#soot

Week 9 ~ New Energy (15.2) ~ Wednesday

Wednesday is twins day! Every day is twins day and as I peek into their nursery I see what can only be expected. One twin is hungry and the other has soiled their adorable little pajamas.

To Roman's credit, he did do a good job with them overnight. I thought I'd walk into chaos this morning but this I can handle. They are relatively calm and they both are so happy to see mama wake up early just to check on them.

It was nice getting a full night of sleep, for once.

I think our conversation last night really got through to him and all I did was do what he's done to me. Remind him of his duties as a father. It must have worked because he told me that he'd skip breakfast just to take care of the twins.

I appreciated that. A lot.

It meant that I actually got to sit down and enjoy my leftover quesadillas in peace and guess what? I think they taste better as leftovers! Is that possible or is it just that mama mode has me starving for anything I can get?

Guess what?

I'm outside and enjoying this beautiful day and with Bruno trotting happily beside me.

You know how that's possible, while Roman is out at work?

I hired a babysitter.

Oh, don't worry, it's not a long term thing. Just a one time thing because I needed the fresh air and Bruno needs it too. The poor little guy has been struggling to find attention lately since he's had to compete with the twins every second of my day.

But more than that, if I'm ever going to get back into acting and I need to stay in shape. I WILL get back into acting, whether Roman fully approves or not.

I must get back into it because my fans miss me. They expect my return and you know what? Maybe this will work out for the better, maybe being away for so long will make my comeback mean so much more for my fans and the industry? A moment people can anticipate!

Yeah! Maybe this little break from acting is what I've needed?

Like Roman always says, I just have to put my faith in the Watcher and it'll all work out for the better.

For now, though, I'm earning my money through social media and SimTube and it is becoming a lot more than a side hustle. I spend my whole afternoon editing for example just so I can keep the content flowing. My Magnets do need their updates, after all.

And then it is right back to mama mode.

Even though I'm dealing with dirty diapers and being thrown up on (Santa of course), I've learned to appreciate it. No, no, it's never something I would call fun, having a baby throw up all over you is never fun, but taking care of them? Seeing them laugh and giggle and wiggle and try to learn something, anything? That is truly priceless.

While I might always carry some regret over skipping the Dustflower role, especially since it wasn't exactly my decision, I know would have regretted this even more.

I do manage to get Fernanda over later in the day. Yessie couldn't come, family stuff she said, which I totally understand, but it was nice to have Fern over just to chat about life in general.

"Mama stuff is something else, huh?" she says, glancing over her shoulder once or twice at Roman, who was in the background playing with Santa.

"Uh huh, you know it! How's that whole single life thing treating you?"

"Oh, you know. Getting to do whatever I want!" She grins because honestly she's not long. Being single might not be preferred for some but it definitely has its perks, you can't deny that.

But I didn't call her over to talk to her about what clubs she's been frequenting or who she has been seeing, though I am curious. That's not why she's here.

"I invited Yessie over too but I don't think she's going to make it," I try carefully, knowing that she has a dislike for the woman by default. They are just opposite people. Oil and water.

"Yeah, probably for the best," she replies, a little too sharply.

"It's not that bad. She's not that bad. She means well-"

"Oh, I know. I know she thinks she's saving my soul for the Watcher or whatever. Making sure its pure for the Maker...but it's still annoying. It's still judgmental," Fern shrugs because things are always so simple for her. "People can mean well and still be wrong, you know?"

Of course. She's spot on about that. I'm reminded of my self, of my last conversation with Eliana, a newer friend of mine, a sweet woman who didn't deserve the way I treated her despite my own good intentions. I just wanted her to see some sense...

But, we're not here for that either.

"I'm not asking for you to become her friend," I say. "But, if she comes over for a birthday party and you're invited, I don't want-"

"Don't worry mama, I won't start anything. Just make sure she won't either. I'll always be there for you!"

Good enough, I suppose.

I called Roman over but only for him to bring Santa! She's wide awake and wearing that adorable little toothless smile of hers.

Fernanda had wanted to see her and the moment Fern holds her I also see her light up.

"She's a little princess, isn't she?" Fern says softly, in that tone people only use for babies and pets. Santa smiles, appreciating the kindness and adoration.

"Yeah, I think she's going to force us to spoil her," I say, thinking about how well Roman and I are doing financially. Between his promotions and my SimTube career, we are well on track to being pretty wealthy.

"She deserves it," Fern coos. "May I hold her?" she asked, wanting to just have her all to herself for a moment.

She takes Santa fully into her arms, rocking her gently, humming at her smoothly, almost pulling a silly comment from my lips. Something like 'This is better than any party you could go to, just imagine having one of your own' btu then I remember what she had said earlier. Why ruin the moment and become annoying about it?

So I just watch as she rocks and holds Santa who isn't fussing at all. She seems pretty content actually.

"I think she likes me!" Fernanda says with some surprise, letting Santa squeeze her tiny hand around a finger.

"Maybe...or she's just waiting for you to leave," I tease. "She's a little actress, this one. She plays nice with everyone else but when they are gone?" I chuckle, already imagining the crying and fussing. "Maybe one day we'll be in a movie together, would you like that, Santa?"

Santa looks at me giving me her sure to be famous grin. She makes some indecipherable baby sound, wriggles a little, then looks back over at Fernanda as if she needs someone else to confirm that for her.

"Well, either way, I guess I can see the appeal," Fern says with a wink.

She doesn't mean it, of course. It's hard to even imagine her as a mother and I don't mean that as an insult but more that it is just the way things are. Her life would change radically and it's hard to see her being chained to the house with a baby to take care of.

"Just find me someone worthy to share a baby with and I'll join you and Yessie on your mama journeys," she jokes. "Do you two do yoga or-"

"Oh, Fern! You realize it would be the end of your weekend partying, right?"

She shrugs and takes in Santa once more. The little princess has been staring at her this whole time. "Maybe! Hey, that's what they make nannies for anyway right? It's the modern world mama, you don't exactly have to just stay at home 24/7 to take care of them."

It has grown a bit late by the time Fern leaves.

Santa's been put to bed, along with Santo. It's rate that both of them decide to sleep at the same time, one is usually sure to wake up needing a diaper change, food, or just attention and love.

But tonight, miraculously, they're both napping. Which means I finally have some alone time with Roman.

Our intimacy has been nonexistent since the twins were born.

First, there's the obvious. Pregnancy comes with some physcial costs, things have to...let's say, get back into shape before the thought of anything TOO intimate is even a thought. I'm sure some of you know what I mean by that.

But other than that there just hasn't been time. Roman works constantly and the twins are constant work themselves. I also run a SimTube career which also demands a bit of time.

There hasn't been enough time but we've promised each other that we find it and maybe tonight, as Roman nears me with that look in his eyes, maybe we finally could...

"Is that Santo or Santa?" Roman asks, just after placing kisses on my fingers.

I stop to listen and then can't help but sigh.

"That's Santo, definitely."

And just like that our intimacy is paused for yet another night.

For now.