#sometime

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There's something, s o m e t h i n g in this, you know?

He was wearing that blanket and only it. It became part of his divine (?) soul.

We don't see it on him in the arcane mindscape, where Viktor is happy and exploring with Sky (like he wanted to do with Jayce). We don't see it on him, when they talk honestly with Jayce. Viktor is actually naked there, soul bare, doing what he always wanted to do.

But each time Viktor tries to reject and diminish himself and his humanity, the blanket is there on his shoulders.

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And I don't mean it in the soft "Jayce is always there caring about Viktor's wellbeing" way (even though it's totally true). Maybe Jayce did put that blanket on him the first time, but Viktor did it himself all the times after that. He kept the blanket and wore it in the commune. His mind created his celestial body on the arcane-plane, where the blanket wrapped around him like flesh. His divine evolved self picked the blanket up from the floor it fell on, after Viktor stepped out of the cocoon fully naked, not needing anything in life anymore but his goals.

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This contradiction is so human.

It's like. No matter how strongly Viktor might want to destroy himself, his self who is weak and not needed. There was this one gesture of kindness towards him. At, probably, one of the most terrible moments of his life. When he was accepted and cared for as he is, even if Viktor couldn't bear it at the moment.

Idk, man. Now pull the blanket tight.

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Even when Sky (symbolic representation of Viktor's guilt and desire for connection) was gone, he kept the blanket. On his soul now.

The braces on Viktor's god-self mean several things at once (not getting into it here, maybe in another post). But the blanket moving to that plane, too? Viktor's subconscious clutching at it, despite everything?

Like he actually never could let go of his humanity. Like it's impossible, when there's at least one little lifeline left. A glimmer of hope, of desire Viktor wouldn't even acknowledge to have.

Not even talking about the great gay love here.

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Viktor wearing the blanket, pulling it tighter each time he essentially tried to kill himself. Means that he wants it. That connection. That kindness. Means that he wants to live. Despite everything.

If Viktor really fully lost himself in his ascension, his older self wouldn't have been able to recognise that desire.

Viktor's tragedy is not in him losing his humanity. It's in the fact that this goal, this Perfection is impossible to achieve to begin with.

(The dehumanised ableist perfection of capitalistic ideal life, and "fitting in" lies in this grave, too.)

He has to keep choosing to accept to not be human, each time at each turn. Accept it from the world, the system of power. From himself.

And yet, he never can. Not fully.

This is why the grand lie of it all is Viktor's salvation, too.

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As soon as Viktor regained his (human) perception of himself, the blanket disappeared almost completely.

And when he faced his fears and desires and came back to himself fully - the blanket is gone.

Because Viktor doesn't need the externalised symbol of everything he's trying to let go off. All the yearning and desire to live is within him now (also Jayce is actually there with him, bet that helps).

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I think this is the major point I disagree with in other, more pessimistic reads of the show's themes. That it's a story about oppressed people lashing out and breaking themselves in various ways to escape the pressure and threat of death from the world. That it doesn't go anywhere but conformity or death. Oh, I can write another separate essay about how Viktor and Jayce didn't die at the end and how important it is that it didn't happen (and i did!). This whole rant is part of it, too.

And I mean, bad things do happen to people in the story, they do lash out and break.

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And yet, Viktor wears the blanket. Clings to it so strongly it becomes part of his godhood. Strong enough to eventually tell about it all (back in time) to Jayce.

And yet, even under unimaginable pressure, after breaking completely, Viktor is still holding on to that blanket. Is still human. Despite what the world told him all his life. Despite the world wanting him dead, gone, forgotten, not caring one bit, despite Viktor agreeing with all this eventually. He holds the blanket close.

Despite Viktor becoming a monster in everyone else's minds, a real threat to the proper Piltover society and his own people in Zaun. Despite all that, Jayce can still look at Viktor at his worst, most distant and cruel and say "I see you. I need you. As you are".

Despite Viktor going past any possible point of no return, destroying his body and mind, and being ready to destroy the world, too, despite giving in to everything he feared. Viktor can still hear it from Jayce and realise he was wrong.

Despite fucking it up infinite amount of times, there was still always the chance to get it right, and they found it.

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Like. Isn't it wild. No amount of dehumanisation or cruelty you experienced can make you less human. Less worthy of care and love.