#she4sg

This is a problem across the humanitarian field (and a number of professions, for that matter!) but the UN is certainly where we should be seeing significant leadership on this issue.

When I think of the women I have met working in the field for the United Nations, the idea that they have ‘sacrificed’ something for their career is a reoccurring story. I should add, of course, not everyone feels this way, but there is one particular memory that highlights it for me.

I was driving through rural Rwanda in the back of a beat up taxi with a very inspiring woman who worked for a UN agency. She was in her late 40’s and all day I had been wide eyed and soaking up her experience working around the world to highlight some of the world’s most awful atrocities. She was strong, confident, and hilarious and I’m not ashamed to say, I had a pretty big career crush on her.

The driver pulled over to a small store to buy some cigarettes and we sat in the backseat of the car, we rolled the windows down to let in the fresh air, dust and the sounds of kids playing nearby.

The kids caught sight of us and ran over to say ‘hi’, practice their English and slap us awake with infectious energy in the way that only kids can. We both jumped out and played with them while the driver smoked with the store owner and showed them how to use our cameras to take pictures of their friends and up our noses…

Back in the car and trundling along the dirt road again, the car had fallen into a calm silence. I flicked through the photos the kids had taken and the woman stared out the window. After some time, she asked me what I planned to do with my career. I was in and out of East Africa at the time, working for various organizations and generally loving the challenge, adventure and the simplicity of living out of a backpack.

We talked about family, life, and career, but it was what she said about kids that got to me. She said, “You need to recognize in life when you have a clear choice to make. Not a combination of two options, one or the other.”

There was full eye contact, she was not messing around.

She was talking about career and kids. She felt that her career would not have been possible if she had chosen to have children, and in fact, she said she was in that very situation years before; stay with the man, settle down and have children, or maintain her career. She chose the career and she regretted it.

That advice hit me straight in the gut.  

Now I’m not saying that this is in any way how life works out for everyone. But as someone who subscribes to the idea that ‘I can have it all’, it was more than a little terrifying. Maybe I was wrong, maybe I couldn’t emulate the path of my career crush without giving up on having a family?

In the field, I meet many men who have families but are able to progress with their UN careers while their partner cares for the children back home. I have not met many women in this position and I wonder whether we’re battling an institutional blockage or a social one?

Could the UN be doing more to provide for all genders that want to have their cake and eat it too, just as society could be less damning of women that choose to work away from their children for periods of time?

Women make up 43 percent of the U.N. workforce, but they hold just 27 percent of the top positions. Last year we saw the biggest push ever for the election of a female Secretary General to lead the Organization. No luck this time, but the surge of support was encouraging.

But change is this respect cannot only be top-down. We need to look to every office, implanting hiring practices and policies that make it possible for all employees with a family (or other life commitments) to find balance. Job security and family security.

Kate Gilmore, who is deputy high commissioner for human rights at the UN recently delivered a scathing attack on what she described as a culture of “toxic tolerance”  of sexual abuse of female aid workers. It’s a significant problem and I can personally attest to reporting the stalking practices of a colleague to a senior UN official and being laughed at, ‘you could report him, but another three girls already have and he’s still here.’

On a more uplifting note, she also spoke to Devex to share her advice for aspiring female humanitarian leaders.

You can read the full article here but her advice was:

1.      Have a dream

2.      Think long term

3.      No organization is worth sacrificing your goals

Sounds like pretty great advice no matter what you’re up to with your life.

Until next time,