Lena gets up in the middle of the night to get a drink, returning to bed to find Kara spread across the bed, leaving no space left for Lena to fit.

---

I like sleepy supercorp but can you blame me?

When Alex left for college, guilt consumed her for oh so many reasons.

That she was leaving Kara, still in high school and unprotected.

That she was relieved to be leaving Kara, in high school and needing so much protection.

That she was leaving Eliza, because she’d been her mother’s horror and her mother’s rock since Jeremiah... since Jeremiah.

That she was relieved to be leaving Eliza, because maybe, just maybe, she’d be able to breathe.

That her father wasn’t there to drop her off at the dorm, wasn’t there to embarrass her as he took way too long to leave his eldest on her own. 

She knew it wasn’t her fault that it was gone, but she didn’t, not really.

Everything else was her fault. His death probably was too, somehow.

The amount of alcohol she poured into her body to cope with it all.

But the thing that Alex felt guiltiest about, leaving Kara behind, wasn’t leaving her to deal with social situations or Eliza’s bouts of depression or the agony of still not understanding this new planet when hers was gone.

It was the nightmares.

Because in their room, Alex had rarely slept. Because the moments in the middle of the night that Kara didn’t spend sweating and shaking and accidentally floating so high, so fast, so unintentional, that she nearly crashed through the ceiling...

The moments Kara slept peacefully, Alex watched over her.

Not that she could protect Kara from having nightmares.

But she’d be damned if she wasn’t going to try.

“They’re getting better, Alex,” Kara had lied when they would fall asleep on the phone together.

Alex knew better, but she pretended she believed her.

It was easier to pretend.

But then they were both living in National City, and then they were recovering from years of bitterness, navigating through a decade of love and pain and angst and cherishing.

And then, there was Lena Luthor.

Lena Luthor, who walked into their lives and looked like she would never leave.

And Alex watched Kara fall in love.

And she watched Lena fall in love.

She won the bet with Maggie over who would confess their feelings first, but she lost the one about who would be the first to accidentally share more information than Alex wanted to know about their developing sex life.

And though Kara still called her when she had nightmares -- she would always call Alex when she had nightmares -- Alex knew Kara was in good hands, every night now.

“Darling,” Lena whispered one night, not her first experiencing Kara’s nightmares, but certainly not the last. “Darling, you’re safe. Kara. Kara, darling, you can wake up. You’re safe, Alex is safe, everyone’s safe.”

“My planet isn’t safe. My people,” Kara croaked, shaking violently in Lena’s arms and drenched in sweat. She was emerging from her dream, but still not awake, not quite.

Lena cursed herself silently. “No,” she kissed Kara’s forehead softly, then her eyes, her nose, her eyebrows. “No, darling, they’re not. I’m so sorry.”

Kara’s eyes cracked open, slow but shining with tears. “Did I scream again?” she asked, barely able to look her girlfriend in the face.

Lena licked her lips and smoothed Kara’s hair off her damp forehead. “It’s alright, sweetheart.”

“I’m sorry.” The shaking was starting again, worse now.

“Kara Zor-El Danvers, don’t you dare apologize.” Her voice was soft, and her touch, softer.

“Sorry for apologizing,” Kara murmured, still panting.

But she let Lena take out one of the scented hand towels they kept in the bedside table, just for this, and dry her face, her neck, her chest.

“Do you want to tell me about it?” Lena asked, knowing the answer but wanting Kara to know she could change her mind whenever she wanted.

But, true to form, she shook her head. 

She was telling Lena everything she needed to by the way she was letting herself, for once, be cared for.

Lena let several long, long moments pass in silence -- only the sounds of her helping Kara detangle from the blankets, strip out of her pajamas, and take a freezing shower to regulate her breathing, her nervous system (Lena took it with her, because of course she did) -- before she wrapped Kara up in her favorite robe, in her arms, and took out her phone.

“Potstickers?” Lena asked, because it wouldn’t fix it. But damned if family (and food -- always with the food) wouldn’t help.

“Delivered by Alex and Maggie?” she asked, her voice still soft, her eyes still terrified, but the traces of a smile beginning on her lips.

“Where else would we get potstickers at this time of night?” Lena played at being offended.

“True,” Kara agreed, her lips twitching up even higher.

Kara learned early on in their relationship that Lena is easily startled– something she doesn't know how she'd missed in the early miles of their friendship.

It started when Lena stayed the night during the beginnings of their romantic relationship. Kara woke to the smell of frying bacons and gentle humming coming from the kitchen, her hands grasping for Lena's naked warmth only to come up with ruffled sheets and a Lena-shaped indent. She padded quietly from the bedroom, leaning against the doorframe to observe her girlfriend–Rao, she still can’t believe Lena is her girlfriend–softly humming to herself while flipping some scrambled eggs on the frying pan. The domesticity of the moment–with Lena cooking breakfast in nothing but her navy silk blouse partially unbuttoned, barefooted, and soft black hair piled in a messy bun–filled Kara with warmth and inexplicable love. She walked towards her occupied girlfriend silently–something she still hadn't learned not to do–and wrapped her arms around Lena's waist.

But what she expected to be a gentle greeting, maybe a chaste kiss and a playful laugh from the other woman was quickly shattered when Lena jumped in terror at the unexpected grip– whipping around to attack the intruder with the scalding hot spatula, successfully hitting Kara solidly on her forehead; an automatic response for the amount of times her life has been threatened at the hands of death. It earned Kara a half-torn spatula–which she notes on, 'I have to run to home depot. Again.'–and a wide-eyed Lena spewing apologies at rapid speed even Kara had trouble following.

“Omygod! I'm so so sorry– I didn't mean– Oh, God. I'm sorry– sorry sorry sorrysorrysorry!”

Kara, recovering from her shock at the turn of events, laughed heartily in response. She circled her hands around Lena's flailing wrists and placed a chaste kiss on her forehead.

“You're buying me a new spatula.”

Lena only blushed red.

The second time, she completely forgot how jumpy Lena can be–her excitement clouding her carefulness around Lena after that morning incident– that she thoughtlessly and exuberantly barged into Lena's office with her arm waving her phone around. Her excitement though was shuttered, when Lena's office mug came hurtling towards her in a perfect arc. She easily caught the object and stared at Lena who's equally wide-eyed– the young CEO's heart hammering wildly against her ribcage.

“Jesus– I'm sorry, darling. You startled me!” Lena walked to a rooted Kara, whose mouth is agape.

She placed a peck of greeting and apology on the reporter's slightly gaped lips, prompting Kara to shut her mouth and blink three times.

“How does Jess manage to come in here unharmed?”

Lena smiled guiltily, “She informs me via the intercom. But let's say there was a few mug throwing the first few weeks she worked for me.”

Kara chuckled lightly, “Well, I'll knock next time.” She then kissed Lena properly– tension draining from both of their frames.

The third time– well, no one can fault Kara, really. It was an emergency! And it was dire! Word of Cadmus coming into their radar had Kara flying to L-Corp below the sound barrier–worry occupying her mind and the need to see Lena and bring her to the DEO for her safety. Kara hadn't gotten over when Lillian kidnapped her girlfriend and had her captivated for a week. When Winn finally found their location, Kara wasted no second locating the given coordinates– not waiting for J'onn and Alex order a strike team– and arrived to the scene with the sight of her girlfriend battered and bruise and barely breathing.

To say Kara was terrified is an understatement and her rage towards Lillian climbed to great heights.

So when she landed to Lena's office balcony and found her girlfriend nowhere to be seen, the familiar grip of terror seized her heart vehemently. Thoughts of Cadmus lackeys getting there before her ran rampant in her mind. But when she focused her hearing and sensed Jess’ languid typing, she immediately released a breath in relief. With her chest puffed out, the crest of House of El proudly worn, she strode across the empty office and towards Jess’ desk tepidly.

“Yes, miss Danvers?” Jess greeted confidently without looking up.

Kara immediately halted, eyes widening and frantically looking around if anyone heard. She quickly walked to Jess’ desk. “How'd you know??!” She whispered in panic.

Jess met her gaze coolly. “I work for a woman who was dabbed as a child prodigy when she was 14. How do you think?”

Of course. Of course Lena would only choose someone almost as intelligent as her to trust.

Kara sighed heavily, “You have to come to the DEO and sign some NDA's, Jess.”

Jess only shrugged. “Wouldn't be the first time.”

Remembering her reason for being there, Kara straightened up and propped her hands to her hips. “Where's Lena?”

“Down at R&D.”

And just like that, Kara was a blur of blue and red. It only took her five minutes–five minutes too long!–to locate Lena and enter the laboratory she's working in.

“Lena you have to com–” her words were cut short when a microscope came hurtling towards her and smashed against her right shoulder–the parts disintegrating into pieces and onto the pristine white floor.

“Kara!” Lena exclaimed, hands cupping her mouth in shock at what she'd just threw at Kara and without meaning to muttered “That was expensive.”

Kara glared at her.

“How did you even manage to hurl that?!” Kara asked incredulously, familiar with the weight of a microscope after getting the chance to use one when she solar flared.

Lena blushed in embarrassment, “Um– adrenaline.” She shrugged, her heart still beating rapidly from the shock of Kara's arrival.

Kara stared at her girlfriend for a minute. Thanking Rao that she's practically made of steel.

“You're impressively adorable as is terrifying.”

Lena blushed brighter.

The fourth time elicited a fire accident. Kara didn't mean it, she certainly didn't thought her simple query wether Lena needs more tampons would result to her almost burning her apartment down– the apartment Lena practically lives in already for half of her wardrobe is already occupying Kara's dress drawers.

The both of them were spending a day off from the office with Kara lounging in the couch, shoulders hunched over the coffee table while she listed down the things they'd need from their scheduled afternoon grocery shopping. Pondering wether they have enough hygiene products, Kara called out to Lena– who was preparing something for lunch, a half glass of wine at her elbow. The quiet stillness of the apartment a comfort to Lena.

“Babe, do you need some tampons?” Kara yelled across the apartment.

Her expected answer came with an alarmed yelp of 'Fuck!’ followed by the distinctive roar of the kitchen stove.

Kara jumped from the couch and hurriedly ran to the kitchen to find Lena frantically wetting a towel under the faucet, the fire in the stove climbing to the ceiling, a broken glass of wine laying on the floor with drips of the alcohol wetting the stove top– possibly the culprit which fed the hungry flames. It doesn't take a genius to put two and two together.

Kara used her freeze breath to put out the fire. The stove now frozen and sporting some icicles. 'Home depot. Again.’

“Thank Rao for freeze breath.”

“I'm sorry.” The crack to Lena's voice had Kara look at her and see the welling tears in her green eyes.

She hurriedly padded over to Lena, cupping her face in her hands and rubbing the few tears that escaped from her shining green eyes.

“Shhh, it's alright, Lena. It's just a stove–”

Lena jerked her head out of Kara's hand, rubbing at her own eyes. “No! I'm always ruining things. I even threw a microscope at you. A microscope, Kara! What if I had hurt you?! I'm so sorry. I'll buy you a new stove. I promise. I understand if you want to break up with me–”

“No!” Kara cupped her cheeks firmly– not enough to hurt, but enough to make Lena look at her in the eye–”No. Don't be ridiculous. I love you! I'm not gonna break up with you over a stupid stove, Lena–”

“But–”

“No buts.” Kara interjected but Lena went on regardless.

“But what if you've solar flared and I threw something at you 'cause you startled me and I hurt you and you'd hate me and Alex too 'cause I'm such a clumsy Luthor–”

Kara swallowed Lena's unexpected rambling with her mouth, lips pushing against Lena's until the green-eyed girl relaxed against her.

She broke the kiss then leaned her forehead against Lena's, “I love you. Unexpected clumsiness and all and I'm not gonna break up with you over a meager thing. No matter how many things you accidentally throw at me.” She teased softly.

Lena chuckled softly at the harmless tease, stealing a peck from Kara, “I love you too. So much.”

They enjoyed the quiet of the moment for several seconds, revelling in each other's presence and the security that Lena's clumsiness that came from being easily startled isn't something Kara hates but accepts as a part of the Lena she loves, and that Kara won't end their relationship over it.

“It's a good thing I'm Super.” Kara joked, wiggling her eyebrows.

Lena's laughter echoed in the apartment, full, carefree, and unbridled, before humming contently, “A Luthor and a Super. Who would've thought?”

Lena doesn't know, but when Kara doesn't feign exhaustion to prompt Lena into leaving, she counts it as a good sign. When Brainy and Nia finally leave, it's just the two of them, and Lena finally has a chance to ask the question that's been weighing on her since the Phantom Zone.

"Are you okay?" she asks quietly. They're on the couch together, facing each other with their arms propped up on the back cushions. Lena lets her hand fall, brushing Kara's forearm in concern before she can stop herself, before she can wonder if she's allowed to intimate a touch.

Kara sighs, and nods. "I'm getting there. Nights like tonight help. I like having you guys around."

Once upon a time, Lena knows Kara might have simply said, having you around, the plural implicit, and easily translatable to having Lena around specifically. But Kara picks her words as carefully as Lena does.

A quiet settles over them. Lena doesn't pull her hand away, continuing to let her thumb rub against the sleeve of Kara's sweater. Now that contact has been made, Lena can't bring herself to pull away.

Finally, Kara looks at her with soft eyes. Wary eyes. Weary eyes. Hopeful eyes.

"Are we okay?"

Kara's question washes over Lena, filling her with peace. A month ago, it might have slammed into her, stabbed into her chest and carved her open. But now... Lena can't bring herself to hold the grudge her instincts want her to.

"If you want to be," Lena returns, just as quietly. "I know I--"

"No, Lena--" Kara straightens, her gaze sharpening. "Stop. We both have done things we're not proud of. I love you anyway."

Love. So Kara hadn't been lying. Lena wasn't crazy after all. She'd nearly convinced herself that the depth of their friendship had been one sided, that her expectation of reciprocity had only been assumed, to Lena's own shame. But it hadn't been.

"I love you too."

God help her, she did. In spite of everything, Lena still feels the tug in her chest at Kara's nearness, her anger having ebbed to reveal the affection, the connection, that had so enthralled Lena in the first place.

"I'm not saying we shouldn't still talk about it," Kara continues. "We probably should. But I... I just don't have it in me to be angry anymore."

Lena nods, tears clouding her vision. "Me either."

"So maybe we can just... try again?"

Kara lowers her hand against the cushions, tangling her fingers with Lena's.

"I've missed you."

Lena hiccups, covering it with a soft, deprecating laugh. She wipes at her eyes.

"Why are you lurking?"

"You have a little... something."

"What? Where?"

"Right...*smek* there."

"..."

"And *smek* there, and *smek* there..."

"All right, all right, you can have a snack when we get back to the car!"

"Yes!" Fist pump. "Wait... what kind of snack?"

https://archiveofourown.org/works/31518530/chapters/78887779#workskin

NOTE: at the end of this chapter there's a su!cide attempt. Please do not read if you sensitive to the subject! Read at your own risk.