Hi there! So I’ve learned that I can’t focus on multiple big fics at the same time. That means I’ll be focusing entirely on Scattered Cicadas until it’s completed! Yay!
This chapter is an important one so pay attention! Hope you enjoy!
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Scattered Cicadas - Chapter Eleven: Soul Searching
Tang gets into an argument with himself.
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He was, once again, in the uninteresting, featureless cave. The voices seemed to blend together as they called out in concern. His name had almost lost meaning at this point with how many times he had heard it. He didn’t even bother closing his eyes as the golden light enveloped him.
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Tang was tired.
How long had it been since this all started?
He had been experiencing these time jumps for what felt like an eternity. He’d lost count on the exact number of cycles he had lived through more than a few centuries ago.
It had been somewhere in the 800’s from what he could remember.
Tang was exhausted.
How old was he now?
He certainly didn’t feel the 41 that his body usually started out as each cycle. Each jump tended to last a year with a few outliers lasting two to four and the exceptionally rare occasions where it was hundreds of years before the start of the baseline events.
He was certainly much older than even Wukong at this point.
Tang was weary.
Did the new memories each cycle granted count towards his age?
They were vivid and detailed, so while he may not have personally experienced them, it felt like he had. The amount of times he had been the immortal Tripitaka instead of just his reincarnation would probably double his age from the memories alone.
If he factored them in, it was probably somewhere in the tens of thousands range.
Tang was fatigued.
In all these years, all the cycles and resets, how much headway had he made in figuring out what was happening?
None. Zilch. Nada.
He had scoured libraries, both mortal and celestial, learning many wonderful things. But he still was empty handed when it came to discovering what was causing his current existence.
He worried that the information he sought was entirely unique to his original timeline.
Tang was so tired.
He was close to giving up, resigning himself to this fate of infinite cycles. He could instead focus his energy fully into being there for his family.
There was a certain appeal to the idea, one that felt almost temptatious. All he needed to do was let go and give himself up in his entirety to their well-being.
Tang gave a sigh as he followed MK up the steps of Flower Fruit Mountain.
These melancholy thoughts were getting harder and harder to shake. Talking to Sandy helped somewhat, but his flame of hope was slowly dwindling.
He didn’t like to think of what he would become when it finally died.
Tang shook his head and did his best to refocus.
He was here for MK, not himself. His kid needed his help.
This cycle was particularly nasty on the young man’s mental health.
There had been cycles where he had been the actual reincarnation of Wukong and had been trained by a clone his past self had left behind, but this was worse.
This time, he was Wukong.
When the Monkey King had sealed away the Demon Bull King, he had sealed himself as well. His memories, his powers, his personality, all locked away and leaving behind a baby MK many years later.
MK hadn’t known until he had visited Flower Fruit Mountain for the first time looking for the Monkey King. Instead, he was greeted by the spirit of Tripitaka who had told him the truth and promptly left.
MK wasn’t handling it well. The pressure and responsibility had made it obvious that something was hurting him.
Tang and the others hadn’t found out exactly what was going on until they had been kidnapped by Macaque who threatened to kill them if “the real Wukong” refused to show himself. MK had saved them, but revealed himself in the process.
(The amount of times MK had become a monkey over the course of the cycles should have made Tang prepared, but it was downright shocking to see him look exactly like Wukong.)
They had managed to reassure him that they still considered him to be their MK, but it was obvious he had been agonizing over it for some time.
Which brought him back to the present.
It didn’t happen often where Tang and Tripitaka were entirely separate people with unique souls, but it did occasionally occur. Not often enough to be anything but an outlier though.
Tang was not pleased with how this version of his past life had treated his son. He planned on having words with him.
“This is it,” MK said, snapping Tang out of his thoughts. “This is where he appeared.”
MK had led him to a statue of the ancient monk. Tang couldn’t ever remember one being here in previous timelines.
“Why’d you want to come here again?”
“Well, I was hoping that by praying for guidance, we could perhaps get some first hand knowledge about the Monkey King to help you adjust to your powers.,” Tang explained as he began setting up a makeshift altar with the supplies he’d brought with him. The items he placed on the small fold-able table seemed normal enough, but were actually the components needed for a summoning ritual to call a spirit and commune with it.
Not that MK needed to know that.
“Do you really think this will work?”
“Only one way to find out.” Tang lit the incense he had placed and knelt before the statue and altar. MK quickly joined him on the ground as he began the incantation. Luckily, it sounded enough like a plea for help as opposed to a spell so he wasn’t questioned.
As he spoke, the statue began to glow a bright yellow and there was a slight tugging sensation in his chest. It was probably just the ritual creating an anchor between him and the spirit he was invoking.
Once he finished, the light separated from the statue, coalescing into the transparent form of Tripitaka. MK gaped while Tang gave a respectful bow. The monk seemed surprised for a moment before offering the pair a patient smile.
“Ah, my student,” the spirit said. “I had not expected to see you again so soon. How may I be of assistance?”
“Well, uh, Mr. Tripitaka sir,” MK said while rubbing the back of his head. “My friend Tang here thought it would be a good idea to get some, uh, stories about my past? He thinks it could help me get used to my powers if I heard about them first hand.”
“Indeed?” Tripitaka stared at Tang for a long moment before turning back to MK and smiling. “A more than reasonable request. I’d be happy to reminisce about our time together.”
The next hour was spent listening to Tripitaka as he told stories about the Monkey King. MK was completely enthralled by the tales, his tail swishing in excitement. Tang only half paid attention, making sure to have a polite smile on his face and keeping the incense lit to keep the spell going.
Tripitaka would eye him knowingly whenever he did so, but didn’t comment.
“Now, my dear student,” Tripitaka said after finishing one of the stories. “I have a request for you.”
“Sure,” MK hopped up and began bouncing eagerly. “What do you need?”
“Could you give your friend and I some privacy?” Tang sat up at that and MK blinked in surprise. “I have some things I wish to discuss with him that may potentially be… confidential.”
Tang scowled at the monk. That made it sound like he didn’t trust MK.
“Oh...” MK’s shoulders predictably drooped a bit. “I mean, if you really don’t want to tell me…”
“That’s not-”
“It’s okay MK,” Tang reassured, his interruption earning a brief frown from the monk. “He said it was only potentially confidential. I’m sure I’ll be able to let you know about anything important.”
“If you say so.” MK glanced suspiciously between the two serenely smiling figures, seeming to sense the tension, before he shrugged. “I guess I’ll go see if the stories helped with figuring out my powers.”
Once he was out of sight, the scholar and monk dropped their peaceful facades and glared hard at each other.
“Who are you and how were you able to summon me?” Tripitaka narrowed his eyes in accusation. “This ritual should not have been able to work on me.”
“Well it looks like it did anyway,” Tang said, glaring back. “I’m not sure I feel obligated to answer the questions of a master who mistreats their student.”
“Excuse me?!”
“You left MK alone.” Tang let all his anger show, making the monk step back in hesitation. “You showed up, dropped an emotionally devastating revelation, gave him an impossible responsibility, and then you left.”
“My purpose was to-”
“I don’t give a damn what your ‘purpose’ was supposed to be,” Tang snarled. “MK may not be Sun Wukong any more, but he’s still the Monkey King. He’s still your student.
“And when he needed you the most, you abandoned him.”
Tripitaka flinched as if he had been struck, his face pulled into a pained grimace.
Tang didn’t care. He had started the process of getting things off his chest and let the freeing momentum of it carry him.
“In all the times he’s returned to this mountain, not once did you reappear to offer reassurance or guidance.”
“I- I didn’t think-”
“Oh that much is obvious.” Tang had quite a lot of pent up frustrations. It felt good to have an outlet to release them on. “You left MK shattered and didn’t even think he would need help picking up the pieces!
“If you’re so wise, why didn’t you know how hard this would have been for him?
“If you’re so benevolent, why did you leave him to suffer in silence?
“If we’re so perceptive, why the hell did it take so long for us to notice his pain?”
Tripitaka straightened at that. His expression changed from shame, to confusion, and finally shocked understanding.
“If we’re so smart,” Tang was screaming now, tears flowing down his face as the years of bottled up emotions poured out, “then why can’t we figure out this damn curse we’re under?!
“Why?!” Tang pounded the ground with his fists as he sobbed. “Why?! Why? Why…”
Tripitaka knelt next to the scholar, waiting patiently as the sobs eventually subsided. He spoke only when Tang’s breathing had evened out.
“You’re my reincarnation, aren’t you?”
Tang jerked up in surprise at that. He had been under the assumption that this was one of those rare cycles where he had a separate soul from Tripitaka. If that wasn’t the case then…
“You aren’t actually Tripitaka.”
“No,” the monk confirmed with a sad smile. “I am merely a copy of his memories and essence given form and limited autonomy. I was sealed into this statue for the purpose of guiding my student when he eventually returned.”
Tripitaka gave a sigh and looked away in shame.
“As you’ve pointed out, I haven’t been doing a very good job at that.”
“I- Yeah, kind of.” Tang winced. “I didn’t mean to go off on you that much.”
“Don’t apologize,” the spirit said. “It was a truth I needed to hear. Not everyone would have been as honest or even brave enough to chastise someone as ‘wise’ as myself.” Tripitaka bowed his head in respect. “Thank you.”
“You’re welcome.”
Tripitaka straightened and gave Tang a smile before turning serious.
“Now, you being my reincarnation explains why you were able to summon me from the statue, as I am essentially a part of you.” Tang supposed that was the tugging sensation he had felt earlier, before returning his attention back to the monk.
Tripitaka stared directly into the scholar’s eyes, concern written in his own.
“But what was that part about being under a curse?”
Whoops.
He hadn’t meant to let that slip.
“I can’t tell you.” Tang sighed and shook his head, as that wasn’t entirely accurate. “I want to tell you. Part of the curse is that whenever I tell someone about it, they’ll forget the conversation even happened a few minutes later.”
“That sounds incredibly frustrating,” Tripitaka said, his voice full of understanding and compassion. “You must feel terribly lonely.”
“You have no idea,” Tang said with a groan, laying backwards onto the ground. Tripitaka hummed, seeming to be lost in thought.
“If the curse disallows anyone except for you to know about it,” he mused out loud, “and I am an aspect of your soul's past life… Or, essentially, if that means I am you...”
Tang shot up into a seated position as he caught on.
“Then you might be immune to the curse’s effects,” he finished excitedly.
“Precisely. It’s at least worth a try.” Tripitaka shifted into a more comfortable position. “So tell me about this curse.”
Tang took a breath. What did he have to lose at this point?
So he told him.
He told him about the cycles.
He told him about the many different changes to the timeline.
He told him about dying.
He told him about the love he felt for his family.
He told him how tired he was.
He told him about losing hope of ever finding a way home.
He told him everything, and Tripitaka patiently listened.
Tang sat catching his breath for a few moments after finishing, his throat raw from both the earlier outburst and from how long it took to relay his story.
He hadn’t felt this light in decades.
It would hurt if the monk would forget, but the catharsis had been worth it.
There was silence for a while as they waited to see what would happen.
“Now that,” Tripitaka said after several minutes, a grin slowly growing on his face, “is quite the curse.”
Tang could have melted in relief.
“Oh thank the Heavens,” he breathed, wiping away fresh tears.
It worked!
“I have never been too knowledgeable when it comes to spells or magical effects,” Tripitaka admitted, before smirking at his reincarnation. “I’m sure you probably knew that already though with the amount of times you’ve been me.”
“Remind me to tell you about the cycle where we were a sorcerer researching magic,” Tang said with a chuckle. It felt so good to be able to talk about this with someone. Even if it was a copy of his past life.
“Truly? Fascinating. We are getting off topic however.” Tripitaka became serious once again. “I may not know as much as you currently do, but I can certainly tell that this is no common affliction. It is a much too complicated and in depth effect to be a simple curse anyone could cast in passing.
“You aren’t physically moving between times, or else you would have stayed dead the first time you had passed or would have aged until death had you not.
“The most interesting part is that you always awaken as a version of yourself. This makes me believe that this curse isn’t just affecting your mind, but is tied directly to your soul.
“You have probably already come to the same conclusions.”
“Yes I have,” Tang said with a sigh. “But I’ve never been able to find anything on what could cause a soul to jump across timelines.”
“Hmmm…” Tripitaka gazed off into the distance in thought. “Perhaps you are focusing on the wrong thing.”
“What do you mean?”
“You have been researching the what of this curse, but not the why.” The monk turned his attention back to Tang, his eyes lit with the satisfaction of figuring something out. “There are a countless number of things that can affect a soul. Far too many to properly look into even without the complications of the random changes to the histories of the worlds you visit.
“What is most important to answer here is why your soul continues to move between time.
“If the point of the curse was to banish your soul to an alternate timeline, then why didn’t it just stop after the first jump? Why do you continue to travel between these realities at set intervals?
“By working backwards from why the curse works the way it does, the what will surely be revealed in time.”
“That’s… That’s brilliant!” Tang frowned, his excitement dowsed as he thought of a complication. “But how am I supposed to figure that out?”
“Have you tried examining your soul? Perhaps that could provide some answers.”
“Examine my soul?” Tang blinked in confusion. “How would I do that?”
“Do you not know how to manifest your soul outside your body,” Tripitaka asked, genuinely surprised.
“You can do that?”
“Yes. Or at least, this reality’s version of your past life could.” Tripitaka squinted in confusion for a moment. “You must get your tenses mixed up quite a bit from all this.”
“Remind me to tell you about the cycles that involved time travel.”
“Oh that sounds like a headache just waiting to happen.” The monk shook his head. “Anyway, your past self had to use this ability in order to create me. Since I have all his memories up to that point, I know how to do it as well. I should be able to guide you through the process.”
“What do I need to do?”
“Take my hands and begin meditating. I’ll be able to do most of the work from there.”
Tang took the monk’s hands and took a few steady breaths. Meditation came easy to the scholar after the many cycles of being the monk across from him.
He ignored the strange feeling of something moving through his arms and into his chest and focused. He soon fell into a relaxing trance.
“Oh my!” Tripitaka’s gasp broke Tang’s concentration and he opened his eyes.
Floating between him and Tripitaka was what he assumed was his soul.
It was a collection of bright golden-yellow threads wrapped loosely into the outline of a sphere with empty space making up the majority of its center. Knots of light were randomly placed across the strands and one had a thread pointing off away from the sphere, seeming to stretch infinitely into the distance.
“This is unlike anything I’ve ever seen,” Tripitaka said, examining the soul closely.
“So I assume souls aren’t supposed to look like this?”
“Certainly not! Souls usually manifest as whole spheres of light.” The monk leaned in to look at the thread that was leading away from the rest of the soul. “It looks like yours has been unraveled like a ball of yarn.”
“Unraveled?” Tang swallowed nervously at that. “That doesn’t sound good.”
“It’s not as bad as it being shattered would have been,” Tripitaka said absently. “Your soul, stretched thin as it is, still seems to be completely intact.” The monk blinked as he sat back up. “I think I’ve figured out how this curse works.”
“Don’t you mean why?”
“Practically the same question at this point,” Tripitaka dismissed. “The point is your soul has been scattered across time and space, but not shattered. It is still a complete soul.
“The reason why you’ve been jumping across these timelines is that you are following the thread of your soul to recollect the scattered pieces, or knots to go back to the yarn comparison. Each time a new cycle begins, your soul merges with the missing piece found there.
“You are literally winding your soul back together.
“I’m not sure why the cycles last a year, but my best guess is that’s how long it takes for your soul to find the next piece.”
“So that means the farther away the cycle starts from my original timeline,” Tang contributed, “the longer it takes to find the next piece. That’s why the cycles that start hundreds of years before my base time last as long as they do.”
“A reasonable assumption.” Tripitaka focused, and Tang’s soul floated gently back into his chest. “You still seem to be missing a fair amount of your soul however. You’ve already been doing this for quite some time, so I can’t even imagine how much longer it would take to collect the remaining pieces.
“But you now know why this curse works the way it does. This effect is so specific, I can’t imagine many things could have caused it.
“Once you find out what could have done this, I have no doubt you’ll be able to reverse it and return home.”
Tang’s eyes began to water once again.
The thought of continuing to be trapped in these cycles until he collected the entirety of his soul was terrifying. He had already been at this for so long.
But now there was a new hope.
He had a new lead he could follow in his research. Something specific and tangible he could look for.
For the first time in countless years, Tang felt the weight of helplessness and despair lift away.
“Thank you.” Tang let his tears fall freely as he held tightly to Tripitaka’s hands. “Thank you.”
“You are welcome, my child.” The monk squeezed Tang’s hands comfortingly. “If you ever feel the weight of your burden become too much to handle during this cycle, please come and speak to me. I’d be more than happy to offer a supportive ear.
“For now though, I do believe you are almost out of incense. It is time for me to say goodbye to you and my student who should really know better than to eavesdrop.”
There was a scrambling noise behind Tang and he turned to find MK nervously peeking out from behind a nearby boulder.
Tang laughed at the expression on MK’s face at being caught. He hadn’t felt this joyful in a long time.
“I’m sorry! I was just worried that you guys were going to fight and-!”
“You aren’t in trouble, my student,” Tripitaka said. “In fact, I should be the one apologizing to you. Your friend here was quite correct to be angry with how I’ve neglected to be there for you.
“I should have told you how to contact me during our first meeting so that you could have had someone to talk to about all of this. Instead I simply fulfilled my original duty and considered my work done.
“That was wrong of me to do. You are a wonderful person, Xiǎotiān, and it brings me great shame to have contributed in the pain you have felt.
“I am truly sorry, and hope that one day you can forgive me.”
Tang laughed once more at the stunned look MK wore.
“Say thank you, MK,” he wheezed out after a few moments when it looked like the kid was just going to stand there.
“T-thank you Mr. Tripitaka! You really didn’t have to apologize.”
“And yet I have,” Tripitaka said with a smile. His form began to fade as the last of the incense began to burn out. “My time is up for now. If you wish to speak to me again, simply channel your power into my statue and I will appear. Please do not hesitate if you ever need advice or words of comfort. I look forward to speaking to you both soon. Farewell.”
Tripitaka vanished as the incense was finally spent, leaving the area still and quiet.
Tang began to pick up the materials he had used for the summoning, MK soon joining him.
“So… You’re really Tripitaka’s reincarnation?” MK’s voice was curious as he helped clean up the altar.
“Yes I am,” Tang answered truthfully.
“Do you remember any of it?”
“Not at all.” Not in this cycle at least.
“Are you really under a curse no one can remember if you tell them?”
“I’m honestly surprised you remember even that much,” Tang said.
“Well there was a lot said in the middle and end that I can’t,” MK admitted, “which is really weird, but I do remember that part.”
“Interesting. Yes I am under a curse. I have been for a long time”
“That sucks.” MK frowned before brightening back up. “But hey! It sounded like Tripitaka remembered when you told him! It must feel good to finally be able to tell someone about it.”
Tang returned MK’s wide grin with his own.
He no longer felt tired.
“Yes. Yes it does.”
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Here we have the explanation for the fic’s title! I’ve been waiting to reveal this one for a while.
This cycle takes place in stagemanager’s story The Lost Prince. While the fic itself doesn’t say MK learned about the truth from Tripitaka, this fanart by @smallpwbbles shows that part actually happening.
The plot is picking up from here on! Hope you’re all hanging on tight! Until next time!
