Er hat genau gewusst, wie sehr es dich verletzt. Er wusste, was sein Verhalten in dir auslöst. Und trotzdem hat er sich dafür entschieden. Nicht aus Unwissenheit. Sondern weil dein Schmerz für ihn in diesem Moment keine Rolle gespielt hat.
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Wo fange ich nur an mit meinen Gedanken, alles was ich will bist du. Und ja das stimmt, das ist die Wahrheit. Egal wie viel scheiße ich gebaut habe und wie viel Leid und Schmerz ich dir zugefügt habe. Du bist es die ich will. Und es ist so schmerzhaft zu verstehen, was ich überhaupt getan habe, es sei mal dahin gestellt, was ich alles hatte. Ich wähle dich nicht weil du die letzte Option bist oder deinen Selbstwert nicht kennst. Ich glaube eigentlich weißt du sogar ziemlich gut wie viel du wert bist. Ich wähle dich weil in all dieser Zeit egal was auch war und wie viel Höhen und Tiefen wir hatten, immer aber auch wirklich immer alles durchgestanden haben. Mein Leben, unser ist Wertvoller als alles andere für unseren Sohn, unsere Kinder. Ich werde sagen was für ein Riesen Fehler ich damals gemacht habe, das es eine Zeit gab, Inder so war wie ich hätte sein sollen. Und es uns als Familie nur gibt, weil eure Mutter so stark ist und mich nicht Aufgegeben hat. Und wenn ich euch das erzähle werdet ich mich schämen, ich werde weinen, das ich solch ein Unmensch war in einer solch wichtigen Zeit. Genau so aber werde ich auch zeigen, wie schön die Dinge waren und sind. Und werde euch eine wichtige Lektion mit ins Leben geben und das ihr niemals mit den Gefühlen anderer spielen sollt und das ihr immer ehrlich sein sollt, egal wie weh es euch oder dem gegenüber weh tut. Jeder hat die Wahrheit verdient. Ich werde euch davon erzählen wie Mama und Papa im Regen getanzt haben, durch Schlamm gestapft sind, worin die Schuhe versanken, Pommes süß sauer vom McDonald’s gegessen haben. Mama die größte ist trotz ihre Körper Größe. Das alles und noch mehr werde ich euch erzählen, mal wenn wir ins Bett gehen oder beim grillen. Mama hat an diesem uns festgehalten und deswegen sitzen wir hier, nur deswegen und dafür wird Papa ihr auf ewig dankbar sein und macht immer den Abwasch, meistens. Ich danke dir, für alles was du Tag täglich für uns gibst, auch in schweren Zeiten bist du für uns da. Ich werde dir vielleicht niemals das zurückgeben können, aber ich kann es versuchen. Ich liebe dich.
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You read the text message through the notification that just popped up at your screen. It was from Eric, so obviously you felt like blushing a little – he was not your boyfriend, but it was almost like that. You both have been friends since you can remember but one night it just happened that you guys exchanged drunken kisses at a party and never actually stopped the kissing, even if neither of you had a single drop of alcohol.
You had your suspicions that he was just messaging you so you two could make out a little before class started. It was a little early in the morning for that, you thought to yourself, as you were still not fully awaken, but you headed to the stairs anyway, as you were not opposed to making out with him at all. As you reached the last steps, you took your phone from your pocket and typed “already here” then sent to him.
You heard a notification sound coming from somewhere, but you knew it wasn't your phone that rang. From out of some big plants, Eric appeared – not dressed in his regular clothes. The often comfy gray sweatpants and hoodie were gone. He was dressed like you've never seen him before, so at the same time you felt curious as to why he was wearing a blazer and a pair of matching pants, you felt like he was planning something and that kinda scared you.
He saw the amusement and confusion in your eyes and walked towards you, brushing his blonde hair with his fingers and giving a little twirl so you could admire him from a 360° perspective.
“How do I Look?” he asks, a smile forming at his lips.
“You look – different.” you said, taking some steps around him, examining his new outfit and nodding your head at every detail, it was a very well made suit, with fine fabric and invisible but strong stitches. “I like it, if it's that what you're asking.”
“Now we have to find you a dress that matches.”
“I’m sorry” you stared at his round playful eyes while his hands ran through the suit, entering all the pockets as if he was looking for something. And that's when you realized what that was all about. But not to disappoint him, you kept playing dumb “I don't know what you’ve might possibly been talking about.”
He finally finds what he was looking for, in the pocket inside his blazer - tickets for the prom. He smiled so brightly at you while holding the tickets, you had to fight the urge to rush to him and kiss him. Gosh he was just so adorable.
“I bought this” he pointed at the outfit “so we could go to prom together. I mean, if you want to. Because if you don't then I-” You couldn't wait anymore, so you dropped your bag on the floor and rushed to him. What do you mean if I want to? You went straight at him, your hands holding both sides of his face and bringing his head to yours, making your lips touch. It was a rather tender kiss. He was surprised at first but followed you and returned the kiss, placing one of his hands at the small of your back and the other on your cheek, and you could feel him smiling all the way while your lips were still together. He brought your body closer to his but separated your mouths, taking his hand from your back and laying it on your other cheek, squeezing your face as he asked “so is that a yes?”
“It depends” you said and laughed to yourself, as you observed the light on his face disappearing. You took a step back and stared at him, arching one of your eyebrows and proclaiming “on how good of a dancer you are.” He started breathing again, you didn't even noticed that he held his breath. The playfulness flushed through his body once again and he became the Eric you’ve ever known.
“So there's just one way for me to proving be deserving of such great honor” he bowed in front of you in the most ridiculous way someone could and stand his hand to yours. “Can i have this dance?” he asked, keeping his head down. You laughed at him but held his hand. He immediately put his body in position, and you couldn't stop laughing at every move he displayed - it was of course an intentional tone of ridiculousness but he was willing to get your approval as a great dancer, so after some spins, he started dancing with you like he was meant to.
Your eyes were connected the entire time. He held your hand with his right hand and placed his left hand on your waist. His feet were fast, but followed a rhythm you didn't expect. That was a side of him you didn't know existed - but now you wished it never went away. He was a great dancer, but he was even more skilled at making you feel all the butterflies in your stomach. His dark eyes saying a thousand words his mouth never could. At that moment, you felt shivers down your spine, as if cold air just brushed through your skin. He was looking at you, staring at your heart with his own. And then you felt, a single drop of water falling from the sky. And then another, and another, but none of them really bothering you.
You haven't noticed how none of you were dancing anymore. You two just stared at each other, your breaths panting as the rain made it harder to breathe normally. Your hands held the ends of his blazer and his fingers gently caressed your arms. “So, what do you say?” he smiles at you, almost screaming so you could hear him. You lifted your arms, putting them around his neck and making his eyes even closer to yours, to make sure he felt the sincerity of your words.
“Oh, Eric, you can have all the dances you want. For the rest of our lives.” He held your waist and lifted you from your feet, kissing you one last, passionate time.
Als Vater hast du versagt, wenn du die emotionale Stabilität der Mutter deiner Kinder zerstörst. Denn sie ist ihre wichtigste Quelle für Liebe, Sicherheit und Stärke.
