âł / john because oh my god it's canon isn't it
       It wouldâve been too cliche, he supposes, for his life to flash before his eyes before he dies. He wouldâve preferred it, though. Preferred it to the steady stream of missed opportunities, and moments, and unsaid words that flash by instead, any home of forming new ones stolen by the blood building up in his lungs.Â
Itâs a relief, to see John there. There, and in one fucking piece. Heâs sure he canât keep the look of his face. Heâd never have taken this fall if he hadnât thought he could at least spare John. John had a dozen loose threads, and metaphorical wounds to mend. Problems to resolve. And he deserved the time to do it. And if anyone was capable of steering the world back in the right direction â Jasper wouldâve pinned his money on John. Not that heâd ever say it.Â
Jasper, on the other hand â he just had one loose thread. Maybe two, if he thinks of all the things heâs never said. It doesnât make sense to leave John with both. Saying something like âI love youâ on your way out, just seemed âŚ. cruel. Unnecessary. Too absurd to leave someone with when theyâd never have the chance to respond. Theyâd never been in the habit of sharing their feelings, not directly, at least. And he doesnât have the air for it anyway, struggling for another breath while his fingers find Johnâs face.Â
So he looks at him instead, swallows the regret along with the taste of copper, and musters his other regret instead. âLiv ââ Thereâs not more to say. Heâd hope itâs enough, anyway. Sheâll be all thatâs left of him, in a few minutes. Other than the house. His one near-mortal sin was leaving her behind. The one thing he canât fix. Her or John.
Abandoning either of them had never been his intention.Â
Sometimes, though, sacrifice was necessary. Sometimes you just couldnât say goodbye.Â