#shit themselves

I don't know much about being lit on fire but I'm curious if every time Jason was ignited, the fire would create a vacuum from the consumption of oxygen and force a bowl movement. You're immortal but you empty your bowels every time a Molotov happy teenager shows up.

In its blackened eyes is where you lose yourself. Having run for your life from the frightening friday fuck up with the highest kill count of all the slasher goons, you now slow your breathing and actively listen for the inevitable to happen. Jason bursts through the wall opposite your hiding spot only to realize that the oil lamp light source has ignited those wonderful "Sanderson pale floral cotton fabric exbury curtains". This enrages Jason all the more as it tries to spare the curtains their fate. Realizing that Jason themselves is now on fire, it turns to you wanting retribution for the destroyed decor. Only now have you realized the strong odor of what can only be described as the strongest stench for the closest turd.

I'm fairly certain that Jason Voorhees is gender non-conforming, using It/That pronouns.

Am I seriously supposed to believe that Jason kills out of some sort of misguided revenge because the counselors were too busy fucking? We all know that it's because when before drowning Jason shit their britches. Jason then had to carry that shit weight from their "too short 70's shorts" (that would embarrass a competitive biker in the 90's) into learning how to be a killer from their mom. I'm sure she thought that the shit in Jason's britches would fuel their hate-fire.

If Jason didn't shit themselves in one of those movies, it's because the playdough they ate as a child blocked their sphincter.