this grief is growing inwards rooting into my spine

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this grief is growing inwards rooting into my spine

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Well, for better or worse, It is official. I cannot put it off any longer - I have my multilevel cervical disc replacement surgery scheduled for June this year. π¬
I will be getting fancy new discs, all the bone spurs pushing on my spinal cord removed and nerve canals cleaned out to help with the nerve squishing that's happening and the reason for the RFA's. To put it mildly, I am both excited at the prospect of it working and at least putting an end to the degradation and worsening of the current symptoms and terrified of the consequences of it failing added pain, more symptoms or worse - being paralyzed. SO! it is going to be a busy summer - My oldest is getting married, first art showing, part of my spine is being replaced, and bonus good news - I finally got my doctors to put me back on my old meds and I haven't thrown up in 3 weeks!
That's my news - I sure hope all of you folks are hang in and hang on. It seems like everywhere we turn something crazy is happening. Though we all are finding ways to keep the normal in the everyday lives we lead. Maybe a meal, a smile, a scroll. Please find some time to really like something, enjoy it today. Appreciate that it is in the world. Thank it's maker if is something tasty to eat or maybe a treat for your eyes insead, but take a moment, unhurried, and know that it's okay to just be with it for a minute or two and enjoy it. Happy Day All!
Bee Kind!
Couldn't be consistent to save my life
Funny that my last post I mentioned trying to stay consistent then disappeared Updates to date (8:18 pm Nov 24 /2025)
breasts were looked at (ultrasound) and everything LOOKS normal but i still have areas of pain and create breast milk. Head MRI tomorrow to see if i have a prolactinoma that may be causing a list of issues Saw my neurosurgeon Friday and the "solution" to my arthritis lower back pain is another surgery. It would be my 3rd back surgery. They want to fuse another part of my spine. They said i should wait as long as possible for this since it will lead to more areas decaying basically as soon as i get it I'm struggling on the "waiting" portion of the statement. i already have daily pain , limit everything i do around my back, lose bladder control, fall, cry , scream and feel stuck but what if this is just the tip of the iceberg and I'm supposed to wait until I've fully crumbled to get this surgery. I'm only 27 and i am so angry. My surgery to get my tubes removed for permanent birth control and to get scoped for endo is at the end of January. No savings and a 2+ week recovery time of being off work is just building nothing but stress and I'm panicking. Who knows what I'm forgetting to mention but I'm sure there's something. I'm tired and depressed and losing sight of hope. I don't know what the light at the end of my tunnel looks like but its getting harder to keep up the gas that will hopefully get me there
Thanks for reading if you did. Hopefully talk at you again soon
spine spotted - spudshed
half finished , I got these xrays from an estate sale, I got 100 for 15 bucks

Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
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The reality of spine surgery
I have alot of mixed feelings about my spinal fusion surgery. On one hand, im two inches taller and my scoliosis has a much lower chance of progressing, but on the other I cant bend the upper half of my spine, the nerves around my scar and on my right shoulder blade are fried, yet my back is even more sensitive to touch, I have more pain than before, and I can't do most day to day stuff because it takes a MINNUM A YEAR TO HEAL.
Im just tired of feeling so useless and making my disabality other peoples problem because I cant do shit.
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