happy birthday to the wonderful @silver9mm ā¤ā¤ enjoy your boys and of course this new year in your life!


#batman#bruce wayne#batfam#dick grayson#tim drake#batfamily#dc fanart

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happy birthday to the wonderful @silver9mm ā¤ā¤ enjoy your boys and of course this new year in your life!

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Rules: google your name + your favourite colour + āaestheticā. take the first four images (non-collage) and voila, your aesthetic moodboard!
Thank you @silver9mm for tagging me ā”ā”
Gooood this turned out so lovely šø
Tagging @goth-spice @leonismaior @softestprettyboy @dickbaggins @rttozier @awabubbles @holdmesamthatwasbeautiful @eternel-perdant
Candles Wish S13 Coda (Wincest)
There is no angel exorcism spell that Sam knows of right now.
Fingers glide along the page before he turns it, and he thinks that somewhere, there must be one.
āDonāt you think we would know?ā Castiel had asked, his brows pulling together into a crease.
āLike we knew about the Mark of Cain? Or the Darkness? Or that we could kill Death? Or that Lucifer could reproduce?ā Sam had bowed his head back over his book and shaken his head. āWe know so much about the supernatural, probably more than anyone else alive, with the Men of Lettersā resources⦠and yet somehow we always end up fighting in the dark.ā
āThatās not true. Weāve also fought during the day.ā
Sam had huffed out a tired laugh, tried not to roll his eyes. āCas--ā
There had been just the ghost of a smile lurking around Castielās lips. āYouāre⦠are you making a joke?ā Sam had asked, disbelieving.
āIsnāt that what Dean would do?ā Castiel had asked with a tilt of his head.
And then Sam had understood.
āI know you miss him,ā Castiel had said quietly. āI do too.ā
If Sam had only missed Dean, that would have been fine. People missed each other all the time. But this wasnāt just a sense of loss, or a change of routine.
Sam has turned the pages of many tomes by now, seen the faces of a hundred Michaelās. The Renaissance paintings with all their blazing light and color canāt do justice to Dean. The rounded, angelic faces and full lips a pale attempt at his brotherās beauty, falling flat and cold by comparison. Michael in all his glory canāt hold a candle to the energy of Dean simply occupying a room. Even when his brother sits still thereās a sense of movement, of energy about him. Dean has never in his life simply sat in the dark; the dark was a space Dean had chosen to fill.
Sam feels the lack of that energy, that presence now, grown so used to it that its absence seems a living thing. In the bunker, thereās a Dean-shaped hole that follows Sam like a shadow, scooped out like the hollow space in his soul. They are grown men and they keep their own rooms, but all too often they still share as theyāve shared motel rooms and beds for so many years, bodies slotted together, snugged up safe and side by side, their intertwined limbs forming the shape of a secret, the unspoken words of a vow.
In the darkness, beneath the blankets, beneath the moon, he has traced the shape of his brotherās lips a thousand times, stared into the fire of those sharp eyes, and known he was home.
Michael is ice, carved from marble and empty of life, and for the few moments Sam had looked into the angelās eyes inside his brotherās body, heād understood that Michael had no soul. That Dean was completely gone, shoved so deep down inside that he might be lost forever.
Sam doesnāt just miss Dean. He is unnerved by the lack of Dean. Not just by the lack of Dean beside him--the empty hole that sits and stares--but by the lack of Dean in this world. Even Dean with the mark, Dean as a demon; both had still been Dean deep down. He could see glimpses of his brother, his lover, still struggling to live. But now Dean is gone, buried inside the bones of a creature cold and fine as snow, and Sam feels aloneness as he never has.
Sam takes a breath, letting air fill his lungs, and turns another page.
There is no angel exorcism spell that Sam knows of right now.
But he will find one, if he has to tear down heaven and write it in the blood of the angels, himself.
21 questions
@silver9mm tagged me (not that my phone will let me tag that she tagged me *facepalm*) name: Rachel zodiac sign: āaquarius if you use the pre-NASA calendar, ācapricorn (I think NASA gets me better), šrooster if we're talking Chinese zodiac favorite food: I answered this a bit ago, but I will whore myself for brownies, ice cream, and pizza (all things I can't eat now) favorite season: whichever one is not hot-as-satan's-asshole-Texas jeans or shorts: scrubs during the day, pyjama pants at night where are you from: hot-as-satan's-asshole-Texas last book you read: does fanfic count? I'm kinda obsessed. š¤·āāļø favorite movies: Labyrinth, The Breakfast Club, Rocky Horror Picture Show, Disney movies (don't judge), Minions, almost any MCU film, Sweeney Todd (the Tim Burton version), The Sound of Music... I could do this all day, lol. dream vacation: I'd love to just aimlessly travel through Italy and Greece for an indeterminate amount of time. eye color: blue natural hair color: bronde (it's that shade that's not blonde but not brown) with well-earned greys and silvers height: 5ā²8ā³ish introvert or extrovert: total introvert tea or coffee: lemon water do you work out regularly: that's on my list of shit to do favorite beverage: if my body didn't hate me, I'd mainline Frappuccinos do you have pets: I am owned by an asshole cat named Chewy your ideal day off: sleep in a relationship or single: so single it hurts if you choose to, post a selfie: I haven't taken a selfie in months, lol. Not tagging anyone (phone...) but feel free to play!
so four score and fuckever ago, @silver9mmā tagged me in a WIP sentence memey thing that i never answered but since i'm probably gonna back off tumblr over lent, i figure now is a great time to actually respond to things?? me at myself, let's set a writer goal to have these done in 40 days and 40 nights
1. DOLLHOUSE STILL because I have an exposition problem and I'm spending entirely too much time enjoying myself with the build up?
For Sam, it was a slow acclimation. Watching his big brother disappear under the creams and powders, soft fabrics in soft colors he would otherwise never wear.
When Castiel turns Dean around to face the mirror, though, the shock of finding himself obscured visibly passes through his body. His already pinched-pink cheeks flush splotchy red, the color making a slow crawl down his neck and across his chest. The lip gloss is soft but still strings a little between his lips when Deanās mouth falls open without a sound beyond a rush of breath. His lashes flutter beautifully against his cheeks as he blinks at himself, uncomprehendingly.Ā
āIsnāt she pretty, Sammy?ā Castiel says lightly, gripping Deanās arms harder when he takes a startled step back into his chest.
2. past-sexworker!Sam dialogue experiment (eventual wincest?) fic that popped into my head out of nowhere and wound up with almost 2k words via stream-of-consciousness?
Some nights, Sam thinks about them. The mostly nameless faces that have passed through him, over him, under him. Sometimes he thinks of them fondly, wonderingly as though they were old classmates (some were) and hopes theyāre somewhere better. Some he thinks of with the annoyed levity that people who face customers must have to tell stories about them. Though Sam only tells himself these stories.
3. A League of Legends fic in which two sadists pair up on a murder spree because apparently i'm That Guy and also a horrific nerd.
Before he leaves, he sticks a stolen, ordinary gun into her mouth ā beautiful, beautiful, she doesnāt even resist him ā and makes her misery infinite. Her soul screams again, as it had at first, when it is reaped and Thresh swells with her dread.
4. speaking of my being a Big Olā Nerd, is it obvious i had an anime phase? well i'm back on my bullshit because naruto isn't a phase or some shit apparently and team 7 will always kill me a little??
Her train of thought derails when Naruto kisses her, full and lush on the mouth, presses his knee between her legs. āI want to send him something,ā he says and his voice is shaking against her mouth, shamed even as heās unsubtly hard against her hip.

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Kill The Lights by silver9mm
Fic link: AO3 Relationships:Ā Sam/Dean, Sam/Ruby, Dean/others Word count:143,889 Rating: Explicit Warnings and key tags: MCD, Violence, Bad BDSM Etiquette, Drug Addiction/Abuse, Depression, Anxiety Attacks, Eating Disorders, Gangbang, Needles, Blood, Murder/Suicide
Summary:Ā AU for S4. Sam never got stabbed in S2, so Dean ends up in a brothel. Sam rescues him, but kind of makes everything worse.
This is my fave because: It took me 3+ years to write, for one thing. It was a challenge to myself as wellāhow could I create a story where the ending is believable, even though it goes against what so many fans think the brothers capable of.Ā I think I pulled it off, and Iām incredibly happy with the final product.
Got a fic for fave fics 2017?
I was tagged (months ago?) by my best bat-friend @exaggeratedspecificity to name 15 songs that I love, and I was really inspired by her emotional stories behind her choices so I thought Iād put a little effort into mine, too.Ā
But the thing is, when I start thinking back to songs that mean something to me, like super personally...well, sometimes I just donāt want to remember things. I got really sick when I was 11 and now itās systemic and chronic, and it turned me schizophrenic starting about age 16 and that lasted for another 15 years. Music, literally, kept me alive. It was my best friend, the one thing I could trust. It was how I found validation for the fucked up things I was seeing and the way I felt. Itās how I spoke to the outside world---anyone who knew me then got at least one mix-tape from me, sometimes dozens. I would take lyrics and write stories about my friends with them. I had to go home and get lyrics down on paper instead of going to parties. When I rode the train cross-country, I lugged my 300 disc CD book the whole way, clutched to my chest. I kind of want to be buried with my headphones in but Iām a little worried Iāll wake up from being dead when the battery runs out.
Anyway, in the last few years...basically since I discovered Supernatural, music has taken on a whole new meaning for me. Life in general has changed. Itās better. Itās more fun, more interesting. Iāve found a creative outlet, and especially concerning music, Iām not slathering my experiences, my insanity, my feelings of loss and isolation and paranoia and confusion all over it. Iāve learned how to step outside my little fear-bubble and enjoy music from a whole new angle. So I thought, instead of going through my 130 gigs of music and forcing myself to think about those songs that I love for personal reasons and thus scratching at emotional scars and scabs of my real life, Iād do something more fun for me and pick my 15 favourite songs that exemplify my 15 long Supernatural fics, because since Iāve been writing, my life has improved by leaps and bounds and thereās not a single traumatic memory attached to the experience.
That was really long-winded.
With You by Matt Simons: This is from the soundtrack to Sense Of Life, which is my first published fic. Iām so glad I wasnāt reallyĀ āin the fandomā when I wrote this, because I never would have had the guts to write it if Iād known how much most shippers donāt like OFC. I would have worried too much about Mary-Sueāing or whatever whatever. What I wanted to write about was giving the boys something to love, and then taking it away from them, because if they arenāt hurting, whatās the point? So I gave Sam a separated-at-six-months twin sister, and Dean a sick angel, then I gave them reasons to all get naked in a room together, because little did I know, Plot Productive Porn⢠would be my go-to writing device. Anyway, looming over the whole fiasco is John Winchesterās A+ parenting, which sets this story up in the first place, and I was so gleefully fulfilled when I randomly heard this song somewhere while writing the fic. I was like, yesperfect.
My job to control you, darling, though I barely know you, hoping you grow tired and start giving in. Spout of holy water pour it on my only daughter maybe there's a shot she'll begin again. So wrong
Lucky With Disease by Elbow: I think this would be Crowleyās favourite band. That said, this is one of my most favourite wincestiel songs and is perfect for Wash It Away---the first fic I wrote, and it shows. A few OOC things, but I just went with what I picked up from the light smattering of gifs that had crossed my dash---I hadnāt even seen a single episode of the show yet. My least favourite fic, but still...itās not terrible, and I love the dynamic of hurt-angry!Dean and fixer!Sam and Cas falling somewhere in between, willing to do whatever it takes to help. I definitely stuck to the first two characterisations for the rest of my writing.Ā
Fell like a crippled crow Spinning through and breaking branches I'm in a bad way Call my friends, they'll know what to do
Not as handsome as my brother But I've been lucky with disease
And yes, I'm a better friend Than I've ever been a lover And that's not saying much But I'm not saying much today
Make Me Wanna Die by The Pretty Reckless: In some different timeline, all Iām doing is writing Megstiel. But Never The Same is all Iāve managed and itās typical---crazy!Cas and caretaker!Meg, bees, honey. Okay, honey as lube and bees around quivering nethers, but thatĀ āoh what the fuck okay fineā sentiment is there that I always loved so much about Meg.Ā
I had everything Opportunities for eternity And I could belong to the night Then your eyes Your eyes I can see in your eyes Your eyes You make me wanna die I'll never be good enough You make me wanna die
Adolescence by Brown Bird: Rise Above It is my goriest fic to-date, and the sort of weird, sinister nature of this song seems perfect for it. Another wincestiel fic in the same vein of WIA but I think I got the characters down a little better. Dean canāt stand himself and thinks he hates Castiel for caring about him, and Cas, par for the course, makes things worse trying to make it better, but Sam knows just where to dig into the bloody mess to get it all right again.Ā
So long adolescence of the frightened soul You're entering the ritual Lay down your every fear upon the altar child Prepare to play the man's role
Stay strong the sound of screaming's just the sacred rite Of death begetting new life
We are here but for the grace of everything divine It's the providence that we must find
If (donāt ever blame yourself) by Last Days of April: People who can write early-season wincest are my heroes, okay. Deanās a different animal now, isnāt he? Iām not even remotely suggesting heās better one way or the other, just that heās harder for me to grasp in the first couple of seasons. Harder for me to find his voice, and I canāt even say I reallyĀ āgot itā with The Dawn Breaks...because I donāt fucking remember writing this fic at all. I have no idea where it came from, but itās dark and dirty and Sam is toeing the line of making himself into the same monster that hurt Dean in the first place, but in the end, he pulls it off.
If it is hard to bear I'll hold the weight If there are things you ain't I'll compensate But you should never blame yourself Put the blame on everybody else 'cause they don't see what I see If no one understands I'll understand
Loversā Eyes by Mumford and Sons: ngl, the entire soundtrack for Becoming Less Defined is my favourite song. I fucking nailed itĀ with these songs: perfect combo, perfect order, perfect atmosphere, but this song in particular showcases my particular obsessive trope here. Iām so fucking proud of this āverse, and Iām climbing the walls to get back to it and finish it. I canāt leave omega-tainted!Dean and Wall-crumbled!Sam and sweet, insane omega!Jensen in limbo. I mean, thereās actual Purgatory to get to, after all.Ā
Were we too young, our heads too strong To bear the weight of these loversā eyes I feel numb beneath your tongue Beneath the curse of these loversā eyes But do not ask the price I pay I must live with my quiet rage Tame the ghosts in my head That run wild and wish me dead
Complicated Shadows by Elvis Costello: Itās hard to get Dean alone sometimes, but this song really conjures up that early-season hero that I was talking about before, and writing Turn In Early was supposed to be just a little jerk-off fic, some imaginative Deancest, but because Iām the worst, itās all slathered in gentle pain.Ā
Well you know your time has come and you're sorry for what you've done You should've never have been playing with a gun In those complicated shadows Well there's a line that you must toe And it'll soon be time to go But it's darker than you know in those complicated shadows
Johnās Star by The National: A reminisce fic, Deanās B.S., 2001Ā is a rare moment of self-reflection for Dean, but heāll only go so far back. I love the idea of Stanford-era!Dean, sidelined, a captive audience, listening to music he probably would never on his own terms, and hearing lyrics that just fucking hit home. Thereās nothing explicit about this fic, no overt wincest, but itās there, especially with songs like this.
I don't ever want you to come home again I don't want to hear your call, your voice in my room I am divine, my arms are stronger than rivers And when you feel that way, you want to feel that way again Forever
Once ruined, baby you stay ruined
Evidence by Faith No More: The sleaze that undercurrents all of Mike Pattonās music is perfect for Dress Me Down, a jealous!Jensen J2/Genevieve blackmail fic, because you can just hearĀ Jensen lying to himself through the music.Ā
If you want to open the hole Just put your head down and go Step beside the piece of the circumstance You got to wash away the taste of evidence Wash it away Evidence, evidence, evidence Got to taste evidence I didn't feel a thing It didn't mean a thing Look in the eye and testify I didn't feel a thing Anything you say, you know you're guilty Hands above your head and you won't even feel me You won't feel me
Sedated by Hozier: I would normally pick Great Expectations by Elbow for this, but the dangerous, powerful carelessness of this song fits Something To ShareĀ just as well. Schizophrenic, self-destructive and self-harming!Sam and totally out of his depth!Dean make deals and promises to each other and I just really, really love this fic okay leave me alone Iām fine.Ā
You and I nursing on a poison that never stung Our teeth and lungs are lined with the scum of it Somewhere for this, death and guns We are deaf, we are numb Free and young and we can feel none of it Something isn't right, babe I keep catching little words but the meaning's thin I'm somewhere outside my life, babe I keep scratching but somehow I can't get in So we're slaves to any semblance of touch Lord we should quit but we love it too much
Knock Me Out by Linda Perry: Back to my a/b/o āverse with Between Two Minds, and we find poor Dean, omega-tainted and feeling like he canāt be loved, finally, finallyĀ starting to trust his little brother again.
You knocked me out You bit my lip You held me down and kept me sober Through all this time With no regret I guess that's just the way I liked it Maybe, when I'm free I'll realize all he really wanted To share all the peace Something I never wanted So wait, don't go Seems as though it's getting scary So please, don't you go
Feels Like by Buck 65: A song no one will listen to for a fic that no one reads. Dreamy, plinking piano for a fic that started out as a dream. My favourite artist with my favourite ending Iāve ever written. Give Buck and A Steep Fall a chance.
She found the lost boy, eyes that are crying closes Glad to be unhappy, boy gives her dying roses Ecstatic agony and nights of arousing glories Hungry hearts and hands that tell ten thousand stories Open wounds and the one word that filed under Her endless eyes have known hardship and wild wonder Kisses that cure and moments that cured the kiss Under a spell and maybe there's no words for this
I Drove All NightĀ by Roy Orbison: The Mixtape ThingĀ wasnāt supposed to be a fic, but I had to talk about whyĀ the songs were picked for the promptĀ ādate night at the MoL Bunkerā, and suddenly there was a sweet little wincest fic. Yeah, āsweetā. My fans were very surprised too.Ā
What in this world Keeps us from falling apart No matter where I go I hear The beating of our one heart I think about you When the night is cold and dark No one can move me The way that you do Nothing erases this feeling between me and you
Tell Me by Moby ft. Cold Specks: An alternative ending to BLD, But Then Again is the best thing Iāve written so far. J2/wincest/abo and so fucking full of angst and longing and good goddamn is it dirty. Iām so proud of it and myself for pulling it off, and even if I lose two more friends over it (iām not bitter iām very bitter), itās still wonderful in my mind.Ā
Didn't have the heat I gave you memories Come deeper please I got nowhere to stay tonight Won't you make me stay? Keep your clear eyes on the prize And as I'm there Bring me to your knees
Baby Blue by Wolf Parade: Kill The LightsĀ is the one unfinished fic on this list but Iām so close it counts. Fifty-nine songs to choose from. Five playlists. Over 100,000 words, and choosing one song to represent this brutal MCD fic is easy. Since itās written from Samās POV, some of my favourite songs are the ones I imagine from Deanās, and this is perfect.Ā
You're like a fool on fire To the water so blue I will come undone And I will run to you Sometimes we are an open flower Sometimes we are an open wound Sometimes we are a kind of echo chamber, wherein You're all fire and brimstone And I'm all that, too Burning blue for you
LISTEN
tagging @zmediaoutlet @omgbubblesomg @theboringprincess @chiisana-sukima @hazeldomain @indigoneutrino @dreamsfromthebunker Ā @bruisedmickey and anyone else who wants to do this (and if youāve already done it, no worries ;)Ā
rules: list the top 10 songs youāre listening to (in no particular order) and then tag 10 mutuals tagged by @silver9mm 1) Lacuna Coil - Hostage To The Light 2) Kamelot - Liar Liar 3) Delain - The Glory And The Scum 4) Blue Oyster Cult - The Siege and Investiture 5) Natalia Faustova - Bayushki Bayu (Cossack Lullaby) 6) A Perfect Circle - The Outsider 7) Poets of the Fall - Carnival of Rust 8) The Pretty Reckless - Sweet Things 9) Akira Yamaoka - Letter From The Lost Days 10) Pink Floyd - Set The Controls For The Heart Of The Sun Tagging: @plungerwhisk @kittycat-cas @otakugirl07 @izumisrealm @samanddeaninpanties @majesticduxk @oneshoeshort @muchamusedaboutnothing @goddessofwincest @shiphitsthefan