blah concept been in my head for too long... now that he has an updated design...
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blah concept been in my head for too long... now that he has an updated design...

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black widow & ghost gray 2026 update! find them on af :) widow, gray
omg yes changing it to make him closeted was the best decision ever, its literally my favourite thing to read about and a big joel headcanon of mine, especially when its all tangled up with his performative masculinity. awesome <3
[Coming to you live from crow bed]
It definitely made the fic a lot better premise wise - fleshes out why they hate each other - and can explore performative masculinity and Joel slowly painfully deciding what he wants from his life and relationships on and off the ice. The title basically refers to this theme in a roundabout way.
Although still need to work on Scott’s characterisation: Joel is principle narrator. More so why he keeps sleeping with a guy who is horrible to him and calls him truely horrible things. But I have some ideas.
Anyways.
Bed time now.
Thank you for your lovely asks < 3
OMG I JUST READ THE SOLDATOVA'S RULE SNIPPET OHHH MY GOD IM SO HYPED FOR IT I CANT WAIT TIL ITS UP AAAAAAA
[No gothic apperition today, I am sleepy.]
THANK YOU!!!!
It's been sat in my drafts since march last year and it's going through a pretty big rewrite - in the original Joel was openly queer and slutting it up with his team, but hurts more if he's closeted :3 - cause it was just a porny one off of Scott and Joel fucking in the showers and finding out he's caged until he lands a quad axel.
And maybe elements of that will make it into the final draft when it sees the light of day. It's still in development, shifting plot elements around and deciding who and what to trash and develop [thank @stygiansauce for letting me yap about it enough to develop it]
Have a little bit from the old draft, as a treat < 3333
Spurred on by the burning abjection to Scott’s air of superiority and sneering attempt at domination, Joel grinds his teeth in a growl and tears the soaking fabric of Scott’s shirt. The sound of his expensive training top tearing - the fibres screaming and wailing as they are bisected - catches the skater by surprise, staggering him just enough for Joel to seize him and slam him against the shower tile with a thud and groan. Now pinning Scott under him - arms either side of his head, tatters of his shirt clinging to his chest and biceps - the look of indignation on Scott’s face that he hastily tries to bury is a beautiful thing. Joel hates to admit it, but he looks good: toned and sleek but not all bones and the tatters of the shirt clinging to his glistening chest make him almost look like one of those vintage pin ups… “Are you going to gawk or are you going ahhhhfuckinhellJoel!” Joel bites him. Hard. Hard like he’s trying to tear out his throat: hard like he’s trying to rid the world of Scott’s voice forever. His teeth sink deep into the lean meat of Scott’s neck until he feels the panicked rush of arousal on his fang - and he knows in an instant he’s found that spot - throbbing against his tongue that laps at the tender captured in his jaw. Scott writhes against him, hands desperately struggling against Joel’s clasping around his wrist like iron when pain blossoms across that oh so perfect neck of his. The feeling of his quickening breathing like a physical thing - like a baby bird - between his maw is maddening, the thrum of his heart screaming up his throat as Joel tears into every tender nerve and leaves them bloody raw singing a choir of agonised ecstasy. Joel deepens it, leans into Scott’s neck chasing the roar of his heart and the prized skater lets out a shrill pained moan that gets Joel’s cock aching from how hard he is. Once he’s got him in his maw, Joel drops his hands from Scott’s wrist: one knots into his hair to yank his head back and expose his neck - the clipped whimper that it snaps out of him leaves Joel’s mouth dripping with desire - while the other digs into that slender waist of his. He’s a little surprised to feel Scott’s hands raking down his back looking for purchase, and not punching him in the face: he wouldn’t have minded either way. Joel pulls back for a second, letting his lungs fill with air while his hot breath drags along the volcanic cracks of a bite he’s left in Scott before his jaws snap around him again, higher. This one isn’t meant to feel good - Scott still pants desperately, disgusted when Joel tears a broken, wretched moan out of him like he’s ripping out an organ bloody in his mouth - it’s meant to hurt, to brand. Joel sucks a nasty mark into his neck just below his jaw, too high for any costume or turtleneck he’s ever seen him in to cover. Once he is satisfied Scott will be left with the stink of him for more than a week, he licks over the area. He let’s his tongue, rough like sandpaper, slather the blooming pain in attention it desperately doesn’t want to crave: but Scott does, gasps real pretty for him.
Risetober Day 15: Big Mama
“Oh, dearie me… you seem to have been in quite the kerfuffle! And you say you wish to make a deal with me? Oh, turtley-boo, what a splendipherous decision you’ve had to make!”
Hopefully I got her speech mannerisms down. Big Mama is my very favorite rise villain, I can’t believe I haven’t drawn her yet! She’s so iconic, I love her.
This is the inciting incident to my Stale Ribbons AU (which I haven’t talked about so nobody knows what I’m even saying) and it makes me insane. Leo got a little desperate, it seems… who knows how Big Mama will take things?
Prompts below the cut! :]

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product of late night scribbling image has been stuck in my head all month
played around with a new brush and even tho theyre just quick assets for a post on my shadowrun side blog, drawing these i was feeling like actually truly happy for the first time in a while :')
helppp the hundred line hyperfixation is killing my ass and i wanna make an sr au but like. i havent finished the game yet... im nowhere near close.
anyway i think stan would be kurara oosuzuki solely because that lets us bring back the joke of bullying stan for having 5 toilets, saying he has a butler and lives in fort stannicus because kurara actually is that rich and i get to put a big silly cat helmet on him too. i also think he'd try to do og kurara's personality for like 2 minutes upon meeting the others before gagging and just going back to normal stan (because that is unfortunately how he was raised) but he goes from "stuck up haughty asshole" to "weird unsocialised cat that is going to stick its head in your way and just stare at you because it doesn't know what normal people do for fun" because he is kind of sheltered. he means well he's just. very dense.
he also can make the special oosuzuki family curry recipe but that is. the only thing he can make. since supposedly it requires hours of effort and heating and cooling it at different specific times he'd try to treat normal food like his curry and completely butcher it.