#so much problems

- Attempt to write a star wars fanfic.

- Has an idea for a planet that only acts as a setting and otherwise not at all important to the plot itself.

- Search top 10 weirdest exoplanet discovered by NASA for reference.

- Laugh at the fact that NASA has actually nicknamed a cold gas planet “Tatooine” just for orbiting binary stars.

- Search Wookiepedia for other binary star systems in Legends.

- Find out there is one called “Byss and Abyss System” and read that planets there may orbit in figure 8.

- Search if such orbit is even possible.

- Read multiple StackExchange replies on how its ‘theoretically possible’ but too unstable to support life or even stay on orbit for long.

- Mentally make an unfunny joke on how planets in Byss and Abyss System will be quickly thrown ‘into the Abyss’ and laugh at own joke.

- Wonder exactly how a planet with binary star system is supposed to work.

- Read three more Wikipedia articles, a cat video, and two tvTropes page.

- ...what was I supposed to be doing?

- Right. The fic.

I see my dash full of beautiful sketches, drawings, doodles,...colored ones, inked ones, roughly sketched,... yet so so pretty. And I am so frustrated because I feel to not to be able do the same.

What is wrong with me?

What is happening to me? To my passions? To my creativity? To my inner flame? To me?

Am I not the same me of two months ago?

I am surrounded by all this beauty, by talents, by people's creativity...and I can't feel my own. I'm feel so lost...this is the reason why I have anxiety, lately...because I can't accept this unexplained change in me.

I can't but I can't fix it neither.

Not so soon, at least. Am I worthy? Am I hopeless? Why am I stuck in this invisible, inner hell?

I know....it's stupid, it's childish, it's a complete nonsense, it's whining,...but it's me, however...and this felling of emptiness, frustration, incapacity and worthless hurts me. Please ignore this, scroll down your dash, and go on...this is only my vent, my way to cope with all this mess.

Myself

And I can't even blame the Photoshop bcs i knew what i was doing but my adhd ass, just forgot what I had done and saved it on top of the original file... making me lose the whole scene, and much more ..

I don't know if I want to open photoshop again.. i wanna cry so hard, it's fuckingg 5am

Came here with the support of my mother to talk about my recet symptoms to my PCP which was a handful. Updated her on MRA results, brain swelling, dizziness, vision problems and the problem with my neurologist pushing me towards my radiation oncologist and vice-versa. I also updated her on my next neurologist visit, MRA scan and follow-up with radiation oncologist appointments.

The nurse asked if Providence has called me back from the medical fraud situation and I informed him that I have not. He gave me some paperwork and told me that I will have to deal with that. 

I had a neurological test done and my PCP advised me to see an Optometrist and have my eyes checked again as my mother explained that when I had brain radiation at age 7 my eye pressure was high and I was carefully monitored. 

I was thinking of increasing dosage of muscle relaxers for my spasticity but there are just too many factors that are contributing to the increase of spasticity that will be hard to see a change. So for now I am waiting. 

Dr. McDonald had papers for me to sign to allow court to see my medical history and I have her a medical folder to prepare her for her report she might need to make. In the folder it includes all my medical places I’ve been and sticky notes from when I applied for medicaid. I told her she could hold on to it and if needed anymore questions to call me. 

We then discussed that I have not been attending chronic pain sessions and court is next week, she said that it would be best to speak to Terri before court and after. Also to see Dr. McDonald again in like three weeks and she will give me back my medical folder.