#smjthinksstuff

I know that many of us romanticise an intense love sustained by the type of passion that’s the kind to sweep you off your feet. The kind where you meet someone and you just know — in one way or another — they’re going to change your life, inexplicably.

And that’s okay! We’re pessimistic beings, after all, so to meet someone who inspires THAT much emotion in us — what else can we possibly do but to love, and to love hard?

But here’s what I think; there is an understated (and, for me, substantially more powerful) beauty in a love that stems from individuals who know you — the REAL you, without all the bullshit farcical fronts that you put on.

Because imagine the strength of a romantic love you might receive from the same person who already knows what you look like when you cry, and you’re snot-faced and pink-spotted from all your tears.

Imagine how much more joyful it could be, to let go and be carefree, because that same person already knows how unattractive you look like when you’re doubled-over and trying to catch your breath, and your belly aches with from how hard you laugh.

Imagine how freeing it is, to be unafraid and vulnerable around someone whose trust they’ve already worked to build with you, simply by helping to shoulder your burdens, unasked. All because you matter to them.

And, thinking about this now, how many of us who had been friends-but-could-have-been-more wished we gathered the courage to step beyond the safety of friendship and, like Colin, ask?

How many of us spent years longing and yearning, like Penelope, trying our damnedest to cover up our true feelings, because we’d rather have them as a friend than to potentially ruin the relationship?

I think that for most of us who have been in the same boat as them, Polin represents the happy ending we wished we could’ve gotten (I could probably say the same for any ship in the friends-to-lovers trope, but I digress).

I also think that’s probably why Polin’s relationship is the most relatable out of all the tropes in the show — because we see ourselves in both Colin AND Penelope.

They are the culmination of everything that we wished would’ve happened for ourselves or what we wished we could’ve done.

Every aspect of our what-ifs is mirrored in each of them, and yes, I suppose it could be projection to a certain extent, but ultimately — if the characters are this deeply loved by so many people, across all different backgrounds, does it not just mean:

It feels so sad and bittersweet, and more often than not, I end up giving into procrastination simply because I’ve grown way too attached to the characters and the general story.

i am slightly (immensely) obsessed with In Fragments We Fall. that is all.

💛

I’m seeing this right as I touch up the final few chapters for this same project; thank you so, so much for the kind words. 🥹

The irony is that this specific project was definitely one of — if not THE — most challenging stories I’ve ever written. The whole premise (regency, war, the huge tonal shift from my usual writing style) was tough to tackle.

I usually never have doubts about my writing, but I was second-guessing myself at every single sentence. At one point, I had about 5 different drafts of each chapter — I was quite literally driving myself mad, and that’s never happened to me before.

So, to see your message and know you’ve enjoyed the same work I struggled immensely over — it means a lot, truly. 🥲

I can’t wait to share what’s to come over the next few weeks.

As a writer, you often get lost in the characters and story you’ve built — regardless whether it’s simply fanfics or your own projects. Sometimes, the world you’ve built in your mind is the only thing you hyper-focus on, and it’s so difficult to pull yourself out of it even as the time comes when you have to put the final period to the last sentence of this world you’ve lived in for so long.

And then, you read the comments.

You see how your words invoke such reaction from your target audience.

You get to go through this special experience with them, and you get to see (in their eyes) how the world you’ve painstakingly built will be perceived, from beyond your tinted writing lenses.

Writing is, perhaps, one of the most stressful things you can ever do.

How do you string your sentences together in a way that doesn’t isolate your reader from your prose? How do you ensure that there’s space for comprehension, without compromising ambiguity that allows room for creative thinking (on the reader’s part, at least)?

How do you write, without projecting your own thoughts and opinions, knowing that your character is his/her own entity?

But—

As a writer, you’ll come to learn that writing is extremely fulfilling.

Because your words matter.

Because the voices of your characters matter.

The way you entwine their thoughts, actions and motivations with those of their counterparts within the story — this, THIS, matters.

Because at the end of the day, someone, somewhere, will read the story and feel inspired to relay their positive thoughts in a way that will more than make up for all the weeks / months / years you’ve spent, locked away in your own mind, building the same world that, somehow, has touched their hearts in ways you never expected your work to.

And it doesn’t matter if your work reaches only a single person, or a thousand, or tens of thousands, the notion is this:

When you love something so much, somehow, that same love will return to you.

So, thank you, @/thereadinglife on AO3, whose generous and extremely heartfelt comment left me spiralling into such a grateful mess.

And thank you to the many others, like @vocallywritten, whose artful think-pieces of work I’ve put out over the years have been reminders of why I love writing so much.