreciates the failed attempt to bring some life into the room, but if even something like free pizza on the chief wasn’t going to do it, Severide’s poor little weak attempt at a joke never stood a chance.

“I’ll be in my office until the pizza gets here,” Casey says, even though he knows no one cares.

“You’re gonna have to get it chief, I don’t think any of us can move,” Gallo mumbles, staring blankly at the floor. “Except I don’t know, probie might have some energy.”

On queue Nathan lets out a fake snor. This gets a couple tired chuckles from a few people

“Don’t worry. I’ll get it,” Casey chuckles tiredly as he heads out of the room to go to his office.He’ll get it if he doesn’t fall asleep first.

“Hey chief, do you want me to stick around a while longer?”

Casey stops in his tracks. He hadn’t even realized that Kylie was still at the station.

“I think we’ll be fine, if you want to go home,” Casey says.

“No offense, but it kind of looks like you got your asses handed to you. I can stay and clean up for the next shift,” she offers.

“If you don’t mind that’d be great, but I hate to make you clean up after those animals,” Casey says nodding his head in the direction of the common room.

“Anything I can do to help, I know it’s been a long day for all of you.”

“Whatever house gets you when you get out of the academy is gonna be very lucky,” Casey sighs. He’s not going to tell her no.

“Assuming I get accepted.”

“With the list of references you’ll have, you will get hired,” Casey promises and heads into his office, giving her a pat on the shoulder as he goes.

***

“Okay, eat up and get your sorry asses off to bed,” Casey says walking around the common room setting down plates in front of each half asleep firefighter and then adding two slices of pizza to it.

“Now he’s running a boot camp,” Severide mutters prompting giggles from Stella and Sylvie, the kind of giggles that warn that the girls are about to get that kind of hyper tired where they laugh at literally everything. He’s worked enough shifts with them to know that when they start, Cruz and Herrmann follow, and usually once they hit that level they bring Ritter and Gallo with them. And from there it’s a very shot leap to everyone getting cranky; which means Casey has a very short window to get them all fed and sent to bed.

 He’s also not entirely sure why Sylvie is sitting on Stella’s lap, or why the truck lieutenant is braiding her hair, but he’s too tired to question it.

“Just eat the damn pizza, Kelly,” Casey quips.

“Don’t have to tell me twice.”

“I’m turning it in,” Stella announces after having finished her pizza plus seconds. Casey had thought about doing the same as soon as he finished, which was long before everyone else, but he decided to stay and wait to turn it in for the night until everyone else had ambled off to the bunks. Ritter, Herrmann and Capp have already turned it in, and Mouch has too, but he’s still sitting on the couch snoring happily. She’s barely made it to the door when the bell sounds.

“Truck 81, ambulance 61, single vehicle car accident.”

One thing that never ceases to amaze Casey, even after years and years of being a firefighter is how quickly firefighters can go from zero to 60 in terms of energy. Every firefighter has that little extra reservoir of energy that comes out when all the other energy in the body is spent. It’s what gives them the ability to give their all and then give more. Everyone on 81 is on their feet and looking alive in a matter of seconds, it takes Mouch a couple more seconds than everyone else, but he’s still up and they’re all heading to the trucks. Even the paramedics get a little extra energy boost. 

“Becareful Stella, and don’t be afraid to call for backup,” Kelly calls after his girlfriend as she gets up and heads out to the bay behind her firefighters. She waves one hand in brief acknowledgment. Kelly looks nervous.

“What?” Casey asks, as the lieutenant stands up.

“We’re all exhausted Casey, I don’t like this,” he says, keeping his eyes on the door even though Stella has already disappeared from sight.

“Trust me, I tried getting us taken out of service for the night, but everyone else in the area is whacked too. They said we had to take turns going out of service. We got 12:00 to 4:00,” Casey says with a sigh. He’d fought hard for it. But a four rest was the best he could do. They’d gotten a meal break and a few minutes of rehab at the high rise fire, but that’s not enough rest to get them through the night. Hopefully this truck call will be the only one they get for the next two hours so everyone can get more than four hours of good sleep, but the last thing on earth that he’s going to do is say that out loud for the fire gods to hear. “Stella knows what she’s doing.”

“I know,” Severide sighs, but he’s right. They shouldn’t be making runs.

***

“This is bad,” Mouch says perceptively as they pull onto the scene, and Stella concurs with the old firefighter’s observation. The passenger side of the small four door sedan is wrapped around a light pole, if there's anyone in that side of the car it’s going to be difficult to get to them unless they pull the car away from the light pole.

“Then we don’t have time to sit around gawking,” Stella says opening her door. “I know we’re all tired, but we’ve got a job to do.”

Her weak attempt at a pep talk doesn’t have much, if any, impact on her exhausted band of brothers, but they obey her and hop to it.

“Gallo, get the spreaders, Nathan, halligan, Mouch, bolt cutters, pop that hood and cut the battery,” She orders as she approaches the smashed up car. The dispatch call said it was only a one car accident but it looks like someone hit them and made them slide sideways into the pole.

“Please! My daughter! Save my daughter!” the driver cries as Stella gets closer to the car.

“We’re going to get you both out,” Stella promises peering into the car. The dad’s in rough shape with a deep laceration in the side of his head and his shoulder looks dislocated.

“Please!” he begs frantically and grabs at Stella’s arm. The daughter is in even worse shape. There’s a lot of blood, and Stella really isn’t sure if the girl is still alive.

“What have we got?” Sylvie asks running over. 61 arrived on scene not long after they did.

“Two pinned in victims, driver is alert and responsive, passenger is in rough shape,” Stella says as the paramedic pears into the car. 

“Okay, get me into the back seat,” Brett replies. “That’s going to be the easiest way for me to get to her.”

“You got it,” Stella says and scrapes the broken glass off the back window. That’s going to be the fastest way in. She gives Brett a nod and the paramedic is slipping into the back seat a second later.

“What are we looking at?”

“She’s in rough shape,” Brett reports, before checking the dad.

“Gallo, get the spreaders over here,” Stella orders.

“No, get her first,” the man moans, just in the past couple seconds that she’s been on scene he seems to be getting worse. The desperation his voice for Stella to save his child is gut wrenching. He’s trapped and helpless, and he has to put his faith in her to save his child.

“He’s in bad shape,” Sylvie reports. “He’s fine right this second but that could change fast.”

“Get her first,” the man insists as Gallo powers up the jaws, there are tears in his pained blue eyes, the kind of pain that haunts you years after.

“We could pull the car out and get to the girl first, we could get to her faster,” Mouch suggests, and he’s right. They could do that, and maybe get to her faster than extricating the dad and then pulling her out through the driver’s side, especially considering how smashed up the other side of the car is. But if they have spinal injuries moving the car could cause a lot of damage, and the dad could take a turn for the worse at any second. She wishes she had more time to weigh the options, but she doesn’t.

“We crack the driver’s side and pull them both out this way,” she announces and takes a step back so Gallo can get in with the jaws and to talk on the radio. “81 to main, I need a second ambulance to my location.

“Stella, they’re both slipping,” Sylvie reports from inside the car as Mackey hands her a jump bag through the window.

“Spredders aren’t getting a grab, the doors bent inward,” Gallo reports.

“Damn it,” Stella hisses under her breath and grabs a halligan and shoves the wedge end into the door crack, and pries outward making a pocket for Gallo to get the spreaders into. That should’ve been the first thing they did, but they’re all exhausted which leads to mistakes. If it were up to her they wouldn’t even be out here. It’s dangerous for everyone. “Get in there.”

Gallo repostitions the spreaders with the tips in the pocket she made.

“Mouch, Marks, get over here and get ready to pull him out,” Stella orders as Mackey positions the stretcher.

“No, get her first,” the father mumbles weakly, he’s barely conscious anymore, and Stella can tell by the look on Sylvie’s face that she’s holding back the urge to tell them to hurry.

“We’ll get you both out, I promise,” Stella says looking him in the eyes. “But we need to move you first.”

“Got it,” Gallo grunts as the door pops open; Stella grabs it and forces it open, then slices the man’s seatbelt. Together she, Mouch and Marks pull him out of the car and onto the stretcher just as the second ambulance arrives.

“Have them load and go,” Stella says over her shoulder as she climbs into the car. “How’s she doing?”

“It’s bad Stella,” Sylvie says quietly.

“I’m not leaving her,” the man cries desperately. “Please, Kathy! Please no! You can’t take me away from.”

It hurts listening to his cries of desperation for them to save his daughter.

“Mouch hand me the backboard,” Stella calls as she slices the girls seat belt. Now that she’s right there with her she can tell her injuries are worse than she thought, and the only thing running through her mind as they position her on the backboard is that they should’ve pulled the car away from the pillar and extricated the first and that she should’ve called for an extra crew so everything could’ve gone faster.

***

The light is still on in Stella’s office when Sylvie and Mackey get back to the house and head for their bunks; the blinds are drawn, but Sylvie can still see her friend moving around inside, probably mauling over the decisions she made on the call. She wishes there were something comforting she could tell her, but the girl died in transport; giving Stella that new doesn’t seem like the best idea right now. The only good news is that the dad did make it to the hospital and is currently in surgery. 

Brett sighs and lays down in bed pondering the happenings of the night, thinking about what she could’ve done differently. Going down the rabbit hole of what ifs is something that’s always preached like gospel, but she’s never actually met anyone who doesn’t. When someone dies on your watch it’s only natural to question where things went wrong, where things could’ve gone differently, and in some ways going down that rabbit hole can help in the future, help you know what to do differently. There’s just a fine line between learning from shortcomings and being consumed by the guilt brought about by thinking about them. In this particular case Sylvie is pretty sure even if she had done things differently  the girl still would’ve died. There are some people you are just not meant to save.

She rolls over and tries to go to sleep, but can’t, not with the light from Stella’s office still on. It’s not the light itself keeping her up, more the thought of her friend not being able to sleep. She slips out of her bed and walks slowly to Stella’s door.

“Hey, Stella, you okay?” she asks, opening the door and poking her head in.

“Is my light bugging you?” she asks, looking surprised by Sylvie’s sudden appearance. “I can turn it off it is-”

“No, it’s fine. I just saw you were still up and wanted to check on you,” Sylvie replies.

“Did that girl make it?” Stella asks, plopping herself down on the edge of the bed.

Sylvie sighs and slips all the way into the room, closing the door quietly behind her; she sits down next to Stella on the bed and rests one hand on her leg.

“She died in transport, but she was hurt bad. There wasn’t anything anyone could’ve done,” Sylvie says, trying to comfort the lieutenant.

“We could’ve gotten her out faster, Brett,” Stella says. “I could’ve gotten her out faster if I made a different call. It’s my fault Brett.”

“Don’t do that to yourself,” Sylvie says and squeezes Stella’s hand. “I don’t know that getting her out faster would’ve helped-”

“But it might have?” Stella asks. “It might have, right?”

“That’s a dark hole to go down, Stella,” Sylvie warns. “This isn’t your fault. It’s on whoever hit that car.

“I was the officer in charge, I made the call, and now a girl is dead, Brett.”

“You made the call you thought was right, and you saved the dad-”

“Yeah, and I thought wrong, what if I’m not ready for this?”

“Stella, you are the most worthy leader I know, and more than ready for this, and if you hadn’t gotten the dad out when you did, he might be dead too. You made the right choice.”

Sylvie wishes she could make Stella understand how much faith she has in her. She wishes she could share her confidence with the truck lieutenant.

“Thanks Brett,” Stella says and gives her a sad half smile, but she doesn’t look convinced. And Sylvie’s really not sure what else she can say to convince her. Maybe if Severide talks to her.

***

“What’s eating you, lieutenant?” Kelly asks, coming up behind Stella and throwing his arm over his shoulder as they head for the car. Lieutenant has almost become like a term of endearment between the two of them, and she loves the fondness he says it with; she’s just not so sure she deserves it anymore.

“It was a long shift,” she sighs and leans into him. She’s not really in the mood for talking, right now she just wants to be close to him and soak up his warmth.

“It’s that last call, isn’t it?” He says knowingly and pulls her a little closer to him as they walk slowly toward the car.

“Brett told you what happened?” Stella mutters, her hopes of just not talking about it for a while quickly becoming dashed.

Severide seems to ponder this for a second before speaking again. “You were up in your office pacing half the night. After the exhausting shift we had I know that means something happened on that call.”

“And Brett told you,” Stella says. She knows Brett.

Kelly sighs. “And Brett told me.”

“What’d she say?” 

“She told me you handled the call like a pro and that you made the right call,” Kelly replies placing a kiss on top of her head.

“Then there you have it,” Stella says, hoping he’ll let her take the out. “That’s how it went.”

“Okay,” Kelly says, taking Stella by surprise. She’s almost hurt by how easily he rolled over and let her take the out. Then he starts talking again. “But, if there’s more or you have a different take you can tell me. I’m the last person on the planet who can give a lecture on talking about your feelings, but I can attest to what not talking about them does to us.”

Stella sighs, he’s right.

“I also get what it’s like not wanting to talk about stuff,” he continues, resting his chin on top of her head. “There might be different reasons, but I get it Stella Kidd.”

“Thanks Kelly,” she mumbles. She’s not really sure why she doesn’t want to talk to him about it. She knows what he’s going to say, and she even thinks it will help her feel better. “And we’ll talk about it soon. I’m just really tired right now, and don’t feel up for it.”

“Whenever you’re ready, Stella,” he says quietly and rubs her shoulder.

***

“So are you going to try my vacuum suggestion?” Herrmann asks Joe as the two of them walk out of the station with Mouch.

“I don’t know, it seems kind of-” Joe trails off as his gaze settles on Chloe standing at the end of the driveway with Brian in her arms. He’s never been more happy to see anyone in his life ever. “My two favorite people!”

“Hey! Me and Mouch are standing right here!” Herrmann shouts as he takes off at a jog toward Chloe.

“Hey baby, what are you doing here?” he laughs and plants a kiss on the top of Chloe’s head and then Brian’s.

“I saw you guys had a long day yesterday and decided me and Brian better come to great on your way out,” she replies, giving him a kiss.

“I’m so sorry I didn’t call you last night!” Joe exclaims. He’d meant to, but by the time they got back to the station he’d been too tired to remember. He knew he was forgetting something, he was just never able to figure it out.

“It’s okay,” she promises. “I knew I would’ve heard about it if something happened.”

“Let’s go home and get some sleep,” Joe suggests and slings his arm around her shoulder, but she proply shushes him.

“Joseph Cruz, saying that word is like saying quiet on shift. You say it and Brain never sleeps again!” She scolds.

***

“Hey, kid,” Matt says, stopping Nathan at the door. “I want you to come to Molly’s so we can toast your first structure fire, and whatever the hell that was you and Severide did.”

First fires are usually a sacred thing, everyone goes to the bar and toasts the baptism by fire of the rookie, but Matt has a feeling not everyone’s going to be there. Stella took a hit last night with the car wreck, Kelly is going to want to stay with her and make her feel better, and Cruz hasn’t even been to the bar since Brian was born.

“I don’t know,” Nathan says hesitantly.

“Why not?” Sylvie asks stopping next to Matt. “It’s a tradition.”

“Yeah, but it seems kind of ill timed I guess…”

Matt frowns before shouting to Herrmann who’s halfway to his car. “Herrmann! Tell the candidate he has to drink to his first fire!”

Herrmann stops and spins around. “Of course he does! It’s tradition!”

“See,” Matt says. “Plus, it’ll give everyone a little pick me up, something happy to think about.”

“And it’ll make you feel better,” Sylvie adds. “Being around people who care and understand always helps me out when I’ve had a rough call.”

“Any you get to drink free,” Herrmann says, doubling back to help them talk Nathan into joining them at Molly’s. “And Ritter and Gallo will be there.”

Nathan looks between the three of them, before nodding. “Okay, I’ll come along.”

“Atta boy!” Casey says cheerfully and pats the candidate on the shoulders.

“Chief Casey, can we have a word.” Casey stops his small celebration at what can only be the voice of an unhappy white shirt that far out ranks. He turns around and sure enough Chief Walker is standing at the entrance of the bay with a grave look on his face.

“I’ll catch you guys at Molly’s,” Casey says and heads to meet up with the chief. “What can I do for you, chief?”

“Let’s go talk in your office,” Walker says and nods his head toward the entrance. 

“After the shift you guys had I’m sure you want to go home and rest, but I thought you should get a heads up before anything official comes down, so you can get a head of it,” Walker replies, and there’s an apologetic expression on his face.

“Get ahead of what sir?” Casey asks. “What is this about?”

“One of your lieutenants.”

***

“I thought you were going to Molly’s,” Severide says, calling over to Casey as he lets himself into the apartment.

“I’m going to head that way later, we gotta toast Nathan’s first fire,” Casey replies, closing the door behind him. He seems off, like he’s unsure of something and like simply being here is a struggle.

“Damn it, you’re right,” Stella says, frustrated. “I was caught up in everything I completely forgot about it.”

“You had a rough night,” Kelly reminds her before looking back at Casey who is slowly making his way over to them. He looks like he’s about to jump off a cliff.

“You want a beer?” Stella offers.

“No,” Casey shakes his head.

“What’s up Case, you look like you just saw a ghost,” Kelly asks, not entirely sure he wants to know what’s eating at the chief.

Matt looks from Kelly to Stella and back to Kelly before finally answering the question. “I have some bad news, and you two aren’t going to like it.”

***

Chloe wakes up half expecting it to because of Brian’s crying, maybe it was just the anticipation that brought her out of her restless, but she isn’t greeted with any crying. The apartment is actually quiet and peaceful for what seems like the first time in an eternity. The bed next to her is empty and the possibility of Joe taking Brian out for a drive doesn’t seem outside the realm of possibility. She gets up and opens the bedroom door and as she does so she’s met with music wafting down the hallway.

“Joe?” Chloe whispers as she makes her way into the living room where Joe is sitting on the rocking chair rocking Brian who by some miracle is asleep. The baby’s head is barely visible cradled in his big arms.

“Shhh,” he breathes, and looks up at her. It’s hard to tell in the dim light of the living room, but she’s pretty sure Joe is the one crying this time. “You might wake him up.”

“What are you listening to?” she asks as quietly as she can and sits on the corner of the couch closest to the rocking chair.

“It’s a mixed tape Otis made me,” Joe replies quietly, and a fond smile drifts across his face. “He made it for me when his cousin moved back to Russia, and he told me it was from her. But I figured out he’s the one who made it.”

“Joe…” Chloe says quietly and rests her hand on his arm.