#soh

[Cut for time and tone! In my head, this scene did happen. But to continue this scene, we would need to get into more details than were necessary. It felt like I was inserting this just to put it in, and did not flow naturally. But! Anyway! Yes, Court knows, explicitly, in SoH, because Amanda told her. Which is also why she and Shayne are not featured in the Epilogue.]

[This would take place between UTM and the party.]

What was she doing here?

The red double Venus symbol was shining down at her, exposing her in the light like a virus under a microscope. It wasn’t like her to feel self-conscious. But as the crowd of rowdy twinks and various multicolored hairstyles moved past her, she felt something tearing at her. Still, she wanted this. What she wanted, exactly, she wasn’t sure. A craving she was too chickenshit to admit to. She just wanted something, and this was pretty close.

It was nothing uncouth. Amanda at a gay bar. So what? What could anyone say? She loved gay people, no one could deny that.

But she’d never come alone.

Maybe this was a bad-

“Amanda?”

Her head shot up, fear gripping her at the thought of Angela being here, too. She let out a breath when she saw a blonde bob bouncing towards her instead. Jesus Christ, their voices sounded so similar sometimes.

Court was coming out the doors, maneuvering through the crowd towards her. She paused and waved to a small group of people, and blew a kiss as they left, laughing a little.

“What are you doing here!” She cheered, and wrapped her arms around Amanda to hug her.

“Hey!! I’m- I was just meeting some friends! But, uh,” She fumbled with her phone. “They just texted and said that they’re not coming, so. I’m about to go.”

Courtney pulled away and looked her in the face, her eyebrows telling a very vivid story that she was thinking hard about the situation. She pursed her lips and rubbed Amanda’s arm. “Why don’t we get a drink? You came all the way out here.”

“I guess… I mean, you were just leaving though, weren’t you?”

“Yeah, but… let’s just go! I’m not tired anyway and they make a really great apple martini.”

And you just couldn’t say no to Court when they were looking at you like that.

Drinks in hand, they found a seat at the bar, away from the loudest of the music. Amanda’s leg bounced as she perched on the barstool, and she sipped her drink like it would fix something.

“So you came to meet some friends?” Court asked, not holding eye contact for too long.

“Yeah, you know. They wanted to go out. Gay guys.”

“Yeah.” They took a sip and winced a little. “…Except this is a lesbian bar.”

Amanda drank.

Courtney rocked back in her seat, tapping her nails on the bar, and took a deep breath. Exhaled.

“You can talk to me about it, you know that?”

Amanda swallowed and blinked, looking around. Down. Anywhere else. “I’m not sure what you mean.”

Courtney fidgeted with their lips, chewing on them while she looked at Amanda, trying to work up the courage to do something. She sighed, finally, and put a hand on Amanda’s wrist.

“I think you do know what I mean. The thing with Ange-” Amanda broke eye contact again and Court followed her, gently insisting that she look at her. “The real reason you’re here. You can talk to me.”

There was a very long silence. Amanda held the eye contact for a little while, willing Courtney to just look away and drop it, but they wouldn’t. Of course they knew. They never said anything, but of course they did. Who didn’t, now? She took another long sip of her drink.

“I don’t know why I did it.”

Courtney let her have the space then, taking the pressure off. Cat was out of the motherfucking bag. What was the point in hiding it from her anymore?

“Are you unhappy?”

“With H? No.” She sighed, and ran a hand through her hair. “I love him. You might not believe me but really… I do. I- don’t want to lose him-” She bit her tongue and stopped talking, worried she would start crying if she spoke any more about her husband in this place.

Courtney moved her chair a little closer and put her hand on her back.

Amanda leaned over, resting her head on theirs, and sighed, trying to hold back a sob.

“How can I- fuck, Court.” She wiped a tear away and sniffed a little.

Courtney rubbed her back. She sounded almost like she was going to cry herself. “I’m sorry I don’t have the answers for you. I won’t tell anyone, okay? But you have to promise me that it’s over. You can’t do it again.”

Thank you again for loving my baby and I hope to see you soon in a new fic, provided I can get my ass to work on it. Please feel free to berate me about this or the Epilogue at your leisure:)