I just need to vent into the tumblr void. donât mind me
My anxiety level is way up currently. Owning a business is probably not for me. Too much stress.
We just had an audi R8 in our place, which cost 50000⏠approximately. My bf polished it and damaged a little piece. I saw it, nobody else saw it (not even him) for now. I didnât say anything, and the owner didnât notice. Iâm anxiously waiting for the call to tell me that that mark wasnât there before⊠so thatâs the first thing.
Last week i had to wash a Lotus, which is also an expensive car. Since i fell and broke my arm and spained my knee at the end of may, i had someone to help me. But like i said, it was an expensive car, so i was the one who cleaned the outside with the glove and who put the wax on after. (Because i noticed stain on others cars we did the weeks before when my substitute did it). But the owner of the car called to say that they were scratches on the hood that wasnât there before and said he will not come again. I feel so bad.
Next thing is, we also have some car to rent, but itâs not ours, itâs a partnership with a renting company. While i do have to clean those cars sometimes, with my own business i donât always have the time to take care of it. I do the cars when i can but i admit, i donât really do the trucks because itâs a pain in the ass to move and clean and park again. So when the boss of the renting company came to take back one of the truck and it was (a bit) dirty, he made a not so friendly remark about it. My fault, again, i know.
We also have someone who comes to lay tinted glasses on cars. And he keeps making them very badly. They all have dust or bubbles in it. So people came back to me to complain. It really happened a lot those last months. Not my fault but i still have to handle the issues.
Add to that, that this year is a bit weird. Itâs only our 2 years, and last year (our first) was good! I worked a lot from February to October! Now this year, everything was so quiet until April, and even now itâs still a bit slow. We are almost 3000⏠behind compared to last year. Itâs not that much but itâs on my mind all the time. I feel like weâre not gonna make enough money this year. And iâm not being paid! Next year, we are supposed to start giving me a salary but with things like that it wonât be possible!
On one hand i think if it doesnât work out, it would be a relief. And i would be able to find something else to do.
But on the other hand, it would be such a failure. Not sure our relationship could passed that (my bf and i are associates, but he still works at is other job and i take care of everything in the company) so heâll probably say iâm the one who bankrupt the company. And heâll probably be right. We accepted to buy the company because i said i wanted to (because i couldnât find a job) so now i canât say i donât wanna do it anymore.
The only way i could be happy again is if i win at the lottery. Honestly, i donât want that job anymore, iâm not doing it correctly apparently anyway but i canât say so. Iâm fed up with human interactions. I know i have to learn how to take criticism on my work (which are most of the time true) so i can be in peace. Itâs just so hard physically and mentally.
I canât see a happy ending for now. Either the company goes down (which isnât a good thing) or iâll go down and probably do a burnout at some point.
Iâll have some holidays at the end of July, 5 days alone with only my dog and my cats! I look forward to it so much. Hope iâll still be mentally stable by then.
