#ship writes

IT’S HERE IT’S HERE OH MY GOD IT’S HERE

THERE IS A BOOK 

WITH MY WORDS IN IT 

AND MY NAME TO IT

AND IT’S HEEEEEEEEEEERE

(Did I mention I might be a little excited?)

This isn’t going to be a proper unboxing post because my fingers were shaking so hard I almost didn’t get the box open. It sat on my table for two days because I couldn’t believe it actually existed. As though its permanence depended on my neither confirming or denying its reality.

You know. Schrödinger’s fanthology.

But I finally pounced on it, and unearthed all manner of lovely things from a smol sea of packing peanuts and bubble wrap, and then there was the book. The book with my words in it and my name to it and it was there.

Everyone has that one feeling that they are always looking to recapture, whether conscious or not, whether pleasant or not, whether to relive or to simply better understand. For me, it’s the sound of my pulse in my ears and my heart creeping up my throat and the world turning to static around the edges of my vision while I watch a dollar store pregnancy test turn positive. Exhilaration and panic and finally and oh God now what. Epiphanal knowledge that Shit Just Got Real.

I sat down, checked the table of contents, then started turning.

“While We’re on the Way Down”, it’s called, but things are largely looking up.

I had to do a complete read-through of the story before my hands stopped trembling. It’s just so very...big, the feeling. It’s just big.

Having felt the Pregnant Pause twice now, I look forward to continuous attempts at feeling this fucking ecstatic again in the future. Then again, just as there’s no second first child, there’s neither a second first time having a published story in front of you nor a second first time seeing your non-deadname printed above your work. I’m so lucky that I got to share these milestones with you.

Thanks to @radiance-anthology, who worked with me when it became clear that someone at the USPS was hungry for more fanworks and ate my original package in its entirety. Further thanks to them, because I was both livid and devastated and likely semi-unpleasant to be around. I’m extremely grateful for the opportunity to work on this project, and delighted to have been included in such a gorgeous book that will probably be hugged to my chest for the rest of the night. <3

So you may not have noticed, but I have a lot of WIPs on AO3. Six, to be exact, as well as three series that are due for a new fic, and a longfic that is unpublished but very close to completion. For those of you subscribed to me, however, what you’ve likely primarily noticed is that I’m writing more for one fandom than another. Much more.

Let’s talk about this. Long post is gonna be long, but I don’t want to put any of this behind a read more.

If you started following me for Destiel/SPN, you’ve no doubt noticed that I’m writing a metric fuck ton of Hannigram fic. There are a few reasons for that.

TPTB fucking killed off Charlie. That completely killed my love for the show. I was legitimately in mourning for several weeks because I identified with her so, so, so much. The way she died was intensely frustrating for me, as well. It was unbelievably out of character.

Queerbaiting Destiel. Simply put, I got tired of having my emotions played with. I lost faith in it becoming canon. Finding clues and meta explanations that made sense became exhausting.

Consistently misogynistic storylines and decisions. When you rejoice that a Supernatural episode didn’t kill off a beloved female character, there’s an issue.

Fandom toxicity. Watching the Supernatural fandom eat itself over something new every week does nothing good for my anxiety. Knowing that actors can and will doxx fans and attempt to ruin their lives through the use of other fans does nothing good for my anxiety. Knowing an entire faction of fandom despises me for liking a ship? That they actively discuss harming actors or other fans? Yeah, nothing good for my anxiety.

Hannibal was one of my first fandoms. I developed a (quite unhealthy) obsession with the books and films in middle school. I shipped Clarice/Hannibal before there was a portmanteau. The post-TWOTL murder hubbies fic we read and write now? That was what I read then, except with Clarice instead of Will. So becoming re-obsessed with it now isn’t exactly a surprise.

Rare pairs. This is something unique that I have never, ever found in another fandom. Literally any and all Hugh characters shipped with literally any and all Mads characters. You can have five OTPs and they are all literally the same actors. Hannigram/Madancy AUs. It’s fantastic.

Hannigram has me writing. A lot. Writing keeps me sane, and being a semi-functional human is pretty fucking important

I don’t intend to stop writing SPN fic entirely--I love @spncoldesthits too much for that. And I still do some mod work over on @dom-cas, though reblog material is getting harder to find. The reception for my most recent Destiel fic was so underwhelming and disheartening that I thought hard about throwing in the towel entirely.

But, in spite of everything, SPN fandom saved my life. It saved my child’s life. It made me want to write again. I refuse to leave that behind.

Am I going to be writing as much SPN/Destiel fic as I am Hannigram and rare pairs? No, I’m not. Because of the number of WIPs I have and my wanting to strike some kind of fandom balance, I’m going to make a schedule at the beginning of the year, and my intent is to stick with it. I’m writing much faster these days, so I think it should work out.

If you made it through this post, thank you. If you’ve stuck with me through the past few years, thank you. If you just jumped aboard and have no idea what I’m talking about, thank you.

I hope to keep bringing you stories that interest you, that make you think, that you can identify with. Thank you--all of you--again. You’re the reason I keep writing. I love you, and you’re the actual best. <3

Rules: List the first lines of your last 20 stories(or however many you have altogether). See if there are any patterns. Then tag your favourite authors.

Tagged by: @starkaryen, @thymogenic, and @strangestorys! I know it says, “however many you have altogether,” but I currently have 38 fics on ao3, so I’m gonna stick to the most recent 20. (Skipping my collection of drabbles, however. For entry 11, I skipped the first few lines as the challenge prompt required that those be the start of our fic,)

“Will had known Hannibal was a monster.”--Unannounced 

“Whisked Away certainly isn’t the most profitable coffee shop in the world, but Hannibal never intended for it to be.”--Whisked Away

“You weren’t supposed to be here, but there hadn’t been enough room in the caravan.”--”Misery”

“This is the weirdest goddamn abduction.”--Tėvelis

“Will needs none of his empathy to know what he looks like to most others.”--The Sun’s Light Failed

“Pleasantries were made for times like these.”--”Do We Not Die”

“Hugh could lie to himself and say that he doesn’t know how it started, but he lies for a living, so that seems redundant.”--”Starting Somewhere”

“When Chiyoh fished Will and him from the churning waters of the Atlantic, the only thought occupying Hannibal’s mind was, ‘Did Will just try to kill us both?’”--Like Sudden Lightning

“Abigail has never felt like this about anyone before, not even Marissa.”--”Mama Loved Her Back”

“Bugs usually don’t bother Brian; if they did, he wouldn’t have gone anywhere near this business.”--”Must Love Bees”

“‘It was the only way, Dean,’ Castiel told him.”--”The Night Was Also Moist”

“Freddie can’t believe her luck.”--”Quién On First”

“Nigel hasn’t had a debilitating migraine like this since he was a teenager.”--”Rotation About an Arbitrary Axis”

“Sam knew today was going to be rough when she showed up five minutes late and had to chase the bus to the end of the street with her trumpet case clutched to her chest.”--”I’ll Go With You”

“Kildonan is a barely-beating heart of a place, a village with an inexplicable pulse that stretches along the one sandy coast of the Isle of Arran.”--”While the Sands o' Life Shall Run”

“As far as nondescript meeting places go, this is by far the most boring in several known universes.”--”A Fistful of Sams”

“Leia had known the moment she was going to conceive because her known universe became greater by one.”--”Rockabye”

“Rufus has been back from a hunt for two hours, and in bed asleep for about half of that.”--”Of Course, Of Course”

“Over the past few years, Dean has seen his fair share of all the hipsters Kansas State’s intelligentsia has to offer.”--”Triple Chocolate Covered Cherryccino”

“The monster's cracked, scorched hide gives way with a crunch beneath the scrape of a relentless blade.”--Dean Discovers Days

I’m not sure about patterns. Typically, my goal is simply to create a first line that hooks the reader and makes them want to continue reading. First lines are incredibly important, so I want all the practice I can get.

Oh my goodness this drawing pulled at my heartstrings! It reminded me a lot of the scene from Legend of Zelda: Skyward...

#fanart#love#omg#the hobbit#bilbo#thorin#please make this a fic#then please let me read it#I MUST HAVE MORE CONTEXT

There isn’t a fic yet, but I’m working on it and will start writing when I’ve got a bit more breathing room, since university stuff is taking up most of my capacities atm :)