#siggghhh

but you, you. you’re different. if a patient is coding and it’s helpless, it’s time to call it, he’d touch you gently, saying your name, slowly pulling you off of the patient, quietly telling you to go take a breather.

if you messed up, which is inevitable for any doctor or nurse at any point, his frustration would be small.

“take a walk, that’s an order.”

not having to raise his voice even an octave higher, because you always listened.

you always listened.

he’s said your name multiple times, but you couldn’t hear him, still tunnel visioned on trying to undo your irreversible mistake, making it worse with your panicked hands shaking.

“take a walk.” he warned. his voice was low. you knew you should’ve take the first warning. you knew it. you always listened on the first beat, never staying long enough to find out what would happen if you didn’t listen.

he said your last name. his voice was not only warning, it was venomous. he was getting impatient. you needed to step away now if this patient had any chance to live.

“you’re going to kill her.”

you shook your head, tears running down your cheeks.

this can’t be happening.

this cannot be happening.

your name again.

“You’re off the case! Out, now!”

His voice boomed, echoing off of the walls, a sickening reminder of being yelled at by your husband as an eerie silence fell over the trauma room.

You stepped back.

Parker stepped in immediately, not having time to shoot you an empathetic glance, but she felt it. she’d been in your shoes countless times, everyone had. no one thought less of you.

but, gosh, you felt so stupid.

Jack’s heart fell immediately when your chin wobbled and your bottom lip started to quiver.

“get some air.”

you were out the door in a second, not wasting a heartbeat as you ripped your gloves off of your hands and headed straight for the ambulance bay, your chest moving rapidly as you placed your hand over it, trying to regain control of your breathing, not at all soothed by the fact that you couldn’t even see because the tears just wouldn’t stop.

Jack and Ellis had saved the patient. your mistakes weren’t as life threatening as he’d thought, and once he got the patient up to surgery with Walsh, his heart broke. he brought his hands to rest on his hips and hang his head.

sometimes he really hates having to be professional with you. he had to do it.

his poor girl.

“go on, dr abbot. get your girl.” Ellis said, head tilting towards the direction you went in.

and just like you, he didn’t waste a second.

he tore off his surgical gown, not a second later he was ripping his gloves off of his skin, the latex felt fused from the mixture of blood and sweat.

he knew exactly where he’d find you, often you went straight to the ambulance bay when told to take a breather, and that’s exactly where you were.

his heart squeezed at your shaking frame.

“sweetheart.”

you shook your head, refusing to turn around.

you felt humiliated, not only for making a mistake, but for being so shaken to your core because jack yelled at you.

you felt like a child.

“sweetheart, come on.”

his hands were quick, grabbing you by your shoulders to spin you around and pull you into his larger frame, one hand rubbing circles at your waist, the other cupped around the back of your neck.

“I’m sorry baby.”

that achingly gentle voice.

you shook your head.

you have nothing to be sorry for.

you wanted to say.

this is the job.

“didn’t wanna yell at you, baby, but you weren’t listening. I’m sorry.”

“did you save her?”

your voice was watery, feeing thick in your throat as it worked through mucus and tears.

Jack nodded, pressing his lips against the top of your head.

“I shouldn’t have said that to you. you weren’t gonna kill her. I was mad. I’m sorry.”

You just nodded, wordlessly accepting the apology.

from then on, jack never once yelled at you again. instead, opting to give Shen or Ellis the look that meant, “you take over, I can’t do it.”