#simon snowlock

shoutout to my boy sir seoman "simon" snowlock for being the most underpowered epic fantasy protagonist of all time. bro is a regular ass 15 year old who got occasional sword training on and off over the course of a year, summing to probably like ~50 hours total. aka just enough time to learn how to play wonderwall on a guitar. he got one (1) singular magical enhancement in the form of dragon blood giving him a white lock of hair like anna mcfrozen and it gave him what would be the equivalent to an occasional +1 on wisdom checks in dungeons&dragons. and his wisdom stat would be like. a nine. because he is fifteen years old. so all it does is give him The Potential To Occasionally Have The Mental Capacity Of A Slightly Above Average Adult. and it is absolutely crucial to him saving the world, yes, but it is also laughable compared to the protagonists of other landmark epic fantasy series. fucking Frodo Baggins would cook Simon in a 1v1 if they were both allowed the gear they had because Simon's consistent "magical items" stock consists of 1. an unnaturally durable yet otherwise entirely normal arrow and 2. a mirror with which he can call for help from his elf friend, except it does not facilitate the arrival of said elf friend in any way, the elf friend must travel normally to Simon's location in order to help him. so 4'1" Frodo Braggins could just slip on his ring and murk him with his awesome glowy sword while Simon spends like a page worth of prose gaping in confusion and indecision. And you know what? I don't care. I love Simon. He is an amazing protagonist who manages to be a realistically written young teenage boy and yet simultaneously the compelling lead protagonist of an epic fantasy series with a fittingly epic scale. He is the Platonic Ideal of a Traditional Epic Fantasy Protagonist. I don't care if Eragon Shadeslayer or Rand al'Thor could delete him in a millisecond with their minds, I stan the fail king kitchen boy and you should too

Something I'm appreciating about dragonbone chair is just having Simon be a kitchen boy, maybe he has some secret ancestry but the main character is just some kid.