5) A song that needs to be played LOUD.

I See Fire by Ed Sheeran. There are SO many beautiful nuances you can only hear and appreciate if it’s loud enough (or through headphones) haha. The harmonies he creates through all the different layers of his voice, all the instruments coming in bit by bit (the strings, aah, I love them so much), the gorgeous buildup that never fails to give me goosebumps… I will never not love this song haha xD

20) A song that has many meanings to you.

There are many little messages I like to draw from Good Old Days by Macklemore and Kesha. Enjoying every little moment; at some point in the future you’ll be looking back at them and remember them with so much fondness, something you don’t realise in the moment they’re happening. But also saying yes to things, standing up to the things you love, not saying no because you’re afraid of what other people think: you never know what amazing things you might be missing out on. How overthinking can make you lose sight of all the good things or possibilities around you, and just in general the nostalgia that comes with thinking back to big or little moments in your life. I know these all go in the same direction, but that song always makes me appreciate every little moment.

22) A song that moves you forward.

Change Is Gonna Come by Gavin DeGraw. The original version is by Sam Cooke, but I first found out about this song through Gavin DeGraw’s version. It’s basically already in the title, but the hope that in most cases, at some point, something shifts either within you or in your surroundings, that makes things better definitely helps me move forward. His version is very stripped down and bluesy, just piano and his singing - it makes you want to sink into his voice lol 😆

I talked a lot, lol - but these were good ones, thank you! Hope you had a good weekend! 🌙

   He reached Vegas in a shorter amount of time than he expected. One am traffic leaving California was a lot less heavy than it usually was. He supposed he should thank the stars for that, but Nick had a one-track mind. He needed to get to and wanted to see Jon. His sometimes not! Boyfriend. The back and forth, the pretending he didn’t care, was killing him. He wanted a straight answer, and sure, he might have been a little jealous of his brother and his partner's relationship. Nick hated to feel like the odd man out. Always had. 

  He pulled up to Jon’s duplex and noticed the light on in the downstairs space… He was probably up watching New Japan… If there was even an event. Or like usual, Jon probably fell asleep watching one of his D-graded action films he loved. Slightly jittery from his nerves and the energy drinks, Nick locked his car and headed up the small incline to Jon’s door. Of course, the older man might not answer because he was asleep, so Nick would just have to check himself into one of the hotels. And wait for daylight. After the third knock, Nick was going to cut his losses when the door opened. 

  Jon stood there a little blurry-eyed and confused, likely at seeing Nick at his door at three am. “The hell are you doing here?” Face to face with Jon now, Nick’s chief complaint was thrown out the window. Why he wanted Jon, he would never get his brain to figure out, but god did he. Jon huffed and swung open the door a little more and Nick stepped inside. The town house was a continuous surprise whenever Nick was there. Jon kept it neat and tidy and it was decorated nicely, even with mostly masculine decor. 

  “You know I wanna be annoyed, but I was just thinking of calling and seeing if you wanted to stay with me Tuesday,” Mox said as he locked the door. Shaking his head and slipping his hand into the kangaroo pocket of the hoodie he wore, Nick turned around. “No, I don’t… because I can’t… I can’t keep doing this, Jon. The back and forth, pretending I don’t want you or care about or that I’m standing at the monitors praying every time your damn music hits the overheads. Praying that you don’t do something stupid and get hurt or worse, dead, only for you to act like I don’t exist until you need something. Until you want to get your rocks off… I just…. I’m begging….” Nick tried to catch his breath, everything from the last few months, bubbling and turning in his chest, trying to work their way out of his mouth faster than his tongue could move. 

  “I’m begging you, Jon, just either want this or don’t… don’t act like you care when you don’t. I can’t anymore.” Nick bit his lip to stop from crying he was thirty-two for fucks sake. He would not cry because of his stupid choices. The other man gave him room to talk before passing a hand over his hair he had recently buzzed off, and took a breath. “Been saving up, huh?” Shrugging, Nick tried to make himself seem smaller, not wanting the hurt to hit harder than it already was. “Maybe a little.” 

 Huffing, Jon enclosed the space between them, wrapping one arm around Nick’s waist, before using the other to caress Nick’s cheek. “Sweetheart, you know what we do for work. We can’t let dumb dirt sheet reporters leak anything that might fuck up a good storyline. But, if it will make your brain feel better, I do want more than just what we’ve had.” 

  Sniffling, Nick wiped his face and then used his hand to cuff Jon on the arm. “Jerk. You could have said something last week.” 

  His sometimes, not! Boyfriend chuckled. “Na. Gotta keep you on your toes, now don’t I? Why don’t you stay and in the morning, we’ll go for a hike and then some pancakes at Mae’s. My treat for treating my boyfriend like shit. I’m sorry.” 

  Heart in his throat, Nick stared directly into Jon’s face. “Boyfriend?” He wanted to know he wasn’t making shit up at three am. 

  Nick found himself being pulled in the direction of Jon’s stairs and then up them. “Don’t get used to it. You’re still someone Eds and I are gonna beat, because we’re better.” He couldn’t help but laugh. 

 “Sure, dream on. But seriously, Jon… we can… tell people at work. Just not…fans.” 

  Jon stopped at the top of the stairs and kissed him briefly. “Fine. When your idiot friends end up with split lips, I don’t wanna hear it. And I ain’t paying fines for it.” 

  “Duly noted,” Nick told him snottily.   Once they reached Mox’s room which Nick would have loved even without the other man standing in it because the walls were a very nice shade of blue, Nick found himself lifted off his feet and tossed onto the bed. “Go to bed,” Jon grumbled before climbing in after him and putting his arms around Nick.