So I had a bit of a weird moment a couple of days ago, I was cleaning up the living room and as part of that decided to tackle to drawers we have

One under the tv that's sort of an 'important things don't loose' drawer and another one in a side table.

And yeah the drawer under the tv was a bit of a mess as it had become a bit of a doom drawer where things had gone to be forgotten forever so I sorted through it and then whilst working through it I found a pile of stuff that my dad needs to sort, and some of it was to do with my mum, like paperwork from the hospice carers and things so I kind of just shoved it to one side and went 'Hey dad I need you to look through this'

And then yeah the drawer under the side table that was kind of... her side table as it's in the corner of the living room she tended to sit in and I emptied the drawer out into a box to be sorted later and it was a bit of a weird moment. There wasn't anything sentimental in the drawer (And I don't really have anything sentimental from my mum she just... wasn't that person) it was largely random stuff, mostly junk but yeah it was just a bit of a 'Oh uh this is a drawer of things from a person who isn't here anymore' and it's not as if I'm not surrounded by things of hers but apparently that day it just got me more than normal. like just a drawer of random stuff sitting in the living room largely untouched for a few years.

And I've thought about this next point a lot but my mum used to cross stitch. And the last project she was working on before she got too ill to do so was of all things a cross stitch reproduction of the last supper. And for a while after she passed it stayed in the living room on a tapestry frame unfinished and yet it just felt a bit weird (it's been packed away somewhere now, partly bc the frame kept getting knocked and having to put it back on the frame got really fucking annoying after a while) also I can't help but think of the irony of the subject matter and it's unfinished state and how if I saw that in a piece of fiction I'd probably laugh about stupidly on the nose pretentious symbolism. Like I could probably take this thing and get an exhibition space and put it up and present it as some profound piece on life and death and everything else.

And apparently from here I started talking about spirits and ghosts. I know somewhere I actually have an ask from a meme where someone asked me about this topic.

But it's like... I don't feel the concepts of ghosts are as far fetched as you'd think. It's a bit weird as like I will admit I am to a degree a skeptic, but also as some of you might know I have like been looking a little more into paganism and sort of like it.. fits how I feel? But also I do think there's a lot of bullshit involved in that general sphere of paganism and witchcraft and new age stuff and whatever else you want to call it but like that's another debate for another day. I just feel there's something useful back there, and it sure as heck makes more sense than the Christanity I was raised in and I don't think believing largely in the power of nature and that largely everything is living and giving it a degree of worship is the worst way to go through life. Maybe I just like the thought of thinking there's something a bit beyond us, a little bigger or maybe I'm just clinging to my childhood hope that fairies exist.

Like I just feel there's something? If ghosts don't like exist as we see them in public consciousness as like a supernatural being it might be a bit like... We kind of create ghosts?

Like it could just be something our brains do because human brains are very weird and we just create them to help us deal with the concept of mortality. Like just we subconsciously want to fill a void someone left.

And obviously the concept of like spirits and ghosts and everything have persisted throughout humanity's existence so whatever it is is very ingrained and honestly I don't think it's the worst thing to believe in.

Also I feel there's an extension of the law of 'matter can't be created or destroyed' that could be taken to apply to ghosts and spirits like I wouldn't be surprised if something does linger. And like I just have a feeling if it is something beyond like our brains just making up something maybe some people do linger for a while.

I don't feel my mum was one of those though. Honestly I think she was very much quite happy to just leave this plane of existence when the time came. I don't think if anything is around it's in this house she's long gone, she doesn't visit me in dreams or anything like that, she doesn't send me signs like butterflies or birds, I doubt I could tap into her presence with my tarot decks or if i got a hold of a ouija board, I very much would not believe someone coming to me saying 'she sought me out and wants to tell you a message'

But I remember shortly after she passed in that weird space of time between her death and the funeral where everything was just all over the place and it was just a bad time in general something happened.

My mum when she was in on home hospice care during the end had a buzzer.

One day my brothers and I got in an argument, no idea what over. Just we got in an argument and then seemingly out of nowhere the buzzer went off and well it made us all stop.

Logically it's like... that was just random, there was a battery malfunction or something mundane that just set the buzzer off.

But also maybe she was still there for a bit, and honestly it would've been quite on brand if her parting act towards us was essentially going 'SHUT THE FUCK UP'

Also on the day of her funeral, one of my aunts and one of my uncles on that side briefly got stuck in a lift at the church we held the service at, my mum had a bit of a tenuous relationship with her siblings to put it mildly (She was one of six) . Yet again more likely the lift just had a moment but also I wouldn't have put it past her if she was still around.

Also I can't remember exactly when but at some point last year one of my aunts on that side of the family passed. (Last couple of years were a bit weird as well first our family dog Barney passed just before shit really hit the fan covid wise (Is it weird to say a death was sort of well timed?) then yeah we go through that then my mum passed, an aunt by marriage on my dad's side and then an aunt on my mum's side) And then today I was thinking if like we do actually have some sort of afterlife my mum has probably been quite content there. And then oh no, her sister showed up.

I think spirits of some sort likely exist maybe, this universe is a weird one and maybe it's not totally bound by logic, animism makes a degree of sense to me, maybe my mum did in a parting gesture yell at her kids one last time and mess with her siblings or maybe I just think it's funny to think that.

Basically when it comes to sex work and you get the stance of like ‘Actually it’s never truly of free will, it’s always coercion because money is coercion and they’re putting themselves at risk of harm’

Like can’t you essentially argue that... in a sense any job involves some form of coercion yes?

Like the only reason I work a retail job is for the sole purpose of ‘I need money so I can survive in modern society, I do not really want to work this job but if I do not I would have no money and that would be A Problem and there’s not really many viable alternatives to this that would leave my physical and emotional self functional’

I when I am working a retail job put myself at risk of physical harm (I could hurt myself lifting a box, I could fall off a ladder, standing upright for hours on end hurts my legs) and also emotional harm (Working retail is stressful, customers can get angry at me, I worked a retail job once in a legitimately toxic environment that really fucked with my head)

Like why just single out that one form of ‘work’ when like I’m pretty sure nearly every job we can undertake in a modern society (even like ones I personally would like to do as they align with my own goals) is essentially some form of coercion based on the concept of ‘you must expend your body and your mind in order to be given money so you can survive in the society we created’

And also the argument of ‘It’s never truly of your own free will’