๐จesterday ๐orning ๐ ๐ecided ๐ฃo ๐ock tf ๐n.
The choice that led me to that decision all started about a week ago, when something about my MCU dr called to me. I'm not entirely sure what it was, but I ended up revising the Pinterest board and the script I made for that reality, because I instinctively knew that my life there wasn't completely what I made it out to be. I even started watching the MCU movies in chronological order to understand the where, what, why, and how about myself.
All in one week, I figured out who I was. Though I am not entirely perfect in that reality, it is still me. It is still one small part of me that I see myself as in this reality. And I love it. I love it so much that I was dedicated enough to finally take the next step in my efforts to finally shift.
Yesterday morning, as soon as I woke up, I listened to a subliminal. The audio was one of those popular French songs that makes you feel like you're in a fantasy world, dancing in a grand ballroom. Yeah, that one. I tried not to be in a shitty mood, even though my sister woke up right when she wasn't supposed to, so I had to deal with her being in my space while I was fixing myself some breakfast. Like, seriously ๐๐๐. I value my alone time.
Anywho... I repeatedly affirmed in my head "I am Deyanira the Annihilation. I am Deyanira the Annihilation. I am Deyanira the Annihilation." and, "I am not Nyctophilia. I am Deyanira." and, "This is not my home reality. I am where I want to be right now. I am allowed to choose where I want to be. This is a dream. What I am experiencing right now is completely false." Then, I would visualize every detail of the version of me in my dr, while also using some of my senses like touch to enhance the visualization. I repeated the process several times as I was getting ready for school and while I was on the bus. Even when I changed the subliminal to something other than shifting-related, I still persisted. I even imagined myself being my dr-self in this reality, thinking the thoughts I would think as my dr-self. I sat in the knowing of "this is not my reality. I don't know this place. I never grew up here." etc, etc. It got to the point where I was suddenly confused about where I was in the moment of affirming. (555 as I'm writing this.) And I forgot who I was, and I only knew myself as Deyanira. After a moment, though, I started remembering and everything went back to normal.
Randomly throughout the school day, I affirmed and persisted in the fact that I was Deyanira and not Nyctophilia. By the time lunch time came around, I took a break. A long break, at that. I continued watching Captain America: The Winter Soldier. Then, I think, three hours later I turned on the same subliminal I listened to on loop in the morning, and started daydreaming of certain scenarios about my dr. I turned off the sub when I got home to rest my ears, but I manually affirmed in my head "I already shifted. No matter what, I already shifted. End of discussion." over and over and over. Until it felt like my mind was getting sluggish, so I studied for an upcoming test.
Last night, I remember how I really wanted to draw my own shifting-related sigil, but I was so f-ing tired and I was listening to the same goddamn subliminal and I was wearing new glasses (iykyk). And I was like, fuck it. I'm gonna rest my eyes. And that's exactly what I did.
Before I fell asleep, I listened to this shifting meditation. But I was pretty restless throughout the beginning of it ๐
. Once she said something along the lines of "It's time to take that trip to your dr" I instantly calmed down. I stopped the mediation at 1:00:04, and had officially fallen asleep a few minutes later. Then, when I awoke, I knew I had a dream. It's pretty foggy now as I'm recalling it, but I can remember that I was Deyanira in my MCU dr. I did not know of anything else except that I was Deyanira, and I lived in a world where extraordinary individuals existed, and they strived to protect Earth at all costs, me along with them.
To me, that was major progress. Let me correct that--It IS major progress. I haven't had a dream about anything shifting-related in a very, VERY long time. And I think that's because I'm actually taking this seriously now.
I want to add that I've repeated everything I did yesterday and did it today. Although, I did listen to a different subliminal this morning. It's a big stress-reliever, that's for sure. And I went on to watch Avengers: Age of Ultron once I completed Captain America: The Winter Soldier. (Yes, I know I said chronological order, but I didn't add in the Guardians of the Galaxy in my MCU script, so I skipped over the Guardians of the Galaxy film ๐คท๐ผโโ๏ธ. I feel as though with everything going on in my MCU dr right now--and the fact that I scripted out Avengers: Infinity War and Avengers: Endgame--there was no particular reason to add them. Maybe in the future...๐ค.)
So, hopefully by the end of this you guys feel the motivation to lock tf in. Because, if you're reading this rn, it's your sign that you're going to shift soon. Don't give up. Stay resilient. Happy shifting!
