#siiriusblxck

“If I had a time turner, I’d give you that, but I don’t, and I can’t, and I’ve not got the words to make things better.” Sirius paused, swallowing thickly. “Perhaps we can just make do with what is left of this life?”

Doing the Meta thing || Accepting

Obviously, this varies with verse or with players etc. But my views on Prongsfoot as a ship in general and my usual go to is what I’m going with here. 

Please imagine for me, a world in which homosexuality only became legal in 67 (oh wait is that the real world?), a Wizarding world which is highly prejudiced in many areas. I think, at one point, JK may have said that the Wizarding world is accepting of homosexuality, but I don’t believe we have been given any evidence of this. Dumbledore is the only canonically gay character we know of, and yet this was mentioned after the books. It’s neither relevant to the story, nor acknowledged. So I am coming from this place here, from the place of what the world and attitudes were like in that time period. Wizard or not. 

James is drawn to Sirius the second he meets him. He’s loud, just like James. He’s brash, confident, good looking and not only laughs at James’ jokes, but makes his own. He thinks the sun shines out of James’ arse, and James is accustomed to being treated that way by his parents. He’s drawn to it, he’s drawn to him and the more the two get to know one another, the more he starts to appreciate and love Sirius as a person in his own right and not just someone James wants to impress. 

From the second they met, James was touching Sirius. Shoulder claps, a casual arm slung over the other, a man hug, a high five. James touches Sirius like it’s the most natural thing in the world, he offers love freely and without conditions to those he’s chosen. He doesn’t know how to love anyone in any other way, has only experienced the unconditional love and adoration of his parents and as such, accidentally teaches Sirius what that is. Teaches him what touch can mean, teaches him how to love and be loved with little to no expectations other than being yourself. 

As they get older, James starts to notice the little things about Sirius. He notices the way he smiles, when it’s genuine, when it’s not. He knows what’s going to make him laugh the loudest, knows every expression on his face. He knows when he’s pretending to be fine, knows when he’s so angry that he’s going into that dark place that James doesn’t always understand. He knows everything there is to know about Sirius Black and yet, he doesn’t know his own feelings. He tells himself over and over again, that he loves Sirius as a mate, a brother. Laughs along when people make jokes about how close they are, joins in because it’s funny. It’s not true, so it doesn’t even matter. 

it starts with a kiss. An experimental snog, practise for when they do the real thing. A chance to give one another tips. It’s what James tells himself every single time, it’s the way he rationalises it in his head. It’s not gay if you’re using it to improve your technique with girls. It’s not gay to feel a dick if you don’t actually look at it. It’s not gay if you put the dick in your mouth as long as you don’t make eye contact. It’s not gay if you’re not the one getting it up the arse. On and on, a variety of excuses as their relationship advances. A variety of ways he justifies it in his head, with both boys too terrified to have an actual conversation about it. 

James has no issue with people loving who they love. But the fact is, he simply doesn’t understand. In his mind, a man and a woman end up together. They get married, they have babies and for a long time he simply doesn’t even know that being with a man is an option. Not properly. Not in an official capacity. In all honesty, there isn’t many people to look up to in that regard. He doesn’t have a wealth of healthy gay relationships to look to as a reference point, he has tradition, how the world works and just the norm. It doesn’t enter his head to push for more with Sirius, because quite frankly, he doesn’t even know he can have it. 

There’s a variety of ways a Prongsfoot story can go. One of them being Sirius feeling as though James chose Lily. He chose her over Sirius, when in reality, James didn’t even know there was a choice to make. He didn’t realise Sirius was even an option, and yet he makes the other man feel inferior anyway. Without meaning to, without ever having wanted to. Or Sirius makes the move, he tells James how he feels when they’re in school. He sends James spiralling into a gay crisis, agonising over what that means for his life, if that’s possible and realising that he really fucking wants it to be. He wants it to be so fucking much because until it’s said out loud, James didn’t know what he could have, or how much he wanted it. 

In the end, whatever the situation, nobody will ever love Sirius the way James does, and nobody will ever love James like Sirius. There will never be another person in their lives who not only knows all their flaws, but cherishes them, who love one another because of them and not in spite of it. They are wrapped up in everything one another and will always be that way. 

I’M HURT

Severus Snape:

EXCUSE YOU i am much more than a handful