#silmposting

Here is me making up for the extreme twinkification of my last Curufin, this one looks 10% better. I also hate this Nelyo but cannot envision him nor grasp the concept of his looks, I can’t draw him. :(

"Upon Doriath evil days had fallen. Grief and silence had come upon all its people when Lúthien was lost. Long they had sought for her in vain. And it is told that in that time Daeron the minstrel of Thingol strayed from the land, and was seen no more. He it was that made music for the dance and song of Lúthien, before Beren came to Doriath; and he had loved her, and set all his thought of her in his music. He became the greatest of all the minstrels of the Elves east of the Sea, named even before Maglor son of Fëanor. But seeking for Lúthien in despair he wandered upon strange paths, and passing over the mountains he came into the East of Middle-earth, where for many ages he made lament beside dark waters for Lúthien, daughter of Thingol, most beautiful of all living things."

Bad father! Feanor who never accepts anything less than perfection from the very beginning.

Bad father! Feanor who’s children are breaking their backs trying to get their fathers attention and praise. Who try to appease him no matter what and deep down know that they might never live up to his standard or might.

Maitimo trying to live up to the picture of a perfect son, Macalaure who tries to show that his craft was useful, Tyelko rejecting to fit into a mold his father prepared for him and nonetheless breaking under the expectations, Moryo the least of all sons with no craft, Curvo breaking just and much as Nelyo living in the shadow of his father and Ambarussa the forgotten at the ruins of a marriage.

But what about good father Feanor? After all we don’t get much in the text and I don’t have the Silmarillion at hand to pick out quotes but from what we have there is no evidence that he was a bad father. So might I suggest these:

Good father! Feanor who sees the potential in Maitimo and encourages him to cultivate it. Feanor who despite pushing sometimes too hard never does it out of malicious intend. Maitimo is perfect not because of being his firstborn and heir but because he is his son above all else. Feanor who forged and made so many toys for his son and played with him on the rug when he was but a single child. Feanor who always told Maitimo how proud he was of him.

Good father! Feanor who makes Kano his first harp and gently pushes the shy child to sing in a choir at a festival. Feanor who is proud of his son finding comfort in music (after all the world was sang into being too). Feanor who lifts his son to pet a horse and carves him a toy out of wood. Feanor who visits all performances of Kano. Protective Feanor who glares a tad bit too hard at admirers who become too touchy with his second son as they congratulate him.

Good father! Feanor who lets Tyelko drag him out of bed by the rise of dawn to explore a meadow because he promised. Feanor who lets him ride on the big horse in front of him although he’s far too small. Feanor who catches him jumping from a tree and turns a blind eye when he smuggles in frogs, rabbits, chickens and stray animals into his room. Feanor who goes on hunts and great journeys with his third son and understands that his calling is beyond the walls of the court.

Good father! Feanor who doesn’t rush Moryo when he doesn’t find a craft right away. Feanor who sees the little one’s affinity for logic and numbers. Feanor who goes through several tomes of books about mathematics again just to answer Moryo’s questions. Feanor who tells him that his red face is the most beautiful just like his mother’s when he was being teased. Feanor who lets him temper with the household finances as practice and who nudges the boy out of his shell, inspiring confidence in his abilities.

Good father! Feanor who sees himself in Curvo the most. Feanor who takes the small one to the forge and gives him a sieve to play by the nearby stream. Feanor who indulges in Curvo’s rock collection and always makes sure to give him one he doesn’t have. Feanor who teaches him all the lore and craft but lets him go when he wants to follow Tyelko to a hunt. Feanor who lets Curvo shine in his own light despite having the same name as him.

Good father! Feanor who always kissed his twins goodnight even when he hadn’t time during the day. Feanor who introduced them to hunting just like he did with Tyelko. Feanor who gets Pityo books about plants and never forgets to bring Telvo a new set of arrows. Feanor who gets them their own horses much sooner than expected so they may too enjoy the land. Feanor who spend so much time carving a space for those two so they wouldn’t just get passed down things from their brothers. Feanor who let Pityo hold one hand and Telvo the other as they made their way through the streets and never tired of being pulled around.

Feanor who slowly changes as time progresses. No one knows when it began but certainly after the birth of Curvo. Feanor who starts to abandon all wise council of Nerdanel. Feanor who becomes an active volcano whose temper is slowly rising. Feanor who has no peace.

Feanor who slowly spirals. Unpleasant thoughts start to pollute his thoughts. He’s always thinking, always plotting, did those thoughts appear on their own or had someone put it there. He never had any kind thoughts towards his half siblings. But was there always such a visceral hate for them?

Feanor whose time becomes occupied by his new project that would be proven to be his greatest while Melkor causes strife and dissonance between the Noldor. Feanor who becomes consumed with paranoia of being replaced. Feanor whose mood worsens by the day. Feanor who forges weapons instead of harps and trinkets for his sons. Feanor who snaps in the end and causes devastation like a forest fire.

His sons seeing that something was wrong, that something was changing within their father but had no idea how to stop it or how to name it. His sons trying to stop their father from going down the destructive path but having no way of going against his authority. They love him but his smile is often then not too sharp, praise becomes just as rare as his presence at the family table. There is no one to reach out to, no way of explaining what metamorphosis was taking place in their own four walls. Their mother was just as helpless as them. (Was the smell of a decaying marriage always in the air?)

Arguments only cause rifts and rather than having their family torn apart completely, they rather stay silent. The treatment of his uncles and cousins might be unfair but by agreeing to their father they might keep the peace at home. Maybe they could still save something, maybe the eggshells would disappear.

His sons going with him to Formenos because their love for him overweighted the feeling of wrongness and perhaps there was just a small hope that things would get better after those twelve years. His sons following him into war because it seemed the right thing to avenge family. They couldn’t abandon their father in such a crucial moment like that even if he led them into danger. Maybe after they got their revenge it would finally get better. Swearing the oath they hadn’t realized that they set their feet upon the same spiral as their father.

Maedhros realized that indeed it would not get better when their father told them to burn the ships. No oath of brotherhood would prevent him from leaving Nolofinwe on the opposite shores. All he could do was to keep the ire of their sire away from his brothers and get through that nightmare. The twisted man that stood before him resembled his father only in body.

Only much later at the end of the first age Maedhros would realize that he too was trapped in the same spiral as his father was. There was no way out. No way to backtrack since all the people around him were dead. No way to change anything since all the important events had passed. He was beyond the point of no return and all there was left was the way forward to the bitter end. (Perhaps destroying the last things around him will finally free him.)