#silm shitpost

bilbo: *uses the ring to hide from his relatives*

literally not a single fucking person:

me: actually if i was going to handle silmarils i no longer have any right to because i killed people and shit, i would simply not touch them bare handed. i, being an intellectual who knows that these stones burned the innards of a literal werewolf, a creature whose own stomach acids probably had the same corrosive effect as lava, am perfectly aware that my silly little tummy (which throws tantrums about dairy) is no match. a silmaril would give me instant stigmata. carve a perfect tunnel through my flesh. i, being clever and possessing the ability to look up at the sky, am equally aware that eärendil’s newest labret piercing being visible to the naked eye from the stratosphere makes it pretty clear that the thing is probably very bright. as bright as a star. neil armstrong walked on the moon in a space suit. he did not wank off the stars in his birthday suit. all things considered, i, unlike maedhros fëanorian who spent the first 500 years of his life eating hot chip, specialising in himbodom, lying, and not educating himself on basic physics, i would be trotting away peacefully from eönwë’s camp, my silmarils clenched victoriously in