#sherryargov

Attraction Principle #2:

The women who have men climbing the walls for them aren't always exceptional. Often, they are the ones who don't appear to care that much.

This principle can feel nearly impossible to put into practice if you struggle with insecurities. But learning to embody it is essential.

Step One: Stop Chasing

Do not:

Call or text him first.

Seem needy or overly available.

Talk about how you’re dying to get married.

Plan dates for the two of you.

As Sherry Argov says, it’s about “holding your own in a relationship.”

You might be thinking:

“But I do want to get married! I don’t want to waste my time, so I should tell him my intentions upfront.”

“I just want to share about my day or ask him to share about his!”

I get it. I’ve been there. But unfortunately, doing any of these things sends a very different message. It signals desperation—that he already has you in the palm of his hand. This will only make him wonder just how much power he has over you, how much you’re willing to tolerate, just to keep him in your life. And the harsh truth? It will erode your self-esteem even further.

A Personal Story

When I was 21, I was in a relationship where my boyfriend literally said to my face: “I have you in the palm of my hand.”

At the time, I thought it was a wild thing to say. But deep down, I knew it was true. I thought I was in love. I believed I couldn’t do better, and he could sense my insecurity—my desperation to be loved and chosen. I thought that by being extra nice, doing more for him, and proving my love, he’d eventually love me back just as deeply. But that never happened. He just kept taking and taking, offering nothing in return.

To give you some perspective: he was a high school dropout, three years older than me. I was in college, working a higher-paying job, and thought this would make me valuable in his eyes. I believed, “Surely, he wouldn’t risk losing me. I’m great!” But despite these surface-level "advantages," he knew he was in control.

Why Confidence Matters

As Argov states, “Men need a mental challenge.” This doesn’t mean winning arguments or being more educated than him. It’s about exuding confidence and self-respect. He should know—without you ever saying it—that you’re not afraid to walk away if he disrespects you.

Here are some ways to avoid looking like you have lesser value in his eyes:

Don’t be too available. When he asks when he can see you, don’t say “anytime.” Don’t rearrange your plans to accommodate him. He needs to work around your schedule.

Don’t cancel plans for him. That yoga class, gym session, or time with friends? Keep them. Let him see you value your commitments.

No late-night hangouts. Avoid last-minute or late-night “come over” invites. It’s disrespectful. Politely decline and let him know you already have plans.

Don’t pay on dates. If he invites you out, let him pay. Kindly thank him for dinner with a smile. Don’t reach for your wallet—it sets the wrong precedent.

Lessons Learned the Hard Way

In my early 20s, I made the mistake of paying on dates. For instance, on my first date with Martin, I pulled out my wallet and paid for breakfast—even though he had asked me out. I thought I was making a statement about independence, challenging traditional gender roles. And while he was pleasantly surprised, it set the tone for our entire relationship. Once we started dating, he never offered to pay. He assumed I’d cover everything, and I did—for seven whole months.

Eventually, I grew tired of always giving. When I stopped, he was confused and upset because that’s what I had taught him to expect.

Final Thoughts

Remember, being confident and holding your own doesn’t mean playing games or pretending you don’t care. It means valuing yourself enough to let him show his interest through action, not just words. He needs to see that your time is valuable, your self-worth isn’t dependent on him, and you won’t settle for less than you deserve.

Attraction Principle #3:

A woman is perceived as offering a mental challenge to the degree that a man doesn’t feel he has a 100% hold on her.

This principle is all about setting boundaries, respecting yourself, and ensuring your standards aren’t compromised. A man respects a woman who respects herself.

Examples of NOT Giving Him 100% Control:

You don’t invite him over and cook him dinner early on.

You don’t swoon at his every move.

You don’t tolerate dates that don’t meet your standards.

Here’s a perfect example of why holding your own is crucial:

A True Story

One of my girlfriends had a guy promise her a romantic night out—a proper dinner and quality time. She dressed the part: heels, a nice outfit, full makeup, and hair done. He showed up late, over three hours past the time they agreed upon, but instead of telling him “never mind,” she waited.

When they finally met, it was already 9 PM. At that point, reservations were no longer an option, so he suggested McDonald’s. Yes, McDonald’s. To make matters worse, when they got there, he said he didn’t have money because he hadn’t been paid yet—so she paid. Afterward, instead of calling it a night, he invited her back to his apartment.

When they arrived, she quickly realized it was barely livable. It looked like he’d just moved in. Instead of making her feel comfortable, he asked her to help him mount his TV on the wall and rearrange his bed to a different side of the room—while she was still in heels. And she did.

Lessons Learned

Never let a stranger pick you up from your house. You don’t want him knowing where you live, especially if the date doesn’t go well or he turns out to be unsafe. Always meet in a neutral, public location.

Keep control of your exit plan. If a date doesn’t meet your expectations or makes you uncomfortable, you should be able to leave on your own terms. If she had driven herself or taken an Uber, she wouldn’t have felt stuck.

This is my second attempt at reading Why Men Love Bitches by Sherry Argov. The first time I picked it up, I wholeheartedly agreed with her points, but I only made it halfway through the book before life distracted me. This time, I’m determined to finish it—and not just read it, but truly absorb it. I’m taking notes on each chapter, reflecting on the attraction principles she shares, and tying them to my own life experiences.

For those who don’t know, my blog is about self-love, overcoming obstacles, and embracing the best version of yourself. It’s a space to talk about health, fitness, beauty, mental health, positivity, and everything in between.

I’ve had to learn these lessons the hard way. I grew up incredibly insecure, constantly chasing men and love, only to find myself in toxic, unloving, and often hostile relationships. I gave more than I received, and I stayed far longer than I should have in situations where I was cheated on, verbally abused, and treated like I didn’t matter.

Everything changed in my early 20s when I picked up this book for the first time. It became a turning point in my journey. Sherry Argov’s words resonated deeply, giving me the tools to transform into a confident, radiant woman who put herself first and realized she didn’t need anyone else to validate her. Trust me, it was not an easy road—it was painful, lonely at times, and full of setbacks. Even my female friends couldn’t always understand what I was going through, though I believe many of them faced similar struggles with their relationships.

This time around, I want to share my thoughts on the book with you, starting with Chapter One and its powerful Attraction Principle #1: “Anything a person chases in life runs away.”

The chapter begins by introducing the concept of the “nice girl.” She’s someone who gives far too much to a man (or woman) she barely knows, long before they’ve had the chance to truly invest in her. She’s operating from a place of insecurity, hoping that her overgiving will be reciprocated. But as Sherry points out, life doesn’t work that way.

Human nature comes into play here. Men, even in 2025, still thrive on the thrill of the chase. The pursuit is exciting, and it’s what keeps their interest. When you give in too easily, they might enjoy the momentary thrill, but they’ll likely move on to the next chase, the next thrill, the next challenge.

Reading this now, I can’t help but reflect on my past and how many times I fell into the “nice girl” trap. Learning to stop chasing, to focus on myself, and to let others prove their worth before giving my energy changed everything.

#Repost @thelivingwell1

・・・

I can not say how much of my life I wasted trying to argue for what I really wanted from those around me that said they loved me. How many times I fought for my voice to be heard, my needs to be met, my feelings to matter to them.

NOT ANYMORE.

Those with self respect don’t run around forcing other to respect them as well.

They simply avoid individuals who are disrespectful, disruptive and/or abusive because it’s simply the right thing to do.