#small group

Sometimes when I see new people in smallish/less active Discords that I'm a part I get defensive and angry in my head. My brain immediately goes, "no! This is mine! This is my area!" I know this is an irrational train of thought, so I've been reflecting on it.

WHY do I feel this way? And I think it has to do with social anxiety, and partly thinking "newer is better."

With the social anxiety I think it's the fact of masking and having to perform for a new person. I now have to learn how to communicate with this new individual on top of the other people I communicate with. It can feel like a daunting task.

It can also feel like one of the places I felt relatively safe in is no longer as safe for the moment. It may feel to me like the Discord is "under attack." It's not, and I know it's not. People should be able to be freely in communities they enjoy. In the moment for me though, my brain feels automatic rejection for this person.

I'm still working on these issues, and to not let these feelings when interacting with new people in different servers affect it. After all, I want to be as welcoming as possible, and be as inviting as possible to people who genuinely want to be there. I hate that my brain automatically goes into "fight" mode and wants people to leave so "I" can be more comfortable, because I really do want to share with people and be a part of communities.