This... is honestly how I’ve been feeling as of late. I’m in a situation where my fiance makes A LOT more money than I do... and normally , that really wouldn’t bother me except that... I’m hardly able to make dents in my own debt let alone start helping him save for our wedding and future house. Also, his current job won’t last forever and in a handful of years we’ll likely be in the same boat. When I lived abroad, I was making roughly 31k a year. Not a whole lot but more than enough to feel like I had no troubles. For whatever reason though, I never saved money. I was spending it as fast as I was earning it. And damn do I regret that now. In the 2 years that I’ve been back in the states, I’ve moved in with my Ex in a state I wasn’t native to, was confronted with the issue of “experience not equaling a Masters”, broke up with said Ex and moved back to my home state, started the job hunt yet again, and found new love. Now the jobs that I have now (3 of them) I actually quite enjoy. I work part-part time at two libraries and work unboxing freight at a store in the mornings before going to the libraries. If I went full time into the unboxing job, I’d probably make enough to do more than take tiny chips out of my debt. But here’s the rub. I. LOVE. WORKING. AT. THE. LIBRARY. <3
i 100% enjoy going to work every day. I get to be surrounded by books and really interesting people. The main issue is that... they pay peanuts. That’s why most of the clerk staff is made up of kids in high school or college or who are retired. I’m one of the exceptions. When I was hired, I was told that they may be adding a night time manager and that they hire from the inside. And boy, did I fall for that bate. IT’s been over a year and still no position. So now I find myself at a crossroads. I don’t hate my job, but it also doesn’t pay enough. I could get a job that pays more and has benefits and would allow me contribute more financially to my relationship and pay off my debts... but I worry that it will cost me my soul. I can’t stop this nagging feeling that I’m SUPPOSED to be doing something I love... but that I can actually make a living at.... and I’m not talking a lot... like 20-25k a year would be great. Every time I try to wedge my way further into the library, that “Masters Needed” door gets slammed in my face and when I consider going back to school , the logical side of my brain tells me that taking on that kind of extra debt would be irresponsible at this juncture in my life (what with a wedding and kids very possible in the next 5 years on top of how long it would take for me to actually score a job with a Library Sciences degree) So i’m left here.... wanting to do just MORE.... but having NO CLUE as to what “more” even is. And I know I can’t be the only one. I know I’m not the only one who has ever gone through something like this. So how do you handle this sudden, nagging feeling? How do you at 30, with little money to your name, but experience in a handful of different fields.... start anew? Find your path? I’m still working on the answer... and I’m not stopping until I do.
