#starzi

Some stuff I made in Roblox spray paint :3

It was very fun! I loved how friendly everyone was :D

One more below but TW for eyestrain cuz the green is really bright

hey there, i don’t mind at all! 

i remember being in the same boat, especially right after high school. it’s a very different thing to navigate once you’re an adult where so much of the relationship is up to every party and a million factors of life and you don’t have a “spot” or a cohesive “club” with a rigid time structure like in school.

i was very lonely for the first few years of college, and it wasn’t until pretty much just this past year or so that i was in the right mindset to reach out to the world around me authentically as the person i have committed to being and after i’d worked on being more present with myself.

i thought about what i enjoyed the most, first. i loved concerts, i loved meeting people at them. i loved books. i loved art. loved movies. started looking up things in my area. groups, meetups, random free events that were going on, book clubs, art clubs, writing clubs. it really depends on your area, though. living in a more rural area, not having transportation, it was unfortunately a lot harder for me when that was the case. but looking online to start is a great way to scope it out without having to make any commitments! 

several general tips:

1. starting with the one i think is the most important for me to have learned, it might not be for you but for me... i had to unlearn the idea that the only people i could know on a truly deep, emotional level were people i had a long history with. people who were there, who have been with me for a long time. you’ll find that you can meet someone who can know you so deeply in such a short amount of time and that can just happen sometimes. it’s not about experiencing together always, with some people... it’ll just flow naturally! i have some relationships where it feels like we’ve known each other our whole lives but we met a month ago because we bounce off each other so well by happenstance and hang all the time.

2. it’s okay to drift apart from people you don’t mesh with. you can enjoy the time you spent with someone once, you can enjoy the fun you had, but it’s good to know the kinds of friends you want to spend your limited time with and it’s okay to decide that some people aren’t the right ones all the time so you can focus on who are the right ones. i have friends who were good high school friends that don’t really like to do the same things i do and have their own lives very different from mine and we’ve changed, especially into adulthood, and it doesn’t reflect on either of us being bad friends, we’re just different. 

3. it’s okay to have friends who fit a certain role, as in...“i enjoy going out places with X, but this is not the person i’d pick to do a different activity with”. i have friends i love to invite along to parties or specific activities but that we don’t mesh the way to, say, cook together at my place. i’ve made friends at parties while we were both drunk, had an amazing time with, and don’t really click with outside of that scene. but when we’re both there, we pick it right back up and make each other’s night better! not every friend is going to be an everything friend, though some friends can be. 

3. not being afraid to be wrong and to ask questions has warmed a lot of people up to me and made me someone they wanted to be around again. not knowing something and opening yourself up to learn from someone, asking a question about their life or their hobbies even if you’re only mildly curious, you never know what can come out of that! me complimenting a girl’s dress once turned in less than ten minutes to her talking about how her outfit had never been complimented before, that she was a trans woman and was usually scared to wear dresses in public, which led to me coming out to her, which led to us talking about resources for getting HRT that helped us both! 

4. it’s an awesome thing to own your hobbies and own what you like to do and what makes you happy. passion will get you into so many situations. it can be scary, and it can be nervewracking, but genuine will attract genuine. i’ve met many friends through them overhearing something i was ranting about, who talked to me not because they understood or even cared about it but because my passion was cool to them! and putting that out there might also cue you in on someone’s similar hobbies, too! sometimes it’s as simple as “oh you like sewing? i like sewing! maybe we should have a sewing party some time!” 

5. it’s good to analyze the kind of friends you’re picking up and whether they’re good for you. i’ve met sooooo many friends through friends who i never would’ve met otherwise. i’ve met people who encouraged bad habits from me and while i enjoyed their company in the moment, in the longrun it wasn’t healthy and it’s okay to not pursue it further. even if they’re not a bad person, sometimes people do things that can inadvertently have us doing behaviors we don’t like in ourselves and it’s okay to step back from that.

6. honesty is such a key thing. i’m honest when i can’t hang out or don’t have the energy, i’m honest about wanting people to tag along or not tag along or when i need someone specific and what i need from them if they want to provide it. a lot of people are just as nervous! just saying “hey, i loved what we talked about and would love to do it again some time!” “i’m sorry i won’t be able to hang out today, i’m having a bad day and need some time to myself but we should do it again soon, i like hanging out with you.” “i’m having a rough day, would you want to hang out and do something with me?” “hey i’m not feeling great, can you tell me a joke when you’re free?” my friends ask that of me, too, and over time you build up trust and can communicate that way the more you do it. you don’t have to tell the details if you’re not comfortable, but expressing and being open with people can go miles. 

7. it’s okay to have friends with wildly different interests than yours, who don’t know about some of your interests, but who you just really like as people. i have plenty of friends who know nothing about video games or social work or dogs or art or any of the things i spend a lot of my time doing, just because our personalities work so well together! i used to also think i could only mesh with people who knew about my interests as much as me or around there, but by branching out into territory i know, like, nothing about i’ve met a lot of GOOD people. that’s the important part! they might not know about something you love (yet! is also a possibility with some of them), but they are a good person and that’s why you like hanging out. lots of people like that! and lots of people who will “trade” things with me, for example i’ve shown friends some of my favorite movies and they’ll be like “i can see this means so much to you and i love your passion, but it’s not my thing!” or “it makes sense knowing you why you love this!” and your relationship gets stronger. i’ve tagged along to so much i have NO IDEA about just to have the experience or the company. i watch some of my friends make music all the time and i don’t understand a single thing, but it’s about them as a person and not the thing.