#sproutwrites

Hux still isn't used to all the physical contact and affection. The fingers lightly digging into his hips when they steal a kiss in a corridor, the palm resting on the small of his back when they first enter the bridge, the gentle, almost careful kisses up his thigh. He has a hard time reciprocating. It feels alien after so many years of being taught otherwise. But Kylo is patient with him. It frustrates Hux, because how could Kylo of all people be patient, especially with him. He's used to their arguments, threats, glares across the room. He's used to being cruel, unforgiving, and cold. Untouchable. Now every night Kylo chips away even more, even bigger pieces of his armor. He doesn't want to let Kylo completely in. He doesn't want to risk disappointing him. Hux doesn't want to admit he's terrified of losing Kylo. He loves and hates Kylo's long missions. They give him a chance to patch up holes in his defenses, to prepare himself for another onslaught of affection he doesn't know what to do with. But they also leave him cold, aimless even with a list of tasks at hand.

He won't admit it to himself, much less to Kylo, that he misses the idiot terribly when he's gone too long. So it's a small comfort when every night he goes through the small ritual of calming and opening himself mentally, imagining himself as a beacon for the Knight to follow. And Kylo always finds him, always places that familiar pressure in his skull, radiates it through his body. Hux has grown too used to it. He can't sleep without it. It's weakness, but it's intimate, he argues with himself, over and over. He knows Kylo hears at least some of it. But Kylo never makes demands of Hux's emotions or affections. Demands are for the carnal moments, when one needs the bliss of relinquishing all power to the other. It's that quiet patience, knowing Kylo is waiting, that kills Hux every time he fails to reciprocate even a touch.

Some days he's sorely tempted to purposely antagonize the Knight, just to regain a semblance of familiarity. Hatred was familiar. Determination to win was familiar. Solitude was familiar. It's the solitude Kylo has completely destroyed though, that Hux can no longer find solace in. He thinks he gets a rein on it each time Kylo is away, but the icy pang of loneliness at seeing his bed empty has him almost desperately going through their ritual. He can't keep doing this. He knows it, Kylo knows it. That's clearly why Kylo treats every night like their last.

He doesn't realize just how much Kylo knows of this. How much guilt he feels at peering into Hux's thoughts, his dreams, to gain a better understanding, to act accordingly. He too is used to their bickering and insults. But he wants to push beyond that. He wants his own solace. If the reprieve from his own thoughts, his powers, his connection to the Force, is through distracting himself with focusing his all on Hux, then so be it. But it feels like a farce. It feels like he's using Hux. It only makes him more eager to touch, to make up for it.

Both of them orbit the other, unsure of how to - or if they even should - move forward. Both using the other, too scared to admit it. Too used to the connection to sever it and be done.

So Kylo makes sure Hux never sleeps alone, not knowing if tomorrow will be the day one of them takes that unsure step forward, or snaps the thin bond holding them together.

Neither will admit they're hoping the other will take the plunge and drag them along. Neither wants to identify their dynamic. Neither wants to admit how deep their feelings go. It's weakness, it's using the other, it's unfairly making them wait.

His friend Phas, the most butch lesbian he's ever known, convinced him to sell his wares on Etsy after multiple food bribes to get her own paws on them for herself and the rest of her polycule. In fact the whole group is basically a walking billboard for him.

He doesn't expect it to really get off the ground, but he makes an account anyway. It takes a few weeks before he's really making any sales, but out of nowhere he gets an order that has him nearly spitting out his coffee. "TWENTY EARRINGS, PHAS. TWENTY PAIRS."

"*And* they bought out the last of my stock of pride bracelets, the fake candy necklaces, and even the stupid fucking dick pendants!" She snorts into her drink. "I told you they were a good idea." "THAT'S NOT THE POINT!"

He recruits the polycule's help to box up the order and make sure everything is ticked off, only to realize as he's about to print the shipping label that the address is rather close to the college. He knows he shouldn't, but he's too curious where this big order is going.

Against all online safety advice, he messages the buyer. Turns out they DO live right near the school, in one of the cheap apartment complexes a block down. Hux offers to refund the person their shipping if they want to just pick it up in person.

The buyer sounds thrilled and offers to meet up at the coffee shop Hux often haunts. A nice, safe, public place. He's already got a good feeling about this. The next day he's there a few minutes before the meeting time, and he's antsy from both curiosity and excitement.

The person said they'd be 'hard to miss', but offered a description of a green sweater with G|END|ER across the chest. As expected, when the bell over the shop door rang and Hux looked up, he realized there was *no* way he'd miss that.

They're broad and tall, and clearly at home in their body and gender expression. Dark waves were pulled back in a half ponytail with a braid dangling by one ear, the G|END|ER sweater was offset by a white pleated skirt and a killer pair of Docs that made Hux's mouth water.

They caught sight of him, and immediately perked up with a smile Hux was pretty sure he'd melt from. "Hey! You weren't kidding about the ginger hair." "You weren't kidding about the sweater." "'Course not! Anyway, I'm Kylo, they/them." "Ah, Hux. He/him is fine."

"Nice. I'm really excited about that package by the way." It took Hux a moment to get his head out of the gutter, not helped in the least by how Kylo's legs looked in that skirt. "Right, here! I had some friends help out so we're 150% certain everything is in order."

As he handed Kylo the box, they grinned even wider and flicked out a key to cut open the tape. "Oh wow you even included really cute bags! That's perfect because some of these are gifts for some friends." When they got to one bag in particular, they muttered a small, "Yesss!"

It was one of the five or six pairs of worm earrings, and they immediately pulled them out to switch them with the studs they were wearing. "Do you know how long I've wanted a pair of these? Now I have not one but *many*." Hux felt a thrill in his chest to see them so happy.

"I'm glad you like them so much. I didn't think they'd sell very well, but my friend was really adamant that I at least try listing them." Kylo scoffed jokingly. "Are you kidding? Are you even queer if you DON'T have worm earrings?" "Fair point."

Hux fidgeted, wanting to extend their time together, and finally decided to shoot at least *a* shot. "Can I get you a coffee while we're here? As a thanks for such a big order." Kylo was happily flicking the long, fuzzy worms, and grinned at Hux's offer. "I'd like that, thanks."

Before he knew it, Hux had managed to spend five hours with Kylo, just talking and laughing, getting to know each other and bonding over shared experiences. It wasn't until the shop owner leaned over the bar to remind them of closing time that Hux realized it had been so long.

He didn't really want to leave, but started packing away his things. Kylo must have caught on to his hesitation, because they leaned over to get his attention, still pinning him with that grin. "So I know it's pretty quick to ask but... you think we could hang out a bit longer?"

Kylo didn't need to scan the Force to know exactly where Hux was; as cool as the general could be in front of Snoke, his anger burned like a tower beacon once the communication array was cold. It was this beacon he followed, his path winding to the office door. He didn't knock, the Force flexing gently around him to activate the door and he strode in without warning. In his hands was an unplugged caf machine, very clearly stolen from the mess hall, the wall mountings dangling with stubborn chunks of wall plating still attached.

As he heard the door opening without warning, Hux startled and immediately yelled, "Who the hell do you think you are--" Oh. It was him. Hux's brows tightened together when he saw Ren carrying something, and once he realized what it was the incredulous tone in his voice only shot up even more. "Is that-- you stole a caf machine?! Why?!"

Kylo waited for the door to shut before depositing the machine on the opposing chair, beginning to work the mount screws out of the wall panels as if he had not just done something extremely weird. "You don't have a caf machine in here." As if that explained it entirely.

"I--" Hux was flabbergasted. He didn't even know where to begin. Finally he managed to string together a decent enough sentence that he wouldn't embarrass himself. "And just where are you expecting to install it? And how?"

Kylo's blank mask turned towards Hux, tilting slightly as if confused. "The wall?" He dropped a panel piece to the floor and placed the mount screws on the desk, working on the next set as he nodded towards the blueprints. "Starkiller, yes? That's why you're angry?"

Hux blinked, then promptly ignored what the man was doing. Ridiculous. Why in the world would he be installing a caf machine-- "I see. This is an underhanded message isn't it? Telling me to get this project done already. As if I haven't poured every second of time I have away from the bridge and my other duties into this project!"

Kylo snorted, the sound distorted in his mask before it faded into a chuckle. "Underhanded is not a word people use for me, General." He lifted the unit, holding it out to gauge its location on the wall before setting it down again, approaching to look over the wall panels critically. "Supreme Leader Snoke is the one worried about time tables. I'm not concerned with such trivialities."

"So you're saying this isn't some message he's had you bring me? I find that hard to believe." His eyes raked up and down Ren's figure, less out of any attraction and more searching for any signs of danger. "To answer your question, of course I'm angry about Starkiller. This is my life's work, my magnum opus so to speak. It must be perfect, even if that means delays."

"I'm not a message boy." For once, Ren seemed entirely harmless, beyond the sheer imposition of his frame and the fact that he walked into the office carrying the prize of his destructive force. He was intently focused on the wall for a moment longer before he drew his saber, the plasma hissing and spitting briefly before he took the crossbar to the wall and carefully bored a hole into the metal. The reek of melting metal and ozone filled the air and just as quickly as it had started, his lightsaber was back at his side and he was wrestling the caf machine back into his hands. "I am eager for it would be done, but I do not expect you to be faster than the minds behind the Empire's Death Star. You're building something far greater. I would be displeased to see it vulnerable due to hastiness."

"What in blazes are you doing?!" Hux didn't dare try to stop Ren physically, but he desperately wanted to. "Stop putting holes in my ship! I didn't ask for you to rip a caf machine from the wall to install it in my office you great beast!!"

"You like caf." As if that made all of it make even one iota of sense, Kylo lifted the machine up to the wall and pinned the mount points against the holes he had made. The screws flew off the desk into his free hand one by one as he began to screw them into the half-melted slag in the wall. It would be significantly less likely to fall off a wall with the screws, especially if they ended up sealing into place with the molten remains.

Hux was left speechless, and he poured himself another bit of the liquor, draining it in one go. "Stars above what is going on... Why do I need one in my office though?! I have one in my quarters and I'm perfectly capable of walking to the officer's mess hall!" Only then did Ren's words about his project really sink in, and he stared down at his empty glass. "You..." He paused, then pursed his lips, setting the glass down on the desk a little harder than he meant to. "Of course you don't want to see my design vulnerable. Because it's benefiting you and Snoke as much as the rest of the Order. And that's all you two really care about, isn't it?"

"If Supreme Leader Snoke and I perceive the same value in your work, why then do we have separate opinions on it?" Kylo continued working on the machine as if Hux had not gone through the five stages of grief behind him, patting the sides of it to ensure its stability before nodding to himself. Stable and not going anywhere any time soon. He turned his attention to the dangling wires and tubing, beginning the delicate process of reconnecting all the necessary bits as he spoke. "Walking to the mess hall is an excursion that leaves you open to distraction. More than once, you have been diverted. This-" he patted the front of the machine again. "-will allow you to stay sequestered until you truly require a change of scenery." He paused then, lifting his helm to gaze blankly in Hux's direction. "You think very loudly when you do not see me, and I have overheard your anger when you're taken off track."

Frowning deeply, Hux regarded the work being done and scoffed. "This is going to look ghastly. Do you even know what you're doing?" Time for another drink, he thought, though he made sure to pour less and sip more this time. "I see. So I'll have to keep a closer guard to my thoughts no matter where you are? Though anyone would be irritated to be taken off course. Especially on their off hours. Hence why I have one installed in my quarters."

"More than you think I do." Kylo fingers found the edge of a wall panel, wrenching the small panel aside with an atonal squeal to reveal the wiring he would need to get the machine powered. It was Ben's knowledge he was using, if he was honest with himself, but even at his angriest, he couldn't deny the usefulness of some of Ben's lessons. "You've been delayed between here and your quarters as well. This is to keep you unbothered when you are at work." The live wire scorched his glove as he worked the pieces together; it was not seamless, as he was without tools, but it was functional and safe. What did it matter, if it was going back behind the wall anyway? "What troubles you now? Is it Snoke's haste or is there something in the design?"

Hux almost looked to be pouting. Almost. He took another sip from his glass before replying, "Both. There are sections I need to restructure, to make up for some power losses. It'll bring up the heat, and that will require extra cooling, and that takes time to redesign and test. Your master thinks I've taken too long as it is, and wants me to move forward with the building. It's not ready. And I refuse to piece it together as I go with full size materials."

"Something of your proposed size will generate plenty of its own heat even without power loss. Where the Death Star was a satellite, your Starkiller aims to be its orbiting planet." Kylo chuckled, his mood lightening slightly as he imagined the sheer affront some of the Old Guard would feel over the very notion of the Death Star as a mere moon-shadow. "Perhaps instead of cooling systems, you should look into creating its own ecosystem. I imagine ice-caps would certainly assist in keeping certain systems cool." He leaned back on his knees, looking over the tangle of wires appraisingly before tucking them back into the panel and forcing the metal flat again. It was, as expected, ghastly looking. But the caf machine powered up perfectly fine and began running through diagnostics. "All that water would likely destroy the terminals though..."

Hux idly listened as Ren spoke, but the more he elaborated the more Hux's eyes widened. It felt insane, but it might be one of those insane ideas that work. "Ren... I think you're onto something there." Suddenly he was up and pulling out his datapad, fingers flying over keys as he searched, pulling up hundreds of possible candidates, looking for something that was habitable, cold enough to keep from melting immediately upon firing, and wouldn't encroach on any Republic or other territories. The last thing he needed was a full blown fight over a planet. Finally, he settled on three candidates, and his eyes glittered with excitement over the possibilities.

"What?" Kylo blinked, his attention drawn from the caf machine as Hux began tapping through screens rapidly. "Current terraforming technology doesn't work particularly well when the bulk of a surface is metal. I don't think ice caps are all that feasible." Without looking, he reached to the caf machine's buttons and set it to brew, one of Hux's unused brandy glasses zipping through the air to settle where a mug should be.

Despite being enraptured in his search, Hux flung out a hand in an accusatory point. "Hey! Careful with those!" Although he supposed the glass being floated through Ren's Force bullshit was safer than the man actually handling it. "No, no you're on to something. Why terraform the surface? The planet's crust is already meant to protect the core and survive in space. This... this is brilliant."

Kylo blinked, Hux's thoughts just open enough for him to catch the edges, those edges just enough to bring realization crashing around his shoulders. "....you're thinking of restructuring your weapon into a planet." There was a measure of awe in his voice, his vocoder dulling the sound but not killing it. The caf machine dinged and he automatically picked up the glass, setting the black caf onto Hux's desk as he stalked forward to get a glimpse at the datapad. "A planet's core would certainly solve your power loss problem..."

Surprisingly, Hux didn't seem to mind the sudden close proximity, and he absently grabbed the caf, taking a sip from it before startling into a pause. "This... you made it work. You seriously just installed a working caf machine in my office... with zero tools." He leveled a glare at the other. "So not only are you some sort of Force prodigy, but you can engineer enough to do this. What other secret skills are you hiding? Perhaps you're not so incompetent in anything outside of your Force nonsense as I first pinned you."

Kylo turned his blank mask towards Hux, the intensity of his stare hardly dimmed despite the tinted glass and metal hiding his expression. "I have many skills beyond the so-called Force nonsense. Perhaps I will show you my other talents, some day." The vocoder stripped enough of the waver in his voice to remain aloof, though his heart was pounding frantically. That was practically a compliment, and from Hux that was rarer than a smile. "On the other hand, you are implying you are planning to retrofit a planet into a superweapon. Which one of us is hiding skills?"

Hux's eyes lidded in thought as he sipped the caf again, his free hand opening a different folder on his datapad and flicking a file up onto the small holo projector at the end of his desk. It was another set of blueprints, much more crude and clumsy than his current plans, and down at the bottom was a line of very shaky Aurebesh reading 'Mouse Trap', clearly written with a stylus by a child. The corner of his mouth twitched. "I've always been an engineer. My other skills were learned out of necessity for survival." He didn't elaborate, but the look on his face as he gazed at the very simple plan was distant, and not entirely happy.

Kylo turned to view the blueprint, so to speak, his brow cocking invisibly as he looked it over. He could sense the storm somewhere under Hux's skin and he straightened his shoulders, the desire to pry overwhelmed by his will to seek a more intimate connection. "Did it work?" He gestured to the holo. "Your trap."

Whatever expression Hux had on his face was wiped clean and he once again threw up that facade of ice and steel, closing the holo and switching his screen back to the three planets he was reviewing for candidacy. "No. Even after five overhauls in the design and mechanics. Because I didn't factor in that despite being animals that run on instinct and not intelligent choice, they're smart enough to know danger when they sense it. I didn't factor in their innate will to survive." Offering a wry but soulless grin, Hux leaned back in his chair. "I never made that mistake again." His hand moved again, and in a motion that signaled he was clearly done with this topic, flicked up the three planets onto the holo projector. "These are the best suited for your crazy idea. What are your thoughts?"

Kylo felt the steel as keenly as a blade against his skin and he nodded, his arms crossing over his chest as Hux diverted their conversation back to the original topic. "Humans are more apt to ignore their instincts. I imagine your transition was smooth." He considered the planets carefully as they slowly rotated on their axes, tracking what little information was beside them. "I am unfamiliar with these worlds. Are any of them inhabited by sapient species?" His eyes lingered on Ilum, the name catching his mind as quickly as his eyes. "...I have a good feeling about Ilum. According to those coordinates though, Hydrus V is the furthest from Republic patrol routes and less likely to catch any eyes."

Hux's eyes narrowed, not in ire but in a wicked sort of glee. He pulled open a larger map with a pin on Ilum, then slowly drew a straight line directly towards Republic space. It made a direct shot through the Hosnian system. "You and I are of similar mind, it seems. Your instinct about Ilum might also be from the vast deposits of kyber the planet is known for." He didn't need to elaborate. Kyber was all but sacred to Force users, not to mention the power it generated.

Kylo's shoulders tightened at the mention of kyber, his eyes tracing the outline of the planet before nodding abruptly. "Ilum, then, would be my recommendation. Kyber can be tricky to work with, but it is without peer in focus and clarity." He paused, a small sigh escaping his vent. "Provided it is uninhabited. I do not doubt our ability to handle such a concern, but sapient species have a terrible tendency to get messages away when they feel death approaching."

"You needn't worry. It's in fact uninhabited. Nothing but snow, forest, and rock. Apparently there's mostly flora and very little fauna." Hux looked all too smug with himself for this, and sipped the last of the caf in the glass before pouring a bit more brandy into the one he'd been using before, lightly nudging it towards Ren. "That was a plan changing idea in the best way. I'm impressed, Ren."

"Then my recommendation is tripled. Provided there is an adequate survey of Republic patrol schedules and routes, it would be child's play to slip ships and equipment planetside." Kylo tilted his head slightly as the brandy was nudged into his range, confusion bubbling up before he reached out to touch the edge of the glass. If he looked closely, he thought he could still see the print of Hux's lips on the rim. He took a long moment, before his other hand released the catch on his helm and he removed the whole unit with a sigh. "It was not my intention, General, but I am pleased to see your main construction concerns resolved." He brought the glass to his lips, hesitating for a moment before taking a draught. It burned his throat like acid-fire and his skin felt hot where his lips touched the skinprint left behind.

Hux blinked and found himself quite stunned. He'd seen glimpses of Ren's bare face here and there, but only at a distance and only in short flashes. Now, seeing it up close like this, he was startled first by how young the man looked, then by the depth to his stare. He could already tell that a puppy-eyed look from this man could very well fell an army, but as they were now, serious and focused, there was an unfathomable depth there that Hux felt he needed to stay away from, lest he slip and fall into the void. The third thing that caught his attention was the plushness of his lips and how they molded to the glass, and he noticed with a tiny flicker of warmth that Ren had used the exact same spot where Hux had been drinking from. Judging by the hesitation and subsequent twitch in Ren's face, Hux could draw a few conclusions, ones that actually had the corner of his mouth quirking up. "You don't drink often, do you? Well savor that then. This decanter cost more than some of our officer's monthly salaries."

Kylo frowned slightly, though it was mostly directed towards the drink than Hux's words. "No. I usually avoid consuming anything that affects the faculties." His face was more open than his mask, confusion flickering over his eyes as he kept the glass close to his face. "Is alcohol really that expensive? Seems a lot of trouble..." He took another sip, neatly draining the sample and setting the glass back down on the desk; for all the burning, the flavor ultimately settled on his tongue rich and heavy, much like liquid amber or ozone. "I have no reference for the quality, but it isn't foul despite the burning. I would dare to say it tastes good after it bites."

In a surprising turn of events, Hux laughed. It was a short, singular 'ha!', but there it was nonetheless. "That's where it gets you. Then you get used to the burn and only taste the flavor. Next thing you know you're waking up in an alley or in a strange bed with a strange person next to you. It's why I tend to avoid drinking publicly."

Kylo snorted openly, the vocoder unable to disguise his voice now that he was in the open. "Oh? It's hard to imagine the great General Hux waking up anywhere but his own berth. A confession of youthful indiscretions, General?" His lip quirked into a smile, somewhat uncomfortable-looking, as if the muscles weren't quite sure how to manage it while exposed to the air. "I think I will keep to my decision to abstain, if that is a common concern."

"It's only common if you're stupid about it." He pondered for a moment about being that open about his past dalliances - and mistakes - but decided to keep at least some of his dignity. "I'm afraid you'll just have to wonder about any of my youthful activities, Ren. I'll not confirm or deny any of them." Now that he was settled by the three glasses of brandy and one of caf, he felt his shoulders relaxing a bit as he flicked away the information on Ilum and the map, and instead pulled up the Starkiller blueprints, putting a semi-transparent layer over them and redrawing them from scratch with his stylus.

"I see. I suppose then, it was not as common for you as it was for others." He lifted his helm back over his head, the pneumatic quickly sealing him back inside obscurity, before anything else could show on his face. There was a vent of air and his shoulders relaxed briefly before he nodded. The caf had been delivered, Hux's frustrations handled, best to leave before he made some sort of spectacular error. "I will leave you then, General. Rest assured that the Supreme Leader will hear of your breakthrough before he next decides to summon both of us." His tone suggested a small vein of pride, as if the idea of Hux showing up Snoke's expectations so rapidly was of personal delight.

Hux was a bit surprised that Ren was leaving of his own accord before being told to get out. "Hm. Very well." There was a pause as he thought about whether or not to say the next thing on his mind, but ultimately he bit his tongue. He'd been too personable as it was; showing Ren his rudimentary childhood blueprints, but also letting himself be seen almost relaxing. Not to mention sharing his brandy, which was unheard of. He let Ren go this time, getting back to work and neatly packing away any errant thoughts about the man.