#southerndecadence

Gave Up On Love So I Could Live 

I know how cliche it sounds but I really was living for love. I had achieved my two previous life goals of being at harmony with myself and being financially independent. My last challenge to achieve was to know what sharing love with another was like. That was the only one that I was powerless to control. 

I would fantasize about sharing my life with a male endlessly. I always placed myself in relation to what a male was doing. It was a sickness of the mind brought about by societal conditioning that made me believe that this was how I was to relate to men, the world, and love. 

For years I tried dating like anyone else would. Time and time again, guys would say exactly what I wanted to hear and they would be out the door before the last drop of cum dumped on top of me. I wound up with such emptiness and despair that I would only ever be a cumdumpster for males. 

I set forth to Portland to develop my career as an adult entertainer and have done just that. This week I made the front cover of Grooby Girl’s 2020 calendar! I fell into my work and into Kendall Penny. In doing so, I fell out of myself more and more as the days progressed. 

Through my work I have been able to see men in a different light than ever before. Now that I am not at their mercy for anything, but rather they are mine, the tides have turned. Very few of them captivate my attention to want to spend anymore time with them outside of a sexual engagement.