Hi, I know it's been a while...and I am sorry. Exams kick my ass. Here's a long ramble about about Inho with Dissociative Identity Disorder. And how the song "How Did It End?" by Taylor Swift relates to Inho grieving his late wife and splitting Player 132...an essay. Because the song popped on my fyp, its a chill day with time to yap and I've been thinking more about Inho recently. I'm currently drawing Player 132 so it fits so well. Specifically the chorus of the song.
Warning that this will likely be sad...and I will go on a tangent about Frontman, eventually, I usually do.
Okay, so lyric by lyric the song goes
"Lost the game of chance
What are the chances?"
— Inho while winning the games. Because he'd win, but he'd only have a chance of his wife surviving and she didn't so he "lost the game of chance." and what were the chances of her dying right when he got enough money to save her?
Side note (not side, I ended up YAPPING), saying this will likely make Frontman sound really bad...but I feel like sometimes Frontman silently judges Inho for going to join the games and leaving her. Cause he'd kinda be like "She was dying, she was pregnant, and you disappeared." Like that might've been her final straw or something, l don't know, and Frontman also doesn't know because he doesn't have those memories of having a wife, but any normal person can imagine the stress that such a situation would put on a sick person. Her husband going no-contact for five days while she'd be pregnant and dying. IMAGINE. And in my head, my personal headcanon is that she could sense that he's in danger. She would feel it...and I feel like Junho would try to hide from her that his brother went missing for like the first two days, but on the third, she would get really worried and have an argument about it cause imagine her like "I wanna see him. Where is he? Why isn't he visiting anymore? Something's happened to him. I wanna know what." She never got to see him again, by the way. That feels like twisting the knife.
Later on, Inho would hear about her argument, feel so much guilt, and I feel like its part of why introject Hye-in doesn't really like him that much...Inho would internalize so much guilt over what happened that when he'd split an introject of her, she'd blame him as a result. I don't think that introject Hye-in hates him, but I don't think that she particulary likes him either. Me, personally, I like thinking that, on a platonic level, she's closest to Young-il in the system...he's like a gay best friend with her...they have no issue fronting together usually. Then there's 132 that she falls in love with and everyone else...Frontman and Inho are usually "everyone else" category to introject Hye-in.
But side note, basically like I said, Frontman would sometimes silently judge Inho over how he handled the whole situation with Hye-in...but I also think Frontman would very much get that he was desperate to save her, backed into a corner...he'd keep his opinion to himself out of respect for Inho and his choices.
Lets not forget Inho has a strong moral compass. Which bleeds into the fact that Frontman doesn't. So Frontman respects Inho and his choices, but the reason he would judge is also because he would have made different choices than Inho...more or less morally right. Inho has a policeman moral compass which would include stuff like "Everyone is equal.", "Never lay hands on anyone unless provoked."; "Everyone has a right to their own body.", all good stuff for a policeman, but stuff that are not sustainable for their specific life in the long run...which is part of why Frontman would split eventually. Frontman's moral compass is skewed towards protection, his top priority is keeping his system and his loved ones safe at all costs. So, for him, autonomy flies out the window when its life or death situation. What a loved one wants doesn't matter to Frontman if they're dying. So basically I said this, but I think Frontman would've cut the whole issue with his wife's baby way sooner than Inho...cause personally I headcanon that the reason Hye-in's condition worsens so much is because she gets pregnant. She's pregnant, she needs to stop her liver treatment because it would affect her pregancy, so lack of treatment worsens her condition. So Frontman wouldn't have allowed her to cut the treatment. But without cutting the treatment, the pregnancy would have ended, the baby would have died...all stuff that Frontman would be okay with, but not Inho...so Inho did his best with the choices he had and Frontman respects him.
I'm sorry that I went on a ramble here...but one more side note that I also thought about. This whole autonomy issue would also be part of the reason that Frontman would agree to marry Gihun, for Young-il. Not whole reason because I like thinking that by the time Gihun would ask the question, their love would obviously be the main reason. Like no genuienly by the time they'd get to marriage, Frontman would love Gihun too. Pretty much everyone in the system would love, like or tolerate Gihun more or less, to different extents. But before marriage, Frontman would have this nagging thought in the back of his head that if anything bad were to happen to Gihun, their access to him isn't immediate and isn't guaranteed...because they wouldn't be married. The closest relative that would get to see Gihun and make all the choices on whatever would be needed would be Ga-yeong if she'd be of age, or his former wife, Eun-ji. And that really wouldn't sit right with Frontman. So you know, like the main reason Frontman would wanna marry Gihun would be their love, of course, but this would be an added reason, like the cherry on top. To Frontman, marriage would be a safety blanket. If anything bad were to happen to Gihun, he could walk in and literally go like "I'm his husband, where is he?" as opposed to not having anything. And same goes for Gihun, by the way. If anything bad were to happen to them, with their disorder and all of it, Gihun would be able to get to them as fast as humanly possible.
This having been said, I do feel like even married, Frontman wouldn't give up on his masked officer. He wouldn't cheat, he'd tell Gihun, but they would need to have a talk. But don't get me started on Frontman and The Masked Officer cause I will YAP. Infincer, my beloved. I have so much to say. And I think I've said enough so far...a side note turned into a whole essay. BACK TO THE LYRICS.
So. We got the lyrics
"Lost the game of chance.
What are the chances?"
...because Inho would lose the game of chance with his wife.
Then the song goes like:
"Soon they'll go home to their husbands.
Smug cause they know they can trust him.
Then feverlishly calling their cousins.
"Guess who we ran into at the bar
Walking in circles like she was lost.
Didn't you hear?
They called it all off."
One gasp and then
"How did it end?"
— this but Inho when people would gossip about his wife's treatment and eventual passing. Because imagine.
"Soon they'll go home to their husbands
Hugging them closer while they still can
Then feverlishly calling their colleagues (and then police colleagues talking)
"Guess who we ran into at the bar.
Walking in circles like he was lost.
Didn't you hear?
His wife died recently."
One gasp and then
"How did it end?"
Like DO YOU SEE WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT???? Cause I do. This song is so Inho grieving his wife's loss. And more or less, all the people talking I feel like would get Inho to feel ostracized by them...all the pity looks, which is part of why he'd quit his job as a police officer. 132 would carry some of those feelings when he'd split.
Which somewhat goes really nice with the song because I think the next lyrics fit 132 splitting. So the song goes like.
"Say it once again with feeling.
How the death rattle breathing.
Silenced as the soul was leaving.
The deflation of our dreaming.
Leaving me bereft and reeling
My beloved ghost and me
Sitting in a tree
D-Y-I-N-G
Its happening again
How did it end?
I can't pretend like I understand.
How did it end?"
I'll somewhat take it lyric by lyric.
"Say it once again with feeling." – Inho splitting once again. Because, the way I headcanon, he would have already split with Young-il when they were younger...but then its once again...with feeling...132.
"How the death rattle breathing." – 132 taking and having his memories, musing about how a dying person rattles their breathing.
"Silenced as the soul was leaving." – 132 silencing those players while killing them...all happening while his wife's soul would be leaving, because she'd die. Silenced as the soul was leaving.
"The deflation of our dreaming." — Inho finding out she died, never getting to say his goodbye, so all his dreams with Hye-in would deflate like a ballon to nothing.
"Leaving me bereft and reeling." — Inho not coping well with her loss.
"My beloved ghost and me.
Sitting in a tree.
D-Y-I-N-G."
fits somewhat with Inho splitting Hye-in.. sitting with her in a tree, but its not her, its an introject, basically.
"It's happening again." — Inho noticing a new voice in his head, and realizing "It's happening again." He's hearing voices...he'd technically been hearing Young-il too but because he was only one voice it felt more natural...with 132, Inho would realize he is actually hearing voices because he'd have DID but not know.
"How did it end?" — Inho not remembering how he coped with the voice in his head before, Young-il. Not knowing how his disorder was functional and struggling to find a way like "How did it end? How did I do it before? How did I function?" Not easy, for sure.
"I can't pretend like I understand." — Inho not getting his disorder basically.
"How did it end?" — Inho getting amnesia about those memories of what he did to survive, because 132 would take those so Inho would question himself like "How did it end?" you know.
So...ehm, in conclusion, to sumarize this essay, Taylor Swift would write "How Did It End?" about DID Inho, and his wife....done. I'm joking, but you know. It fits so well. I do hope it was enjoyable.













