#soft caleb

Standing here alone on the train platform, you wonder if that promise will be broken this year. The snowfall has already begun, with all of Linkon covered in its fluffy white blanket. Snowflakes cling to your lashes, your hair, and the fabric of your clothes. Caleb's train from Skyhaven still hasn't arrived and he hasn't responded to any of your calls or texts. Hardly anybody else is on the train platform besides you. The train is delayed, but who knows if further travel will end up being canceled before it makes it to Linkon?

You debate heading home for a moment, but decide to stay for a bit longer. If you could get a break from the cold, then you'd be able to wait with renewed energy. You head downstairs from the platform, gripping the handrail firmly so as to not slip on the ice. Snow crunches underneath your black boots, the golden lights of the city glowing like embers in the snowy night. You meander aimlessly, searching for a cozy refuge from the frigid air. There should be a bakery around here somewhere, a place where you can sit inside and enjoy a hot cup of cocoa before venturing back out into the freezing embrace of winter.

The icy wind kisses your skin and makes your eyes water. The streets are empty save for a few stragglers. You haven't seen this much snow since you were a kid. You remember running out into the street with Caleb with the snow reaching halfway up your calves. The two of you were small and rowdy, with a proud fearlessness towards the world. You would chase each other around in circles, chucking snowballs and tackling each other into the snow. Caleb—that jerk!—would stuff snow down the back of your jacket and run away laughing. You would shriek from the cold sensation and chase after him to pound him with punches. When you and Caleb got tired of wrestling with each other, both of you would fall back onto the snow and look up at the sky with wonder, giggling as you made snow angels together. It was a simpler time.

Seeing this snowfall now, which has already reached past your ankles, you wonder how high the snow accumulation will reach. Maybe it'll be less than expected, or maybe it'll be more. The darting, zigzagging path of the snowflakes reminds you of yourself and Caleb. You've both separated and reunited many times before, lost and found each other again and again. Two people scattered in a blizzard full of others, a torrential snowfall of people and connections. Like the fragile snowflakes swirling in the air, you're both powerless against the fierce winds of fate.

What if, one day, you and Caleb are separated from one another, unable to reunite again?

Just as that painful question crosses your mind, you hear a familiar voice call your name through the wind. Sunshine breaking through the gray clouds of your winter storm.

You turn around to see Caleb walking towards you, wearing his black travel backpack and the necklace you gave him. For some reason, seeing him amidst the snowstorm and the city lights has your emotions catching in your throat. Suddenly, you're sprinting towards him, tackling him into a hug with so much force that you nearly knock him into the snow. Caleb catches you with strong, steady arms, holding you tightly as your nose bumps against his chest.

"Caleb, you dummy!" You huff and puff into his chest, your cheeks red from the cold. "You didn't answer any of my calls. Do you have any idea how long I've been waiting in the cold?"

Caleb chuckles, his voice soft with affection. "I know, I know. I'm the dummy. My phone died while I was on the train and I forgot to pack a charger." He presses a gentle kiss to your temple. "I'm here now. Did ya think I wouldn't show up?"

You grip the fabric of his coat tightly. This is your cue to to swallow down the fear that rises up in your throat like bile and keep the conversation going with something light.

Today, it feels impossible to hold back.

"Gēgē," you call quietly. The smile on Caleb's face falls away, replaced with the shadow of a frown pinching his lips and concern dragging his brow into a crease. "I waited a long time for you today. Even before today, I've waited for you many times. While I wait for you, there's always a thought that crosses my mind—even more so after our family home was destroyed—"

You can't say it, can't mention the destruction and the sudden absence of him from your life. Since that day, and the day after, and the days and weeks and months after that—the time when you thought he was gone forever…

"What if, this time, you don't come back?"

Your words are a dangerous admission in the blizzard of emotion between you two. It feels as though you've handed your delicate heart to him with both hands, leaving it vulnerable to attack. It could easily be dropped, shattered, or stomped on by him, or by others. It's not just death you're afraid of—the possibility of him leaving you behind for something or someone more important to him than you makes your soul tremble.

"During that time, there was nothing I could do for you." The words spill out of you in a rush, a flurry of dirty snow hurtling towards him. "Even now, I wonder if you can really be happy with someone like me, when there's better options out there—"

"Mèimei."

The seriousness of his tone has your mouth snapping shut in an instant. Caleb grasps your face with gloved hands, brushing away the tears slipping down your cheeks. He tilts your head up so you can see his face properly. Your heart nearly skips a beat. There is nothing but tender adoration in his eyes, steadfast and unwavering. In the midst of the sharp winds and ruthless frigidity of this storm, it feels as though there is no place more safe and loving than standing in the line of sight of Caleb's radiant gaze.

"I'm sorry I left you alone for so long." He speaks sincerely, regret and pain swirling in his eyes like a misty fog. "And I'm sorry we have to separate so often, but there's one thing I can promise to you—" His words are rich and blooming, colored vibrantly with hope. "No matter what, I will always return to your side. I'll spend the rest of my life proving it if I have to. Nobody else makes me happier than you do."

Suddenly, you can feel it—Caleb is someone who will cradle your heart in the palms of his hands and hold it close to his chest, never daring to let it get hurt. You punch his shoulder lightly, still sniffling. "You better. I'll take you court and put you on trial if I have to."

Caleb laughs, bright and cheerful. "Is that so? I'm going to have to invest in a good lawyer then."

You laugh with him, the anxiety that lingered over your mind quietly fading away. It feels as though your heart has been cleansed in a purifying spring, free from the poisons that had eaten away at you for too long. The winter storm rages on, but inside your heart and the connection between you two, the sun has broken through the clouds at last.

"I'll make sure to bankrupt you with all the lawyer fees you'll have to pay."

"Ouch. And here I thought we were finally reaching a mutual understanding."

You back away a few meters from him, crouching down with a mischievous grin as you dig your hands into the snow. "Maybe the snow will have a different answer for you."

Caleb grins, dropping his backpack to the ground. It's the same devious, boyish grin you remember from your childhood. "Are you sure you wanna play this game? Because I remember you losing to me in every snowball fight when we were kids. You always got angry and pouty about it afterwards."

When you two were kids, both of you were supposed to wait until each of you had a snowball in your hands before you started the fight, but Caleb always cheated and threw his snowball at you before you had one ready in your hands.

You stand up straight, packing the snow in your hands into a ball. You sigh and shake your head with mock disappointment. "Arrogance isn't a good look on you, gēgē. The higher you fly, the further you'll fall."

Caleb crouches down to scoop up a weapon of his own. "As a pilot, I think I can navigate the skies just fine, thank you very mu—"

Your snowball hits him right on the shoulder, dead on its target. The momentary stunned look on Caleb's face has you smirking. "What was that about navigating the skies?"

"Oh, you little—"

You both run around, chasing and pelting each other mercilessly with snow until you're out breath and your faces are flushed from the cold. Your laughter and Caleb's laughter mix and intermingle with the snowfall, light and carefree like when you were kids.

There comes a moment when Caleb throws his hands up in a placating manner. "Alright, how about a truce?"

Your eyes narrow at him suspiciously. "I thought you were the type to never surrender, colonel."

"It's not a surrender," he counters. "Just a temporary truce in order to get home before the last train stops running."

You lower your arm, feigning innocence. You have a feeling he might try something sneaky, but you won't let it happen. "Fine."

Just as Caleb crouches down to pick up his backpack, you yank his collar towards you and stuff a fistful of snow down his back. He yelps and falls backwards towards you into the snow. You cheer, jumping around and pumping your fists above your head. "Yes! I win! Yay! Take that, loser—Woah!"

Caleb uses his Evol to manhandle you into his arms quickly and efficiently, but also cautiously enough to not hit your body on the pavement. He rolls onto his back so you're laying on his stomach with your arms squished against his chest. You open your mouth to yell at him, but he catches your lips into a kiss before you can. His lips are soft and inviting. He kisses you like you're the only one he'll ever want. You kiss him back with just as much fervor. When you finally break apart from him, the way he looks up at you makes your stomach flutter.

"You're supposed to be despairing in your defeat," you grumble, but your shy cadence packs no punch. You avoid his gaze, unable to maintain eye contact with those lovesick eyes.

Caleb adjusts your hat, his fingers brushing against your hair. "Losing isn't so bad when I'm losing to you." He twirls your hair around his finger and brings it to his lips. "I'll stay defeated for the rest of my life."

"You…! You're so…!" You struggle to articulate your feelings into words, so you grab Caleb's head with both hands and squish his face. "Caleb, I hate you!"

Caleb laughs, his whole face lighting up with joy. You find yourself wondering why you ever doubted your relationship with him. For the first time, you're truly understanding what you mean to him. Nothing could ever satisfy you more than seeing how happy he is with you. In this moment, you can feel your hearts beating as one.

If the winds of fate can hear you through the storm, you'll only wish for one thing.

Please let me cherish Caleb's smile for a little while longer.

You had tried to study with him, but sitting near him created a fluttering feeling in your chest that made it difficult to concentrate on reading. You had tried to schedule hangouts, but more often than not, you ended up chatting for hours with your limbs tangled together in a familiar embrace that held more emotional weight than you were used to. You had tried to text him to maintain some semblance of a digital connection, but it always ended in him showing up with enough snacks for two. Cue the previous two issues.

It was obvious that you were trying to create some distance, and Caleb wasn’t one to push things farther than they needed to go. He quietly accepted his new role, texted less frequently, and made himself more scarce. But he never left. 

Caleb joined the campus recreational basketball team, the courts seen from the window of your favorite study location in the undergraduate library. Caleb got a part-time job as a barista at the cafe you grabbed breakfast at before your early morning classes. Caleb joined a service fraternity and made friends who coincidentally lived in the same dorm as you. When he’d see you nearby, he would offer a wave and that familiar soft smile. It seemed that everywhere you went, his presence followed. As if he was waiting for something. For you to finally realize how much you missed him, maybe. That’s what it felt like at least. Or maybe that’s what was stuck in your mind this whole time.

You observed from a distance how he was surrounded by new peers, groups of individuals who all spoke highly of him in person and when he left the room. You overheard and saw the vast amount of social events he was invited to. A crude ball of insecurity writhed inside you at the thought of him finding another best friend. Another you. Someone else to share his day with. His life.

Your presumed selfishness had surprised you. It bolstered you towards your goal of becoming less dependent on Caleb. You had late-night gossip sessions with Tara. You learned the names of your teachers’ assistants, joining every office hour you could. You studied, focused, and locked in on what you’d been doing your whole life. School. Education. That’s what you needed to dedicate yourself to. That’s what was predictable. Uncomplicated.

Zayne had become a common occurrence in your study sessions, with one in-person lecture and two online courses overlapping in your schedules. Sweet treats and silent studying made for quite a pleasant evening in your book, and you were beginning to enjoy the stoic man’s company. An inkling of a smile appeared every so often after your jokes, causing your heart to swell with pride. 

Despite the fulfilling academic life and camaraderie with your classmates, Zayne, and your roommate Tara, the dull ache that resounded in your chest every time you thought of Caleb was impossible to ignore. 

You just had to get past midterms. You would contact Caleb after, make up a weak apology, invite him to hang out to satiate his whining, and he’d accept it like he always did. That was the plan. But when midterms ended and you sent the message, Caleb had asked you to meet him at the basketball courts, his message oddly brief. The fall air was cool as you made your way in that direction, breathing warm air into your cold hands. Your glasses fog as you round the corner, the condensation fading and your vision returning. 

The sight in front of you was almost too much to process. In the grass near the basketball court was a picnic set up, a beautiful spread of fruits and snacks laid out. A few feet away sat Caleb, lying down with the sun on his face and his elbows propping himself up. He looked so serene, wearing jeans with a tank top despite the chilly weather. His denim jacket was laid down at his side, and you wondered for a moment why he brought a jacket if not to wear it. 

All the feelings you had shoved down over the last two months, the desire for things to return to normal, the avoidance, the unavoidable truth—it all bubbled up out of you at once. You liked Caleb. As potentially more than a friend. And you missed him so much it pained you. Before you could realize what was happening, tears gathered in the corners of your eyes. You blinked them away, tilting your head up. It was just the stress of midterms. Pull yourself together. 

You shook off the tension and walked towards Caleb. Your legs felt as stiff as boards, your mouth going dry as you approached. Caleb turned and hopped up, his smile bright enough to blind. He jogged in your direction and wrenched you into a smothering hug. “Pips! It’s so good to see you. I missed you so much, you busy bee! How did midterms go?”

Your heart beats erratically at his warm embrace, his large arms binding you against his chest. Your hands slipped around his waist, your fist loosely gripping his shirt to ground yourself. You could feel your cheeks warming, pulling away before the flush in your face became too obvious. 

“Midterms went well,” you provided smoothly, your hand pressing against the clothed expanse of his abdomen to try and create some distance. “I haven’t received my grades yet for most, but I got a 97% on the one that was automatically graded. Thankfully Zayne helped me study for that one; it was the one I was most worried about!”

Caleb visibly winced. You paused, laughing, “What’s that reaction about? I know it’s not a perfect score, but come on!”

The man took a step back, shaking his head resolutely with a wry smile, “Nothing. It’s just—Sorry. I’ve been dying to hang out with you for the last two months, Pips. You said you weren’t available, but you’ve been hanging out with that guy this whole time? Did I do something wrong?”

Oh, this felt much, much worse than the sinking dread of realizing your feelings. The disappointment was palpable, and shame slid underneath your skin like a horrible parasite. You backpedaled, rambling, “Well, it hasn’t really been hanging out. It’s just studying, and we barely even talk. We actually don’t talk at all, really. We just kind of sit next to each other and read and do practice exams.”

Caleb’s gaze drifted to the picnic setup, raising his arms to flatten his palms against the top of his head in exasperation. He swallowed thickly, and for a moment, you swore you saw his chin quiver. He took a deep breath and sat, running his hands over his face, murmuring under his breath, “… for you.”

You bit your lip worriedly and sat down next to him, stepping around the sliced fruit and small bowls of savory treats on the blanket. “What did you say?”

Caleb didn’t meet your gaze, picking at the edge of his jeans, “I would’ve sat next to you and read quietly. I could have done that for you. I want to.”

Your thoughts flicked back to the few times you did invite him. The way his smile pulled you away from the books on the table. The way the smallest brush of his hand sent your pulse skyrocketing. You couldn’t focus with him around, and you couldn’t exactly ask your best friend to just… stop being attractive. The wind picked up, a few leaves drifting by the picnic blanket.

“Caleb,” you started, your chest tight as you floundered for an excuse, “I would’ve, but… I know you’ve been making a lot of friends lately, and I didn’t want to bother you with studying. I know you don’t like it, so I just… didn’t think to invite you. I’m really sorry.”

“Make it up to me on Friday.”

“Huh?”

Caleb repeated himself firmly, “Make it up to me on Friday. My service frat has a formal event they’re hosting at a local bar, and I want you to be my date.”

His date. You gaped, “What? Wait, hold on, what exactly are you inviting me for?”

Caleb picked up a piece of watermelon and popped it in his mouth, chewing and holding out a piece. “Want some watermelon? It’s super fresh. I thought it would’ve been out of season already.”

You laughed incredulously, “Caleb! Are you just ignoring my question? Why do I need to go?”

“Because I miss you,” he spoke gingerly, his eyes finally meeting yours for the first time since you had greeted each other. He looked bothered, a crease forming between his brows as the corners of his lips turned down. “I miss you a lot, Pips. And if I get to hang out and enjoy one fun night with you before you get busy again, I’m going to savor every minute you give me.”

His eyes shone with fondness, a smile sliding its way back onto his face. It was your turn to pick up a piece of fruit. The cool juice hit your tongue as you bit down, tearing your eyes away from Caleb to stare down at the grass in front of you. You swallowed, but the tension did not leave your throat. You frowned.

“Caleb it’s…confusing when you say things like that in that way.”

“Like how?”

You rushed to think of the words, “Like, well… you say such sweet things, and I guess it just feels so… intimate. Like I’ve mentioned before, if people overhear, they might get the wrong idea. You know? Does that make sense?”

The evening sunset curls over the horizon, casting hues of pink and orange over your picnic. The breeze picks up, and you shiver slightly. Caleb shifts to sit behind you, draping his jacket over your shoulders. “Yeah. It makes sense.”

He clearly wanted to say more, but he remained silent. You wished you could tell what he was thinking. You gripped Caleb’s jacket tighter around yourself, your heart thrumming quickly. Silence was almost worse than talking.

“Can I be honest? And you have to promise not to laugh.”

Even though he sat behind you, you could tell he was grinning, “Go ahead, but no promises.”

You reach back to elbow him lightly, smiling, “Jerk. I was just thinking that you’d look really good in a tie. You didn’t wear one for high school graduation, but it might be nice to see if it elevates your outfit for the formal.”

You didn’t have the heart to say what you were really thinking about the formal. You were thinking of his hands on your body, swaying to the beat of the music in less than a week. Thinking of whether you could convince him to stay over at your dorm afterwards under the guise of having a slumber party like old times. You knew it wasn’t wise, but if you were going to distance yourself again, it wouldn’t hurt to indulge in his presence just for the night.

Friday night approached quicker than you anticipated, leaving you scrambling for a last-minute formal outfit that Tara thankfully assisted you with at the campus thrift store. Without her, you feared you would have been ten times more nervous than you already were. And when Caleb arrived outside your dorm that afternoon wearing a tie that matched your outfit, you couldn’t help but buzz with excitement. 

That was before you ended up on the floor of someone’s frat basement in a circle of people with cups of alcohol in the center. The “formal” part of the night was really an excuse for everyone to get dressed up and bar hop, and you had introduced yourself so many times that your name was starting to sound foreign on your tongue. Some of Caleb’s friends suggested a nightcap at one of their frats. What you thought would be a movie and snacks ended up as a drinking game. 

You could barely keep up with the explanation of the rules, most of the lingo foreign to you. Cards were passed around swiftly, and the game began. Caleb sat next to you in his button-up and slacks, tie slightly loosened around his neck. It was almost necessary after the third bar’s air conditioning broke. Even though he had clearly understood all the rules, he was absolutely horrible at the game. Loss after loss. After multiple rounds and drinks downed, Caleb was beginning to look a little red in the face.

You nudged him with a concerned smile, “Hey, you doing alright?”

Caleb flushed as he met your gaze, fidgeting with the edge of his cards. “Uh… yeah. I’m doing great. Perfect.”

“You sure?” You pressed, glancing at the stack of empty solo cups in front of him, “You’ve had a lot already. I don’t know if I can carry you back to your dorm if you pass out, so I might have to leave you on the street.”

He chuckled, “Aw, so mean. Would you at least sleep on the street with me?”

“No!” You exclaimed with a smile, shoving his side, “You’re the one who sucks at this game. If the consequences for sucking are to sleep on the street, who am I to defy fate?”

Caleb’s eyes were a little glossy, his smile lazy as he leaned in towards your ear. He whispered, “Come on. Let’s head out of here so I can get you home safely. And before I’m doomed to sleep on the street alone.”

The frigid night air was colder than you remembered it being, thinking back to that first college party when you ended up having a few drinks more than you intended. How the tables had turned. Your arm was linked with Caleb’s as you walked, the stars shining in the dark sky. The quad was eerily quiet, the grass lawn empty of students, and crickets chirping in the distance. Words unsaid hung heavy in the air as you both walked closely together. The night was beautiful.

“Hey, Caleb.”

“Yeah, pips?”

“I promise not to get so busy again.”

—

Caleb yanked his tie off his neck once he returned to his dorm, tossing it against the wall. Fuck. He had planned to say something. Anything. But the way you looked all dressed up, smiling up at him in the crowded bars, and even the look of concentration you had on your face during the drinking game had rendered him useless. How could he jeopardize everything? For his own selfishness, on the slim chance that it was reciprocated?

A message pops up on his phone from the party host.

Thought you wd like this. u and ur date

The attached image was of the two of you sitting next to each other on the floor, leaning close as you laughed out loud. Your eyes sparkled. He hoped that he contributed to that look, even the smallest bit. The matching formal outfits made it clear that even if you two weren’t an item, you were a bonded pair. With a few deft clicks, Caleb set his new lock screen and flopped into bed. He slept peacefully, only awakening to a vivid dream of your hands gripping his tie, pulling him closer until he could almost taste your lips on his.

A/N: if these two won’t talk to each other then THEIR DREAMS WILL!! 2 more chapters and then this will be over <3 my blorbos!! confession scene next chapter!!!!