#silver's fics

Dot has never dissociated before, but standing there, still feeling the blush on her cheeks from the other night’s activities, she feels distant from her body. She’s watching herself watch Sam shove his tongue down Penny’s throat, and she’d run if her feet weren’t planted ten feet away from her.

Beside her, Maru gasps.

The sound sends her spiraling back into her body, and the full weight of the moment comes crashing down on her. She can’t fucking breathe, and she’s torn between going over to punch him and sprinting away into the night.

She goes with the latter.

Her head spins and the forest blurs as she rushes back to the farm house. Her legs are jelly beneath her and can barely hold her weight, but all she can think of is how fucking stupid she is.

Why did she think it would ever be different? Why did she think Sam would ever choose her? Why did she let herself be that vulnerable when she would never, ever be enough for anyone?

The screen door slams behind her, taken by the wind, but she regrets not slamming it harder.

Fuck, fuck, fuck.

She wishes she had something to kick, but the anger doesn’t stay. It dissipates in the form of tears that flood her face before she can stop them. She wishes she was could, though, because the tears make her feel pathetic and weak. She shouldn’t be crying over him. She’d sworn to herself so long ago to never let a man make her feel this shitty again, and she threw it away for what? A fucking blow job?

She walks to the other end of her kitchen and rips open a cabinet, pulling out a glass and a bottle of tequila. She downs a shot and pours herself another before deciding she doesn’t hate herself that much. She grabs a lime seltzer from the fridge and mixes it into the glass. She wipes at her tears with the back of her hand and takes a pathetic sip of the drink.

She looks up from her counter and freezes.

Maru’s brother is standing on the other side of her screen door, his hands shoved in his pockets in the most obnoxiously casual way. He pulls one hand out and gives her a two-finger salute.

Dot didn’t think it was possible to hate herself more in this moment. But having him stand there, bearing witness to her tear-stained face and the open bottle of tequila next to her… she wants to pour the rest of it on her clothes and light herself on fire.

She puts the glass down on the counter with more force than necessary, and it makes a resounding clink.

“What do you want?” she demands.

Sebastian shrugs. He gives a little nod to the counter. “Whatever it is you’re having, actually.”

She glares at him.

“Go away, Sebastian.”

She picks up the glass and takes it with her to the couch. She expects him to leave, but when she sits, he’s still loitering on the other side of the screen door.

“There’s no fun in drinking alone,” he says. “And besides. If anyone in this town can commiserate with you about not being able to be with the person they want, it’s me.”

Dot considers him.

“Plus,” he says, his tone dropping into something with a surprising hint of sincerity. “I feel a little bit responsible, after what happened the other night.”

Dot clenches and unclenches her jaw. Regardless as to how annoying his presence is, it at least snapped her out of her crying fit. She holds his gaze for so long that she half expects him to burst into flames. Or, in a slightly more realistic way, just walk away. But he does neither.

With a large sigh, she stands and makes him a drink.

“Fine,” she says. “But one obnoxious comment and I’m kicking you out.”

He opens the door and comes inside. Say what you will about Sebastian, she thought, but he at least waited for permission. Actually…

She studies him as she hands him the glass. “Waiting for permission to enter my house,” she says as he takes it. “What are you, a vampire?”

He snorts and takes a sip before speaking. “Something like that.”

She steps past him and plops back onto the couch, taking a huge swig of her drink before fumbling with the TV remote to throw something on for background noise. A voice in her head reminds her she should probably ask if he has a preference, but she isn’t in the most hospitable mood at the moment. She throws on some lo-fi and calls it a day.

Sebastian doesn’t seem to notice, though. He’s walking idly around the room, surveying the random knick knacks and trinkets she has scattered across shelves. He toys with a small frog statue that Leah made her. He takes another sip of his drink.

“You got a thing for frogs?” he asks.

“Don’t start with me,” she says. “I’m not in the mood.”

“It’s not a dig,” he says. “They’re my favorite.”

⋆｡°✩°｡⋆

Dot doesn’t know how much time has passed or how many drinks she has downed, only that the tequila bottle was full when the night started, and there’s only a few shots left in it. She has run out of lime seltzers.

The sun has set, and her living room has a soft glow to it from the lamps spread about. It’s dark in a cozy way. Some movie plays on the TV, its volume low and plot forgotten.

Her head is heavy from the alcohol and the joint they are passing back and forth. She’s sprawled across the corner of her couch, and Seb is lounging on the other side of it, her legs draped across his knees. She hands him the joint and realizes he’s staring at her, aghast.

“What?” she asks, trying to remember what could have caused such a reaction.

“You didn’t even sleep with him?” he demands.

Her cheeks redden. “No,” she says. “It wasn’t… like that. I just… I don’t know.”

“You’re telling me you sucked him off and he did nothing for you in return?”

Her face fully feels like it’s on fire now. “When you say it like that, it sounds awful,” she says.

He blows out a cloud of smoke and passes the joint back to her. “That’s because it is. I know Sam has his problems, but good god, that’s a dick move.”

“Well, so is making out with Penny in public after implying he wants to date me, so…”

Seb shakes his head. “Not even offering to go down on you in return is insane.”

“I…” Dot starts. “I mean, he offered, but…”

Seb eyes her. “You said no? Dot, no offense, but what the hell is wrong with you?”

She cringes. “I don’t know! I just… no one has ever…” She trails off, feeling the heat in her cheeks spread to her neck and the tips of her ears. She feels dizzy in a way unrelated to the alcohol.

Seb raises his eyebrows. “That’s just sad, Dot,” he says. “Give me your phone.”

“What?” she asks. “Why?”

Her phone is on the coffee table, and he grabs it. “So I can download Tinder and solve this problem of yours. What’s your pass code?”

She rips her phone out of his grip. “You are not putting me on a dating app.” She moves the phone to the side table behind her, out of his reach, and takes a final drag from the joint before putting it out on the ash tray.

“Why?” Seb asks. “It’s the perfect idea. Take him to the Saloon and make Sam jealous. Or better yet, sleep with someone he’d absolutely hate. That would piss him off.”

Dot snorts. “If I wanted to sleep with someone to piss him off, I’d just sleep with you.”

She regrets saying the words the moment they leave her mouth. Something changes in the air — a static electricity that she can’t take back. She feels like she’s holding her breath as she waits for him to speak.

But her legs are still in his lap, and his hand rests idly on one of her calves. Slowly, he trails a single finger up to her knee.

“It’d probably piss off Haley, too,” he admits. His finger trails higher — an inch above her thigh, then two.

She meets his gaze. His pupils are blown out from the weed and the booze, and she can see the question in them. See the permission he’s seeking.

And she doesn’t know what she wants, because if she’s being honest with herself, the combination of the weed and the tequila in her veins right now is making her horny, and she has too many pent-up emotions from the past few days that she’d love to burn off. The other issue is that, unfortunately, she’d been attracted to Sebastian from the moment she’d met him but had pushed the thought away for Maru’s sake.

Fuck. Maru. Was she really going to do this to her?

Sebastian’s touch trails higher. Sparks of energy shoot straight from his finger to the center of her core. His thumb grazes the hem of her jean shorts and inches inwards. Her heart stutters.

“Seb,” she breathes.

“Do you want me to stop?”

She opens her mouth. She should stop this now — make him go home so she can take a cold shower and tuck herself into bed. But the space between her legs hums, encouraged by the alcohol and how badly she wants to make Sam hurt the way she does, and she doesn’t know if she can stop this. Not when her body is starting to ache with a desire she isn’t quite sure how to shut off.

She’s allowed to want things. And if Sam won’t have her, then here is someone who does.

Seb shifts and positions himself above her. He places one hand on the couch behind her head and straddles a leg on either side of her body. His face hovers inches above hers, and he pulls his hand away from her thigh to loop a finger around one of her curls, twirling it. She aches at the loss of his touch. Her head is foggy and the only thing she can focus on is him and the nonexistent space between them.

“Is this a terrible idea?” he asks.

“Yes,” Dot says. She punctuates the thought by grabbing his face and tugging his mouth against hers.

The feeling is electric. She actually gasps into his mouth on contact, and her cheeks flame. His mouth is hot against hers and fuck he’s a good kisser. She shouldn’t be surprised by that, but holy shit.

Too soon, his mouth leaves hers, and she almost complains until his lips brush against her jaw and slide lower. He drags his tongue in a line down her neck and it has her back arching up to meet him. A gasp tears itself from her lips, and he swallows it with his mouth, slamming his lips back against hers.

Fuck.

She’d had half a thought that she’d kiss him and then back out, but that entire notion is forgotten now. White, hot desire erases everything from her mind except this and him and now.

He tugs lightly at the bottom of her shirt, seeking permission, and she lets him tug it off of her. He pauses as his eyes rake in her body and she sees the way his gaze lingers on the tattoos he hadn’t been able to see before. He trails a finger across her sternum piece before reaching around to unhook the back of her bra.

She knows this should be awkward. She’s never been one for one-night-stands, and the thought of a stranger seeing her half naked is mortifying. Maybe if she were more sober, it would be. But Seb takes one of her breasts in his mouth and her vision turns white and whatever worries she had dissipate. It’s so hard to focus on them when his goddamn mouth is everywhere.

She digs her fingers into his hair and holds him against her chest. He grazes his teeth against her nipple and another gasp escapes her. She doesn’t know if she loves or hates the way she can feel his mouth turn upwards in a smirk at the noises he’s pulling from her.

His mouth returns to hers and she kisses him hungrily, harder than she’s probably kissed anyone in her life. She tugs at his hair and it draws a low groan from the back of his mouth, and she answers it with one of her own.

His fingers sneak beneath the pant leg of her jean shorts and graze the front of her underwear. He adds pressure, and the gentle circles he begins to trace grow dizzying. She moans against his mouth, and his finger slips beneath the hem of her underwear and into her folds.

Seb pulls back, groaning. “Shit,” he hisses into her ear. “You’re so fucking wet.”

She can feel the growing pressure of him against the side of her hip. He’s hard. And when he slides a finger inside of her, she grips tight to the arm that’s propping him up above her, clenching her jaw to keep from moaning again.

Seb meets her gaze as he fingers her, and it feels so fucking hot she can’t breathe. He slides another finger into her and increases his pace, and he’s right — she’s so fucking wet she can hear it. When he pulls his fingers out and spreads the wetness in easy circles around her clit, the sound she releases is far dirtier than any noise she’s ever made in her life.

“Fuck, Seb.”

He pulls his fingers away and, not breaking eye contact, slips them into his mouth to suck the juices clean. A white hot bolt of desire fires through her and holy shit she has never needed anyone as badly as she needs him right now.

“Your room,” he hisses, his voice sounding just as breathless as hers. “I don’t want to do this here.”

She nods and forces herself to stand. The entire world tilts on its axis. The room spins. She hadn’t realized how drunk she was until this moment, when everything won’t stay still within her vision. They stumble into her bedroom and she pulls him back into her like gravity — his mouth the only thing keeping her tied down to Earth.

He lowers her to the bed and one of his hands lingers by the button of her jean shorts. His kisses trail upwards across her jaw. When he speaks, his breath is hot against her ear.

“Let me go down on you,” he breathes. His teeth graze against the corner of her ear, and her body arches against him again. She’s dizzy with lust, with the alcohol, with everything.

But she wants this. Fuck she just wants to let go.

“Are you… sure?” she asks.

He meets her gaze, and she’s stunned by the desire she finds in his eyes.

“Yes,” he says.

When she nods, he wastes no time. He unbuttons her shorts and tugs, tossing them aside unceremoniously. She doesn’t know what she’s expecting, but then he grabs her thighs and pulls, anchoring her at the end of the bed in a move that should not have been as sexy as it was.

But then he looks up at her from between her thighs, his gaze hot under the cover of his lashes, and her heart races from the vulnerability of it all.

“Good?” he asks, and the mere fact that he’s even bothering to check in has her melting.

She gives a quiet “Mhh,” but it bleeds into a moan the moment his mouth touches her. She’s had too many years to imagine what this might feel like, too many years to overthink and come to the conclusion that she couldn’t be missing out on that much and decide it was probably overrated anyways.

But Seb draws a line up her center with his tongue before circling her clit and she cannot fucking breathe between the moans he’s pulling from her.

She digs her fingers back into his hair and tugs him closer, forcing his mouth to stay against her, and she’s driving full speed towards a cliff with no brakes.

He keeps going, releasing a quiet moan as if he’s actually getting off on this. Her knees threaten to buckle, and his steady hands coax them back apart.

“Wait,” she says. I’m going to-”

He speeds up. The pressure builds to a breaking point, until her vision goes white and the world slams to a stop.

She’s unable to stop the cry that tears from her lips as she cums, gripping his hair impossibly tight. When the feeling finally levels out, she releases her grip and pants to catch her breath. Aftershocks ripple through her.

Seb just shoots a cocky grin up from between her thighs. He rolls up a sleeve and wipes his mouth. He stands and then plops down on the bed next to her.

It hits her suddenly that she’s fully naked and he’s sitting there, fully clothed. How unfair.

It feels hypocritical, but she won’t let herself go down that road, because there’s a multitude of people she refuses to let herself think about right now.

“What can I do for you?” she asks between breaths.

Seb shakes his head. “It’s not transactional.”

“I know,” she says. “I want to.”

He hesitates. And maybe it’s because Dot’s body is still pulsing with the aftershocks, still aching for him, or maybe it’s just the alcohol still flooding her system that makes her say it.

“Sebastian Wright, I swear to god, if you make me beg you to fuck me.”

He snorts and flips back on top of her. “And if I want you to beg?” he asks.

She rolls her eyes and tugs at his shirt, ready to tell him she hates him, until suddenly he’s shirtless above her and she’s struggling not to fucking drool.

“What the hell?” she hisses, the words falling of her tongue before she can stop them.

Seb looks down at himself, raising a single eyebrow. “What-”

“You’re fucking hot,” she complains. “What the fuck.”

And he fucking is. His chest and arms are covered in tattoos. Which she probably should have expected, but Jesus Christ. She briefly imagines tracing half of them with her tongue before forcing the thought away.

Seb’s mouth lowers to her ear again. “You should take a look in a mirror, sweetheart.”

Her toes curl and she can’t fucking take it anymore. She fumbles with his belt, and he lets out a low chuckle that has her blood heating.

He tugs off his pants and she allows herself to actually look at him. He’s fully erect and huge. She swallows.

“Do you have condoms?” he asks.

“Bedside drawer.”

He nods and retrieves one. He rips it open with his mouth, which shouldn’t be as hot as it is, and she’s struggling to figure out if its the alcohol and residual anger making her so horny or if it’s just him. The first option is easier to deal with so she lets herself believe it’s that.

Seb positions himself over her, and when he slides inside of her, he lets out a deep groan and curses beneath his breath. She meets it with a groan of her own. His skin is so hot against hers and she’s so fucking full.

It’s admittedly been awhile since she had sex, but she doesn’t remember it being like this. Every time he pumps into her, pleasure shoots straight up her spine.

“Fuck,” she hisses. “Seb.”

He sucks in a breath when she says his name, and he speeds up. She grabs tight against his skin as he pounds into her, dragging her nails across his back and eliciting satisfying groans from the back of his throat.

He shifts and pulls back a little, yet he barely lets up on his pace. He brings a hand up to her collarbone and traces a slow line there.

“Can I choke you?” he asks.

The question sends a bolt of lightning straight to her stomach. She can’t even get a word out so she just nods.

His hand flexes as he wraps it around her neck. His fingers press lightly on the edges of her airway, and the pleasure funneling through her multiplies. The edges of her vision grow tight, and all she can see is him, and the intense look in his eyes as he fucks her, and she’s nothing but a vessel for pleasure that’s fucking overflowing.

The orgasm comes as a surprise. Her hips buckle and a cry escapes her, forcing him to let go of her neck. He fucks her through the orgasm and she’s losing it, coming apart at the seams. He slams his mouth against hers and swallows her moans.

Fuck. Fucking… Shit.

The moment she’s able to catch her breath, she rolls, positioning herself on top of him.

“Fuck,” he swears.

She rides him and leans forward to kiss his neck, sucking on small sections of his skin until he’s groaning. She’s sure she’s leaving marks, but with the frantic way his hips come up to meet hers, she doesn’t care right now. She shifts her weight and Seb’s fingertips dig into her hips.

“You-” he stutters. “I need you to slow down.”

She pulls away from his neck and meets his gaze, savoring the pussy-drunk look on his face. “And if I don’t?” she asks.

Seb sucks in a breath. His grip on her skin turns painful, but she relishes it.

“Fuck,” he repeats, but the word slurs off his lips. “I’m going to-”

She slams her mouth back against his and swallows the rest of his words. He throws his head back and groans into her mouth as he cums. His body trembles once, twice, a third time before stilling.

When she pulls away from him, they’re both panting.

“Fuck,” she breathes. “That was…”

He runs a hand over his face. “Fuck.”

⋆｡°✩°｡⋆

Dot wakes to sunlight in her eyes, a pounding headache, and a strong weight against her chest. She cringes against the light and tries to sit up, but two things become apparent: one, she is so fucking hungover that she might still be a little bit drunk, and two, she cannot actually move because there is an arm draped over her.

She blinks several times as the events of last night come rushing back in. Her cheeks burn at the memory, and she’s torn between shame and something else.

Something that feels a lot like wanting to wake him up to fuck him again.

She shakes her head to clear it and inches herself out from under his arm — Christ, he sleeps like a rock. She refuses to let herself look at him lest she does something stupid. She stumbles out of her bedroom in a quest for water.

What the fuck is wrong with her?

Except the worst part is, she doesn’t regret it. She should, but then she’d have to regret the best sex of her entire life, and she can’t quite bring herself to do that.

She catches sight of herself in the hall mirror and she’s a mess. Curls everywhere, yesterday’s mascara smeared beneath her eyes, a vibrantly obvious hickey on her neck, and she’s wearing a t-shirt for some metal band she’s never heard of. His fucking t-shirt.

Jesus Christ.

She walks to the kitchen and pours herself a glass of water, chugs it down with two Advil, and then pours herself another. She hesitates and then grabs a second glass from the cabinet and fills that one too. She’s just about to bring them both back to the bedroom when she catches sight of her phone on the side table in the living room.

It somehow still has a bit of charge left to it, but barely. She unlocks it and is greeted by a string of missed calls and texts that immediately have her pulse spiking.

Four missed calls from Maru, interspersed with a handful of texts. The ones she can see in the preview are, “You okay?” and “Please tell me my brother isn’t being an asshole.” and “Scratch that. I know he is.”

Dot’s face grows hot. God, she had just promised Maru she wouldn’t make a move on her brother. She feels queasy and takes a hesitant sip of her water, hoping it’ll assuage the guilt pooling in her stomach. What the fuck is she supposed to tell Maru?

Yeah, sorry, I know you kind of hate your brother and I promised you I wouldn’t do anything stupid, but then we got drunk and kind of ended up having like, the best sex I’ve ever had in my entire life?

She groans inwardly and is about to lock her phone when she sees the other string of texts. She opens them without thinking.

                         Sammy: Hey, can we talk?

                         Sammy: I’m sorry you had to find out that way. That was… shitty.

                         Sammy: Please, just let me explain.

The texts reignite the anger in her. She has half a mind to block him, or maybe call him and give him an earful, but she is pulled back from her barely-contained rage when she hears footsteps.

Seb wanders in, shirtless and in nothing but his underwear, and unfortunately all the sight does is turn the anger in her into a different kind of molten heat.

“I poured you a glass of water,” she says by way of greeting.

He nods at her, yawning, and chugs down half the glass.

“That tequila fights back, huh?” he asks.

“Tell me about it.”

“How’d you sleep?

“Surprisingly well, actually,” she admits.

He turns and his neck catches the light, and Jesus Christ, what did she do to the poor guy last night? If she thought the mark on her neck was bad, a series of hickeys form a trail down his neck, and there are literal nail marks arching across his back.

“Oh my god,” she says. “I didn’t mean to fucking maim you last night.”

Seb snorts. “Oh no,” he quips, deadpan. “My steak is too juicy. My lobster is too buttery.”

She glares at him.

He just shrugs, the picture of nonchalance. “I would have stopped you if I cared,” he says. He takes a sip of his water and reaches to refill it. “I had fun,” he says. “And I say this with zero obligations, but I wouldn’t mind doing it again sometime.”

Dot’s heart races. “Zero obligations?” she asks.

He shrugs again. “Casual sex.”

Dot has never been particularly casual about anything, let alone sex, but if it means a repeat of last night… God, she just needs to burn off the fucking heat still lingering beneath her skin.

He probably didn’t mean it as an invitation, but she stalks up to him anyways.

“I didn’t get a chance to repay you for last night,” she says.

He’s forced to take a step back, and his hips hit the counter. He stares at her for a long moment before her meaning catches up to him. “I told you,” he said. “It’s not transactional.”

She places a hand on his chest and slides it lower, lower.

“Will you shut up and let me go down on you?”

Seb raises his eyebrows, but she detects a hint of rosiness in his cheeks.

He smirks. “Yes ma’am.”

She rolls her eyes and tugs his boxers down, dropping to her knees. He hisses when she takes him into his mouth, and he clenches the edge of the counter so tightly that his knuckles turn white.

“Fuck, Dot,” he groans.

She wouldn’t have offered if she wasn’t fully aware she was good at it.

And yes, they’re “even” now. Yes, it’s a technically a thank you. But there’s something more to it than that. She likes seeing him come apart at the seams. Likes seeing this brooding asshole without his shield up. Likes having this kind of power over someone, however fleeting.

His entire body tenses, and he digs his fingers into her curls.

“Fuck, ah… I-”

His orgasm rips through him. She swallows and licks him clean. When she finishes, she stands and smirks at him.

He looks at her like he’s never seen her before in his life. “Who the fuck are you?” he asks.

She laughs. And though there are a million reasons why she shouldn’t, she takes him back to her bedroom for round two.

⋆｡°✩°｡⋆

Seb should have left hours ago, but he is still in her living room, finishing the last bite of a sandwich she stupidly made for him. She should send him home. She should call Maru back and beg for forgiveness for the cardinal sin of friendship she just committed not once, but twice.

She should be doing anything besides wondering if it would be absolutely insane to fuck him a third time.

She doesn’t even need the tequila anymore, apparently. She might as well be drunk off his dick.

It doesn’t help that he is still shirtless, probably in-part because she is wearing his t-shirt, admittedly, but in her defense he hasn’t asked for it back yet. But he could at least put some pants on so she doesn’t have to keep staring at the outline of his dick in his underwear, for crying out loud.

The coffee maker beeps, signifying it’s done brewing, and Dot walks to the fridge to grab the creamer.

“Can you open the door?” she asks. The house is growing stuffy, and she longs for the breeze coming through the screen door.

“On it.”

Dot glances up as she pours the creamer in her coffee, and her eyes catch movement through the window pane just seconds before Seb reaches for the door.

“Wait-” she yelps.

But it’s too late.

Seb opens the door. On the other side, one hand propping open the screen door and the other floating poised to knock, stands Sam.

The next few seconds happen in slow motion.

She watches as Sam’s eyes widen at the sight of Seb, and then trail down to the line of hickeys she left on his neck. That, coupled with the fact that he’s naked besides the pair of boxers hanging loosely off his hips, is damning enough, but it grows worse when Sam’s eyes cut to hers and she remembers, for the second time in two minutes, that she’s still wearing Seb’s t-shirt.

“What the fuck?” Sam demands.

Dot pales.

Whatever color she had is sucked up by Sam, who goes red in the face. He’s staring at her. Talking directly to her.

“Are you fucking serious right now?” he asks.

Dot is too stunned to have any idea what to say. She’s torn between wanting to burst into tears or punch him for his hypocrisy. Seb looks like he’s waiting for her direction.

“Go home, Sammy,” she forces out.

He scoffs. Shakes his head. “I can’t fucking believe you,” he says.

He lets the screen door slam on his way out.

It takes several moments for Dot to remember how to breathe.

“Well,” Seb says. “That went well.”

She glares at him.

Seb shrugs. “You wanted to make him jealous,” he says, motioning towards the door. “And voila. You have a jealous Sam. Probably a bit more direct than intended, but…”

“Please stop talking,” she says. “Like genuinely, please stop talking.” She buries her head in her hands, and suddenly everything that has transpired in the last 24 hours feels like way too fucking much. She wishes she could just collapse on Maru’s bed and rant about it all, letting the tears flow, but… she fucking can’t.

God, what the fuck has she gotten herself into?

“Can you…” she starts, feeling altogether fragile. “Can you just go?” she asks.

Seb pauses like he’s going to say something, but he just nods.

⋆｡°✩°｡⋆

Guilt eats at Dot alive as she walks with Maru. She needs to broach the subject somehow, but she has no idea how to. Instead, she’s wearing a shirt with a ridiculously high neckline that still only manages to cover half the hickey, and is praying that the wind leaves her curls in place to cover the rest of it.

That, and she’s staying on the right side of Maru, just in case.

The script in her head is flimsy to begin with, and the more they walk, the more she wants to scrap it entirely. But there’s no good way to start the conversation. No good way to admit she might have permanently betrayed her friend’s trust.

And what does she expect to happen, anyways? She can’t even think of Seb’s offer to keep having casual sex without having a bolt of lightning spike through her veins, but there is no way in hell Maru is going to be okay with her continuing to sleep with her brother.

An apology is one thing, but it’s another thing entirely when you are having trouble regretting the very thing you need to atone for.

But it’s not like she’s in love with him. She barely even knows him.

And yet she wonders if Maru would actually be more understanding of that, somehow.

“I… need to talk to you,” Dot finally ventures. Her heartbeat thunders in her ears. She feels queasy.

Maru slows to a stop and turns to her, but before either of them can speak, the door to the Saloon opens.

Dot freezes when Sam exits, Penny in arm. When he catches sight of her, he sends Penny off on her own. She kisses his cheek before walking towards her house.

Sam studies Dot a moment.

He stands there like he’s debating if she’s worth her time before he shakes his head and storms towards her.

“I can’t believe you,” he says. “Do you know how low that is?”

Dot bristles. In part because of the audacity, but also because Maru is right fucking there and if Sam says one more thing…

But her anger ripples through her. “What fucking leg do you have to stand on?” she demands. “You lead me on for months and then make me believe you finally choose me, just to show up the next day with your tongue shoved down someone else’s throat.”

He scoffs at her. “And I made the right decision, didn’t I? Because at least I know Penny isn’t a fucking whore.”

Dot’s anger is so palpable she can taste it, but he continues before she can get a word in.

“Whatever,” he says. “Just go back to fucking my best friend. You two are made for each other.”

Maru freezes.

Dot’s blood turns to ice.

And Sam just walks away, completely unaware of the fuse he just lit. Or maybe he does, and now he’s trying to get as far away from the incoming explosion as possible.

Tears prick at the corner of Dot’s eyes, but whether its from anger or shame, she cannot tell. She’s terrified to turn to Maru and see the look on her face.

“You…” Maru starts. “Did you… You slept with my brother?”

A single tear escapes Dot’s eye. She wipes at it quickly as if that will help her pretend it wasn’t there to begin with.

She finally forces herself to meet Maru’s gaze, and the betrayal in her friend’s eyes kills her.

“We were drunk,” she says, as if that’s an excuse. As if she didn’t turn around and fuck him again sober. “I wasn’t in a good place, after seeing Sam and Penny, I…”

Maru’s jaw clenches. She takes in one steadying breath, and then a second. She stares at a point somewhere behind Dot and seems to be trying to reel herself back in.

When Maru speaks, her voice sounds shaky. “I knew it,” she says, and the way the words crack on the way out sends a splinter through Dot’s heart. “I knew he would come home and destroy everything. It’s what he does. It’s what he always does.” She takes a moment to calm herself, but there’s no hiding the tears that are welling up in her eyes. “I expected this from him, Dot. I just… I didn’t expect it from you.”

Dot opens her mouth, but Maru raises a single hand.

“Don’t,” she says. “Please. Just…” She shakes her head. “I’m sorry.”

And then she walks away. And for the second time in two days, Dot is left standing like an idiot outside the Saloon, feeling like her chest is being ripped apart from the inside out. She can’t fucking breathe.

She turns, and standing outside her house, white in the face, is Haley. Staring at her.

Dot knows she should say something, anything, but she just doesn’t care anymore. She feels like she blew up her life in a grand total of 36 hours and she no longer feels like she can bear the weight of anyone in this town looking at her.

❝kiss me under the light of a thousand stars place your head on my beating heart❞

-Thinking Out Loud, Ed Sheeran

----

Hadley sipped idly at a cup of tea and turned the page of the journal entry she’d been writing — both suggestions from her old therapist.

She’d gotten back in touch with her this morning, only to learn that she was no longer accepting new clients and didn’t have space for her. But not wanting to leave Hadley to the wolves, she’d offered up a few tips for self-reflection and self-care and gotten Hadley in touch with a colleague of hers who was accepting new clients. The first appointment opening was weeks away, but it was a start. It was progress.

Between her conversation with Abi and actually scheduling a therapy appointment, Hadley was starting to feel a bit lighter — but only slightly. Her thoughts were still piled in heaps she did not have the energy to begin pulling apart. That’s what the journal was meant to be for, but there were some thoughts she was still struggling to voice on paper.

Talking to Abi had been easier. The words were there and gone, taken by the wind. But there was something awfully real about seeing the words written out in pen.

So she wrote about the farm, and her grandfather, and her parents, and how different the Valley was from the city. She wrote about her new life here and how for the first time, she felt like she was building something good.

She put the pen down and stared at her jumbled handwriting.

It had been a few days since she had seen Seb, and while she wasn’t avoiding him, she wasn’t actively seeking him out either. She was terrified that, having now voiced the thought to Abi, Seb would be able to see it written across her face. And she wasn’t ready for that, not yet.

Abi had been quick to tell her that hiding was no better than running — but even if she was right… Hadley was taking it one day at a time.

A knock at her door pulled her from her thoughts.

She shut her journal and carried the mug of tea with her to the door.

She had half-expected it to be Abi — her friend had been making an effort to check in on her daily, though it had mostly been through texts. But instead of Abi, Seb stood on her front step, like Yoba himself was mocking her.

She schooled her features and made a show of glancing at the clock.

“I think it’s four PM,” she said. “Not AM. You’ve got your times mixed up.”

Seb rolled his eyes. “Ha ha, very funny.”

There was a nervousness to him that was not helping sate her own. Hadley gripped the mug tighter in her fingers and shifted her weight between her feet.

“What?” she asked. “Your vibes are… weird. You’re freaking me out.”

“You sound like Abi. Anyways, I come bearing an apology and tragic news.”

She raised her eyebrows, unsure if she should laugh or be genuinely concerned.

“My mother,” he said, taking a large breath and looking at the sky, “has not so humbly requested your presence at dinner tonight.”

“She…” Hadley started. “She what?”

He sighed. “She has sent me to invite you to join us for dinner.”

“But… why?” Hadley asked.

“The hell if I know. Probably something to do with the ‘party’ she walked in on in the kitchen after the festival. Her words, not mine. But she got it in her head to invite you over and wouldn’t leave me alone until she practically shoved me out the door.”

“Like, a family dinner?”

“The whole shebang,” Seb said. “My mother, my sister. My dick of a step-father.”

“Oh, please no,” Hadley said.

“Unfortunately my orders were less of a ‘go invite Hadley over’ and more of a ‘go get Hadley and bring her here.’”

“She just assumed I’d say yes?”

“Do you… have other plans?” Seb asked.

Hadley’s cheeks colored. “No, I’m just…” She trailed off and motioned to herself, where she was still wearing last night’s pajamas. She huffed. “Ugh.”

Hadley stepped back into the kitchen and ripped open the fridge, riffling through its contents. Seb took a single step into the house and let the door close behind him. He crossed his arms and leaned against the door frame, raising his eyebrows.

“Yeah, so actually, the whole point is that we’ll be eating there,” he chided.

Hadley shot him a look. “I know. I just don’t have anything to bring.” Her fridge was overflowing with blueberries from the end of summer harvest — she’d sold the majority of them, but even then, she had more than she knew what to do with. Already she’d made a pie for Marnie, some jam for Elliott, gave Linus a whole basket, and froze a large carton to use in smoothies. She wished she had enough time to bake another pie, but she didn’t have any dough made.

She pulled out a carton of blueberries and then reached above the fridge for her grandmother’s cookbook. She flipped through the dessert section with alarming speed before stopping on a hand-written recipe for berry cobbler. Perfect.

She nearly forgot Seb was there until he spoke. “What are you doing?”

“Baking,” Hadley said. “Now can you make yourself useful and grab the sugar and flour from the cabinet to your left?”

“You really don’t have to bring anything,” Seb said. “My mom is cooking.” Despite the protests, he opened the cabinet drawer and rifled through it until he found what she’d asked for.

Hadley shot him yet another look. “You can’t just show up someplace empty-handed, Sebastian.”

He stopped what he was doing. “Sebastian?” he repeated. “Ouch.”

“Shut up and give me the flour, please.”

It took twenty minutes to prep — though it would have taken less, were it not for Seb spending half the time sassing her and making her pause what she was doing to bite back a sarcastic remark. Once she had the pan in the oven and set a timer, she wiped her sticky hands on her pajama pants.

“I need to shower,” she said. “Can you make sure the house doesn’t burn down in the meantime?

“You know, there were things I planned to do after inviting you over.”

She gave him a small shove and left the room to shower.

After a quick rinse, she threw on some mascara and eyeliner and pulled her hair back into a loose braid. She pulled a sun dress from her closet and ran the fabric between her thumb and forefinger for several moments before deciding it was probably trying too hard for a family dinner. She opted instead for a pair of black jeans and a loose-fitting long sleeve.

When she walked back into the living room, Seb was pulling the cobbler from the oven.

“Thank you,” she said.

He smiled in response and set it on top of the oven to cool before they headed over.

Dinner went about how Hadley had expected, though it was somehow both better and worse than she feared. Robin was all smiles and was overjoyed to have her join them, though the sentiment wasn’t exactly shared all around.

Demetrius was clearly trying to be polite, but then he’d asked Hadley what brought her to the Valley. After explaining that she had traded the corporate world for the farm and was therefore no longer utilizing her degree, Hadley had seen the shift in his features. She’d never considered herself to have his respect in the first place, yet she saw it drain from his eyes anyways.

Maru mercifully changed the topic, and the conversation continued on. Robin asked after the farm, Demetrius prattled on about his most recent experiment, and Seb watched it all through nervous eyes.

When they’d finished eating, the conversation lulled.

“How is your freelance work going this week?” Robin asked, turning towards Seb.

He shrugged. “Picked up a new client. And the bookstore I’d been helping reached out to-”

Demetrius scoffed. “Maru, were you able to collect those samples I asked you for?”

Hadley bristled. And though she knew she shouldn’t cause tension at someone else’s family dinner, she couldn’t help herself. She cleared her throat. “What about the bookstore?” she asked, a little louder than necessary.

Seb shifted. “Uh, they really liked the database I built them, and asked if I could take on another project for them.”

“That’s great!” Hadley said.

Demetrius looked like he might genuinely roll his eyes. “He needs a real job.”

“He has a real job.”

The statement was met by a terse silence. Hadley’s cheeks heated, but she wasn’t sure if it was embarrassment or anger causing it. She took a breath and forced herself to break the tension by changing the subject.

“The soup was delicious, Robin,” she said, softening the edge to her voice. “Thank you for inviting me.”

Robin smiled. “Thank you for coming. Shall we start getting dessert ready?”

It was a cleverly disguised excuse for her to walk away from Demetrius, but she would take it gladly. She lifted the napkin from her lap and placed it neatly on the table. She followed Robin to the kitchen.

Once there, she busied herself with the motions. She turned the oven on, pulled the lid off of the baking dish, and placed it in the oven to warm. Beside her, Robin set about washing some of the dishes from dinner.

“Can I help?” Hadley asked.

“Nonsense,” Robin said. “You’re our guest.”

But the anger still simmered within her, and Hadley needed something to busy her hands and siphon off the energy. She grabbed a dish towel and took a clean dish from Robin’s hand to dry.

“I don’t mind,” Hadley said. “Really. I’d rather help than stand here and watch.”

Robin smiled at her and handed over another dish to dry. They worked in tandem for a few minutes while the cobbler warmed up, quietly cleaning one dish after another.

Hadley got the sense that Robin was watching her, or otherwise grappling with something to say. She felt like a child waiting for her parent to scold her; surely Robin was about to admonish her for speaking to her husband like that. She’d barely raised her voice, and yet it sent her back to a childhood of slamming her bedroom door and screaming at her father through the walls.

Robin picked up another plate and ran it beneath the water.

“He’s different around you,” she said, her voice low.

Whatever Hadley had been expecting, it wasn’t that, and the words shocked her so much, she nearly dropped the plate she was holding. She set it to the side with a stiff hand.

“Oh,” she said, the word feeling clumsy in her mouth. It was a stupid thing to say, but her heart was hammering so badly that she was afraid to give voice to anything else.

Robin finished cleaning another plate and handed it over. “He’s lighter,” she said. “Happier. I’ve never seen someone bring out that side of him.”

Hadley’s cheeks burned. She focused all of her attention on drying the plate and returning it to its shelf.

Yoba, she should have expected this. She couldn’t keep sneaking in and out of this house in the dead of night and not expect Robin to notice. Robin noticed everything.

Robin shut the sink off and turned to her, giving Hadley no choice but to stop ignoring the weight of her gaze. She stepped forward and placed a motherly hand on Hadley’s cheek.

“You’re good for him,” Robin said.

As suddenly as the moment started, it ended. Robin stepped away and rehung the dish towel on its bar. She opened a drawer and pulled out an oven mitt to retrieve the cobbler.

And Hadley hadn’t said a damn thing besides “Oh.”

“We’re not…” Hadley started.

But Robin shot her a look that ended her sentence. “I wasn’t born yesterday, Hadley.” The scent of blueberries and crystallized sugar flooded the air as Robin pulled the cobbler from the oven. “Grab the ice cream and some bowls, will you?”

“I…” Hadley said. “Yes.”

Robin took the cobbler and rounded the corner back into the dining room, leaving Hadley alone in a kitchen that wasn’t her but was starting to feel like it, her heartbeat stuttering wildly in her chest.

⋆｡°✩°｡⋆

Seb spooned at the bottom of his bowl, collecting the last dredges of melted ice cream and cobbler crumbs. He lifted the spoon to his mouth and let the sweetness sit on his tongue, dissolving slowly. Fuck, that had been good.

He held the spoon in his mouth, savoring the last hints of flavor, until he glanced up and realizing Hadley was staring at him.

He put the spoon back in the bowl.

Yoba, he could barely look at her right now. It was one thing to hang out with her on his own, but to have her here? With his family? Asking Maru about the robot she was building, asking his mother how work on the community center roof was doing, hell, she’d even asked his damn step-father how his experiments were going. She made all of them smile and laugh like it was easy, as if every conversation he had with them himself didn’t feel like he had to line up each word carefully and fight for the smallest sliver of a smile.

And she did it in a way that even made him look good. She led the conversations and tugged him along with her, teeing him up for lines that even had Demetrius giving him a small nod of approval.

Until the end, when Demetrius had done what he always did and decided to be a dick. Except Hadley hadn’t just taken it — she’d stood up to Demetrius. He’d been so shocked, he’d barely been able to answer her question.

Whatever pieces he was missing, Hadley filled them so seamlessly. She fit here. With him, with his family. In a way he was terrified that even they noticed.

Whatever Hadley was, it was indescribable. But he was just so happy he got to stand in the warm glow she cast upon every room she entered.

Across from him, Hadley gathered her hands atop the table. One of her fingers twitched. Her eyes met his with a glimmer of conspiracy.

She stood from her chair and looped around the table. Her deft fingers wrapped around the top of his chair and she leaned down, her breath hot on his ear.

“Smoke?” she whispered.

The nearness of her, the way her breath traveled across his ear and down his neck, sent a shiver down his spine. When he stood, it was mostly just to shake the feeling. But still, he nodded.

She followed him out of the dining room.

“I gotta grab them,” he said, turning to head towards his room, but Hadley placed a hand on his arm and tugged him to a stop.

She walked to the front door, where her coat was hanging on a hook, and pulled out a pack of cigarettes and a lighter.

I love you, he thought, equal parts joking and serious.

He followed her, matching her step for step, as they walked to the lake. She handed him a cigarette and lit her own before handing him the lighter.

Darkness had settled across the Valley at some point while they were eating. They came to a stop on the far side of the lake — the same place they used to run into each other sometimes, on their late night walks — and sat.

The first stars began to blink into life above them — and across from them, as well; small pools of light reflected back up from the lake.

“Thank you,” he said.

Hadley snorted. “I’ve bummed enough from you in the past.”

“No. For dinner.”

Hadley’s gaze flicked to his. “It was just dinner,” she said.

“It was more than that. We’ve had family dinners every Sunday since Demetrius first moved in. And every. single. one. has made me feel like I was dying a slow, painful death.” He flicked the ashes off the end of his cigarette. “Except that one.”

“I do make a mean cobbler,” she said.

Seb bumped his shoulder against hers, rolling his eyes.

“I would have made a better pie, though. Someone just didn’t give me enough warning.”

“It was perfect,” he said. “After this, I might have to go eat another six slices.”

“I can make you another,” she said, laughing. But she added, quickly, “I have more berries than I know what to do with right now.”

“If you start baking for me, you are never going to be able to get rid of me,” he warned.

Hadley turned towards him, smiling in a way that made his heart hurt. “Good, because I’m not trying to get rid of you.”

The butts of four cigarettes sat in a pile between Hadley and Seb’s feet, long since extinguished. The stars had come out in full now, and Hadley traced their patterns in the mirrored reflection of the lake with her eyes, mentally naming one before hopping to the next.

“Cassiopeia,” Seb whispered, pointing.

Hadley followed his indication upwards to the sky, where his finger drew a line to the constellation. She gave him a look of surprise.

“You remembered?” she asked.

“Give a guy some credit,” he said. “I remember most things you say. Or at least I try to.”

Yoba, that night felt like so long ago. A million moments seemed to stretch between then and now, and Hadley could feel the weight of each and every one.

“And Ceppeus?” he asked, pointing a little lower.

“Cepheus,” Hadley said. “The king.”

“And queen,” he added.

Hadley leaned back to take in the entirety of the night sky. She felt imbued with the starlight and Seb’s presence beside her. Him remembering the constellations she’d pointed out was just another item to add to the list of things that made her weak for him.

Not weak, she corrected herself. Just… something else.

She leaned back further to find Draco and her neck pressed against Seb’s shoulder. She relaxed into him, letting his steady presence support her.

“What are you thinking about?” he asked.

She felt the words as they rumbled through his chest.

You, she thought. Always you.

“Not really anything,” she said instead. “Just… existing.” She twisted her neck a bit and looked up at him. His dark gaze met hers, and the constellations reflected back at her from his eyes. “My brain is always quieter out here,” she said. “With you.”

A dangerous admission, but one that was worth it because of the resulting soft smile that played on Seb’s lips.

Hadley closed her eyes and let herself just exist in the moment, absorbing the warmth and the now-familiar scent of him. He was such a steady, reassuring weight beneath her. The night felt limitless with him by her side. She could say everything or nothing and it didn’t matter, because he seemed to always know what she was thinking, anyways. She wondered how she ever existed without that feeling; that knowledge that someone else understood her on such an intrinsic level.

“Don’t go falling asleep on me,” Seb whispered.

The corner of her mouth pulled upwards into a smile. “Would that be so bad?” she asked.

“Yes,” he replied. “Because then I’d either have to stay out here all night or risk waking you up and dealing with a cranky Hadley.”

“I’m not that cranky.”

Seb snorted, causing his chest to shake beneath her. He leaned back into his arms and looked up at the sky.

Still leaning on his shoulder, Hadley looked at him instead. This close, she could see the stubble beginning to form on his chin and the soft freckles that dotted his cheeks. He was so familiar to her, in a way she wasn’t sure anyone else had ever been.

His gaze cut to hers.

There was so little space between them now — barely a few inches. Heat flared across her chest.

Whatever the air around them had been made of, it seemed to shift into something else, something new. Energy flooded into the empty space where her breath should have been, because she wasn’t breathing. Not now. It was as if time as she knew it had slowed, and now the past few months were catching up to them.

She watched the muscles in Seb’s throat bob as he swallowed. His gaze flicked down to her mouth.

Her pulse pounded so loudly that she was sure he must hear it. It blocked out everything else — the hum of the cicadas and the rhythmic singing of the frogs; all of it was replaced by the echo of her own heartbeat in her ears.

Hadley swallowed.

Seb leaned in a fraction of an inch, but hesitated. His eyes flicked back up to meet hers.

She saw the question there and it terrified her.

She had known, and had been avoiding, the sheer size of her want for weeks now. It was like she’d been remapping the cityscape of her brain, rerouting her thoughts any time they ventured too close to the truth: that she had fallen for him, and fallen for him hard.

It was easier to exist in the negative space, to float in whatever limbo they’d settled into. It was easier to believe that he didn’t want her. That the late nights they spent together and the mornings she woke up beside him didn’t mean anything at all. To leave it uncomplicated, unrealized.

But there was gasoline coursing through her veins right now and Seb was holding a match.

He lifted a tentative hand to her cheek, his thumb tracing a gentle curve across her skin. He took a shaky breath.

Hadley’s resolve was crumbling. But no matter how badly she wanted him, she needed him to be the one to make this choice. Because she couldn’t… she couldn’t be the catalyst that ruined this. Because she ruined everything. And-

Seb leaned forward. He closed the last breath between them and pressed his lips against hers.

It was timid. Testing.

He tasted like his cigarettes and something sweet, something wholly him.

And he pulled away far too soon.

There was a single second of silence, during which the breeze from the lake snaked its way into Hadley’s hair and erupted her skin in goosebumps. And then reality caught back up to her and she was burning.

She tugged at his hoodie and brought him back towards her, pulling his mouth into hers.

Seb’s fingers pressed dangerously against her cheek before winding their way into her hair. He pulled her closer, his mouth desperate against hers. Hadley gasped into his lips. The sound elicited a low groan from the back of Seb’s throat. She threw an arm around his neck, pulling at him, needing him closer, needing…

“Wait,” she said, breaking the kiss. She felt drunk, but she couldn’t…

Seb took a strangled breath. When he looked at her, his pupils were wide and blown out, and his cheeks glowed pink in the moonlight.

Yoba, he’s so fucking beautiful. It took everything in her not to kiss him again.

“I…” she started.

Seb pulled back an inch. Something flashed across his face, there and gone in an instant too quick to read. “I’m sorry,” he said quickly. He moved to pull away entirely. “That was-”

Hadley grabbed him, forcing him to stop. “Wait.” Her cheeks burned. She swallowed hard. When she spoke, her voice was small. “I don’t want to ruin this.”

“Okay,” Seb said.

But he still wasn’t getting it. She searched his face, trying to find something, anything, but he’d already walled himself off so completely.

Now or never.

“This would be real for me,” she whispered. She couldn’t charge blindly into this, not after what happened with Sam.  “And I can’t… I don’t want…” She paused, forcing the words out even as her cheeks burned so badly she felt sick. “If it’s not, for you…”

A crease formed between Seb’s eyebrows. He blinked at her, and then he reached for her hand. “Hadley…”

Slowly, he opened her palm and pressed it flat against his chest, right over his heart. She could feel the pressure from his pulse beating ceaselessly between her fingers. It was racing so quickly that she could hardly make out the space between the beats.

“It’s real for me,” he whispered. “It has always been real for me.”

She stared at him, unsure what words could possibly come close to explaining the way she was feeling.

Seb reached up to cup her jaw and ran his thumb across her cheek.

“I have not been able to think about anything but you since the moment I met you,” he continued.

A small jolt surged through her.

The entire time, she thought. He…

“But-” she started, the full implications of that statement hitting her.

“I’m not proud of it,” he breathed. “You just…”

His thumb grazed another line across her cheek, and Hadley leaned forward and kissed him for the sole reason of trying to convince herself that she could. That she was allowed to now. Probably always had been, and yet…

His mouth was hot against hers, and he was everything. He was fire and water and the breath that made up all of the stars above them, and she needed every atom of it. She tugged him closer and kissed him frantically, afraid that she would blink and all of this would disappear.

When they finally pulled apart, it was only for want of air. Seb pressed his forehead against hers, and his ragged breaths fanned across her face. She closed her eyes and leaned into him. She was certain she could spend an eternity here, chest to chest, their heartbeats an unsteady call and response to one another’s.

A soft breeze blew across the lake, and she shivered.

“We should go back inside,” Seb said.

But all she could imagine was walking back into his house and Robin being able to read everything that just happened from the look on her face. Her cheeks burned at the thought. “Your mom cornered me in the kitchen earlier,” she whispered.

“Oh?”

“Yes,” she said, cringing. “I think her exact words were ‘I wasn’t born yesterday’.”

Seb laughed, heavy and real, and the corners of his mouth spread outwards into the kind of grin that he seemed to reserve exclusively for her.

Hadley continued, “I really don’t want to face her right now.”

“We could go back to yours and watch Buffy,” he suggested. He stood and outstretched a hand, which Hadley took, and he helped her to her feet.

He didn’t let go of her hand as they walked the path back around the lake and towards the mountain, where the trail turned back to her house.

Another breeze tugged against Hadley’s skin, and she shivered yet again.

“Where’s your coat?” Seb asked.

“I left it at your place.”

He dropped her hand and tugged off his characteristic black hoodie, handing it to her. Her heart stuttered.

“Stop it,” she said.

“You’re cold.”

“And we’re only a couple of minutes from my place. I’ll survive.”

But he gave her a look, and her argument was mostly for show, anyways. She tugged the sweatshirt over her head. The fabric was thread-worn to the point of softness, and his scent was so deeply embedded in it that it was the only thing she could smell. The sleeves went down to her fingertips, half-drowning her.

Seb tugged at the lower hem of it, pulling her closer to him.

“My reasons are mostly selfish, anyways,” he confessed, his voice low and rough. “Mostly I wanted to see what you’d look like wearing that.”

“And?”

His eyes darkened. He snaked a finger under her chin and tilted it upwards before placing a rough kiss against her lips.

He pulled away just far enough to speak his next words. “And you look even hotter than I thought.”

Hadley laughed against his lips. She stepped back, grabbing his hand and tugging him down the path.

❝if you knew how much i loved you would it all excite you or would you run away?❞

-I Could Stare At You For Hours, The Happy Fits

Hadley lay against Seb’s chest, curled up beneath a blanket on her bed, as another episode of Buffy played on the TV on her dresser. His heart beat a steady rhythm beneath her, if a little fast, and though it was early for them — only a little past ten — she felt the gentle, repetitive beat of it begin to lull her to sleep.

There was just something about him.

On the TV, the end credits began to roll, and Seb shifted to look at her. He hooked a lock of hair beneath his finger and pushed it out of her face.

“Tired?” he asked, his voice low.

She looked up at him. His face was soft and honest, and maybe Robin had been right — there was a lightness to him now that she wasn’t sure she’d fully seen before. 

“A little,” she admitted. She was used to crushes feeling like this nerve-wracking, soul-shattering, life-ending thing, but instead, she just felt… safe. 

“I can head home,” Seb said. “Let you sleep.”

Hadley’s eyebrows furrowed. 

Seb hesitated. “What?” he asked.

“I…” Hadley began. After all of this, and he was still this dense?  She pushed herself up and propped her elbow up beneath her. “You can… stay.”

“Unlike when you come to watch Buffy, I’m not wearing pajamas. I’m in jeans.”

Hadley’s face heated before the thought even finished forming. “You could…”

Seb waited for her to continue. When she didn’t, the corner of his mouth quirked, and he leaned in a fraction of an inch. “I could… what?”

She met his gaze, her face burning. But she saw the pink reflected back at her in his cheeks and the tips of his ears.

She buried her head in his chest so she wouldn’t have to look at him. “Shut up,” she said. “You just… you can take the jeans off, if you want.”

There was another pause. She could feel his chest move as he took in a breath.

“Are you sure?” he finally asked.

She pulled back an inch, and before she could second guess herself, tugged his mouth down to hers. Seb let out a small gasp, and she swallowed it greedily.

“No,” she murmured into his lips. But she knew he could feel the smile on her face when he kissed her.

When he pulled away, his face was even redder than before, but his eyes were shining.

“I was just checking,” he said.

Hadley smirked.

Seb slipped out of bed, and Hadley looked away from him, focusing instead on the TV, which had bounced back to the title screen. She watched the animation loop and tried to ignore the metallic click as Seb unlatched his belt. She heard the brush of fabric and a small thunk as his jeans and belt hit the floor.

She swallowed, her cheeks heating.

He said nothing as he slid back into bed beside her. Only once he pulled the covers back across them did she dare to look at him again. His face was raw and honest, and it was a struggle not to kiss him again because she knew if she did, she wouldn’t be able to stop, and she didn’t want to rush things. Not with him.

She curled up against his side and rested her head back against his chest. He was warm and comfortable and everything she had ever wanted in another person without realizing it.

Seb wrapped an arm around her shoulder and tugged her closer. He pressed a kiss against her temple, and Hadley let her eyes flutter shut.

⋆｡°✩°｡⋆

Hadley woke sometime after dawn. She was facing the window of her bedroom, but she could feel Seb behind her — a steady weight against her back. He had his arm thrown protectively around her middle. His breath formed a steady song as it fanned across the back of her neck, and it took everything in her not to stay in bed just a little longer.

But the farm was her livelihood, and she had things to do.

Slowly, she lifted up the heavy weight of his arm and slid out from under it. He stirred slightly, his eyelids flickering, before he settled back into sleep. Hadley watched him for a moment. He looked so peaceful, hair sprawled across his forehead, his face soft and unmarred by worries. She pushed away the desire to kiss him awake and forced herself to walk into the kitchen.

She had things to do, and unfortunately, the half-naked emo boy in her bed could wait.

Not that phrasing it like that to herself helped. At all.

She sighed and got to work.

⋆｡°✩°｡⋆

Seb drifted awake sometime after ten. He blinked a few times as he woke, his sleep-addled brain trying to remember where he was and why. The pieces slammed back together in startling clarity, and he sat up, his heart stuttering.

But the bed was empty beside him.

He stared at the rumpled sheets where Hadley had slept, and his thoughts drifted in and out of focus. If he was being honest with himself, he wasn’t one hundred percent sure he was awake and not in the middle of a dream. It all felt too surreal — that he was here, in her bed, and that the night before had actually happened.

He’d kissed her.

But it was more than that.

He could hear her voice so clearly in his mind, see the way she’d been afraid to meet his gaze, even as the words came out rushed and nervous.

This would be real for me.

He’d never allowed himself to think this far, never allowed himself to consider a world where things could actually work out. He felt like a walking contradiction — somehow both knocked off kilter and more steady than he’d ever been.

He stood and searched for his hoodie, but it was nowhere to be found, so he pulled his jeans back on and headed into the kitchen.

It was, predictably, empty. But the smell of freshly-brewed coffee filled the air, and there was a mug set beside the coffee maker. He approached it.

A sticky note sat beside it, written out with Hadley’s flowing script.

Morning :)  I’m out working the farm. Help yourself to coffee and whatever food you’d like. You’re welcome to hang around, but no worries if you can’t. ♡ Hadley

He folded the note with more precision than necessary and slipped it inside the front pocket of his wallet.

He made his coffee and stepped out into the morning chill. The brisk air felt good against his skin. The sun cast a pleasant light across the front porch, and he stood there a moment, letting it warm his skin.

He’d spent the vast majority of his life living beneath this same sky, and yet the air felt changed, somehow. He was so used to the damp chill of his basement bedroom, of living mostly in the hours after the sun had already set because it meant he didn’t have to deal with the judgment of every soul in this town. He was used to over-working himself to line his pockets with money to run away, only to second-guess himself every time his mom asked about his future plans with a nervous tilt to her voice. He’d always viewed the Valley as too small — a forgotten corner of the world that was good for nothing except getting out of one day.

But he stood here now, the steam from his coffee rising up to meet his face, and for once, it didn’t seem so hard to breathe.

He was struck with the thought that maybe the Valley itself had never really been the problem. 

It wasn’t like having a shithole apartment in Zuzu with three roommates and a soulless corporate job was a big life goal of his; he’d just been desperate to shake the monotony of his endless days in the Valley, desperate to feel anything but empty all the time. And maybe that was also part of why he had never been able to make himself leave — it was easier to cling onto the daydream of a better life than actually move to Zuzu and learn the truth; that the Valley wasn’t the problem.

He was.

It wasn’t the Valley he was trying to outrun, but his own shadow. 

Whatever weight had been crushing his chest all these years didn’t feel as suffocating anymore. And maybe he should finally listen to Abi and go to therapy for the first time in his goddamn life, but… the thought of doing that didn’t feel as terrifying anymore, either.

He took a sip of his coffee and looked out at the farm — the rows and rows of neat plots, damp from the newly-installed sprinklers; the barn, coop, and silo with his mother’s handiwork written all over them, standing tall against the fields; the carefully-laid stone paths and freshly-painted fences. 

Years ago, he’d stood where he was standing now with Abi and Sam and passed joints back and forth as they looked out at the overgrown land. He tried to call forth a mental image of the farm as it looked back then, or even how it looked this time last year, but he found that he couldn’t.

Hadley had rebuilt so much with little more than brute determination, and if she could do that to the farm, why couldn’t he do the same to his life?

He finished the rest of his coffee and set the mug aside. He headed out onto the farm.

A small hatch was open on the side of the barn, and Seb ducked his way inside. 

Hadley was refilling the water trough, holding the hose in one hand and stroking the muzzle of one of her cows with the other. She was speaking to it in a low, soothing voice. His stomach did a small, pathetic tilt when he realized she had put his hoodie back on.

Ah. That would be why he couldn’t find it.

He leaned against the wall of the barn and watched her for a moment. Dirt marred the knees of her jeans, and there was a smear of it across her cheek. Her bangs clung to her forehead from sweat, and multiple strands of hair had come loose from her bun. She must have been awake and working for a few hours already, but she didn’t show any signs of tiring. Her face was bright and she was smiling from ear-to-ear at her cow. She just looked… happy.

She turned the hose off and returned it to its place on the wall. When she reached to grab a hay bale, Seb pushed himself off the wall.

He got there a beat before she did and reached around her to pick it up.

Hadley jumped.

“Yoba,” she hissed, taking in several breaths. “You scared me.”

“Sorry. Where do you want this?”

Hadley pointed. “Where you see mostly-eaten pile of hay over there.”

Grunting slightly from the weight of the hay, Seb lugged it across the barn and deposited it where Hadley had indicated. He smacked his hands a few times to shake the dirt from them.

“Good morning,” he said.

Hadley looked up at him, and when she met his gaze, her cheeks turned pink.

“Hi,” she said.

Seb took a few steps towards her. “How did you sleep?”

“I…” she paused, and Seb got the distinct impression that she was debating if she should say something or not. “I always sleep better, with you.”

His heart stuttered in his chest. He’d been unconscious by eleven. He couldn’t remember the last time he’d fallen asleep that early, let alone slept fully through the night.

“Me too,” he said, his voice low. Without meaning to, his eyes flickered down to her mouth. He’d spent so many months barely daring to imagine kissing her, and now that he actually could, he was torn between wanting to kiss her every chance he got and being afraid of overwhelming her. There was a part of him that was still terrified she might change her mind.

Hadley leaned in an inch, then two, before she pulled away. 

Seb’s heart hammered wildly in his chest. A seed of fear took root in his stomach.

But Hadley took a step back and motioned at herself, her cheeks turning a shade of red that Seb was beginning to love. “I’ve been working all morning.”

“So?” he asked.

“I’m gross,” Hadley said.

Seb snorted and it turned into a laugh. He took a step forwards and kissed her.

⋆｡°✩°｡⋆

Seb’s mouth crashed into hers. 

For a moment, all Hadley felt was panic. She probably smelled like cow, and she was covered in dirt and sweat and Yoba knows what else. She had hoped to finish up her work and take a shower before he woke up, because there was a part of her that was terrified he’d see what working on a farm was really like and be disgusted by it — be disgusted by her.

But instead he’d just laughed and kissed her.

He tasted like coffee and sleep. And once the initial panic faded, she pulled him tighter against her and kissed him like she was drowning and he was the only air left in the world.

When they finally parted, Seb rested his forehead against hers and let out a small laugh.

“What?” Hadley asked.

Seb shook his head, wordless. “Just… you.”

“Me?”

He pulled away just far enough for Hadley to see the glow that filled his eyes. He raised a gentle hand to cup her face and ran his thumb along her cheek. He gave her a soft kiss.

“You.”

Behind them, Hadley’s cow — the one she had jokingly named Abigail, at her friend’s insistence — let out a loud, prolonged low.

Hadley snorted.

“Come on,” she said, grabbing Seb’s hand and tugging him towards the door of the barn.

“What else do you need to do?” Seb asked as they stepped back out into the sunlight. “How can I help?”

Hadley stopped walking. “What?”

“How can I help?” Seb repeated.

“You…” she started. “What?”

Seb smiled. The sun turned the tips of his hair golden and lit the planes of his face. He was so beautiful it hurt to look at.

His voice dropped into something soft. “Let me help,” he said.

Hadley stared at him a moment, her gaze flicking back and forth between each of his eyes and the adoring expression that was held within them. She swallowed.

She hated asking for help. She was so used to doing everything herself, always. It was so much easier that way. So much easier than having to trust other people to do things for her, because why would they?

But she wasn’t asking — Seb was offering.

She took in a deep breath and held it, letting it settle something deep within her. She cracked a small smile.

“Okay,” she said. She grabbed his hand again and tugged him along. “I need to pack some produce into crates before the truck comes this afternoon.”

Seb’s hand tightened around hers and gave a reassuring squeeze.

⋆｡°✩°｡⋆

Hadley pulled on an oversized t-shirt and a pair of sweatpants. She finished tying the ends of her wet hair into a braid as she walked back into the living room.

“Shower is all yours,” she said.

Seb nodded and brushed past her in the hall. The bathroom door closed behind him, and a moment later, the shower turned on.

Only twenty-four hours ago, she was standing in this same spot, fresh out of the shower, getting ready to go over to his house for dinner. It was dizzying how much had happened since then — how much had changed.

She thought back to the night before, sitting by the lake, and the moment Seb leaned in and kissed her. Her pulse quickened at the mere thought of kissing him, as if it wasn’t something she had done several times since then.

Yoba, she was so pathetically head-over-heels for that man.

She thought she’d had it bad before, but kissing him had only made it worse. She was a bundle of live wires now, a mess of loose energy with nowhere to go.

She closed her eyes and remembered the feeling of her palm flat against his chest, his heartbeat racing beneath her touch.

It has always been real for me.

It was easy to look back on all their stolen moments and see the truth of those words. Easy enough that she wondered if she’d been blind.

But had she been? Or had she willingly pulled the wool over her own eyes?

One moment kept coming back to her. She’d thumbed over it so often the past few weeks, but now she looked at it through a different lens.

She saw herself, reaching up to wipe the motor oil and dirt from Seb’s face. It had been the first time she’d been close enough to see the gold in his eyes and the freckles that dotted the bridge of his nose. She’d steadied herself on his arm, and he’d grown still beneath her touch.

She always remembered him stepping back abruptly. But the shame and judgment she remembered feeling afterwards had never been from him; she’d cast that onto herself.

Now, instead, she remembered the look in his eyes in that moment, and how unsteady he’d been on his feet in the moments after.

It all hit her then.

He’d fixed her car. Left a date and drove to come get her when she got stranded on the side of the road. Took a punch to the face for her while beating up her asshole ex. Time after time again, he was always there, showing up when she needed him. Just like this morning, she had never really had to ask; he was always stepping up, willing to help.

Her eyes watered. She was so deep in her thoughts that she didn’t even notice Seb until he was standing right in front of her.

“Hads?” he asked.

His brows were tilted in concern, and she almost said it then. The words floated on the crease of her lips.

She threw her arms around his neck instead, tugging him into a tight hug. She buried her head against his chest.

Hadley held up a lighter, which she flipped on, throwing both of their faces into its warm glow. The flame danced wildly in the reflection of her eyes, transforming the brown into a kaleidoscope of rich golden shards. Time seemed to still as he stared at them, transfixed even as he knew that too much time had passed without him moving.

Hadley held the lighter up higher and cupped a hand protectively around the flame. The cigarette felt heavy in his mouth. She clearly intended for him to just lean down and hover the end of the cigarette over the flame, which was by no means an abnormal gesture, yet with her…

He held his breath and leaned forward. The alcohol coursing through his veins made the forest spin, and the only thing keeping him tethered was her eyes. He should look away, break the spell of her gaze, but he couldn’t. He wished she’d do it instead, but she seemed content to keep him trapped in the gold of her irises. His heart hammered painfully in his chest, and his cheeks burned from the heat of the flame. Or maybe that was just him. His blood was on fire, scorching every inch of his body. And he couldn’t breathe, couldn’t think—

The end of his cigarette caught. He inhaled sharply and the nicotine hit his brain like a punch. The single second of clarity was enough to pull away, to break free from the pull that had him moments from pushing away the lighter and crossing the last few inches that were his only obstacle from kissing her.

For once, it was a struggle not to cough when the smoke hit his lungs.

He needed air, needed to stop fucking feeling like this. What was wrong with him?

“Thanks,” he forced. The combination of the alcohol and the nicotine had his head reeling. He focused his gaze on a pine tree across from him, refusing to look at her lest he do something idiotic. Like shove her against that tree and slam his mouth against hers.

Stop it.

A nervous tremble vibrated through his wrist. The nicotine was supposed to help. So why wasn’t it helping?

❝I always swore to you I'd never fall apart You always thought that I was stronger I may have failed But I have loved you from the start❞

–⁠ Fall for You by Secondhand Serenade

Hadley slept straight through the night for the first time in weeks.

She woke slowly, her body being pulled to consciousness like she was swimming to the surface of a deep pool. She blinked against the morning light and fought the urge to let herself drift back into sleep. She was so comfortable.

She curled back up, settling deeper into the pocket of warmth she’d only just stretched out of.

Warmth, it dawned on her, that was a person.

Her heart stuttered.

Her head was curled in the space between Seb’s shoulder and his chest, and his arm was wrapped loosely around her middle, his fingers splayed against her hip. Wide awake now, she could feel the weight of his arm holding her down, but it was a pleasant weight — an anchor keeping her stable.

She dared to glance up at him.

Seb looked so peaceful in sleep. His face, in waking, was all harsh lines and high contrast, a hard mask against the people in this town. But he seemed softer, now. Younger. More like the Seb she caught glimpses of when he smirked or laughed at her jokes. She used to worry about the walls she could feel him build around himself, but now she wondered just how many she had knocked down without realizing it. She was starting to realize that the Seb she knew was different from the one everyone else in town did.

She had a flashback to a conversation they’d had by the lake months ago.

“Everyone in this damn town has a version of me they want me to be, though I can’t say I’m particularly good at being any of them.”

“Then who’s the real Seb?”

He’d never answered her. But looking at him, his breath relaxed in sleep, she had the thought that whoever the real Seb was, she was looking at him. Somewhere in the late nights by the lake and the endless episodes of Buffy, she thought she may have finally found him.

She wished she could tell him that.

I think I know you, she thought. And I think that I…

She didn’t let herself finish the thought. Her stomach rolled uncomfortably at the last word.

Seb’s dark hair was a mess across his forehead, the strands splayed out in every which direction. Before she could stop herself, she reached up and brushed them out of his eyes.

His eyelids flickered.

He let out a low hum and his body stretched. His arm flexed, and his grip around her side grew tighter; he pulled her closer.

Hadley held her breath.

Seb blinked. His eyes opened slowly, still glazed with the thickness of sleep, and his gaze fought to center on her. When it did, she swore she could see the cloudiness in his irises disappear.

He just stared at her.

There had been a line, she thought. One they always teetered on the edge of. But the line was so far behind her now that she didn’t know what to do. This was unfamiliar territory — territory she was never supposed to let herself be in — and suddenly her brain was telling her to get the fuck out of there.

She would hurt him if she ran away now. She knew that. But she didn’t know what else to do.

“I-” she started.

Seb stretched again and withdrew his arm from around her. A rosiness flooded his cheeks, and Hadley had the distant desire to know just how red she could make him.

No.

“Good morning,” Seb mumbled.

She’d been so tired last night, and the only thought in her brain had been how badly she wanted to sleep curled up in his arms. And she had. But she hadn’t stopped to consider what would happen after.

“Morning,” she answered. It was one word, two syllables, but her voice shook as she said it. Every atom in her body was screaming at her to run. To get as far away from here as possible.

She had to stop this. She couldn’t keep being so reckless. She couldn’t keep putting herself in these situations when she knew, she knew…

“I,” she began again. Her voice was hardly above a whisper. “I should probably… the farm…”

“Okay,” Seb said.

His voice was so adorably deep and scratchy this early in the morning.

She didn’t move.

She needed to move.

She pulled back a few inches, dragging her head up to the pillow, away from his chest.

Slowly, Seb twisted to face her and propped his head up on his elbow. There were only inches between them, and she felt the weight of each and every one.

He stared at her through half-lidded eyes and she was powerless to do anything but stare back.

“Hads,” he whispered.

She stilled at the nickname, at the way he said it. At the sleep lines pressed into his face and the way he was looking at her. The way he was always looking at her. Her stomach buzzed with a nervous energy she couldn’t tamper down.

He reached up, tucking a lock of hair behind her ear, and let his thumb graze against the smooth skin of her cheek. His eyes dropped to her lips. Time narrowed and slowed.

The door at the top of the stairs opened.

“You’re blocking in the trailer.” Demetrius’s voice echoed down the stairs. “Can you get out of bed and move that damn bike?”

Seb’s hand dropped. Hadley pulled away and put as much distance between them as possible.

Beside her, Seb took a deep, steadying breath, and sighed.

The door at the top of the stairs closed with more force than necessary. Neither of them moved as the sound faded.

“I should go, anyways,” Hadley whispered. She pulled herself out of his bed and tried to tie her hair into a semi-respectable looking bun. She hesitated, staring at him. Her entire body was buzzing with the type of energy that made her feel sick. “I… I’ll see you later.”

She disappeared up the stairs and hesitated at the top of the landing, checking to make sure no one was there. And then she slipped out of his house before anyone in his family could see her.

She felt untethered as she walked, like the next wayward breeze would rip her feet from the Earth and whisk her away. She should go home and feed the animals and tend to the farm but she just felt wrong.

She was dissolving where she stood and forgetting how to breathe.

She thought of the wide, open field of the farm and all of that space and felt certain she would disappear entirely if she went home.

So she went to Pierre’s instead.

The door let out another ting as it shut behind her.

Across the store, Abi looked up from the cash register.

“Hadley!” she said. “Hey.” But she took one look at Hadley and froze. She disappeared behind a row of shelves, and when she returned, Caroline was in tow. Her mother stepped behind the cash register.

Abi approached, took her arm, and led her through the back door of the shop that connected to their house. She didn’t say anything until they were safely in her bedroom with the door shut behind them.

“What happened?” she asked.

“I…” Hadley started. “I mean, nothing, but-”

Abi shot her a look. “Hadley, you walked in looking like you’d seen a ghost and you’re wearing the same clothes you wore yesterday.”

Her cheeks burned. “Right.”

Abi sat down on the end of her bed and pulled her legs into a cross. “You know you can talk to me about anything.”

Hadley took a deep breath. She ran a hand over her face. The words she wanted to say floated in the space between her mind and her throat, but the thought of voicing them had tears pricking at the corners of her eyes.

She couldn’t even say it to herself. How was she supposed to say it to Abi?

“I don’t know what to do,” she said, her voice barely scraping out of her throat. “I’m panicking, Abi. And when I panic, I run.”

“Then don’t run.”

“You don’t think I’m trying?” Hadley asked. “I just have this stupid fucking fear that I’m going to screw everything up. That the entire town is going to look at me like I’m the worst person alive and I’ll feel like the only way to escape it is to run away again. But this was supposed to be my fresh start. I like it here.”

“Sit,” Abi said, motioning towards the other side of her bed.

Hadley did as she was told. Her movements felt robotic, like she was just a program following a script.

“Pelican Town is abysmally small,” Abi said. “Believe me, I’ve lived here my entire life. And one thing you have to get used to in a small town is that people talk. They’ve got nothing better to do. The first time I dyed my hair purple, it was the only thing anyone talked about for weeks. People acted like me and Seb getting married was some prophetic inevitability, so when we broke up after like two months, everywhere I went, adults were telling me that I was making a mistake. That we’d work it out. This town likes to act like your entire future is already written, and the moment you veer off of it or dare to pick up the pen yourself, they act like you’re spiting Yoba or something. That’s just… how it is sometimes.”

“Then why do you stay?”

Abi shrugged. She picked a piece of lint off of her jeans. “I wish I could tell you,” she admitted. “We’ve all joked about leaving. Getting an apartment together in Zuzu. But I just don’t know how much better it is out there. Everywhere has its problems. I like the Valley. I like the people here, even if half of them get on my nerves sometimes. And I’d like to believe that people have come to respect the choices I make, even if they don’t always agree with them.”

“I’m not like you,” Hadley said, trying to force some humor in her voice. “I don’t think I could look someone dead in the eyes and tell them to fuck off.”

Abi snorted. “I think some may say that’s a good thing.”

Hadley’s thoughts drifted. She traced the patterns of Abi’s bed spread and thought back through the choices she had made since moving to the Valley. There were so many that, on first instinct, she would change. But if all of her choices were what led her here, could she really regret any of them? Would she change them, knowing how different everything might have turned out?

If she hadn’t been with Andrew, she never would have moved to the Valley.

And if she hadn’t been with Sam, for however messy and short of a time, would she and Seb have grown as close as they did?

Abi sat in companionable silence, letting her think. She waited a few moments before speaking again.

“Why are you really here?” Abi asked gently. “What is it you’re so afraid of?”

Hadley took in a breath. She closed her eyes tight against the world until she saw stars. And then she finally said the words she’d been trying to make untrue for months.

“I think I’m in love with him.”

The who didn’t need to be stated.

“I know.”

Hadley cringed. “I don’t…” she started, but she couldn’t piece together the words. “I don’t know what to do with it,” she finally forced out. “It’s just… I’m fucking terrified of it.”

Tears threatened the corners of her eyes.

“I don’t mean to sound insincere when I ask this, but why?” Abi asked.

A single tear escaped and rolled down Hadley’s cheek. She wiped at it, swearing, and moved to stand. “Sorry, I’m being ridiculous. I’ll stop bothering you, I-”

Abi grabbed her wrist. “No,” she said. “You’re not bothering me. I meant what I said. You can talk to me about anything.” She waited, and then, “Please?”

Hadley took a breath. She swallowed against the hoarseness in her throat. “It sounds so fucking stupid to say, okay? But stuff like this doesn’t work out for me. I screwed things up with Sam, and you’ve already fucking met Andrew, and I just…” She took another breath, and when she spoke again, her voice came out small. “I don’t want to screw this up, and I know I will, and I am terrified it’s going to kill me.”

Abi reached up and tucked an errant lock of hair behind Hadley’s ear. Hadley’s red-rimmed gaze met hers, and she gave Abi a sad smile.

“What if I’m the thing that’s wrong?” she asked. “What if I’m the thing that keeps poisoning every relationship?”

“Hadley,” Abi started. “You’re not. You’re-”

“But I could be,” she cut in. “And that’s not a chance I’m willing to take. Not now. Not with him.”

“You’re not,” Abi repeated, softer that time.

Hadley tugged her knees up to her chest and rested her head on top of them. “Even if I’m not,” she started. “I spent years trusting Andrew, and he… I didn’t know he was capable of that kind of shit before he was. I don’t know how to trust, Abi. It’s why Sam and I didn’t work. It’s why I still instinctively try to keep you at arm’s length.”

“I say this with so much love in the world, Hadley,” Abi said. “But have you considered going to therapy?”

Hadley snorted through her tears. “I know,” she said. “I know. I should. I had a therapist in Zuzu. But I… I think I just wanted to move here and start over and pretend I wasn’t just, this broken thing. But I just am.”

Abi took in a breath. “You’re not broken, Hadley. You are absolutely anything but. In the months since I met you, you have proven to me, over and over again, how fucking strong you are. Just look at the farm. It was a pile of overgrown weeds eating a house that Seb, Sam and I used to go smoke at in high school. And you’ve made it into something amazing. You did that. We… we all have our shit. And even if you are ‘broken,’ none of us are without the ability to repair, okay?”

Hadley wiped at her face.

Abi continued. “Trust is hard to rebuild, I know. That shit takes time. But I hope you know that none of us would ever do anything to intentionally hurt you. I know Sam had his fuck-ups, but I also know he meant well, and I also think that that whole situation was a wake-up call he needed to actually listen to his friends’ needs.” Abi sighed. “Don’t… throw this away because you’re scared. And if you won’t do it for yourself, then do it for him.”

Hadley swallowed. She took in one breath, and then another. She felt a bit lighter.

“Thank you,” she croaked.

Abi wrapped an arm around her shoulders and pulled her into her for a hug.

❝So, baby, if you say you want me to stay Stay for the night I'll change my mind❞

-change my mind, one direction

---

Darkness proper settled over the beach. The stars twinkled into life above, providing the only source of light besides the few lanterns placed sparingly around the docks.

Sam and Abi had each gone their separate ways shortly after they all arrived. Sam had promised his little brother he’d spend the festival with him, and Abi had simply disappeared to do her own thing. The beach was crowded — the majority of the town had shown up, as well as dozens of people Hadley hadn’t seen before that must have traveled here for the night. She struggled not to lose Seb in the thick of it.

As if sensing this, Seb reached back and laced his fingers through hers. It felt so natural that Hadley’s chest tightened.

Seb tugged her along and they filtered through the various crowds on the dock until they came across a space large enough for the two of them to sit. She felt the loss when he released her hand.

Across the dock, Maru cleared her throat. The crowd quieted, but not completely. Mayor Lewis stepped up next to her.

“Welcome, welcome,” he called, his voice booming. He waited for the chatter to die off before continuing. “I thank you all for coming to this extraordinary celebration and scientific marvel. I wish to turn it over to one of our resident scientists, Maru.”

Hadley felt Seb stiffen slightly, but when she turned to look at him, his face was devoid of any emotion.

“Thank you,” Maru said, nodding at Lewis. “It’s almost time. Please find a space to watch if you haven’t already, as we will be extinguishing the lamps shortly.” She paused, and then added, “Enjoy.”

At Maru’s prompt, Jodi called for Jas and Vincent, who had been running circles around each other, and they reluctantly joined her on a beach blanket she had set up on the corner of the dock. Sam tugged Vincent into his lap.

Hadley felt herself smile.

A little ways further, Abi was sitting with Emily, who was organizing a series of water-filled jars beneath the moon. They were deep in conversation, heads tilted together to block out the rest of the world, and for the first time, Hadley wondered if there might be something more than friendship between the two of them.

The last of the stragglers began to sit down on the docks or on blankets across the beach. Hadley didn’t know what to expect from this, but the anticipation circled around her stomach. The air had a quality to it that reminded her of being a kid and waking up in the middle of the night before the Feast of the Winter Star, jittery with excitement for the coming day.

Seb shifted beside her, and she was trying not to read too much into the fact that he was here with her. His mom and Demetrius stood a little ways behind Maru, watching her prideful expressions. He could easily be with them, or with Sam, or with Abi. But he was with her.

He sat casually with his knees pulled loosely up to his chest, his forearms resting on top of them. As if sensing her gaze, he turned to her.

“Ready?” he asked.

Before she could answer, Maru cut in. “And — lanterns!”

The candles were snuffed, and the beach fell into total darkness. Hadley blinked against it, but didn’t have to wait long. There was a pop, and a match gasped into life. Maru lit a single lantern and placed it down on a small boat. Together, she and Mayor Lewis pushed it off the dock.

It floated.

Hadley waited.

It drifted, further and further, the lantern all but fading from view.

But then, the dark line where the sky met the sea shifted. Tone by tone, the edge of the horizon grew lighter, washing the ocean in a soft, blue bloom.

It glowed.

As it came closer, Hadley realized it wasn’t an it at all, but a series of glowing orbs. But that wasn’t even right — they were jellyfish, coming in to the shore. Each one glowed a hazy blue, filling the ocean with constellations of its own.

She stared. And stared.

It was so beautiful, she forgot how to breathe.

⋆｡°✩°｡⋆

Hadley was watching the jellyfish.

Seb was watching her.

Her eyes reflected the bioluminescent light of the jellies, yes, but they glowed. She looked happy in a way that tugged at his heart strings.

“I’ve never seen anything like this,” she said. She knelt at the end of the dock and leaned forward as far as she could without falling off the docks.

“Careful,” Seb mused. “You don’t want to fall in.”

Hadley’s fingers grazed the very top of the water. Her mouth hung open with an expression of absolute wonder. Her hair cascaded down in gentle waves around her, the edges of it dipping into the ocean. She didn’t even seem to notice.

She was so fucking beautiful it hurt.

He reached, gently, to tuck her hair behind her ear, lifting the ends out of the water. And it hit him then. He’d probably known it all along, but staring at her, her face awash in the blue-white glow of the festival, eyes shining, the feeling slammed into him so hard that for a moment, he couldn’t remember how to breathe.

He was in love with her.

He’d kept waiting for the feeling to go away, for the crush to fizzle out like crushes do. Sam’s words echoed back at him now.

Is it? Just some crush?

It wasn’t. He knew that now. Maybe he always had known it. And maybe he should just fucking do something about it. She was so close, but still so painfully far away. He loved her, but he didn’t want to lose her.

Whatever could be between them came at the risk of ruining the deepest friendship he’d formed since he was a  child. And she’d been through so fucking much. If there was a chance she only saw him as a friend, could he really risk destroying that friendship? Destroying her trust?

He pulled his gaze away from her and back to the jellies. They really were beautiful, he thought. He had no idea why they came here every year, or why they sent that lantern out to sea. Did it summon them? He was sure Maru knew the answers. She always did.

Further down the docks, Maru was standing next to her father. Demetrius grinned at her. His face was devoid of the usual lines that formed when Demetrius looked at him — without the scorn, he looked younger somehow. Happier.

That old bitterness rose up within him. Why had he never been good enough for him? Was he always doomed to be second best, never anyone’s first choice?

The bitterness only expanded at that. Hadley had chosen Sam first, hadn’t she? Everyone did.

He wasn’t someone people chose. He never had been. And maybe he was just kidding himself that anyone ever would.

But he had this moment, at least, and he wasn’t willing to let that bitterness ruin it. He took a breath and pushed the hurt away, swallowing it down until it sank into the deep recesses of his chest where he didn’t have to feel it.

Hadley was still smiling.

He let himself be in the moment, for once. Let the ocean wash away his thoughts like it always did. He stayed there, alternating between watching her and watching the jellies, until they slowly began to retreat back towards the horizon. One by one, their lights faded from view, and with them, the members of the town stood and packed up their things.

Hadley stayed, her eyes fixed on the horizon, until the very last jellyfish disappeared from view.

When she finally looked back up, that blue-white glow still seemed trapped in her eyes. It reflected back at him until she blinked.

She looked around them and realized they were the only two left. The lanterns had been relit and then extinguished once again, casting the beach in darkness. The only light came from the stars above them and the dim glow of the crescent moon.

“Oh,” she said. But her voice was low, like she was afraid of breaking a moment that had turned holy. “I didn’t realize we stayed so late.”

Seb smiled. “I don’t think either of us are strangers to the night,” he said.

Hadley returned his smile.

He took a breath, not wanting to ruin the moment, but not willing to say goodbye yet either. “Buffy?” he asked.

Hadley laughed. “I thought you’d never ask.”

They got back to Seb’s house a little after midnight.

“Ironically,” Hadley said. “I think this is the earliest I’ve come over before.”

Seb snorted. “A world record.”

But the early hour and the festival meant that for once, they weren’t the only two still awake.

Maru stood in the kitchen, now in pajamas, filling her water bottle. She turned at the noise of the front door and opened her mouth as if to say good night to her brother, but she paused when they rounded the corner.

Maru blinked. “Hadley,” she said. “Hi.”

Hadley shouldn’t have been surprised. With how often she and Seb spent their nights together now, it had only been a matter of time before someone else caught on. Perhaps she should have been grateful — Maru was probably the easiest to explain it to.

“Hi,” Hadley said. “Nice job tonight. That was… really cool. I’ve never seen anything like it.”

Maru smiled. “Thank you. It’s always the highlight of my summer.”

“I’ll have to pick your brain about it sometime,” she offered. “Jellyfish are my favorite. I’d love to know more about the actual migration, and everything.”

Maru visibly brightened. “I’d love that.” She twisted the cap back on her water bottle and opened her mouth to continue speaking, but-

“Do I hear voices?”

Robin stepped into the kitchen, surveying all of them. “What is this?” she asked, her voice light. “A party?”

Maru snorted. “Not for me,” she said. “I’m beat. I’m heading to bed. Good night, mom.” She shot Hadley a smile as she headed for her bedroom. “Have Sebastian give you my number,” she said. “We can chat sometime.”

“I’d like that,” Hadley said.

With Maru gone, Robin looked between the two of them. “How did you like the festival, Hadley?” she asked.

Hadley recounted much the same thing she had just told Maru, and Robin nodded along, smiling.

“Is Sebby walking you home?” she asked.

“Oh, um,” Seb began. “We were actually going to watch a movie or something.”

Hadley watched as Robin looked at the clock, hey eyebrows raising. But rather than comment on it, she wrapped her bathrobe tighter around herself and shut off the kitchen light.

“I know you’re both adults who can look after yourselves,” she said, “but don’t stay up too late. And Hadley,” she added, sending Seb a noted look, “don’t go walking home by yourself in the middle of the night. I don’t care how safe you think this town might be.”

The corners of Hadley’s lips twitched into a smile. “Good night, Robin.”

Robin merely smiled, her eyes tracing the limited space between where Hadley and Seb stood. “Good night,” she said.

When she left, Seb set about grabbing some snacks from the now-dark kitchen, not even bothering to turn on a light. He always seemed more comfortable in the shadows.

“Sorry about them,” he murmured.

“Don’t be,” Hadley said. “I love them. It’s nice to have people who care.”

Seb pursed his lips, but he nodded.

Hadley followed Seb down into the basement, where his bed was a mess of tangled sheets and blankets.

“Sorry,” he said, stepping past it as he moved to insert the next DVD into the player.  “I didn’t get around to making the bed today.”

Hadley shrugged. “I don’t think I trust people who make their bed every day,” she admitted. “It’s just going to get messed up again anyways.”

Seb didn’t reply to this, but the corner of his mouth ticked upwards into a slight smile, which Hadley always took as a success.

She climbed into the bed and tugged a blanket over herself as protection against the air conditioning working overtime in the corner. Even as the days had begun growing shorter and the air cooler, Seb hadn’t changed the temperature of the basement. He still kept the AC at full blast, and Hadley had begun to expect that Seb’s blood was simply used to the cold.

The TV blinked into life. Seb hit play on the next episode and settled down next to her.

⋆｡°✩°｡⋆

Hadley yawned.

Seb turned to look at her. Her eyelids fluttered, barely able to stay open, and she had a dazed, sleepy look about her, but mostly she just seemed comfortable. She was curled into a ball beneath his duvet, her head burrowed in between two of his pillows.

Seeing her like this made his heart hurt.

Hadley’s eyes shifted to his. She suppressed another yawn.

“Sorry,” she whispered. She burrowed deeper into the cocoon she’d made of his bed. “I think I’m falling asleep.”

Seb paused, waiting for her to say more, but she didn’t. “Do you want me to stop it?” he asked.

It was the time of night now where they spoke in soft tones, careful not to wake anyone else in the house. Even before the episode in the kitchen earlier, he was pretty sure his mom had caught on to Hadley being there at night sometimes. She he had yet to bring it up, which was honestly preferable, because he had no desire to explain the situation.

No mom, we aren’t dating. It’s not like that. Yes, she comes over in the middle of the night sometimes. No, we aren’t sleeping together. Except for once in the most literal of senses, but…

He could picture the look on his mother’s face.

Beside him, Hadley was drifting dangerously close to falling asleep.

“No,” she said. “You can keep watching.”

“I’m not gonna watch it without you,” Seb said, his voice soft.

“If you stop watching, then I have to convince myself to get up and leave,” she said.

She’d slept in his bed before, albeit accidentally, but maybe that’s what made him offer it before he let himself think it through. “Then don’t leave,” he whispered.

Hadley’s eyes flicked open. She stared at him.

“You’ve done it before,” he added, cheeks flushing.

“Accidentally,” she said.

She was developing a habit of repeating his own thoughts back at him.

Seb shrugged. “I just mean, it doesn’t matter to me, if you don’t feel like making the trek back.”

“And what?” she asked. “You sleep on the floor? I’m not going to kick you out of your own bed.”

They stared at each other. The words then don’t kick me out sat on Seb’s tongue, but he couldn’t bring himself to say them. In the dim lighting of his bedroom, he hoped she couldn’t see the crimson blush on his face. He could feel the heat all the way to his ears, but the darkness gave him shelter against it.

It’s a big enough bed, he thought. But still, the words sat heavy in his mouth.

She could see him hesitate.

He could see her realize that they had both fallen asleep in this bed before without meaning to.

“I can go,” she whispered, but there wasn’t much fight in those words. They felt more like a question than anything.

“Don’t,” Seb said.

It was one word. One stupid, measly little word. But it was the most he’d ever really allowed himself to articulate about the way he felt about her. His heart thundered against his chest as he waited for her next breath, her next word.

“Okay,” she whispered. “But you’re not sleeping on the floor.”

I have a couch, he thought. But he let the words die before he spoke them.

“Are you a ‘watch something while falling asleep’ type person?” he asked.

Hadley considered this. “I am a ‘try anything and hope to Yoba I fall asleep’ type person, so yes.”

He smiled. “Fair.”

He lowered the volume on the episode they were watching and set the remote on his nightstand. “We can rewatch it later,” he whispered.

He tugged the blanket up over himself and settled into the bed, conscious of the weight of Hadley’s body beside him. He could feel the blanket rise and fall with the rhythm of her breathing, and that was the lullaby that eventually lulled him to sleep.

⋆｡°✩°｡⋆

Sometime in the night, Hadley rolled over in her sleep. She curled up against Seb’s chest and drew from his never-ending supply of warmth. The movement pulled Seb into the dredges of consciousness, only for a moment. Only long enough to wrap an arm around her and pull her closer. Before he could overthink it. Before he could convince himself not to.

Still half asleep, he pressed a small kiss against the crown of her head.

❝Do you feel like a man when you push her around? Do you feel better now as she falls to the ground? Well, I'll tell you my friend, one day this world's going to end As your lies crumble down, a new life she has found❞

Face Down, The Red Jumpsuit Apparatus

The Saloon was stuffy. Gus had always been stingy with the AC, but it felt especially obvious tonight. Emily had thrown open the windows and propped open the front door, and there was a slight cross breeze blowing across the dining room. But even the night air was warm.

Emily was behind the bar, wearing a tank top that clung to her back from sweat, and her blue hair was pinned out of her face, though a few strands had escaped in the humidity and were stuck to her forehead.

“Another one?” she asked, holding up Seb’s empty glass.

“Please,” he said.

He felt naked without his sweatshirt, but it was simply too hot to be wearing it here. He missed his dimly lit basement room, the blinds shut against the scorching sun, AC blaring. He hated being perceived more than necessary, hated drawing attention to himself. And the tattoos did that, because everyone from George to Jodi to Lewis always seemed to have an opinion on them — a negative one, at that. He’d heard it all, from reminding him they were permanent (they’d better be, for how much he spent) to questioning how he could possibly do that to his body (easily) to how he supposed he would ever get a job (he worked from home? And people just didn’t care that much about tattoos anymore).

It was one of the reasons he loved the city so much. He could be himself there, and people didn’t care. He could wear a t-shirt in a bar and not be afraid that if he made eye contact with the wrong person, they’d try to convince him he’d already managed to ruin his life.

Emily slid his beer across the counter to him.

“Who’s winning?” she asked, nodding her head in the direction of the pool table.

Seb shot her a look. “You really need to ask?”

Emily returned the look without missing a beat. “With Hadley playing? These days, the answer is yes.”

Seb took the beer. “We’re playing doubles,” he said. “Me and Sam versus Abi and Hadley.”

“That didn’t answer my question.”

“Well,” Seb said, “then to answer your question… Sam can at least hold his own. Abi cannot. It doesn’t matter how good Hadley is.”

Emily wiped her hands on her bar towel. “One of these days, she’s going to beat you,” she said. “And I will throw the biggest party this town has ever seen.”

Seb smirked. “I’m counting on it.”

He walked back over to the pool table to find Abi lining up her shot. It was an advantageous one, Seb thought, but was likely chosen only because Abi had failed to spot the easy one. She hit the cue ball and it went flying across the table, hitting the ball she was aiming for and sending it askew; it collided with another group of balls and sent the wrong team’s into a pocket.

“Shit,” she hissed.

Hadley took a sip of her drink, shaking her head. But there was a smile tugging on her lips, proving she was having fun regardless, and Seb tried to ignore the effect her smile had on him.

It was his turn now. His eyes surveyed the balls across the table, searching for the best move. His head calculated the potential angles, which ball would skew in which direction if hit in just the right way. He nodded to himself. Got it.

He leaned over the table, lining up the cue.

“Who is that?” Abi asked.

Seb glanced up from the table. A man he’d never seen before stood in the entryway to the Saloon. The guy was all clean cuts and pressed lines, like a hospital bed corner come to life. But he had a hurried, agitated look about him that set Seb on edge and made him dislike the guy immediately. He straightened. Wariness flickered through him, it’s origin unknown to him.

Glass shattered.

Seb jolted at the noise. The cue twitched in his hand, sending a random ball scattering across the table. But the game was already forgotten.

Hadley, her face ghastly white, stood frozen. Her hand was still hovering, holding an invisible glass — The actual one she had been holding had exploded into shards by her feet, the beer expanding outwards in puddle. Half of it was currently seeping into the bottom of Seb’s jeans.

“Woah,” Sam said. “Party foul.” But then he caught the look on her face, and he stilled. “Hadley?” he asked. “Are you okay?”

Hadley didn’t move. Her eyes were glued to the doorway, her face, if possible, growing even paler. Seb followed her gaze back to the stranger, and a thread in him snapped, tugging his adrenaline into place. There was always a feeling in the air before things went very, very wrong, and right now that feeling was nearly suffocating.

It all happened so quickly. The sound of the glass shattering drew the stranger’s attention directly to Hadley; his jaw clenched when he locked eyes on her, and he charged across the room.

“What the hell, Hadley?” the guy demanded. “Do you know what a pain in the ass it was to track you down?”

The eyes of every person in the Saloon were on them now. The room descended into an eerie stillness.

Hadley took a step back, pressing herself into Abi’s side and putting more distance between her and this stranger. “That was kind of the point,” she said. She’d clearly meant the words to be biting, harsh, but they faltered on the way out of her mouth. Fear shone in the glassy surface of her eyes.

The guy laughed — harsh and cold. There was a barely perceptible sway to his movements that made Seb realize he might be drunk. “When are you going to stop this bullshit and come home?”

“I’m not.”

Sam was the first to break the stillness. “Who is this guy?” he asked.

Seb was surprised by Sam’s ability to seem so calm right now, considering Seb himself felt moments away from punching his guy in the throat.

The stranger glared at Sam. “I’m her fiancé. Who the hell are you?”

Someone in the Saloon gasped like this was a raunchy daytime talk show. Sam blanched. The words seemed to shock him so much that he stumbled back a step before turning to face Hadley. “You’re engaged?” he demanded.

Hadley stole a quick glance at Sam before narrowing back in on the guy, like he was a rabid animal she was afraid to take her eyes off of. “Ex-fiancé,” she corrected. “Go home, Andrew.”

“I’m not leaving here without you.”

“Then you’re going to be waiting a long fucking time.”

Yoba, this was a fucking mess.

Sam took another step backwards, his shoulder knocking into Seb’s. He struggled to find his footing and looked between Hadley and Andrew like he didn’t even know who Hadley was. “You’re engaged?” he repeated.

Hadley said “No” at the same time that Andrew said “Yes.”

Sam glanced between the two of them again, and something changed in his eyes. He visibly deflated. He opened his mouth to say something, and then closed it, shaking his head.

And then he turned around and headed for the door.

“Sam,” Seb said, reaching for his friend’s arm. “Wait-”

But Sam ignored him. He brushed past him, slipping out of reach, and trudged out of the Saloon, the bell on the door giving a pathetic tink as he left. Seb’s heart thundered in his chest. How could Sam just leave during this?

Seb turned back to the stranger — Hadley’s ex-fiancé, apparently. “I think you should leave,” he said. “She clearly doesn’t want you here.”

Andrew laughed. “And what, you speak for her?”

“I speak for all of us,” Seb said. The adrenaline made his chest shake. He wasn’t used to speaking up. He was certain half the Saloon hadn’t heard him speak more than a few words in tandem. The eyes of everyone in the room weighed heavily on him in a way that made him a little dizzy.

Behind the bar, Emily had slunk over to the old wall phone and was hovering next to it, like she was bracing to call the cops. Even Gus, who was more than happy to sell anyone alcohol, looked ready to kick the guy out.

Andrew opened his mouth to say something and then seemed to think better of it. He turned his attention back to Hadley. “Come on,” he said, reaching for her arm and wrapping his fingers around her wrist. “Let’s get out of here. We’ll talk about it on the way home.”

He took a step towards the door, but Hadley stayed put. She tugged at her arm, unable to escape his grip.

“I’m not going anywhere with you,” Hadley spat. At the same time, Abi stepped forwards and pushed Andrew, shouting to let go of her.

Something dangerous flashed across Andrew’s eyes, and he shoved Abi back, sending her stumbling. Her back hit the pool table, sending the balls from their forgotten game scattering. Her gaze flicked to Seb’s, wide and clouded with anger and fear.

“You need to leave,” Seb repeated, his voice coming out as a near growl. He was seconds away from beating this dickhead to a pulp for laying a hand on Abi, but he was holding on by a frayed thread in case he somehow made the situation worse.

“Go home, Andrew,” Hadley said. “I don’t fucking want anything to do with you. You’re a pathetic, cheating asshole who-”

Andrew slapped her. It took all of two seconds, but each one seemed to drag across the Saloon in slow motion. The sound of his hand across her cheek echoed across the wooden walls. Silence blanketed the entire room for one beat. Two.

By the third, Seb’s fist collided with Andrew’s face.

Seb was barely conscious of the screams that followed. The way half the Saloon jumped into action, rushing towards them. He was blinded by the white hot thing that consumed him. His hands gripped tightly on Andrew’s shoulders, slamming him into the wall.

“Don’t fucking touch them,” he hissed.

Andrew laughed, but there was a drop of blood leaking from his nose. Good.

“Get the fuck off of me, asshole. You think I’m scared of some pansy who paints his nails?”

Seb pushed harder, his forearm pressing against Andrew’s neck. He had a few inches on the guy and was more than happy to prove it, pushing so hard that Andrew had to go on his toes slightly to prevent himself from being choked. This close, he could smell the unmistakable reek of alcohol on the guy’s breath. Asshole.

There was a flash of movement, and pain splintered across Seb’s jaw. His vision clouded. The Saloon rattled in his view. He stumbled back a step from the hit, but he recovered quickly. He charged. He’d never packed so much power into a punch before, never had to, and the force of it made his fist sting.

“Seb, don’t!”

Hadley’s voice pulled him back, lowering his anger back to a manageable level.

Seb glared at the guy. Andrew glared back.

The unmistakable sound of a gun being cocked reverberated across the Saloon.

Seb barely dared take his eyes off of Andrew, lest he try to throw another punch, but he watched as Andrew’s eyes darted behind him, pupils shrinking. Seb swallowed and stole a glance behind him.

Gus stood behind the bar, murder plain in his eyes. He was holding an old hunting rifle and had the barrel aimed loosely in their direction.

“That’s enough,” he boomed.

Seb had known Gus his entire life. Anger was not an expression he wore often, and never to this degree. His face was bright red beneath the Saloon lights, and he held his jaw clenched into a tight line. Seb hadn’t even known he owned a gun, much less knew how to fire it.

Seb took a cautious step away from Andrew.

“There’s nothing I love more than catering to new faces in this town,” Gus said, his voice carefully even. “But it seems you have overstayed your welcome.” He pointed the gun towards the door. “Get the hell out of my restaurant. And if you know what’s good for you, you won’t step foot anywhere near this town again. If you do, I can promise you, I won’t be nearly as understanding.”

Andrew pushed himself off of the wall. He shook himself off and spit a mix of saliva and blood on the ground, sending Seb a sidelong glare as he did so. He sent a glance towards Hadley, who was standing in Abi’s embrace, shaking. The expression on his face was unreadable.

“Now,” Gus yelled.

Andrew scoffed. “You people are insane,” he said.

He exited the Saloon. For a moment, everyone seemed to be holding their breath, watching the door like he might come charging back in. Somewhere, the second hand of a clock ticked on.

Seb’s adrenaline wavered. His head pounded where he’d been hit, and his mouth had the coppery taste of blood. He raised a hand to his lip, wincing as he felt the cut there. His fingers came away red and shiny.

Emily came rushing out from behind the bar, a clean, wet bar towel in one hand and a first aid kit in the other. She glanced frantically between him and Hadley.

She turned back towards the crowd in the Saloon. “Harvey?”

“Here.” Harvey pushed through the crowd of people that were now gathering near the pool table. “Grab some ice?” he asked.

“On it.” Emily darted back behind the bar.

Beside Seb, silent tears were streaming down Hadley’s face, glistening in the Saloon lighting and highlighting the red mark on her cheek. Abi pulled her tightly against her, murmuring something too low for him to hear.

She’s fine. She’s going to be okay.

Harvey made to approach him, but Seb shook his head. He walked past him and hurried out into the night.

The warm breeze stung as it brushed over his split lip, but Seb ignored it as he scanned the space outside of the Saloon. With no sign of Sam, he set off for his friend’s house instead. He was there, hands in his pockets, staring blankly at the river, a statue beneath the tree Seb had a habit of smoking under.

“What the hell?” Seb asked.

Sam’s shoulders tensed for a moment before relaxing. He stayed facing the river, not bothering to turn around to face him. “Did you know she was engaged?” Sam asked.

“Was,” Seb said. “But that’s really not the point right now.”

“Whatever,” Sam said. “She doesn’t want me there.”

“What the hell are you talking about?” Seb cut around to the other side of the tree, moving to stand directly in front of Sam. Despite this, his friend stayed staring at the river, pointedly ignoring him. It took a few moments for him to give in and finally look at Seb. When he did, he recoiled.

“What the fuck happened to you?”

Seb laughed. “You would know if you didn’t storm out of there, leaving Hadley to fend for herself against that piece of shit.”

Sam paled. “He tried to hurt her?”

“Succeeded, I’d argue. Gave Abi a good scare, too. She needed you, Sam.”

Sam clenched his jaw, turning away from him. And then he scoffed. “It looks like she needed you, apparently. Color me surprised.”

“What the hell is that supposed to mean?”

Sam laughed, a ridiculous, half-mocking noise. “You think I don’t see the way you look at her? The way you keep trying to distance yourself? And yet what, you just can’t help but play the knight-in-shining-armor role every chance you get?”

Seb froze. A different kind of pain, new and brutal, splintered through him. Against the humid, summer night, he suddenly felt cold. His heart pounded painfully against his ribs, making it hard to breathe.

He took in a steadying breath. The air stung against his split lip, sending a jolt through his veins. “Where is this coming from?”

Sam just shook his head. “Forget it. Go back and continue playing the hero. I’m sure that’s what she wants. Because she doesn’t fucking want me,” he said, his voice splintering. “She doesn’t even trust me.”

This wasn’t Sam. Sam wasn’t hostile, wasn’t quick to snap. Anger was rarely something that came natural to him.

And yet Seb had physically fought someone tonight. Gus had pulled a gun. Maybe whatever had rotted Andrew from the inside out was contagious, bringing out the worst of everyone in this damn town. Seb hoped that asshole was miles outside of town by now and hadn’t been stupid enough to stick around.

Seb’s hands shook at his sides. “I get it,” he said. “I’m an asshole. I sure as hell won’t argue on that front. But she got hurt tonight. She could use you by her side, supporting her, instead of moping under a tree all night.”

Sam just shook his head. “It doesn’t matter,” he said. He ran a weak hand through his hair and turned back to the river. When he spoke, his voice was low. “I’m never going to be the one she wants. I tried. I really did. But she couldn’t even trust me enough to tell me that she had apparently recently broken off an engagement.” He paused, struggling for a moment to put his thoughts into words. “She’s not even technically my girlfriend because she kept pushing off the conversation of whether or not we were ever going to label it. It was never going to work out,” he said. “But even if there had been a chance, I definitely blew it tonight by leaving. So it doesn’t matter, okay? Just let me be alone and sad and pissed at the world for a bit.”

“Sam-” Seb began again.

“Just make sure she’s okay, will you?”

A heavy silence settled for a beat, then two. Seb swallowed down the lump in his throat.

“Okay,” he said.

Seb walked back to the Saloon. He thought the adrenaline had faded away earlier, and he had been wrong. The crash he’d felt then was nothing compared to now. His entire body was exhausted, and the left half of his face was throbbing. He hadn’t yet looked at himself in the mirror, but judging by the swollen feeling around his left eye, it wouldn’t surprise him if he had a black eye. His mom was going to riot. Demetrius would probably just say he deserved it.

Later, he’d turn back over what Sam said. Try to figure out how he’d been so stupid to believe that no one, especially Sam, could see through the mask he’d been desperately trying to keep in place. But there were more important things to deal with right now, and his own personal attachments could come later.

The Saloon was near empty when he approached it. Evidently, everyone had decided that they’d had enough fun for the night and had gone home as soon as the drama died down.

Seb bumped into Harvey on the way in.

Harvey blinked at him. “You should really let me take a look at-”

Seb waved a hand to dismiss him. “Later. Is Hadley still here?”

Harvey shook his head. “She and Abigail left together.”

“Thanks.” Seb turned to leave, but Harvey placed a hand on his arm, stalling him.

“That was a real honorable thing to do,” Harvey said. “I don’t think many would have had the guts.”

Seb blinked at him. “Er, thanks.”

“You’re a good kid.” Harvey tapped his own cheek bone. “Put some ice on that when you get home.” With that, he walked away.

Seb stood there for a moment, trying to remember the last time anyone in this town had complimented him on anything at all. He shook off the feeling and pulled out his phone.

It rang twice before Abi picked up.

“Hey,” Seb said.

Abi’s voice on the other end was low, like she was doing her best to hide that she was on the phone. “Hey,” she replied.

“Where are you?”

“The farm,” Abi said. “I’m gonna stay with her for the night. But I think it’s probably best if you and Sam don’t come. I think she probably just wants some quiet, for a bit.”

Seb paused. He’s been absently wandering in the direction of the farm, and he stopped himself, shoving a hand in his pocket. “Yeah,” he said. “I understand.”

“How’s your face?” Abi said.

Seb sighed. “I’m sure Demetrius will love seeing me come home with a black eye,” he said. “Harvey wants me to go put some ice on it.”

“You should,” Abi said. “I’ll text you in a bit, okay?”

“Yeah,” Seb said. Then, “Take care of her.”