Reiner Braun - Wonderland (part 1)
This is the Reiner work I have been talking about recently. I have decided to split it into two parts as it is very long. It follows AOT timeline, so please be mindful of any spoilers ahead. Specifically, this first part contains spoilers from season 1-3 (ish). The segments and different timezones of the story are divided by quotes from different Taylor Swift songs, which were vital for the formation of this idea. More specifically, the song that served as the backbone for this first part of the story was Wonderland, from the 1989 album (I wish there was a Taylor's version for it, but we'll have to wait I guess.)
Enjoy this, and let me know what you think!
Didnât it all feel new and exciting?Â
Standing in formation with the rest of the cadets was the only thing that made sense. New soldiers were needed to confront the menace that 5 years before had changed your lives forever - you didnât want any more kids to witness the horrors of the titans invading their cities, devouring their dearest people.
The training had been intensive; every day for the past three years you had to battle against hunger, degradation, physical challenges that pushed your body over limits you didnât know humans were capable of reaching. A lot of fellow comrades had left, unable to bear the overwhelming difficulty of the course; it was difficult to find a reason to live after your whole life had been erased right in front of your eyes - it was hard to find a reason to fight, now that there was no one to protect.Â
Those thoughts were popular even among the most motivated cadets - even Eren had his bad days, in which all it seemed pointless. Holding your closed fist to your chest while swearing fidelity to the Survey Corps, flashbacks of the training days came back to you in a blur - and you couldnât help but be grateful for the friends you made along the way. If it hadnât been for them, lord knows what would have happened to you. The image of Marcoâs body was still vivid in your mind, and despite all the sorrow that his death had caused among your group, you couldnât help but be grateful that it wasnât you - you were safe for now, and so were the people you loved the most.Â
âItâs scary to think weâll be going back there in less then a week.âÂ
Reiner spoke, catching the attention of all his comrades, shutting down all the nonsense chatting.Â
âIâm sure weâll be fine.â Jean replied, his lips curving into a weak smile.Â
Everyone nodded in agreement, trying to move away from Reinerâs statement and cheering up the mood among the dining table you were all seated at. Marcoâs death was not yet fully accepted - it had been a week since Jean had to identify him and then watch the fire take away what was left of his dear friend. All of you were still mourning his passing.
A loud sigh escaped Reinerâs lips - despite his reassuring demeanour, he was just as scared, just as emotionally drained; he was just better at hiding it. Being a soldier meant being ready to face the same horrors all over again, watching the people you grew up with die in the most horrible, inhumane way. Stretching your arm under the table, you were quick to find his hand, letting your fingers interlock with his, giving his hand a feeble squeeze. You wanted to remind him how you could see right through him, how you could understand his turmoil because you had been through so much just like him, but at least you still had each other.Â
Life had not find a way to separate the two of you just yet, always looking out for each other during missions, risking your lives to protect the other. It had always been like that between the two of you, even during your training days. If you were punished, Reiner would go out of his way to be punished with you - he didnât want to leave you alone, he didnât want you to be anywhere but next to him, even if that meant running until his legs gave out.Â
A pink blush coloured Reinerâs cheeks, who was quick to hold your hand tighter in his grip, gifting you the softest smile you had ever seen. Of course, that did not go unnoticed by your annoying friends, who were quick to make you and Reiner the topic of the conversation and embarrass both of you, making everyone else laugh at how ridiculously cute your relationship was.
The love story going on between you and Reiner wasnât new to anyone; you had been hanging around each other since the very first start of your training course, and never parted ways ever since. Reiner was your first love, your first kiss - the first person you were able to love again until losing your whole family; and you would have done anything for him. The only person who really knew about this was Mikasa - you had confessed everything to her, knowing that she would be the only person able to understand exactly how you felt.Â
âCut it out.â Mikasa finally spoke, elbowing Connie.Â
âHey!â Connie was quick to reply. âIt was just a compliment.âÂ
Too in love to think straight, all alone or so it seemed.. but there were strangers watching, and whispers turned to talking, and talking turned to screams.Â
After having captured the Female Titan, the hypotheses about the Colossal and Armoured Titans became stronger, central to the plan of the next Survey Corps mission.Â
Was all you managed to say after Hanji finally exposed their theory, suspicions pointing out directly towards your lover and his friend.Â
âWe canât rule it out. But we need to gather more information so please, please -âÂ
Hanji begged, leaving you speechless for a second. How could they ever suspect of Reiner, wasnât he decisive in every mission you have had? Questions began to crowd your mind whilst the rest of your squad silently looked at you, waiting for an answer. They wanted you to investigate, to discover more about Reinerâs past and true identity, as if you didnât share countless nights with him - as if he was the one responsible for your familyâs death. A fleeble nod was the only response you were able to give, trying your best to remain lucid. All you had to do was prove your boyfriendâs innocence, how hard could it be?Â
Doubts started insinuating in your mind when Reiner started avoiding you, spending more time with Bertholtd. They were always close friends so even if their closure seemed legit at first, what seemed suspicious was how incredible talkative Bertholtd had become; the shy, introverse guy was now replaced by a more confident figure, who exerted so much more influence on Reiner than you could ever imagine.Â
âAre you a soldier, or a warrior? Where does your loyalty lay?!âÂ
I felt your arms twisting around me; I should have slept with one eye open at night.
Forcing yourself to keep quiet, you were quick to bring your hands to your mouth in an attempt to suppress your sobs. Pressing your back against the wall, trying to hear more from the conversation Reiner and Bertholdt were having, you forced yourself to resist a little more. Tears started running down your face as Bertholdt described Marcoâs incident, praising how well they had handled the situation before their cover up got screwed. Mumbles were coming out Reinerâs mouth, inaudible to hear from behind a close door - but enough to make you realise the truth.Â
âThat doesnât mean he is one of the titans..â you whispered, after reporting everything you heard to Hanji. Your voice echoed in Erwin's office, whilst the brightest minds of the survey corps put all their pieces together.
âGo back to your team and tell them the plan; you did good.â Levi answered, resting his hand on your shoulder.
As if a little bolt inside your had just broken, you were unable to function properly. Your movements became mechanical, moving around like a puppet who mindlessly followed the orders of its superiors. There was a lot you still werenât able to process - having to overhear your boyfriendâs conversations, trying to accept the idea he was responsible for the complete destruction of your life, getting your head around how he could stomp on the corpses of your fellow citizens one day and make you fall in love with him the other, how could he cry in front of the ashes of your comrades - who lost their lives because of what he did.Â
Reiner asked, wrapping his arms around your waist and engulfing you in his arms, letting your back rest against his broad chest. He had no idea about what you knew, and as if you already didnât go through enough, Hanji asked you to act as if you were oblivious to everything you just discovered.Â
Reiner hummed in response, kissing the crown of your head and holding you tighter. He tried to savour this moments as long as he could; a part of him wished you could follow him back to Marley, but he knew better. He knew where your loyalty lied, he knew just how much you would have hated him once you discovered the truth - and he hated himself too.Â
And in the end, in wonderland, we both went mad.Â
âIâm sorry.â Reiner whispered, his eyes full of tears. âI love you.âÂ
These were the last words Reiner said to you before pushing you down the wall, your body precipitating down the Wall Maria as you watched him transform into the Armoured Titan.Â
The bolt of yellow lightning coloured the whole sky in front of you, blinding you as your body continued its fall. Every inch of you had hoped you were wrong, you prayed for it to be all just a bad dream until the very last moment; you had faith.Â
When Jean wrapped his arms around you, carrying your body over his shoulder while moving along the wall, you were finally brought back to reality.
"Are you okay?!" he shouted, trying his best to move away from the battlefield.Â
You remained silent, watching Eren fighting the Armoured Titan. Squinting your eyes a little bit, your gaze meticulously scanned the titanâs features - his eyes, his hair, the little hump in his nose that was oh, so familiar. How could you be so blind? How could you not recognise the face of the man you loved?Â
Jean was quick to bring you to the top of the Wall Maria, letting your body sit on one of the wooden benches they prepared. Resting his hands on your shoulders, Jean vigorously shook your body trying to bring you back to your senses. Absent-minded, the only thing you managed to do was staring at the floor in front of you, trying to process everything you just witnessed. Reinerâs titan screams filled the air, piercing your ears like a drill making its way to your brain. Bringing your hand on your ODM gear, finally coming to your senses again, you tried your best to not run to him. Every muscle of your body was screaming you to move, to run towards the man you loved and save his life as you always did. But you remained still, fighting against every single one of your instincts.Â
Jean asked again, this time in a softer tone. He kneeled before you, his pupils moving rapidly as he worriedly stared at you. You were in the middle of a battle ground and you werenât responding, you were alive but not living at all. A simple nod was the only response you managed to give him, before getting up and walking towards your commanders. This was your fight more than anyone elseâs; the Survey Corps needed a plan, and there was no one who knew Reiner better than you.Â