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✓ Live Streaming✓ Interactive Chat✓ Private Shows✓ HD Quality✓ Free Actions
Free to watch • No registration required • HD streaming
summary: you're the only person whose brought out this side of spencer since maeve. and when you two are in rossi's backyard, slow dancing to the music from inside alone, it's when he realizes he'd really like to keep you around.
warnings: fluffy talk about relationships, teensy bit of angst about past relationships and self doubt, happy ending tho!!
♬⋆ .˚ now playing slow dance by clairo
a/n: first fic bare with me we're getting there!!
arms tangled around one another, stepping on eachothers feet, whispering sweet nothings together then laughing because you can't take eachother seriously when it's so quiet.
that's been the entirety of your life for the last hour, with spencer. not your friend, not your boyfriend, but some secret third option in between.
"you look nice tonight." he compliments, and you're sure it's for the millionth time tonight, "i don't think i've ever seen you dressed... formally?"
you're not wearing anything particularly fancy, but it's not exactly casual either. again, a secret third option.
there seems to be a theme of that tonight.
either way, you muster up the courage to tease him, "i don't look nice every other night?"
"well, you know that's not what i meant, i just mean, like, especially tonight. y'know?" he rambles as he moves his hands to your waist again.
"i'm just messing with you." you smile back, arms staying wrapped around his shoulders.
finally, the music from inside starts back up, a slower song.
one of the windows in the kitchen is cracked open just enough for the music to be heard from rossi's backyard. more specifically the pretty, fairy light decorated gazebo he loved to talk about whenever he got the chance as if he didn't live in a mansion.
"you look good tonight too. i'd say i never really see you in stuff like this but that'd be a lie." you say, hands running over his chest, tracing the tie tucked neatly into his brown blazer.
"that's not true. i'm not even wearing my converse, you have to admit that's different." he smiles, teasing back.
he was never really good with sarcasm. penelope prides herself in being the one to fix that, but really, something just clicked in him with you.
"but... thank you." he adds, "i tried to dress a little nicer for you."
"didn't try and out-dress me? how kind." you teased again, and he smiles. he loves that little expression you'd get that told him you thought of something witty to say.
"i know, right?" his smile never falters, only growing more as he looks down at you.
it's quiet for a moment, you two swaying back and forth, your head against his chest as he rests his chin right on top of it.
you're not sure if it gets better than this. how it gets better than this, if that.
"i'm glad garcia convinced you to come. maybe because she knew i'd be here." you hum.
"she didn't really convince me. she just... told me you were coming to one for once." he admits, and that makes your heart flutter.
"i don't miss them that much." you lie.
"in your four years at the bau with us, you've come to a total of three. once a year." he say it likes it's a joke, but it's true.
"hey. it's four, now. and if you promise to go to the christmas one, i'll make it five." you reach down to take his hands in yours, squeezing them.
it's true you never really came to these things. you loved the team. of course you did. you were on good terms with all of them. you just didn't trust yourself with alcohol and being in the same room as spencer at the same time. you'd never tell anyone as much, though.
"good. rossi's backyard is prettier in the snow." he replies.
"slow dancing with girls in rossi's backyard a common occurrence, then?" you tease once more, but he takes it at face value.
"me? of course not. i'd never. seriously. just you." his hands squeeze yours once again before moving back to your waist.
"just me." you echo his words. it felt good.
it gets quiet again, and you two are back to the comfort of swaying in one anothers arms. as if there weren't thousands of words left unspoken between the two of you.
what coworkers turned friends slow dance together like this? say things so sickeningly sweet? not ones that were actually just that. coworkers. friends.
it would be laughable, even. because it's not like you haven't seen jj peeking out the window and smile at the sight of you two, or rossi deciding to open the window so you could hear the music to begin with. he wasn't slick, that's for sure.
you weren't one to talk, and neither was spencer.
"what are you thinking about?" he asks, picking up on your silence that goes on longer than you usually let it.
"nothing and everything."
"you can't actually think about nothing. it involves concepts and ideas just to be thinking at all, which is nearly unstoppable unless you're actively stopping it. like if you're meditating right now. and i have a feeling you aren't doing that." he rambles, giving a smartass reply you didn't need, but always appreciated because you'd get to feel his chest lowly hum and hear his voice all at once.
but that's besides the point.
"then everything." you reply, half expecting him to launch the conversation into why that's not humanly possible.
instead, you're caught off guard when you hear, "in a bad way or good way?"
"more good than bad." your hands run over his hair for a moment. curly and oddly soft. he did try a little harder tonight.
"well that's more good than bad." he pauses and continues, voice less... sure, if that was even the right word, "what about, though?"
should you say the truth or lie? because nothing at all would be a lie. but you don't wanna bring up the inevitable when you two are so cozy already.
"us, i guess." you give in. please don't ask further, please don't make this a thing—
"...what about us exactly?" he asks further. makes it a thing. you'd make a comment about mind reading but aren't sure if it'd be appropriate.
"i mean... y'know. we both know. don't we? just... us." you gesture to you two again, before seeing his expression and sighing, "what we are..."
"what we are? as in our relationship status?" he asks, nervously fidgeting with the hem of your shirt, "i didn't know it's been on your mind."
it's quiet for a moment, because you both know his question is rhetorical despite it coming out seriously. you both know what you said.
you don't know why this topic holds so much negative weight right now when you could be approaching it with so much more positively. but you're just worrying about one thing: if he's still with the mindset that maeve was the only one for him.
he wasn't the type to play with a girl's feelings, though. you trusted him. it's come with liking him.
"you're overthinking again. i can tell." he brushed a hair through your hair, pulling your head back to his chest.
"you know this stuff isn't easy for me." he adds a little quieter. "at all."
"i know." and you almost say you're sorry for even letting it get this far into the conversation, but you don't.
he rocks you back and forth, cupping your head in his hand. in this position your ears right next to his heart and you can hear how it beats faster when you wrap your arms back around his waist.
"i'll always miss her. but i... i was talking to garcia a few days ago. she reminded me that i shouldn't give up just because of what happened. it's almost like she knew exactly what was going on in my head and it was kinda terrifying to hear but also it helped more than i'd like to admit." he explains.
it was always penelope. the angel of the office.
"with that being said," he adds, unexpectedly, not giving you time to process his previous words completely, "i think she knows how much i actually like you and i never even told her."
oops. guilty as charged—add that to the list of things you'd tell him only after you two were a thing. and not that secret third thing.
"maybe we're not as discreet as we think we are." you smile at the thought.
just as the words leave your mouth, you hear the window open a little more, seeing emily smiling with that i just got caught look before looking back at jj and returning to her with a laugh. talk about comedic timing.
"i like you a lot too, though. it's why i think about us a lot." you add yourself.
"it's just... hard after everything. what if i'm just a string of bad luck? what if something happens to you because of me?" he can't help but start up as he does with certain topics.
"i work in the bau myself, spence. you aren't any more of a threat to me than my daily job itself." you'd tease softly.
the third, but technically only second person he'd let call him that without him cringing.
"i can't argue with that." he admits, nodding, "but you know what i'm talking about. i mean..." he trails off.
"everyone i love has been taken away from me." he says. "i don't exactly have a good track record."
you feel like he's making this out to be he's protecting you when really he's just protecting himself. which makes more sense, now that you think about it like that.
but you also don't really know what to say to that. i won't let that happen. but the both of you know it's a promise you can't guarantee you'll keep.
"say something. anything." he whispers, voice filled with an unfamiliar feeling. anxiety, maybe?
"...i won't let it happen to you again." you mumble against his chest, feeling the way his breath catches in his throat before letting out a shaky exhale.
"you don't know that." he tenses up once more.
"i don't. but i'll try." your grip tightens in his blazer.
"god, how do i say no to you? i can't. the words don't come out." he sighs, almost frustrated. you think it's directed at himself, if anyone, though.
"sometimes i feel like you're nothing but an angel sent down by maeve herself. she'd love you, you know that?" he says and you feel your eyes burn.
"i wish she could've met you." he mumbles, kissing the top of your head, "i wish you could've met a less damaged me. i wish a lot of things, even if the probability of even one, if not all, happening is quite literally 0%." he rambles.
"you're in your head again, spence. too in your head." you point out. he laughs.
"i feel like i always am." he says, a little quieter.
"i don't think you're... damaged." you say, stroking his curly hair again, "you're just hurt. hurting. that's different, to me. that's what i think at least. it's not like you're not getting better."
"too good for me..." he shakes his head, but less defensive this time.
"just think about it, okay?" you say. you remember neither of you explicitly said what it was you were talking about. making it official. but it was implied, right?
"i will. we should get inside." he hums, "don't want you getting any colder in that outfit."
it slips out when you don't intend it to and your heart drops.
"will you be my boyfriend?"
he's quiet, and when you try and pull away to look at him, he holds your head to his chest with one hand. firm but gentle. three words that sum him up perfectly.
"...are you sure?" he first asks, pulling away to look right down into your eyes, hands on either side of your face.
you double down, "of course i am. very sure."
he's just looking down at you now, silently, but you know it's not so silent in that head of his right now. you let him stay in his head for a moment.
"...i still think you're too good for me. but..." he trails off, "yeah. i—just, yeah. i'd really like that."
your lips quirk up into a smile at that, arms still wrapped around his shoulders as they tighten ever so slightly, and you notice how he starts to smile too just from yours.
you see him nervously take his lower lip between his teeth before speaking up.
"can i, er, kiss you?" he asks, studying your face for a moment before his eyes flit up to your own.
you're caught off guard, but give a small yet eager nod, feeling his hands run down to cup your cheeks.
once he has your approval, he's leaning down in the blink of an eye, leaving a small kiss to your lips. this one's gentle, testing the waters.
he takes a brief moment to grasp your reaction, and when he sees it, he leans back down to press a longer kiss to your lips—mouth on yours, tongue running over your lips after you ease into it.
it lasts a bit, his hands on your face before one slips down to your waist and the other to tuck your hair out of your face before resting it on the side of your neck delicately, as if you were glass threatening to shatter.
you two finally pull away, breathing in a series of short gasps and sighs as you feel him press his forehead to yours.
"i hope you know you're gonna be the death of me." he breathes out, caressing the side of your face.
that makes you grin and bring him into another kiss, pulling him down against you.
