#siwayul

• Interests & Fun facts: I love languages and speak English, Spanish, Portuguese, Esperanto, French, and a bit of Italian. I'm trying to learn German though I am currently focused on trying to learn Nawat; the last surviving indigenous language of El Salvador (where my family is from). I consider myself Goth but I love all sorts of music. I love to write poetry. I'm a Pagan Witch and have identified as such since I was 13 (started out in Wicca). I'm also ADHD and self-diagnosed autistic.

Lately I’ve been mulling over undergoing hrt (mtf) and trying to really understand what transitioning means to me. These last few months i’ve been getting really into my own head about transitioning, constantly wrestling with myself on whether or not this is the right choice for me to take. Just this last week though I wore a really cute dress out for the first time and it was one of the most liberating experiences I’ve had up till now in my journey! But I still have my doubts on whether I’m a trans womxn or if I’m okay remaining a nb femme and I cant tell if that’s just me letting my fears and uncertainties loom over me and guide my actions or, in this case, inaction. This song makes all that dysphoric static in my brain ease away like in an unwinding sort of way. To be reminded not only lyrically but musically that I am fluid and how amazing that is yet every time I disembody, that pain that I try to escape continues to roam around to a point of suffocation and lunacy, captures this sort of split consciousness that I experience being siwayul in the diaspora living in the U.S colony. Moses expresses a feeling that I couldnt articulate myself for a while being that when I take Nunantal’s medicine, psilocybin mushrooms or cannabis, the “sovereign suffering” is what would overtake me. However in that very state I fluctuate into euphoria in my connectedness with Ajaw/Umeteut/Tao/Goddex/Diosx. I learned I wasn’t a “self” in the Western sense of individual selfhood so entrenched in colonizing logics, I understood myself as a collectivity of spirits. Those emotions that then flow out of me are a mixed bag of what this body has experienced and what my ancestors and relatives have and continue to experience. So that part where Moses says “God sings to me in reply” and then gently drops us off into some of the most ethereal music i’ve ever experienced feels like being a cosmic spiral of emotions transcending time and space, B’atz the thread of time. Anyways, if you haven’t heard this song before or Moses’ music check out his work, he is amaaaaaaaaazing!!! Yek tayua y’all (Goodnight)!!