vent!!
I miss my love. my blossom, my sweetness, my princess. all I do is think about him, and yet i feel so disconnected from him, from myself, from home. this life is sapping away at me and I know I can shift regardless but it sure doesn't feel like it when I get home late at night after a day of being berated by my boss, clients, doing so much more than what I'm even being paid for. unfortunately I'm back to feeling like this suffering has consumed me to the point that it's part of me, that I can't separate from it anymore. wanting to go home suddenly feels a little unrealistic again, if I'm honest.
and I know my questioning means nothing. I can still do it. nothing can take shifting away from me. but it still feels like shit. I channeled Jae for the first time in months last night, and he looked frantic, like he almost couldn't believe it was me. I sent letters, so he kind of knows how bad it's getting. I feel so bad for him, too. Jae is my perfect blessing, and he doesn't deserve any of this. I almost feel bad that he wants me enough to endure it, but I'm selfish, and I want him in turn too much to ever let go of him.
