#soulcycle

   Peloton Peloton+ SoulCycle At-Home Bike cost  $1200 $2000  $2,500 Monthly fee  $39 $39  $40 Trial period 30 days 30 days 30 days Warranty screen: 1 year; components: 1 year; bike frame: 5 years screen: 1 year; components: 1 year; bike frame: 5 years screen: 1 year; hardware: 1 year; bike frame: 5 years Dimensions  59″ L x 53″ H x 23″ W 59″ L x 59″ H x 22″ W  62.2″ L x 53.5″ H x 22.2″…

            “Live in this moment. She deserves more time with you.” These were the words that whispered through my brain in the opaque darkness during a SoulCycle class. We are four fifths through a packed-out Chris Chandler Saturday morning Soul Survivor and my younger self barrels through my subconscious demanding attention. (Now is not the time, ma’am!) I am giving my all to the Active Calories on my Apple Watch and in she comes in all her glory, wanting a good cry. Those tears?! They were nothing less than refreshing raindrops on a summer evening in Arizona. It was the moment where everything changed; I will never be the same.

I am front row and fabulous in my all-black leggings and a glittered black bra from Target (pronounced [tar-zhay]. Suited and booted from top to bottom and by bottom, I mean my GymShark tube socks that I got at a free run club event back home. I am dressed for war. I am ready for battle and my body is my usual opponent. My body that makes me love myself less and shame myself more is also the most capable it’s ever been. My body is why I can even be confident in the front row of a boutique, rhythmic fitness-based workout of any kind. I am no soldier without the strength, endurance and sturdiness of my instrument. Moreover, God got me into the class, so I knew something special was afoot.

Taylor Swift was the theme of the 11:45am class that I was originally scheduled to attend. Sickness and hoarseness had me moving slow earlier in the week so I thought I’d let myself sleep in while still prioritizing movement. Plus, I had a fundraiser to perform at later and any professional known that a workout is the vocal warmup cheat code and I needed all the help I could get. Still, I woke up ninety minutes earlier than expected and went to journalling. Morning pages that normally take me an hour took about forty to forty five minutes. When I took a peek at my phone to gauge timing, it was just before 9am and I thought, “Eh, why not?”

SoulCycle has its policies to keep business running well. I knew that some rules would have to be bent or even broken to get into the 9:30a Soul Survivor especially because, according to company’s app, the class was waitlisted. The negotiator in me called anyway. Pleasantly greeting the employee who was standing between me and destiny, I inquired about the upcoming class. I played it cool but was absolutely freaking out inside in anticipation. “Actually, we have a bike!” Mentally, I vacillated between “Really? You do?” and “I knew it!” but an easy “I’m on my way!” peeped between pursed lip. I got to it, got dressed and got in the car. Ten minutes later, I’m in the studio setting up my bike and putting my Apple Watch on theater mode, not to disturb the darkness whilst still tracking my progress.

The instructor lights up when he sees me. I’m on vocal rest until that evening so I had prepped a note in my phone aptly titled, Vocal Rest. It read: “In town for a gig so I’m resting my voice. I’ll be back May – July for the actual gig.” We hug and enter the battlefield. Class is as usual, fun, energetic, communal. Chris is hyping up my energy because he knows that I can’t speak. He is giving sermons about presence and connection from the podium, encouraging us all to stay in the moment together. It is a sort of secular church. It feels righteous and then ratchet and all sorts of redemptive. Artists like Doechii, Madonna and Meg Thee Stallion all make sense together booming through the speakers. This is heaven.

People of all different creeds, socioeconomic backgrounds and orientations cheering and “cheers”ing water bottles without politics or societal boundaries. We need each other’s energy to endure, and we maximize that necessity with connection. It’s unlike anything I’ve ever experienced while exhausting yourself and breathing harder than you ever have before in your life. Then it happens. We go from a run to an unexpected, early Soulful Moment and Chris instructs us to tap into self. He asks us to put one hand on our heart and the other on our belly and to close our eyes. That was the moment. The second that I touched the belly, my belly, that I had just journalled that I resented that morning, I was present with her. I was present with the practices of my younger self that got me to this weight in the first place. All at once, an uncontrollable wave of emotion crashed in and God whispered, “Have grace for her.” That whisper was the loudest it’s ever been. “Have grace for her,” He said it again as I tried to fight the tear-mixed-sweat that was now streaming down my face. 

Those words felt like the footsteps of giants crushing any safety that I had found in shaming myself into a new version of me. Grace, compassion, empathy and understanding were the ingredients needed to reshape not just my body but my relationship with self. The little one inside of me did what she knew to do to survive and that required courage and audacity. Do I need to do deeper work to continue to heal my relationship with food? Of course. Am I equipped with the tools to do so? Sure am. Does that little girl in me who thought she needed food to cope and numb deserve love from me today? WITHOUT A DOUBT! That is how we progress healthily. That is how I move forward at a pace that is sustainable and that doesn’t constantly trigger fight or flight. “Have grace for her.” Why? Because God does. God is obsessed with that little girl and knew what she had to endure to become who I am today. That little one deserves an award for her resilience and tenacity, not shame and anger for the work I have to do to untangle the knots of her choices.

Chloë Grace Moretz has been on our screens for more than a decade now and she has been able to maintain her baby face beauty over the years. Speaking about her beauty secrets with allure magazine Chloe stated. "I don't do anything crazy yet, because I'm pretty young," but she gave some tinside scoop on her skin-care habit, and the workout that keeps her fit.