#space lix

Lixian stickers!!!

And some additional doodles of Lixi and some (fan)egos 😈

(I’ve seen @captain-neutrino talk about this w/ the captain and I really like their interpretation, you should also go read their short comic about it, it’s really good, but I also wanted to talk about the rest of the crew and their specific traumas/experiences, because I think it would differ a lot from character to character)

This is also assuming that the crew remembers what happened enough to still feel the aftershocks, which in my au, they all do, not just Mark and the Captain.

So uh yeah here’s a breakdown of everyone’s trauma ig :3

Mark & the Captain

I’m putting these two together because of the fact that a lot of their trauma would come from similar instances - trying to protect the ship and the colonists, fighting to make it to the warpcore, being put through so many deaths so quickly with no time to recover before being shoved right back to the beginning, etc - and they would probably both develop some form of survivor’s guilt. Sure, nobody actually died in the end, but they did in the paradox, many times, and that responsibility unfortunately fell on the Captain and Mark’s shoulders. However I feel like their reactions to feeling this would differ; the Captain (if we’re talking my version, Captain!Sam) would try to keep a strong face for as long as possible, but slowly withdraw away from the colonists as time went on, and eventually begin lashing out in anger at anyone who tried to ask if they were alright. Mark, on the other hand, would likely wind up too afraid to do anything, especially alone, for fear that he’d mess everything up again, and as a result becomes much more strict and serious about his work and break down over the smallest mistakes. However both Mark and the Captain eventually ended up having different experiences within the paradox - the Captain saw the entire universe almost blink out of existence, and Mark lived and died through thousands upon thousands of years rebuilding the warpcore, both of which are unquestionably horrific experiences in their own ways. I feel like at times this may become a rift in their relationship, as it gets to a point where they begin to see themselves as going through worse things than the other, trying to compare what they went through when in reality both experiences are about equally awful (imho, but I’m sure you’ll all agree).

Celci

Celci’s job on the ship was technically to keep the colonists alive, but in the timeline where she puts the ship in stasis, she goes directly against that. She didn’t necessarily kill everyone, but she froze them all in time, which is pretty close to the same thing. I imagine that Celci comes to think of herself as a murderer or a tyrant, afraid that the colonists or the other crew members working in cryo (more on that later) would resent her or that she’d end up doing the same thing after the paradox is resolved. She feels like a traitor to the colony and to her captain, and that’s a feeling she both thought she’d never experience and cannot bear. I feel like she would also develop a kind of survivor’s guilt similar to that of Mark and the Captain, although in this case it would be a burden of her own making in her eyes, so she becomes standoffish and less firm with her job, letting her second-in-commands in cryo (again, more on them later 👀) do more of the work. Also, there’s one particular crew member who Celci would feel especially distraught over putting into stasis, but I’m reserving that story for its own section.

Gunther

Gunther, I feel, is extremely loyal to the Captain, and they may have even been friends before the Invincible, but he also has a slight hunger for power, which bubbles to the surface when he tries to overthrow the Captain in the mutiny timeline. After the paradox is resolved, I feel like Gunther would be so utterly torn up about this. The Captain had trusted him to defend the ship and the colonists, and he’d stabbed them in the back like a coward. Instead of reacting in anger, Gunther becomes eerily calm, and much less trigger-happy. He doesn’t want to destroy everything anymore, and when the people he cares about most (*cough* Mack and Burt *cough*) are even in the slightest bit of danger, he panics, freezes up - which only ends up making him feel worse because he couldn’t do anything. He falls into a spiral of feeling powerless and worthless, he’s supposed to be a protector, but instead he ended up being the one the colony needed protection from.

Burt

My man stuffed his consciousness inside a computer. Do I need to say any more??? I feel like if that were possible it would be incredibly disorienting, and Burt often finds himself disassociating from reality or wondering if he’s still real. In those instances he gets even quieter than he usually is, staring at his hands or feet or even looking at himself in the mirror, trying to convince himself that he’s really there. I can also see him overloading his senses trying to keep himself grounded in reality, keeping flowers and soft, colorful blankets and foods with strong tastes to shock him back to the present. I also feel like Burt would have the easiest time recovering, because he’s very in-tune with his body’s needs and just does what he has to to overcome negative emotions. Plus he’s a writer, and writing is really good for recovery.

Mack

I did make a post before about Mack’s post-paradox trauma and theorizing about how he took over as head engineer, which you can read here, but in summary Mack snapped and murdered Mark to take his position in hopes that he’d be able to do a better job of fixing the problem, but then realizes that the Captain is also part of the problem, thus the dictator!Mack route. I feel like my poor bb would have a REALLY hard time forgiving himself for what he did to Mark and the Captain, even though they forgive him. Also idk if it was ever said what Mack’s actual position on the crew was but I’m just gonna say he was one of Mark’s second-in-commands and leave it at that.

Tyler

Hey y’know how I said earlier that Celci would be particularly guilty over putting one person in stasis with the rest of the ship? That person is Tyler, because I have a headcanon that Celci and Tyler are siblings. Tyler is the medical lead on the crew, mainly meant to tend to injured crew members on the journey and later the colonists after they get released from cryosleep. He and Celci had a huge argument over putting the ship in stasis, which ends with Celci locking Tyler in the airlock to prevent him from stopping her (see; the timeline where the Captain throws Tyler out of the airlock 👀). The two of them don’t really end up talking about it much until one day Celci gets injured and Tyler is the one who ends up tending to her, and they begrudgingly have a conversation about what happened that likely ends in tears and apologies. They don’t hold it against each other, at the end of the day they’re still siblings and they need to look out for each other.

Lixian

(Not me sneaking my iswm Lix ego in here no- but actually yes-) ok so I’ve officially assigned Lixian to the cryo team and as one of Celci’s second-in-commands. Space!Lixian is a lot like irl Lixian - soft spoken, sweet, anxious, probably also a huge horror fan, and, most importantly, helpful, and a hard worker. (This is where it all goes downhill, please brace yourselves). I also hc that Space Lix has a family who are civilians, thus would’ve been in cryosleep the entire time the paradox was happening. And since Space Lix is part of the cryo team and is so high-ranking, he would’ve been one of the last people to enter cryosleep when Celci put the ship in stasis. Which means. Uh. He had to watch his family get put into permanent cryosleep and couldn’t do anything to stop it. (I’m doing horrible things to this man somebody stop me I feel bad but I also kinda don’t help). Ofc Space Lix ends up haunted by the timeline where he watched his family die, and probably resents Celci at first for what she did.