#sofia skyrim

I'm back on my Skyrim prison bullshit. I can only apologise. This chapter of the review will cover Morthal, the community's collective 9th favourite Skyrim city. Will its prison fall just as flat as the city that holds it?

Arriving in my cell for the first time and I'm pleasantly surprised. Morthal Jail uses cost effective but cozy bedrolls to give prisoners a place to sleep, as well as a complimentary bucket and broom to encourage their responsibility in helping tidy their accommodations. From these we can immediately infer that the mindset in Morthal is one of community strength. Placing multiple prisoners in one cell helps build bonds and encourages teamwork, communication and friendship. Admittedly the sorts that end up in prison are more likely to simply beat their cellmates to death with their bare hands than work in-tandem with them, but it's the thought that counts.

There was space for three prisoners in this one cell, which was fortunate as Sofia and I had been arrested simultaneously (Sofia for drunken hooliganism and myself for lollygagging). Included on Sofia's side of the cell was an additional bucket, this likely serving as the simple but effective waste deposit for this cell. Also included was a basket containing five green apples and multiple sacks. Most of the sacks were empty but one of them had some salt piles inside, useful for when we needed to add salt to somebody's wounds. These simple supplies show a level of understanding for prisoner's needs not really seen in most other prisons which goes a long way to making this one feel more welcoming. Thankfully I was given an opportunity to explore beyond my cell not much later.

Less than a minute after Sofia and I had arrived in our cells, Inigo walked up to the cell doors... and simply opened them. I was at a loss for words! How had he done this? Had he used his special Khajiit powers again? Did he steal the key from an unsuspecting guard? Or had he simply intimidated the door into giving way? Well as it tuns out it was much simpler than that. He paid our bail. He had picked up some trace valuables from our adventures while I was, and I quote, "too busy scarfing dragon souls as if they were sweet rolls" and could very easily afford the rather meager bail price. Yeah turns out lollygagging doesn't incur that high of a bounty, and as for Sofia, I had asked a guard and he told me that since Morthal is such a nothing shithole drunken hooliganism is a very common offence and as such more major punishments weren't really practical for having a city with people not in prison. Still, it gave me the chance to freely observe the rest of the facilities.

Leaving my cell had allowed me to freely confirm something I had observed inside my cell. The Morthal guard leave the prisoner belongings chests directly next to the prison cells, in plain view of all the prisoners. Now, I understand that this prison is trying to build a feeling of mutual trust in its prisoners, but I fear this is far too optimistic. With the chests in this position, any wannabe escapist can freely identify where their equipment is held and try to access it without even being in the peripheral view of any guards, leading them to easily re-acquire their trusty Banded Iron Shield of the Major Knight or whatever it is they use and be more than prepared to force their way to freedom without major harm. This, much like the issues plaguing Dragonsreach Dungeon, is a major security breach and should be remedied.

I (the rather large Redguard man in the rags pictured above) then noticed that the entire prison floor in this hold was being guarded by a single solitary guardsman. Initially I had considered this lack of manpower a major oversight and a suggestion that the Morthal guard were largely lazy and/or not effectively utilized like the Whiterun guards. However, in reflection shortly after coming to this conclusion, I came to a realization. This city is a nothing shithole with a total named population of eighteen people (three of which are children). Of course there's only one guard stationed here. What few guards this city has stationed here are likely stretched incredibly thin and not very satisfied with life given they do, in fact, live in Morthal. As such, I can readily forgive the short-staffed nature of this jail.

Opposite the guard was a desk for writing legal documentations, equipped with a writer's quill, rolls of paper and multiple bottles of wine. Naturally at the sight of alcohol Sofia immediately made herself at home and then took some serious persuading to leave. Turns out having an alcohol-happy workspace in a city where drunken hooliganism is let off lightly is exactly the sort of thing to get her attention, though knowing her should have made that obvious.

The way out of the jail floor leads directly into the guard barracks with zero alternative routes and multiple guards inside at all times, which in any other hold would act as a strong defence against escaping convicts. However, with this being Morthal the nothing shithole and the guards being so few in number, every guard in the barracks when I entered was fast asleep, catching up on any rest they could possibly get. I pity those soldiers, but I doubt thieves, murderers and other more serious convicts would be as sympathetic.

On the whole, I found Morthal Prison to be a much better facility than Dragonsreach Dungeon. It has a clear intention for its captives in mind, it accommodates them well without breaking the bank and the guards (what ones are still awake that is) are very nice and understanding. There are still faults however, namely the placement of the prisoner belongings chests and the fact that this is still, at the end of the day, Morthal. Despite these though, I'd recommend Morthal Prison. It serves as a diamond in the swampy messy shithole that is Hjaalmarch.

Final rating: Seven Banded Iron Shields of the Major Knight out of Ten Banded Iron Shields of the Major Knight

Lgbtq+ headcanons with the Dovahkrew

These are Sexuality and romantic orientations not gender orientation headcanons. Sorry. These are also MY headcanons so if they don't match up with your headcanons it's not personal so please don't get mad at me. I am curious to see your headcanons as well though.

Round one

Nebarra VS Rumarin

Taliesin VS Hoth

Caryalind VS Bishop

Lucifer VS Secunda

Inigo VS Remiel

Lucien VS Auri

Kaidan VS Sofia

Gore VS Xelzaz

Round two

Taliesin VS Lucien

Nebarra VS Caryalind

Secunda VS Gore

Inigo VS Kaidan

Round three

Taliesin VS Nebarra

Inigo VS Gore

Round four

Inigo:

Rumarin:

Caryalind:

Bishop:

(it's a bugatti, btw)

Lucien:

Auri:

Kaidan:

Kaidan Extended:

Sofia:

Hoth:

Skeever:

Rufus:

“Sofia” is the Imperialized version of a more traditional Nordic name

The Abandoned Shack outside Morthal was Sofia’s childhood home

The stint of farm work Sofia mentions was in Rorikstead. It ended when Sofia realized she hates routines almost as much as she hates farmers and quit without notice

She self-sabotages every aspect of her life. She needs to offend everyone so that the any rejection is on her terms, she needs to spend money the second she gets it so she can’t regret a big financial decision

Sofia’s fear of rejection has kept her from joining The Companions. She likes the idea of being a mercenary with bragging rights but puts it off because she can’t stand the idea of Kodlak (or anyone) deciding if she’s worthy

Sofia has a crush on Aela the Huntress

Sofia was not actually drunk the day she shot Anoriath, she’s just too proud to admit what a bad archer she is

Phinis Gester tried to make Sofia a Conjuration Apprentice after he found her creating the spell “Summon Sofia.” Sofia refused because she felt he was a creep and she didn’t want want him to summon her.

She was given an academic demerit for reckless use of magic after she tested her new spell “Mass Vanish Garments” in the library. Phinis wanted to let her off with a warning if she agreed to join the conjuration school but Tolfdir was tired of watching Phinis get apprentices killed and insisted on expulsion

Sofia: Yeah. I just-you been so nice to me. I hate that Im actually worried I'll push you away or think I'm a gold digger.

Anya: I never thought of you like that. I like to spoil my friends.

Sofia: So you wouldn't mind if I got myself a new dress? New necklace? Fix my nails? The last bandit broke one of them.

Anya: Do it. I want you to be happy.

Sofia: Despite the fact its your gold.

Anya: Nope. Not mine, that's yours. Once I have that amount of gold, I give them to friends or give them to beggers when we're in the city.

Sofia: *hugs* You're a good friend. Thank you. But this won't stop from gifts will it?

Anya: *chuckles* Never. Now go have fun. See you tonight?

This made me chuckle for mutliple reasons:

Sofia just s t u m b l e s  over and starts shouting

stops next to my Dragonborn and her expressions are priceless.

My Dragonborn turns to look at her, smiles and then when she starts shouting her smile falters and she gazes back into the fire like “oh ffs here she goes again,”