#spliffany

my first mix :P (15:25 min)

my thoughts have started to get quiet but pain & guilt are still heavy on my conscience i can't sleep and i can't think about anything else i can't stop the tears from falling i can't look at myself hate runs so deep in my veins you would think it's in my dna thoughts like these can't be over looked or forgotten these are the thoughts that steal your sleep and sanity emotions are overrated i'd rather not feel anything i'd rather not have a chance of feeling like this again my happiness fluctuates but can never seem to stay long enough for me to hold it i want to be as solid as a rock but i'm as loose as the wind i heard if you want something bad enough you get it well i want to die. how could you sleep at a time like this if you don't watch me i might slit my wrist i shouldn't be alone at a time like this i don't want anyone to feel how i feel this heartbreaking sadness is eating me alive i never let anyone see me cry you watched me for hours and just turned around and went to sleep how can you do that where is your heart they told me u didn't have one from the start but i never listen until it's too late maybe that's why the emotion i feel the most is hate why am i 19 i feel so much older and why is it so warm? last year it was much colder i used to be so in touch with myself now i wouldn't know the back of my hand if it slapped me in the face i'm so lost without a trace of who i am anymore i must have lost myself finding you. i smoked a bowl to make me go to sleep but here i am in my notes again my emotions are so strong they could build a house with a pool of my tears and a love seat couch except the love comes and goes and never stays long and the floors creak when you walk and the walls seem to talk the kitchen sink drips tears of teen angst and the bed stabs you in the back and pulls out slowly now that's a backshot no clothes on cause that's always too hot these blankets are my only friend bffs with death til the very end