#starting weight

you can call me Zero, as that’s how much i want to weigh (joking)!

i’m around 400 lbs (181.4 kg), standing at 5’5” (167.6 cm) tall. if you said “yikes!”, “gross”, or anything of the sort, congrats, that’s the only correct answer!

my goal weight? comfort. i want to be comfortable in my skin, in my movement, in my life. i figure i’ll be comfortable at around 130-145 lbs (58.9-68.7 kg), so i’ll shoot for that range for now.

i’m recovering from a binge-restrict cycle that clearly has more “binge” than “restrict” to it.

i was once 100lbs down, but then life kicked me, and i gave into temptation… for like a year. so, here we are.

i’m sick of trying to hate myself thin. it’s a pipe dream, it doesn’t work. if self-hatred could’ve saved me, i’d have been skinny for years by now.

i’m sick of body positivity. you know it’s a lie, i know it’s a lie. obesity isn’t healthy, big fucking surprise. and it isn’t attractive, either!

“calories in vs calories out” is the way, but it isn’t just so simple for chronically ill people. i plan to document that here, as well as what things i plan to add to CICO in order to balance my hormones, my metabolism, my extreme fatigue, my fainting, and my allergies to various things.

i want to be a big muscular woman, but i’m going to start by shedding excess weight before working on body composition. i just want to give myself some time to focus on weight loss first, even if i lose a fair amount of muscle, as i will build it back and better once this part of the journey is in my rearview.

i will be sharing the gruesome, disgusting details of fat life on this blog, because i refuse to sugar coat the bitter life i live. if you know what’s best for you, you will avoid the position i’ve wound up in. you will avoid junk foods and sweets, junk meals and simple carbs, and go for something that loves your body, not your taste buds.

Start of bulking season