#showyouhow

36. Anna is a stool pigeon by laura jane grace

72. When you were young by the killers

mmmmh sorry this has been in my inbox for SO long but i just. got super busy

anyways the chorus of lil boy is definitely the thing that resonates the most with me:

“fear over pride

flood you can’t hide

face of a woman

tears of a child”

this is basically.....exactly what dysphoria feels like. being too scared to be out but everything you’re experiencing is such a big part of you that you can’t hide it and you have to tell someone. feeling like your identity as the gender you are (in this case & my case, a man) is stunted bc you didn’t have the chance to grow into it. personally the coming out timeline for me was basically going from “girl” to “man” with no time to indulge the “boy” category. this can leave one feeling emotionally immature which is where the “tears of a child” line comes in. the rest of lil boy is just like typically aggressive and paranoid par for the course death grips but i put it all in the context of the chorus tbh.

also artificial death in the west is, i wouldn’t say trans coded bc coding is intentional and that’s almost definitely not what death grips meant by it but i’m gonna call it....heavily trans-relatable. the first verse especially here are some lines:

“i’m barely there, i’m everywhere

heavy thin air, sahara mascara

smeared, end of an era

tracks on hera’s peacock thighs

china white skies

ivory of my leper eyes

tone of sighs off nylon lips

where you running now?”

“accustomed to these satin glitches

dripping from my casket’s inners

charmer play me out the basket

last image i saw was splintered

my reflection, i wasn’t in it

in slow motion i give in”

“tomorrow didn’t come

some say it’s hiding

but they’re the ones who’ve hidden”

like topically and from the title it’s very fucking clearly about death but if you choose to interpret it the way i do there’s something more to it. i relate it to my personal fear of being dead (maybe by my own hand?) and people remembering me as a girl. the lines “sahara mascara smeared end of an era” and that second passage i posted are very heavily relatable to the experience of giving into dysphoria and dying because you feel like you can’t be you (“my reflection, i wasn’t in it...”)

also that third passage i posted. like wow. i’m reaching super hard with this probably but it sounds exactly like when people wait and wait for you to become something they want you to be. when people say it’s a phase or hold onto the weird hope that you’ll give up your identity and be more palatable. “but they’re the ones who’ve hidden.....” that’s for real what intolerance is. refusal to see you for you and it frustrates you and makes you feel invisible.

also i think it’s worth mentioning the song title. trans people often a) use the language of death to refer to their transition (e.g. deadname, “the old me is dead”, “i’m finally living”) and/or b) allude to elements of artifice & fakeness pre-transition (“living a lie,” “pretending to be a girl/boy,” etc). put that together - artificial death. it’s almost plausibly intentional

the rest of the album is like i said, a journey of insanity inducing paranoia, which can have a lot of meanings and causes and is pretty standard death grips fare. being trans can absolutely exacerbate introspective paranoia tho. like the transness can (and has, for me!) cause someone to feel like what no love deep web feels like.

thanks andy, ily 😌💕

sawdust:

sweet talk

all the pretty faces

under the gun

sam’s town abbey road version

leave the bourbon on the shelf

born in the usa:

dancing in the dark

i’m on fire

i’m going down

cover me

darlington county

  like? i’m not the only one seeing how that’s...

uh yea especially since that comic seems to also mention leela acorn who was a very real person who killed themselves under really horrible circumstances like??

1: How did you choose your name?

I was looking for names that were reminiscent of the forest and wildlife and Logan sounded good. I cant lie tho wolverine inspired me a bit. Looking back now I kind of wish I chose something else but oh well. i still cant even come up with a middle name, but im pretty sure its Francis.

8:How would you explain your gender identity to others

I just say im a man. I dont really know what a man is but im pretty sure im one of them LOL. Thats what im most comfortable being in this society.20:What do you wish you could have shared with your younger self about being trans? 

Thank you 💖💖

4. do you like your name? why? Yeah I do. I’ve never really given it much thought before tbh! 

23. describe your dream date A concert? A sunset walk on the beach (with dolphins clearly!)? 

67. what are your hobbies? Quite often I’ve thought about if I ever went on Pointless (I have no idea if you’re British and understand what I’m on about!) what I would say to that question and the honest answer is watching a lot of Pointless and spending too much time on this website. I wish I could call going to concerts a hobby but I don’t get to go to enough of them to say that!